by Brenda Novak
“Thad! What are you doing here?” The sight and feel of him after so long made Macy want to fling her arms around his neck and pull him close. She ached to hold him and never let go.
But she wasn’t foolish enough to put herself in the same position she’d been in six months ago. She stepped back, and his gaze fastened on her stomach, which had finally swollen enough to make her pregnancy obvious. Then his eyes slowly climbed to her face, holding some emotion Macy feared to name. “I just came to see how you are.”
She braved a smile and recovered herself enough to pull the front door closed. The last thing she needed was for Haley to hear Thad’s voice and come bounding out of the house to welcome him with open arms. She had to get rid of him before he upset the careful balance she’d achieved in their lives. “I’m fine. Haley’s fine. Everyone’s fine. And you?”
She wished she didn’t sound so breathless, so panicked.
He reached out as though he would touch her stomach. When she backed up another step, he dropped his hand.
“I could be better,” he admitted.
“I wish there was something I could do to help, but I’m really in a hurry. I’ve got to go.”
As she tried to dart around him, he caught her by the arm and pulled her left hand up to look at her fingers. Then he frowned. “You’re not wearing your wedding ring.”
It wasn’t an accusation. He spoke as though the absence of his ring indicated something important, but Macy wasn’t about to guess what that could be or why he’d care at this late date.
“I don’t know why you ever bought me that ring. We’re not married, not really, right?” She smiled as though the ring meant nothing to her when, in reality, she’d hidden Thad’s diamond away because she couldn’t stop gazing at it, wishing for him.
“I guess that’s a matter of opinion,” he said slowly. “The law says we’re married. All that’s left is the consummation.”
Macy’s heart skipped a beat, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes. How many nights had she lain awake dreaming of that? “And we both know how well that went last time. I think all that’s left is the divorce.”
Desperate to escape him before she crumbled and admitted that she’d never craved a man the way she craved him, that a day hadn’t gone by she hadn’t longed for him, she wrenched her hand away and marched to her car, hoping he’d make things easy on her and just leave. Her life was finally her own again. She wouldn’t risk her happiness another time, wouldn’t be forced back into the position of having to explain to Haley why Thad didn’t really want them.
“Macy, wait,” he said, but she held up a hand to silence him. Whatever he was going to say, she didn’t want to hear it. At least, that was what her head said. Her heart felt as though it might break.
“I’m really late,” she mumbled. “I have to go.”
* * *
THAD JAMMED his hands in the pockets of his jeans and watched Macy pull out of the driveway. Man, she looked great. With her shiny black hair pulled back in a short ponytail, her cheekbones seemed even more prominent, her lips fuller, her eyes greener. And Thad found her figure more appealing than ever, knowing he’d put that swell in her belly. He wished, not for the first time, that he’d done it the old-fashioned way and promised himself that someday he would. They’d make two, maybe three more babies and have a houseful. If Macy ever gave him the chance.
At this point, it wasn’t looking too hopeful.
The door opened behind him, and he turned to see Haley standing in the doorway.
“I told Lisa I heard you,” she said, but she didn’t come running to him as she once would have. She regarded him almost as warily as her mother had.
He’d hurt them both. He prayed he’d have a lifetime to make it up to them. “I had to come see my angel, didn’t I?”
“Where have you been?”
Lisa came to stand behind Haley. Thad acknowledged her with a nod, then turned his attention back to Macy’s daughter. “I guess you could say I’ve been doing some reorganizing. But I think everything’s all set now.”
“Some what?”
He chuckled. “I’ve been putting some old things away, where they belong.”
“Are you done?”
“Yep.” He regretted Haley’s mistrust, missed her easy acceptance and knew he’d have to earn back her love. But he had no doubt she’d be easier to convince than Macy. Remembering Macy’s passion-filled voice when she’d declared her love for him, he wondered if he’d ever hear her say those words again.
“Does the fact that you’re here mean anything?” Lisa asked.
Thad looked behind him to where Macy had disappeared down the avenue in her old Pinto, wishing he’d parked behind her, instead of on the street. “That remains to be seen.”
“Now’s the time to walk away if you’re not sure.”
He was sure. He’d spent the past six months making sure. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s up to Macy now.”
