by Brenda Novak
But with Haley so sick, she couldn’t afford to love Thad, too.
Ignoring the ripple of his powerful shoulders beneath her hands, and how badly she hungered for a real kiss, she went for the safe thing instead. Closing the last inch of distance between them, she brushed her lips quickly across his and jerked away.
He stiffened in surprise, and for a moment, Macy thought he was going to pull her back and kiss her right. But then the minister said, “I now pronounce you husband and wife,” and the moment was gone.
* * *
“WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?” Thad stared across the table at Macy, who appeared to be having trouble concentrating on her menu. Her gaze kept straying to the ring he’d given her, then to his face, then back to what she was supposed to be looking at in the first place, the words in front of her.
“Um—” she glanced at her ring again “—I’ll have the salad.”
He cocked an eyebrow at her. In his peripheral vision he could see the waitress approaching. “Which one?”
“The Cobb salad.”
“We’re in Vegas at a steak and seafood place. You sure you don’t want scampi or lobster or something?”
She sighed. “I’m not very hungry. I just want to get back.”
“Our plane doesn’t leave for another two hours.”
“I know.”
“You might as well eat something and try to enjoy yourself.”
“Okay.” She glanced up at the waitress, who was already waiting, pad in hand. “I’ll have the filet mignon.”
“How would you like that cooked?”
“Medium well.”
They went through the usual questions, soup or salad, choice of dressing, choice of drink. Then Thad ordered steak and lobster, relinquished their menus and turned his attention to Macy. “My partner, Kevin, and I went in to be tested as a marrow donor for Haley yesterday morning,” he said. “Did they tell you?”
“No. Have you received the results?”
“Yes. I called the hospital while you were changing, hoping to be able to give you good news, but I’m afraid neither of us are a match. I’m sorry.”
Her eyes grew bleak. After everything the nurse had told him yesterday about how difficult it was to find a donor, Thad knew why.
“That’s okay,” she said. “Unless it’s a blood relation, chances are pretty slim of it being someone I know. Thanks for being tested.”
She played with the rim of her water glass, and the diamond on her finger twinkled in the sunlight filtering in through the window. “Why did you buy me this ring?” she asked suddenly. “It’s not very practical, considering we’re only going to be married nine months.”
Why had he bought the ring? Because she’d decided to go through with the pregnancy even though she didn’t have to. Because of the sacrifices she was willing to make for her child. Because Haley might not make it despite the operation. And most of all because it was all he could give her. He was in love with his dead wife and couldn’t plug the emotional holes in Macy’s life, even though there were times he wished he could. Like when he visited Haley. Or when he saw Macy trembling with hurt and disappointment in her mother’s living room. Or when she stood before him in her wedding dress, ready to trust him enough to marry him, looking more beautiful than he could have imagined.
Only, he didn’t want to talk about any of those reasons. So he chose to rile her temper, instead.
“Maybe I was hoping it would make you relent and include me in the birth,” he said.
Her eyes narrowed. “That’s what I was wondering.”
“So, will it work? What are my chances?”
“Next to nil. Does that mean you want the ring back?”
“No.”
“And after the nine months are over?”
“It’s yours. You can have the diamond reset, if you want.”
“Are you giving me this so I’ll have something to remember you by?”
He shrugged, wishing he was more impervious to the earnest look on her face. She really was beautiful, in an uncommon, elegant way. “I don’t know. The money went for Haley. I felt like you deserved something, too. You can sell it if you want.”
She looked out the window toward the casinos across the street. “I’m sorry I didn’t get you a ring. But I don’t have any money, and you’ll have plenty to remember me by, anyway, right?”
He knew she meant the baby, but he didn’t want her to think about that. Not today. He grinned. “You mean the bill?”
She smiled faintly. “Are you still planning to move in?”
“Yeah.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow.”
Their food came. Macy didn’t say anything until the waitress had delivered their plates, asked if they needed anything else and walked away. “There’s no hurry, right?” she said then. “I mean, why don’t you wait until after finals to move in. I’ll be under a lot of pressure until then and—”
“Chicken,” he accused. “That’s an excuse.”
Her eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“You’re scared.”
“Of what?”
“If that sorry excuse for a kiss you gave me at the chapel means anything, you’re scared of me.”
Her jaw dropped. “No, I’m not! It’s just that I put you under a lot of pressure about that kiss, and I didn’t want to make you feel like…I don’t know…like it had to be a bigger deal than it was. It was nothing to worry about, just a quick peck—”
“Any quicker and I would have missed it altogether. But I wasn’t the one who was worried about it in the first place.”
“Well, it’s over with now. There’s no use even talking about it.” She went back to her food.
He waited until she glanced up at him, then grinned. “I’d probably never mention it again if I could still move in tomorrow.”
She paused. “And if you can’t?”
“You might never hear the end of it.”
Stabbing a bite of steak with her fork, she shoved it in her mouth. “Have it your way,” she grumbled, and Thad nearly laughed out loud.
