by Ann McMan
White lights danced behind her closed eyes as she pulled her closer and bent down to meet her open mouth. They kissed deeply, their mouths sliding together in a frenzy of emotion. Their tongues touched, probed, and twisted together. She felt Syd’s open hands moving against the sides of her breasts in slow, insistent circles. Every touch was electric. Maddie was light-headed. She felt charged and alive in ways she’d never experienced before. She knew they had to slow down or there would be no stopping. She tore her mouth away and pushed herself back.
Syd’s lips were wet and open. Her green eyes were shining like pieces of sea glass. She was breathing heavily. They both were. Through the dense haze of her desire, she understood that they would never have another moment like this one, and that what they did now would shape the course of the rest of their relationship. She knew her own heart, but she wanted Syd to be sure.
“Wait. Wait a minute,” Maddie said, her voice husky. “We need to slow down.”
Syd’s chest was still heaving. “We do?”
She raised a shaking hand and ran her finger across Maddie’s collarbone, then along her lower lip. Closing her eyes, Maddie moaned and parted her lips. Syd surged forward and kissed her way up Maddie’s neck, stopping to suck and nip at her jaw before feasting on her lips again. Their open mouths drifted back and forth—tongues in constant motion.
Maddie slid her hands down to grasp Syd’s firm bottom and lifted her up off the flagstones. Syd wrapped her legs around her waist and tightened her arms around her neck—her fingers tangling in her hair as they twined even closer together. They staggered backwards against the patio door, the jolt finally making them break apart.
“Jesus. We have to stop. We have to slow down.” Maddie’s voice was ragged. She slowly lowered Syd to the ground. She was breathing heavily. “Let’s go inside. I feel like I’m gonna pass out.”
Trying to get her own breathing under control, Syd nodded and stepped back. She stumbled slightly as she tried to stand on her own, and Maddie grabbed her by the elbow to steady her.
“Come on.” Maddie slid open the patio door behind them, and they walked into the house. She went to the sofa and dropped down onto it, pulling Syd down to sit next to her. They sat there in silence while they waited for their breathing to return to normal.
“I can’t take this in,” Maddie said, filled with wonder. She slowly shook her head. “I’ve been in love with you for so long. I thought it was hopeless. That I was hopeless.”
Syd touched Maddie’s arm. “How long? How long have you known?”
“I don’t know.” Maddie gazed at her. “Since your birthday? Maybe even before that.” She smiled at her shyly. “Forever.” She angled her body to face her. “You have to believe that as much as I want this, I never tried to make it happen. I never wanted to confuse you or complicate your life.” She paused. “I still don’t.”
“I know that.” Syd slid her hand down Maddie’s arm and linked their fingers together. “I’m not confused—not any more. And the only way you could complicate my life now, would be if you walked away from me.” She kissed Maddie softly on the corner of her mouth. “I love you. I’m sure of it. I know this is what I want. You are who I want.”
Tears filled Maddie’s eyes. Syd gently wiped them away, then kissed her eyelids. “Tell me you love me,” she whispered.
“I love you.”
Syd crawled over her, straddled her lap, and stroked Maddie’s face. “Tell me you want me.”
“I want you.”
Syd snaked her arms around Maddie’s shoulders and brushed a slow line of kisses along the side of her neck and up into her hairline. Twisting her hands into Maddie’s hair, she ran her tongue around the outside of an ear and kissed it softly. “Show me how much.” Her breath was hot against the side of Maddie’s face.
Fresh out of questions, and now in possession of the only answer that really mattered, Maddie stood up, lifting Syd with her. She carried her past the piano and down the hall toward her old bedroom.
She didn’t remove her shoes until they got inside.
MADDIE WAS SPRAWLED facedown across the lower half of the double bed, her head resting on Syd’s bare abdomen. The steady rise and fall of her back indicated that she had fallen asleep. Her dark hair fanned out across her naked shoulders in random patterns. Syd shifted some the silky strands back and forth between her fingers as she lay awake and looked around the room—Maddie’s old bedroom.
