Her eyes widened.
‘You didn’t think you were special?’ he added.
‘Not really. How can I possibly be when you’ve never taken me out before? When you know so very little about me?’
‘Oh, believe me, Hannah, you’re a very special lady. All I have to do is convince you that you feel the same about me.’
She closed her eyes briefly. She did not want this sort of talk from Jordan, it was more than she could handle. ‘There’s only one special person in my life,’ she said firmly, ‘and that’s Daniel. There’s no room for anyone else.’
CHAPTER FIVE
JORDAN’S face stiffened, his eyes losing the warmth of desire, impatience taking its place. ‘That’s foolish talk,’ he rasped. ‘You can’t cut out the rest of the world just because you’ve lost the man you loved. Do you think Roger would want you to remain single for the rest of your life? Is that what he wanted? Did you discuss it?’
‘Of course not,’ said Hannah quickly.
‘If he loved you as much as you appear to have loved him then I’m sure he’d want you to be happy.’
‘I am happy.’
He snorted angrily. ‘What sort of happiness, when you have no other company than that of a child? And how about when he’s older and out most of the time? What then? The longer you leave it, the older you get, the less chance you’ll have of forming relationships.’
‘I hadn’t thought that far,’ admitted Hannah with reluctance. Why did he have to dig so deeply? Why couldn’t he leave her alone?
‘I guessed as much,’ Jordan sighed. ‘I suggest it’s time you did give it some thought. I really can’t see why a beautiful young lady like yourself should become a hermit.’
‘I’m not a hermit,’ she snapped in her own defence. ‘I go out to work, I meet people then. I meet my neighbours, other mothers.’
‘But no members of the opposite sex,’ he pointed out.
‘And that’s the way I like it,’ she said tightly. ‘You have no right to try and interfere in my life!’
‘I’m only saying what I think is good for you.’
‘When I want your opinion I’ll ask for it.’ She put her knife and fork straight on the plate and sat back, her breathing deeper than it had been earlier, her whole body feeling out of sorts with itself. She was running the whole gamut of emotions this evening. Why, oh, why couldn’t he leave her alone? Why did he always pressurise her? And why had she agreed to come? It had been a foolish lapse on her part, she should have known it wouldn’t work out.
Their plates were taken away and she twirled the stem of her glass between her fingers, watching the pale clear liquid, wishing there was a way she could magic herself out of here.
‘I had such high hopes for this evening,’ Jordan said at length.
Hannah had never seen him look so frustrated, but it wasn’t her fault. ‘You thought you were going to get somewhere with me?’ she asked scornfully. ‘Well, I’m sorry if I’ve let you down, but that’s the way things are. I thought you knew it, I thought I’d already made my feelings clear.’
‘Tell me something, Hannah.’ He leaned forward across the table. ‘Is it me personally you object to, or men in general? I seem to remember you were getting on pretty well with my brother when he came into the office the other day.’
‘I want no man,’ she told him simply. ‘It would be totally disloyal to Roger.’
‘After two years?’ His mouth set into a grim, impatient line, and at that moment the waiter appeared with their main course. But Hannah’s appetite had gone and she pushed the food around her plate until in the end Jordan suggested they leave.
There was an atmosphere now between them. The intimacy Hannah had felt in the car earlier was gone, and he was reacting as though it were her fault! Yet all she had done was confirm that she wasn’t ready to let any man into her life. For some unknown reason it had made him angry, and she did not see why. There might come a time when she did feel something for him, she could not deny that she felt a certain attraction, but not yet, and never if he continued to push her.
She had hoped, when they got home, that he would drop her off, but instead he walked with her to the door, taking the key from her and opening it, then holding her elbow firmly to accompany her inside without so much as a word.
Yvonne looked up in surprise, her eyes going swiftly from one to the other, frowning slightly when she saw their tense faces. ‘I’ll go,’ she said at once. ‘I haven’t heard a peep out of Danny. I’ll see you in the morning, Hannah. Goodnight, Jordan.’ It was clear by her expression that she was dying to know what had gone wrong, why they were home so early.
‘I’ll just take a look at Danny,’ Hannah said once the door was closed behind her neighbour. ‘Then I’ll make us some coffee.’ The last thing she wanted was to entertain Jordan, but he seemed to be giving her no choice.
‘Have you nothing stronger?’ he growled, prowling around the room like a caged animal, his hands pushed deep into trouser pockets, a frown drawing black brows together.
‘I’m afraid not.’
‘Because you can’t afford it?’ he suggested brutally.
‘Because I rarely drink myself,’ she hissed.
‘And of course you never entertain the male sex?’
Hannah glared savagely. ‘If the only reason you’ve invited yourself in here is to insult me then I suggest you turn right around and go!’
‘I’m here because I thought we needed to talk,’ he told her.
Her brows rose in sudden surprise. ‘Isn’t that what we’ve been doing all evening? And look where it got us. I can’t imagine what else there’s left to talk about. Haven’t I made it clear where you stand? No amount of persuasion will make me change my mind. Did you think I’d be an easy pushover, is that it? You thought if you wined and dined me in romantic surroundings the rest would automatically follow? I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you.’