* * *
“THANKS FOR THE… the wedding and everything,” Macy said, hopping out of Thad’s car almost as soon as he pulled into her driveway. He wondered if she thought he was going to try to force his way in and convince her to let him stay the night or something. But that was too inconsistent with the other things she’d said and done that day, such as how she’d behaved about the kiss. She didn’t know she stirred anything in him. And it was better that way.
She probably just wanted to be alone. They’d already stopped by the hospital and presented Haley with a bunch of balloons and the Polaroid pictures, taken by one of the witnesses at the chapel. The poor little girl had gotten up so early she could hardly keep her eyes open, despite the excitement. Another round of chemotherapy and radiation had taken their toll, as well, and when she fell asleep only minutes after they arrived, Thad was able to convince Macy to let him take her home. It had been a big day for everyone.
Well, it wouldn’t take long to see Macy safely inside. He put the car in Park and cut the engine. “At least let me walk you to the door.”
“That’s okay. I’m sure I can make it,” she replied. Exactly what most people told the bagger at the grocery store when faced with the question of whether or not they wanted help out. He thought it would be nice if sometimes they didn’t ask and just loaded the damn things in the car.
Ignoring her, he popped the trunk, retrieved her luggage and carried it to the house. She unlocked the door, and they both went inside. He delivered her suitcases to her room, noting the neatly made bed with the thick goose-down comforter and the orderly dresser top, on which sat a jewelry box and pictures of Haley. Curious to know what Richard looked like, he glanced through all the photographs and poked his head into the other rooms looking for pictures of Macy’s ex, but couldn’t find any.
He came down the hall wondering how Macy had managed to erase hi
m from her life so completely. Had she ever really been in love with Richard? “There’s no boogeymen hiding in the closets,” he said when he saw her. “I checked.”
“Thanks. I’ll rest a lot easier knowing that.”
He grinned at her sarcasm, aiming to soften her up and almost yelled “Bingo” when a slight smile curled her lips. She really was too responsive for her own good, which made it very difficult to keep people at an arm’s distance.
“It’s only ten o’clock,” she said. “I guess we may as well finish off our wedding day with a few minutes of conversation and a cup of coffee. I have a particularly good blend that one of my professors gave me as part of a gift basket when he heard about Haley. Any interest?”
He opened his mouth to accept, but she cut in before he could respond. “I’m warning you, though, if you say anything about caffeine being bad for the baby, you’ll go home right away and you won’t be allowed back here for weeks, maybe months.”
Chuckling, he raised his hand like a pledge. “I won’t say a word about caffeine.”
“Good, then I won’t have to kill you and plant you in my backyard.”
She really had a sexy smile, he thought, not quite a dimple, but close, and lots of teeth. Even and white.
“I’m not pregnant yet,” she was saying. “I may as well enjoy my last cup.”
“So you are going to give it up?”
Macy growled at him, but he just laughed and followed her into the kitchen.
He took a seat at the table while she changed the filter in the coffee machine and set it to brewing a fresh pot. Thanks to the food he’d purchased, she had some poppy-seed muffins in her cupboard. He was about to suggest they have one when she reached up to get them down herself. Her sweater lifted to reveal a section of creamy skin on her midriff; her narrow skirt hugged her trim behind.
Shaking his head, Thad let his breath glide silently through his teeth and pulled his gaze away. It had been a long time since he’d looked at a woman like that. Must be something to do with the wedding. A preacher pronounces them man and wife and suddenly he feels he has a right. But they weren’t serious when they took those vows. He had to remember that.
“Hardly what you’d expect on your wedding night,” she mused, setting a plate in front of him, “but it’s the best I can do.”
Not if she set her mind on giving him something better, he thought, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He shouldn’t have come in. He’d been enjoying her quick wit, admiring her beauty, taking in the musky scent of her all day, but his libido had definitely shifted into high gear since they made it home. It had to be the expectations associated with a wedding night. The sudden and complete privacy. The frustration of missing her lips as they passed quickly over his during the ceremony. She’d been so close he could almost taste her, and then she was gone.
“You’re awfully quiet,” she said. “What are you thinking about?”
He rubbed a hand behind his neck and drew a deep breath. About eighteen months of celibacy and how long that can seem. “Nothing.”
Putting one slender hand on her hip, she faced him more fully. The coffee perked and bubbled in the background. “I think you’re getting tired.”
He wished he was. “Did you really love Richard when you married him?” he asked.
She laughed. “Of course.”
“Where are all of his pictures?”
“Right after he left, I gouged out the eyes, then burned them. The ones of us, anyway. I saved all the ones with Haley, for her, despite my anger. Someday she might forgive him for abandoning her and want them.”
“But you won’t. Forgive him, I mean.”
“Maybe I will. When life gets easier. I don’t feel ready to tackle that right now. And I don’t think he cares much either way.”
“Tell me how you met him.”
She leaned against the cabinets. “Richard is the last thing I want to talk about. Besides, you know my whole life history, remember? Even the skeletons in my closet. Which gives you a distinct advantage.”