“In that case, she’s on her way to the doctor’s for an ultrasound.” Lisa grinned. “If I were you, that’s something I wouldn’t want to miss.”
* * *
THAD DIDN’T BOTHER to go to Dr. Biden’s office. He knew she scheduled her ultrasounds with the lab on the first floor of the same medical complex her office was in, because he’d been there before, with Valerie.
Pushing through the glass swinging doors with the lab’s name painted across them in white, he scanned the lobby for Macy. She wasn’t there, so he approached the front desk, where a form on the counter listed all the patients who’d checked in today. It was early yet, but Macy Winters was one of about eight names, second from the bottom.
Behind the desk, a copy machine hummed as the receptionist pressed its green Print button, then turned to smile at him. “May I help you?”
“I’m Thad Winters. My wife is here getting an ultrasound. She’s expecting me to join her.” He smiled. “Sorry I’m a little late.”
“No problem, Mr. Winters. I’ll take you in.” She came around to open the door leading to the offices in back, and Thad followed her through an area with temporary partitions and small workstations used for drawing blood to a darkened room where a screen hung on one wall. On that screen was the image of a baby. Thad could see its tiny hands and feet, the curve of its back, the roundness of its head. He could even see the flutter of its heart.
Spellbound, he watched his baby move inside Macy’s womb. His baby. Their baby. The sight brought tears to his eyes.
Blinking rapidly, he swallowed against the sudden tightness of his throat, trying to temper his reaction. A man didn’t cry, at least in public. Except for the night Valerie had died, he’d survived the past two years without breaking into tears. But this…this was something else.
“Mrs. Winters? Your husband is here,” the receptionist murmured.
Macy’s startled gaze fastened on him, and everything Thad had planned to say simply disappeared. He just looked at her, knowing his heart was on his sleeve but having no power to shield himself against the rejection he feared.
“Thad?”
His name held the question he’d thought she’d voice out loud: what was he doing here? But she hesitated, as if she could sense his vulnerability, or was reacting to a little of her own.
When she didn’t insist he leave, he moved closer, to the head of the table where she was lying with her shirt up, the technician’s wandlike instrument on her belly. “Hi,” he said, touching her hair.
She closed her eyes and reached for his hand, not to push it away, but to press her cheek into his palm, and the lump in Thad’s throat grew until it almost choked him.
“Do you want to know the sex of the child?” the technician asked, focused on her job and oblivious to the powerful emotions humming between him and Macy.
“Thad?” Macy questioned. “Do you want to know?”
Thad nodded because he couldn’t speak, and the images on the screen changed as the technician examined the baby’s various bo
dy parts. At first he couldn’t tell what he was seeing. It was all shades of gray going to black. But then he got a clear look at the baby’s buttocks, and the sack between his legs, and didn’t need anyone to tell him.
He was having a son.
* * *
HE’D TAKE IT SLOW, give her time, he told himself as he walked Macy out of the doctor’s office. She’d permitted him to be included in the ultrasound, which was a step in the right direction and, for him, surpassed almost everything he’d experienced in his life so far. He’d been excited about his and Valerie’s baby, but he’d taken the pregnancy much more for granted. Now that he understood just how fleeting and precious life could be, he had a whole new respect for such momentous occasions.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Macy said.
Thad nodded. He didn’t know what to say, how to adequately express what he was feeling, at least while his heart was still so tender. So he remained true to his sex and said nothing until they reached Macy’s car.
“I don’t like you driving this old jalopy,” he said, because it was a lot easier than finding the words to tell her how grateful he was that he’d met her, how much she’d come to mean to him.
She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “You just found out you’re going to have a son, and the first words out of your mouth are about my car?”
“It’s not safe,” he explained.
She laughed. “Well, until I make it as a successful pediatrician, I’m going to have to get by with it.” She unlocked her door and put her purse inside.
“Where are you going?” he asked before she could get in.
“I’ve got lab today.”
He reached into his pocket and pressed his keys into her hand. “Take my car. I’ll feel better knowing you’re driving it.”
She frowned in confusion, making him shift uncomfortably. “What’s going on, Thad?”