‘You’re sorry?’ he rasped. ‘You’re not half as sorry as I am! Tonight is going nothing like I planned. What astounds me is that you’re not even prepared to meet me halfway.’ Catching her shoulders in a grip as firm as iron, he gave her a little shake. ‘I know I’m not totally repulsive to you, I know you find me attractive, so for pity’s sake, Hannah, why don’t you relax and enjoy yourself for once?’
She eyed him stolidly. It totally amazed her that whatever she said made no difference. Perhaps she ought to try another tactic? ‘Haven’t you ever stopped to think that I might not want to compete with Riva March?’ she queried.
He snorted his impatience. ‘I’ve told you Riva means nothing to me.’
‘But she’s still a part of your life. Besides, I have no wish to be one of a long line of conquests.’
Jordan’s eyes narrowed. ‘So that’s it? That’s the real reason you want nothing to do with me? You don’t approve of my lifestyle?’
‘I couldn’t care less what you do,’ she flung back angrily, ‘just so long as you don’t involve me. Will you let go of me so that I can check on Danny?’
‘If there were anything wrong he’d be calling out for you,’ he answered coldly. ‘I’ll let you go when I’m good and ready. It’s about time someone injected a bit of life into that cold-blooded body of yours.’ In one swift, violent movement he pulled her forcefully against him.
‘Jordan, no!’ cried Hannah, while at the same time a fury of emotions erupted. Reject him she might have done, but she was not exactly immune to him. The hours they had spent together had lit sparks of awareness inside her, and now they were in danger of igniting into something much more powerful.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him, not wanting to respond to his compelling masculinity, inhaling instead his pungent aftershave, then discovering it was doing just as much to her senses as was the feel of him.
It was futile trying to evade his descending mouth, and contact was like an electric shock. His lips tortured hers with bruising hardness, and her body trembled against
his. There was no letting up, the harsh assault continued, and the torrent of ,feelings inside her raged until they threatened to overflow.
No man had touched her for two years, and Jordan had worried at her senses ever since she began to work for him. This moment had been inevitable.
‘Hannah,’ he groaned. ‘Oh, Hannah, how I’ve waited for this!’
She felt her defences crumbling, her reserve breaking, her body melting against his. It had been so long since she had felt like this, so long. Her body was blossoming with feeling she had thought long since dead. It was becoming alive, and without conscious thought she pressed closer, revelling in the feel of his throbbing, hard body against hers.
He gave an almost imperceptible pause while he acknowledged her submission, and then his tongue parted her burning lips to explore in triumph the moist heat of her mouth.
Hannah urged herself against him, moving unconsciously, heedful only of a driving need, a compelling ache that was taking a stranglehold on her senses.
His hand slid the yellow dress from one shoulder to cup the soft roundness of her breast, creating a fresh torrent of sensation. A deep shudder raged through her, and she wanted to cry out in ecstasy, and her elation grew as he nuzzled the soft skin of her throat, his lips and tongue searing a path towards her throbbing breast.
Her nipple had peaked and hardened beneath the tortuous teasing of his fingers and the throb of her heartbeats echoed loudly inside her head. She was delirious with excitement and desire, her own hands feverishly moving across his muscled back, wanting to lift his shirt too and revel in the touch of naked skin beneath her fingertips. She wanted to— Was she out of her mind?
What was happening? This was wrong, all wrong. She did not want Jordan; she loved Roger still, she always would. She wanted no other man.
She tore herself away from him, her face aflame now with shame and humiliation. How could she have let Jordan kiss her? How could she have reacted so wantonly? Oh, God, what was happening to her?
He let her go instantly, but his eyes glittered with furious anger. ‘What the hell’s the matter now?’ he demanded.
‘I―I can’t go on with this,’ she stammered unhappily. ‘I don’t want you to touch me, not now, not ever.’
‘My God, Hannah,’ he rasped, ‘you certainly choose your moments! What’s wrong―are you afraid of your own feelings? Were you giving too much away? Answer me,’ he snarled when she gazed at him in mute anguish. ‘You had the opportunity to stop me; why didn’t you take it? Why wait until we got this far?’
The stone-cold fury in his eyes was like a slap in the face, and Hannah fell back. Anger on this scale was the last thing she expected, She had thought he might be hurt because she had put a stop to the kiss, but nothing like this. He was glaring at her as though she had committed some heinous crime.
‘You started it,’ she claimed sharply. ‘You knew how I felt!’ Her own temper was beginning to rise to match his.
His breath hissed out through his teeth. ‘If anyone’s to blame it’s yourself. You’re the first girl who’s ever pushed me away from her. I’ve never let myself get into that sort of a situation. I’ve never kissed a girl until I judged she was ready. And you were ready, Hannah―you can’t deny it.’