“Why? Because you don’t have any dirt on me?” He stretched his legs out in front of him and crossed his arms, enjoying the smell of the coffee as it brewed. He knew she felt embarrassed about the night she’d slept with that stranger, but it was nothing compared to some of his exploits. “What would you like to hear about? The drinking? The fights? The women?”
The coffee machine finally clicked, turning itself off, and Macy poured them each a cup. “Definitely not your sexual escapades.”
“Don’t worry. I was never like Richard. I had my share of women, but they liked it just as light and easy as I did. I never made promises I didn’t keep, and I never left anyone in the lurch.”
“Okay, then, tell me about the fights. Were any of them very serious?”
“Not really. My older brother was small for his age and had to wear thick glasses to see the blackboard. The other guys used to pick on him. I thought it was my duty to make the harassment stop.”
“So you fought older boys?”
He ran a hand through his hair, chuckling. “Probably once a week. I was always getting suspended from school. And not only were the guys I fought a couple years older, they were a whole hell of a lot meaner. They usually kicked my ass.”
“How did it stop?”
“I finally learned how to fight.”
A smile curled her lips. “Any scars?”
“A few.”
“Where?”
He lifted his shirt to show her where some drunk had cut him with a beer bottle on his left pectoral.
She surprised him by blushing, as though the sight of his bare chest embarrassed her.
“Ow!” she muttered. “You got that when you were just a boy?”
“No. I got this when I was twenty, in a bar fight, but it didn’t hurt much at the time. I was too angry to feel anything. The asshole had just sideswiped my car and was trying to drive away.”
She arched her delicate eyebrows. “I take it he regretted his decision.”
“I hope so,” Thad said, touching the raised flesh. “I know I regretted mine.”
She laughed, her eyes lingering on his chest. “You don’t seem so reckless now. What reformed you?”
“I met Valerie.”
“Oh.” She looked away. “That’s testimony to the power of a good woman, I guess.”
“Yeah.”
She brought the sugar and cream to the table and a couple of spoons, then their cups and saucers. “Tell me about your brother. Does he live in Salt Lake?”
Evidently she didn’t want to talk about Valerie any more than he did. Except that it helped build a barrier between them, stopped his body and the chemistry between them from taking over. “He’s married now. Lives in Murray. I have an older sister who lives in Sugarhouse. I get to see them occasionally, but my parents are snowbirds now, ever since my dad retired.”
Her spoon clinked against the sides of her cup as she added enough sugar and cream to make ice cream, if she wanted to freeze it, but her eyes slanted up at him as she listened.
“They go back and forth between here and Phoenix,” he said, taking his coffee almost black.
“Are they coming home for the summer?”
“Yeah. Right now they’re visiting the Grand Canyon. They should be home next week, just in time to hear the news that we eloped. I’m going to tell my whole family at the same time, get it over with all at once.”
“And what are you going to say about the baby?”
He set his spoon on the table, wanting to choose his words carefully. “As you know, our marriage solves a lot of problems.”
“And that’s one of them, because it puts the horse before the carriage.”
“Right. They’ve been bugging me to move on with my life, get married again.”
She licked her lips. “So you’re going to let them think you tried. What, are you planning to tell them that I ran off and left you with our baby or something?”
&nbs
p; Thad didn’t answer.
“Well?”
He felt what could only be guilt stomp through his heart like a construction worker with muddy boats. “Something like that.”
She frowned, staring down into her cup, and he had the urge to lift her chin and tell her everything would be okay. But he couldn’t make that promise. He wasn’t feeling too sure of it himself, so he kept his distance.
“That’ll make me look good,” she muttered.
He studied her reflection in the light that bounced off the window and the darkness beyond. “I’m sorry, Macy, but the truth would be worse, especially for the baby, right? We’ve already talked about all of this, or most of it.” He hadn’t specifically mentioned his parents before. Maybe that was one ramification she hadn’t considered. He guessed there’d be aspects of their deal that would surprise him, too. His desire to slip his hands up under Macy’s sweater was one of them.
“I know.” She sighed and finished stirring her coffee, then twirled a finger in the wisps of hair that had fallen down from the mass of curls on top of her head. “Haley will have her operation. That’s what matters. I can’t forget that.”
She spoke more to herself, so he didn’t answer. Toying with the sugar, he took the conversation in a different direction altogether. “What made you go home with him?” he asked.
“Who?”
“That guy from Studio 9.”
Macy grimaced. “I don’t know. I was drunk, but I can’t really use that excuse. I’d gone there planning to go home with someone. I think I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t so unappealing, you know? My husband had just left me for a girl more than ten years my junior, someone not even out of high school yet. I wanted to make sure I could attract a man.”
Attract a man! If he wasn’t still in love with Valerie…If he had any less restraint…“You could have had them standing in line,” he said. “Why did you choose him?”
She shrugged. “He’d come on to me a lot. He was convenient. And I wasn’t about to risk rejection.” She took a sip of coffee. “I never knew how badly I’d regret it, though. I realized that night that I’m not cut out for meaningless sex. I just didn’t want to be alone. You probably know as well as anyone, but after you’ve been married—even if it’s not a great marriage, like mine—it’s hard to be alone.”
