Except now.
The first time without any of them in over three weeks.
Funny how you could get used to something so swiftly, especially when you needed it desperately to feel safe when you were at your most vulnerable.
Still, I managed to rest, and when Aaron visited me that afternoon, after a full night and morning of being stuck at the hospital with a sweetbutt who hated me, I was too tired to do much more than let him stand over me. Dripping blood and brain matter everywhere. Covering me in it like paint.
My breathing grew shallow as the panic set in. I could feel my senses overtaking me, making me incredibly sensitive to everything he was doing. When blood splashed on my leg, it felt like a bomb was dropped onto my flesh. The sound made my ears ache, and it was loud enough to wake me up with a bang.
Hip hurting from sleeping on the carpet, I rolled onto my back and tried to fall asleep again.
Somewhere between wakefulness and sleep, I heard him.
It was so faint, if Aaron’s presence hadn’t made me hyperaware, I might not have heard him, but when I did, tears wet my eyes.
“Daddy,” I breathed.
It’s me, baby.
“Where have you been?” I whispered, easily remembering his promise to never stop watching over me.
Couldn’t get through to you. His voice sounded weak, like it was weaving in and out as if we had a bad connection. Made sure you were safe w— Silence. I could. Three protectors. They’ll—
When he broke off again, I wanted to scream. What kind of hell was this? Hearing from my daddy after all these years, and then missing half of the conversation thanks to a faulty fucking connection?
“Daddy? Where are you? Are you safe? Are you happy?” I breathed.
I’m safe. Waiting on my family, but none of you will be here for a long—Want you—happy, baby. Be happy for me. They love you. They’ll—safe. No one can touch you with—
Silence.
My eyes burned with tears.
Was that the last time I’d hear from Daddy Ryan?
I stared up at the board that propped the mattress up. All around me were dust motes from where I needed to vacuum under here—oops—but my eyes were itching for a whole different reason.
I wasn’t sure where my momma was, but I needed to hear from her. Needed her voice to settle me.
Grabbing my cell, I dialed her number, then waited for her to answer. Putting the phone beside me on speaker, I sighed when she answered, “Hey, baby, you okay?” Then, when I didn’t reply fast enough, she peppered, “Ama?”
“Momma, I love you.”
“I know you do, baby. I love you, too. What’s wrong? Did one of those SOB’s hurt you? You just tell me which and I’ll knee them in the—”
“Momma!” I chided. “No! They’ve done nothing. I’m just… they’re all busy.”
“So?”
“Well, I wanted to sleep. It’s been a long day.”
“It has,” she said with a sigh. “How’s Bubbles?”
“She’s okay, but she lost the baby,” I told her sadly. “Jinx was devastated when he made it to the clinic after church. I think—” Wincing, I whispered, “I think he was sadder than she was.”
“Not surprised. That whole thing there was a clusterfuck.”
“You sound sad.” I knew my momma, and sympathy for the sweetbutts wasn’t something I often heard in her voice.
“I am. That baby did nothing wrong. If I thought it would go anywhere, I’d tell her to sue the ATF for mistreatment. It’s their fault—”
“I don’t think she was looking after herself. I heard what the doctor said. She wasn’t eating right, and she’d been taking none of the vitamins you need… For how long she’d been carrying, the baby was too small.”
“Then I’m even sadder for the child and hate that bitch even more.” Lucie grunted. “Anyway, what’s wrong?”
“Do you ever—” I broke off, unsure of what to say, how to phrase this. “Have you ever heard Daddy Ryan’s voice in your head?”
When Momma just fell quiet, I wasn’t sure what to think, then, she stunned me by admitting, “A long time ago, sure. I heard him all the time. After he died, I went to pieces, baby. You needed me and I let you down for a little while. I was sleeping all the time, and just… I needed some direction. He was the one who told me it was time to come home.