For all practical purposes, the woman asleep on top of her had still been a child when she last lived here. Syd found it interesting that Celine had clearly left the room unchanged.
She marveled at the differences between this room and what had been Maddie’s room in her father’s house back in Virginia. This room seemed less personal—it had fewer clues about the life and character of the person who lived in it. There were a couple of framed photographs on the wall—one of a teenaged Maddie standing in front of a red biplane with her father and a man who, from a distance, looked like a younger Arthur Leavitt. Several other vintage aircraft were visible in the background of the picture. Another photo showed Maddie in a high school track uniform holding up a trophy with three other uniformed classmates.
There was a large bookcase filled with what appeared to be math and science textbooks, but Syd smiled to herself when she noticed one prominently placed copy of David Copperfield. There was a small Dune poster on a bulletin board over the corner desk, surrounded by numerous award certificates. A Stanford pennant hung from hooks by the large window that looked out into the back yard. Otherwise, the room was unremarkable—decorated much like the rest of the house in a neutral, no-nonsense style.
A Stickley rocking chair with a leather-upholstered seat stood near the bed, and it was there that they had hastily thrown their clothing.
Syd felt a slow blush creep up her neck as she thought back over her actions. She had been like a woman possessed when they entered the bedroom—practically tearing Maddie’s clothes from her body. She wanted to consume her—to touch, taste, and discover every part of her. She had never felt this way before, and she had certainly never behaved this way with other partners. The reality of being with Maddie—of finally being able to intimately touch and explore her—was overwhelming. None of her research about the act of making love to another woman prepared her for the reality of being with this woman.
In her fast and furious exploration, she needed a dozen hands—not two. She wanted to be every place at once—her mouth, her shoulders, her beautiful breasts, her long shapely legs and thighs. But then Maddie checked her haste—stilled her shaking hands and calmed her frenzy with a single word. “Easy,” she’d whispered against her lips. “Easy.”
She stood back then and tried to compose herself as Maddie slowly undressed her. Her blouse, her bra, and her pants soon joined the other articles of clothing piled on the oak rocking chair. Maddie’s full lips and warm hands softly moved over every newly exposed area, painting her naked body with sensuous touches and whispered words of passion. Syd was drifting on a sea of raw desire, helpless to do anything but respond to Maddie’s increasingly intimate attentions with answering gasps of pleasure.
When Maddie gently pushed her down on the bed and moved on top of her, Syd thought she might lose consciousness. The touch and feel of her naked body—the heat and weight of her luxuriously long frame as it slid across hers—was nearly enough to send her over the edge. She clutched at her in desperation, pushing and pulling at her shoulders, her hips, her head—at any part of her she could reach—wanting more, wanting anything, wanting all that Maddie could give her. Maddie’s lips seemed to be everywhere at once, continuing on a deliberate and methodical journey down her throat, over her chest—then stopping to linger, endlessly, at her breasts before descending lower to slowly kiss across her abdomen. Syd was impatient for her to continue, and began to writhe and push at her head. “Please,” she’d muttered—her voice sounding hoarse and desperate. “Please, baby.” But Maddie took h
er time—made her wait while she kissed and licked along the muscles of her legs and up the insides of her thighs. Finally, with interminable precision, she hooked a finger beneath the waistband of her panties and began to tug them down over her hips.
By now, Syd was beside herself, begging Maddie to take her—to possess her in ways no one else ever had. Maddie languorously drew her panties off, and then slid sensuously back up her body so they were face to face—her blue eyes shining with passion. Dark hair fell about both of their faces like a curtain as she lowered her head to lick and tease her mouth. As they kissed, she shifted her weight and ran a hand up the inside of her thigh—gently trailing her long fingers through the wetness she found there. When Syd was certain she’d go mad from the exquisite torture, Maddie shifted her attentions again—gliding back down over the aching terrain of her body, and not stopping until she reached the wellspring of her passion.