She closed her eyes and clenched her hands together to still their trembling. He spoke the truth, there was no doubt about it. And she had actually enjoyed the experience―until sanity asserted itself! Until she realized where this sort of behaviour could end.
‘Hannah, you have to let go some time.’ His tone was quiet now, he seemed to have himself under control, though she was not sure how long this tenuous hold on his temper would last. He seemed capable of flaring up at the slightest provocation.
‘I will,’ she agreed faintly, ‘but not yet. it’s too soon.’
Jordan gave an exclamation of annoyance. ‘Too soon! Too soon? I’m fed up with hearing you say that. Too soon in our relationship? Or too soon after your husband’s death?’
Hannah cringed at the cold brutality in his tone. How could he speak of Roger so unfeelingly? Didn’t he know how much she loved him? She crossed her arms and rubbed her chilled limbs. ‘Both,’ she told him bitterly.
He shook his head as though unable to understand her. ‘Hannah, it’s not been two weeks, or two months even, but two whole years. If you don’t let go now you never will. I know you’ll never forget him. I know you’ll always think of him with love and affection―that’s natural―but it’s unhealthy to let him rule your life for evermore. And as for saying it’s too soon in our relationship, that’s ridiculous. I’ve known you altogether for three months. How can that be too soon?’
Hannah clenched her teeth, her lips moving as a whole host of emotions and thoughts ran through her mind. ‘I just know it is, that’s all,’ she said firmly.
‘And how long do you think it will take before you’re ready to let me kiss you?’ he sneered, brown eyes glittering.
She swallowed with difficulty, wishing he wouldn’t pressurise her like this. ‘I can’t say.’
‘You can’t say!’ There was harsh contempt now in his tone. ‘Perhaps you can tell me this, Hannah. What are your feelings towards me?’
She did not want to answer this question and looked away, looking anywhere but at him. She did not even know herself what her feelings were. Jordan was like no other man she had met―devastatingly attractive, but far too overbearing for her peace of mind. He threatened her sanity, she felt vulnerable whenever he was close. She wanted him and rejected him both at the same time.
‘Well, is the answer so hard?’ His voice was a harsh rasp in her ear and a hand came up to turn her face back to him, fingers biting painfully into her chin.
‘I suppose I do like you,’ she confessed at length.
‘You like me!’ he sneered contemptuously. ‘What sort of an answer is that supposed to be? How much do you like me?’
Hannah wished he wouldn’t put her through the third degree. This was neither the time nor the place. She wanted to check on Daniel; it was a wonder their raised voices hadn’t woken him. What if he were lying awake listening? What if he were upset? ‘I suppose quite a lot,’ she conceded.
‘And what sort of form does this liking of yours take?’ he insisted. ‘Do you like me as an employer? You find me fair and generous and understanding, is that it? Or as a friend, maybe? Willing to listen and advise and console. But not as a lover? You could never see me in that light? Is that it, Hannah?’
He was making it so difficult for her. She was not used to being faced with decisions like this. And did she really know the truth herself? , He was the best boss she had ever had, that was true, and he could possibly be a good friend. But he seemed to want more from her than friendship, and could she give him that? Did she like him enough? Was he right―was it really time to push Roger to the back of her mind and begin her life again?
The fact that her heart had begun to play tricks on her when he was around, the fact that her pulses raced when he touched her, told her that she liked him more than on a simple platonic level, but she did not feel at this stage that she could tell him. She did not feel it would be right to let these new feelings take precedence over those she felt for Roger.
When she was so long in answering Jordan let her go in disgust. ‘I think your silence is answer itself,’ he said coldly.
‘No!’ Hannah was quick to correct him. ‘I do feel something for you, but I’m not yet ready to―to—’
‘Admit it,’ he finished for her cynically. ‘Were you as indecisive in your feelings for Roger? Did you keep him guessing while you made up your mind?’
‘That’s despicable!’ Her tone was sharp, her Glue eyes bright. ‘Besides, our relationship was totally different.’
‘You had no hang-ups then, is that what you’re trying to tell me?’
‘It’s not exactly the way I’d put it myself, but! suppose it’s true,’ she admitted. ‘You’ve met me at a bad patch in my life.’
‘One you’re determined to prolong indefinitely,’ he snorted. ‘I think it’s time I went.’ He strode across the room without even looking at her again.
Hannah hurried to catch him up. ‘Thank you for taking me out, Jordan. I’m sorry it’s ended like this.’ She was suddenly anxious to put things right between them.
‘Not half as sorry as I am,’ he grunted. ‘Goodnight, Hannah.’
The door snapped decisively shut before she could say anything else, and although a moment before she had been anxious to check on Daniel, now she stood and leaned against it and let her thoughts run riot. She felt different, there was no getting away from it, and it was Jordan’s kiss that had changed her. A kiss is just a kiss, so the song went, but Jordan’s kiss wasn’t simply a kiss, it had woken feelings that had lain packed in ice, that she had never expected or even wanted to feel again, and although she knew the road to recovery was still long and difficult, a glimmer of light now lay at the end.
Stormy Relationship Page 7