“He was there for a while, but when I settled in, when your daddies and me got together, I heard from him less and less. Ryan said it was because I was safe now. Protected. He’d set himself up as my white knight,” she murmured with a smile in her voice. “And he never let me down.”
“When was the last time you heard from him?”
The way she hesitated? I had my answer, and knew she wouldn’t say a word.
“When I was taken?”
“He told me to make Jodie-May pay,” she rasped. “So I did.” After clearing her throat, she asked, “You heard from him?”
“I heard him that day and today too.” I gulped. “I miss him, Momma.”
“Baby girl, I’ve missed him every single day since he’s been gone. Ain’t a day that passes where I don’t think of him. Ryan and your other daddies, they’re the loves of my life. Not a moment goes by where I don’t feel blessed to have them by my side.”
My eyes pricked with tears, not just because of the love between them, but because I empathized. “That’s how I feel about Saint, Keys, and Ink,” I whispered, my voice raw from emotion. “It’s like…”
“They’re the blood in your veins.”
I pressed a hand to my face. “Yeah. Like that. Like I’m whole without them, but not alive.”
“I know what you mean, baby.” Momma sucked down a breath. “We’re lucky, you and I. Not just one soul mate, but several. But you gotta look after them, baby. You’re in a unique position. Most women can only handle one man, heck, some can’t even handle that. And we’re in a different world than most.
“You know what kind of temptation is thrown their way every single day. You have to protect what you’ve got, and you have to be prepared to fight for it. Can you do that?”
“I’m not weak, Momma.”
“Never thought you were, baby,” came the instant reply. Hell, it was so instant that I believed it. “You’re not the weak one, we are. We love you so much and we’re terrified. I never ever want to experience even a fraction of the fear I felt the day you were taken. It would kill me, and that memory is so powerful that it petrifies me to this day. It’s that shadow of the memory that makes us put our fright onto you. But you’re my daughter, and I never raised no weak little miss.”
My lips twitched. “I can make them happy.”
“I know you can. Sure, they might not think they’re happy in this little household you got, but just give them time. Give them a bit of space too, but also, never make them feel less than the other. They’re all equals, and don’t let them forget it.”
Her words, spoken from experience, had me frowning. “Did you have problems with the daddies?”
“Sometimes. Not often.” She blew out a breath. “After Matty, I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant again. When you were thirteen, it happened. I didn’t make it happen, but it happened, and the doctor said it could kill me if I carried to term. I refused to get an abortion and those days were mighty stressful.
“When I said I wouldn’t have an abortion, they were mad at me. Said I was being selfish because I had you and the boys and them to think of, but I just couldn’t do it—not sure they’ve ever forgiven me for that.”
My mouth dropped open at that revelation. “I never knew.”
“Made sure you didn’t.”
“What happened?”
“Nature happened. Had a miscarriage. They were mad at me for such a long time.” She whistled under her breath. “Mad at me for daring to risk myself when they said that I knew what that would do to them.” She cleared her throat. “I just couldn’t take away something that was born of them and
me. But I understand… for a few months, things were rough. I thought they might have—” She sucked down some air. “But they swore they didn’t cheat, and I have no real reason to believe they did. Every now and then, doubt creeps in, and you just have to have faith in what you’re building, baby.”
When I swallowed, it was hard. Like I was trying to swallow an orange. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Been through plenty worse in my life than that, darling. I’m a survivor. As are you. Now, I didn’t mean to make you blue with all that talk—”
“No!” I interrupted. “Not at all. I needed that. Thank you. I love you so much.”
“Love you too, baby girl.” She huffed. “Dammit, Seamus, what’s that in your hair?”
My lips twitched. “What is it?”
“Bubble gum,” Lucie groused. “Baby, I gotta go.”
“See you later, Momma.”
“You will.”
As I cut the line, I heard footsteps outside the door. When boots appeared by the side of the bed, I had to admit, I froze a little. Deep inside, terror swirled around me as the past coalesced with the present.