Syd thought she might die from the contact—Maddie’s touch more intimate than anything she’d ever experienced. Acute waves of pleasure rolled over her again and again, submerging her in pure sensation. This feeling—all encompassing and perfect in its heady mix of love and passion, pushed her beyond endurance to the brink of complete arousal. When, finally, she lifted her dazed head from its position on the rumpled bedspread and saw the naked intensity of Maddie’s blue eyes gazing back at her from the heated source of her pleasure, she went over the edge. Willingly. Effortlessly. Endlessly. And soft beneath her, like a musical refrain, she felt more than heard the timbre of Maddie’s low voice whispering, “I love you.”
Not long after that, as they lay quietly together, her own preconceived fears and inhibitions dissipated as she ventured forth across the sensuous landscape of Maddie’s body on her own voyage of discovery. Less patient than her partner, she was on, around, and inside Maddie all at once, in a fast and seamless joining that blinded her to anything but the rush of love and pure physical yearning that had taken her hostage. Appearing overwhelmed by the force and sheer magnitude of her passionate onslaught, Maddie quickly surrendered—throwing back her head and clutching at the bedclothes as she howled out her pleasure.
Then, Syd climbed back up her glorious, long body, and they did it all over again—slower and more deliberate this time—with soft, gentle touches and whispered words of longing.
Looking down at Maddie now, Syd knew that what had happened to her made no sense within the normal context of her life experience. She had always believed that naming something she feared robbed it of its power and made it smaller and more manageable than it seemed. But in this case, finally owning up to her feelings had the opposite effect.
Once she dared to make the frightening admission to herself—once she named what she suspected was happening—the emotions just got bigger and more overwhelming. She understood that facing up to her attraction for another woman was one kind of milestone, and that acting on that attraction was another. But nothing could prepare her for the expanse of uncharted terrain that opened up in front of her once she owned up to the glaring truth that she was in love with Maddie.
MADDIE RAISED HER tousled head from its resting place on Syd’s bare abdomen. She had been dozing, but was startled into wakefulness when a loud gurgling noise rolled and pitched beneath her ear. She pushed herself up on her elbows and met Syd’s thoughtful gaze. “My god . . . what’s going on in there? It sounds like Mount St. Helen’s is about to erupt.”
Syd stopped stroking Maddie’s silky hair. She smiled at her. “I think my body wants you to satisfy one of its other appetites.” As if on cue, her stomach growled again.
Maddie smiled and bent her head to lightly kiss and lick Syd’s tummy. Syd shivered, and Maddie continued her lazy progress up the center of her body, stopping to feast on every piece of real estate she encountered on her maddeningly slow journey. Syd moved her hands into her hair, impatiently urging her forward. Maddie paused when she was fully stretched out on top of her, suspended on her forearms—their faces were centimeters apart.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Syd’s response was to pull her into a hungry embrace. Maddie sighed happily, relaxed her arms, and sank down onto her as they continued to kiss. Their tongues touched and teased each other in already familiar ways. Syd traced the outside of Maddie’s ear with a finger as Maddie gently nipped and sucked on her lower lip.
They drew apart, and Syd sighed deeply. “God, you’re good at that.”
Maddie gave her a crooked smiled. “You’re no slouch yourself.”
Syd gazed into Maddie’s eyes and stroked her face. “When I was twelve, my parents took us on a family vacation to Steel Pier in Atlantic City. I remember it all so vividly. I had always heard the stories about the legendary diving horses, and even though they had stopped that practice decades earlier, I still couldn’t wait to go.” She traced Maddie’s dark eyebrows with the tips of her fingers. “Tom convinced me to go up with him into one of those Drop Towers—the carnival ride where the floor drops out from under you, and you plunge about a million feet in a free fall.” She closed her eyes. “God. I had never experienced anything like that before—that simultaneous rush of fear and exhilaration.” She opened her eyes and looked at Maddie, slowly drawing her face closer. “When you kissed me outside Celine’s hotel in Richmond—it felt exactly like that.” She brushed their lips together softly. “Exactly.”