Then, the guy beside the bed squatted down, and I got a whiff of the sexy aftershave Keys wore.
When he peered underneath the bed, I smiled at him and held out a hand. Expecting him to haul me out from under there, he rolled onto his side and scuttled toward me.
After he toed off his boots and kicked them away, I huddled into his side, and hugged him.
“You okay?” I asked gently.
“Nope.” He stared up at the bed board. “Can see why you like it down here.”
“Surprised you remembered.”
“I remember most things you say. But in the future, don’t want you sleeping down here. You need to nap, you tell me, and I’ll come and keep you comfortable.”
Grinning into his arm, I murmured, “Doubt we’d get much sleep done.”
“If you need sleep, I’ll just rest with you,” he replied gruffly. “This ain’t all just about sex, Ama. Hope you know that.”
I stilled, taken aback by his words. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Just spoke with my dad is all.”
“Oh.” I sucked down a sharp breath and closed my eyes. Hooking my leg over his hips, I tucked him close into me and whispered, “Take it it went badly?”
“Couldn’t have gone worse. The guards dragged him away from the phone.” He gulped. “Let’s hope it don’t wreck his chances of parole next year.”
I winced at the thought and rasped, “That’s not on you.” I squeezed him. “If he doesn’t get to come home early, that’s on him. What Kenzie did, that’s on her. Nothing that’s happened is because of you. You did what you could for her. You did more than most. You’re a wonderful son to your dad, and a brother she doesn’t deserve.”
When he lifted his arm and covered his face with it, a move I’d made more times in my life than I cared to count, I felt his tears deep in my soul.
I didn’t say anything. What was there to say? I understood his pain, understood where it was coming from, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to change it. But I could be there for him. Could just lie here and let him deal with his emotions.
One thing I’d learned from Momma over the years—bikers and emotions were like bikers and vacuum cleaners. Never the two shall meet.
So, I hugged him. Stayed there with him long after my ass grew numb and my foot died a little from the position I held it in. I just stayed there, breathing in his scent, his presence, loving him and loving that he could show this in front of me.
When, after a little while, he calmed down—not that he’d exactly let loose with his feelings—I whispered, “I love you, Jamie.”
“I love you, too.” His voice was deeper than usual, and the raspiness to it made my heart hurt. He turned his head to the side, and I saw his tear sore eyes and ached even harder for him. “This’s hard for me. You know, this sharing you thing?”
I tensed, not expecting him to take that path. “Yeah, I know.” Biting my bottom lip for a second, I inquired, “Is it something you can’t carry on with?”
“Nothing like that.” He sighed. “Just, you know, it’s hard. It was harder, but I like it too.”
“You do?” I asked warily, unsure where he was going with this.
“Yeah. You’re a lot of woman to keep up with,” he teased. “You need a football team to keep you happy.”
Laughing, I slapped him on the belly and wriggled over him until I was flat on top of him—numb butt, foot, and all. “Jerk.”
“Your jerk?”
His hesitancy had my lips curving. “Forever. You’ll always be my jerk, Keys. Even if you decide you can’t do this no more.”
He shook his head, reached up, and pressed a finger to my lips. “No need to talk like that. I’m not going anywhere, just wanted you to know that you’re worth it.”
“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not, but my happiness doesn’t define or decide your own.”
“You been watching Oprah?”
“Nope, just always been this wise.”
“Oh, that right, Kemosabe?” he teased. “At first, I didn’t like it, but I dunno. It’s growing on me. You’ve been under my skin for a long time now, sugar. I figure you’re like Lyme disease. Once it’s in the system, there ain’t no getting away from it.”
I snickered. “You’re just full of compliments today, ain’t ya?”
“Compliments are what I do best.” He cleared his throat. “You gonna kiss me or what?”
Oh, I’d kiss him all right.
Before pressing my lips to his, I whispered, “I’m yours, Jamie. Just like you’re mine. Forever.”
And he sighed into the kiss, sealing my words eternally with our love.