Maddie sighed and touched their foreheads together. “I know.” After a moment, she pulled back and kissed Syd’s temple. “Are you okay? Is this okay? Do we need to talk about . . . anything?”
Syd smiled at her. “Like what?” Her tone was teasing.
Maddie rolled her eyes. “Oh, I dunno . . . effective deforestation methods, long term care plans, the best mutual funds. You know, pillow talk.” She lowered her head and fixed Syd with a level gaze. “C’mon. How are you . . . really?”
“How am I really?” Syd looked into her eyes. “I’m happy. Overwhelmed. Satiated.” Her stomach growled again. She smiled. “Hungry.”
Maddie laughed. “I guess we should try and do something about that.”
“Do you think Celine has any eggs?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”
Syd tightened her arms around Maddie. “Does it involve getting up?”
“Afraid so.”
Syd frowned and tugged her closer. “On the other hand, we could just stay here a little longer and . . . um . . .”
“Eat each other?” Maddie suggested.
Syd’s jaw dropped. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“I can’t believe you just did that.”
Syd was stupefied. “You really have no shame, have you?”
Maddie lifted the sheet and looked down the length of their naked bodies. “Nope. Must have left it in my other suit.”
Syd yanked the sheet back up in feigned outrage. “Oh, my god.”
Maddie smirked. “Seems like I’ve heard that before, and quite recently, too.”
Syd dropped her head back onto the pillow and rolled her eyes. “What was I thinking?”
“I dunno.” Maddie slowly began to kiss her neck. “Maybe I could jog your memory?”
Syd’s breathing soon became irregular as Maddie’s lips continued to travel across her throat.
“Okay . . . I think it’s coming back to me.”
Maddie smiled against her skin. “I thought it might.”
“I love you so much,” Syd whispered.
“I love you, too.” They gazed at each other.
“Think we’ll always feel this way?”
Maddie kissed her softly. “Oh, yeah. I think this kind of thing rolls around once in a lifetime—if you’re lucky enough to recognize it and brave enough to let yourself have it.”
Syd smiled. “We have a lot to figure out, don’t we?”
“Yeah. But we have lots and lots of time to do it.”
“Thank god for that. I may not even have a job next year.”
“I’ve actually been thinking about that.” Maddie gazed thoughtfully at her. “How flexible are you?”
Syd smiled wryly. “I thought we just established that.”
Maddie groaned. “I suppose I asked for that.”
“Actually, you didn’t ask for it,” Syd reflected. “I think I improvised.”
“Hey, let’s agree on a division of labor here. I’m supposed to be the smartass.”
“Sorry, Doctor. I’m in a weakened state due to hunger and exhaustion. I can’t be held accountable for my behavior.”
Maddie drew back. “Oh, really? Does this disclaimer encompass all of your recent activities?”
Syd nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, yes indeed. All of it. You betcha.” She sighed. “Who can say what kind of stamina I might have on a full stomach?”
Maddie snorted. “My god. If you had any more stamina than you’ve already demonstrated, I’d need a B-12 shot just to remain conscious.”
Syd gave her a sultry look. “Care to test that hypothesis?” She sat up. “Let’s raid Celine’s kitchen and see what other discoveries we can make.”
Maddie raised an eyebrow. “I told you once that I rarely turned anything down.” She sat up. “Here’s my chance to prove it.”
SYD FOUND IT difficult to scramble eggs with any degree of competence while Maddie’s arms were wrapped around her waist, and her lips were in constant motion against the side her neck.
“I’ve never had this much fun in the kitchen,” Maddie muttered, licking her ear. “Maybe I should give this cooking thing another try.” She moved her hands up under Syd’s shirt as she pulled her more snugly against her body.
Syd moaned as she tried to stay focused. The sooner they ate, the sooner they could resume their explorations. In the background, the toaster popped. Against her will, she stopped Maddie’s wandering hands. “That’s your cue, Stretch. Get over there and start buttering something.”