❖
Saint
“You ever seen her dance like that before?” I asked Keys, tipping my beer at our woman as she twisted and writhed against Ink like he was a pole and she was a dancer.
Keys tilted his head to the side. “Nope. Wouldn’t mind if she danced with me like that though.” He grinned at me. “Preferably naked.”
“Fuck, yeah,” I groaned and cupped my cock. “That would be hot as shit.”
“She never danced like that before though. Don’t think I ever remember seeing her dance,” he mused.
“Can’t say that was a bad thing considering all the men are looking at her,” I grumbled.
“We need to claim her,” he said easily. “As it stands, her daddies and name get them to back the fuck off, but once we mark her, they won’t even dare look.”
The thought didn’t turn me off. I wanted Ama, wanted her any way I could get her, so marking her was the next step. The thought of my ink on her body made my cock even harder, and I passed my beer to Keys as I mumbled, “Gonna join them.”
When he laughed, I flipped him the bird, but I stalked through the heaving dancefloor.
It was Saturday night, the first Saturday night party since the last raid, since Kenzie’s betrayal, and since Bubbles had lost her baby and Lucie had tossed her out on her ass when she’d come back to the clubhouse—mean, yeah, but Lucie had never been nice. Plus, I’d seen the couple of Ben Franklins she’d shoved at her to tide her over—Lucie might be hellspawn but she had a heart too.
Tonight was also the first night we’d really outed ourselves to the club. Keys had kissed her earlier, sparking attention, Ink was dancing with her now, and that had brothers’ gossiping like bitches, and the second I sidled up to her? I knew shit would really fly because they’d be figuring Ama was like her momma.
Well, she was in one sense but not all.
The lighting was dim, the music was loud, and it was hot as fuck as I pressed my front to her back, grabbed her hips, and rocked into her. She writhed back against me with way too much skill, and I shouted in her ear, “Have you always been able to dance like that?”
As laughter escaped her, I knew I had my answer.
> “Was just waiting on you boys to make it worth my while to dance,” she said with a hoot, one of her arms coming up to reach around behind my neck, and the other hauling Ink close to her as well in a mirroring move.
Stuck between us, she seemed to soar ever higher, and I didn’t care that my body was literally dripping with sweat now I was here, where the body heat was the more intense. Didn’t give a fuck that my body was way too close to Ink’s for my own good.
Something about her made me accept the craziness. Something about her made me need it.
I wasn’t sure I’d been born to lead a normal life. That was what I got for joining an MC, but fuck, it went deeper than that. What Ama brought to my days, with Ink and Keys too? I figured I needed that as well.
I’d been one of the lucky ones. Dorie had brought me into the fold, made me hers, but I still remembered the early years, before I’d had her, before, when my mom had been a shithouse. I remembered being left alone, going to sleep hungry, and hearing strange moans from her bedroom. I remembered feeling like a nuisance, feeling unwanted and alone.
Now?
I’d never be alone, and that felt good.
Yeah, I was possessive, and it was weird having to share her, but it fit. It felt right. With Keys, it was too fucking easy. I was used to her being in between us, used to us caring for her and watching out for her. Ink was a little harder, took a little more getting used to just because he was older, more on her daddies’ wavelength than ours, but I figured we were getting there.
He liked bikes, beers, and our bitch. That meant we were connected on a soul deep level. Throw in the fact he loved ice hockey, hated the Patriots, and liked wrestling? I knew we’d get on just fine.
“Can we go upstairs?”
The breathy question had us both laughing, but Ink shook his head. “Nope. Not yet.”
“W-Why?” she wailed, and I couldn’t stop myself from slipping my hand onto her belly, before lowering it between her legs. She was wet—wet enough to make the denim short shorts damp. Fuck.
“Because you’re greedy,” Ink told her, bussing her on the nose with a kiss.
Their Saint: Hell’s Rebel’s MC Part II Page 23