“Nothing.” He cleared his throat. “I was just hoping you’d go out with me tonight. I mean, a man should be able to date his own wife, right?” He offered her a hopeful grin.
A look of uncertainty crossed her face. “I don’t think so, Thad. I don’t think I can be friends with you just yet.”
“I’m not talking about being friends.”
She studied his face for a moment, then shook her head. “No, I’m not ready for any emotional entanglements, either. I just got Haley and me back on the right track. I need to move forward and not look behind, at least for a few years.”
“A few years? I understand why you’d say that, Macy, but it’s different this time. I’m different. I—” Ah, to hell with words. They were enormously inadequate, anyway. Bending, Thad pressed his mouth to Macy’s. She shoved at him, but it was a feeble attempt at escape, and Thad couldn’t take it seriously, not when he felt her soft lips give way beneath the pressure of his own until he could slide his tongue into her mouth. He was sinking and flying at the same time, and the next thing he knew, she was in his arms, their baby between them. What had started out as a gentle communication of emotion had turned into a passionate, all-consuming kiss. But as deeply as he tasted her, as tightly as he held her to him, he couldn’t get his fill of Macy. He wanted to drown in her, feel her welcome him inside her for now and forever.
The heels of someone’s shoes clicking on the pavement not far away brought Thad back to the fact that they were standing in the middle of a parking lot in broad daylight. He broke off the kiss, breathing hard, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Macy’s flushed face. Heaven and earth had just moved for him, and she’d felt what he’d felt. He knew she had.
“Come home with me,” he whispered.
Macy looked dazed. She blinked up at him, then squeezed her eyes shut. “Don’t do this to me,” she whispered, shoving his keys back in his hand.
“Just tell me if you still love me,” he said.
She took a deep breath and shook her head, but when she spoke, he could tell the words were painful for her. “No. Go away. And don’t come back.”
Then she climbed into her car and rumbled out of the lot.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“I’M OUTTA HERE!” Kevin said that afternoon, poking his head into Thad’s office.
Thad glanced up from where he stood behind his desk sorting files, trying to decide which ones he needed to take home with him. “See you Monday.”
Kevin arched an eyebrow at the open briefcase on his desk. “Don’t tell me you’re actually leaving at a decent hour. You got plans tonight?”
Macy had refused to see him, but Thad wasn’t going to let her get away so easily. Not after that kiss. Her voice might tell him no, but her body was sending entirely different signals. “I’ve got something in mind.”
Kevin gave him a questioning look. “What’s up with you? You’ve been smiling all afternoon.”
“I’m going to have a son,” Thad said simply. He knew he was probably beaming like a little boy with a shiny new truck, but was unable to curb his elation.
“A son?” Kevin came a few steps farther into the room to brace his hands on the back of one of Thad’s chairs. “Macy called?”
“No. She had an ultrasound this morning, and I was there.” Sitting down for a minute, Thad put his arms behind his head, crossed his legs at the ankles and closed his eyes to relive it. “I got to see the baby and everything.”
“Give the man a cigar.” Kevin smiled. “Any other news?”
“Such as?”
“What’s happening with you and Macy?”
Thad grimaced and sat up straight. “That’s going to take some work.”
“But it’s fixable, right?”
“I hope so.”
“Come on, I’ll walk you down to your car.”
“No, you go ahead. I have a quick call to make.” Picking up the phone, Thad dialed Macy’s number. Kevin paused at the door as Haley answered.
“Hi, angel, this is Daddy.”
“Hi, Daddy!”
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
“Where’s your mommy?”
“In the kitchen. She’s making me some macaroni and cheese. It’s my favorite.”
“That’s great. But be sure and save room for popcorn afterward, okay? I want to take you to the movies tonight.”
“Is Mommy going?”
“No, just me and you.”
“Oh, I get it,” Kevin said softly. “You’re using the little girl to get close to Macy. You’re playing dirty.”
Thad smiled. “No, I’m playing for keeps.”
* * *
“MOMMY, MOMMY! Daddy’s on the phone! He wants to take me to the movies! Can I go? Please, Mommy? Can I, huh?”
“What?” Macy set the macaroni she’d just drained onto a cold burner and shucked the pot holders. “What are you talking about, sweetheart?”
“Daddy’s on the phone.”
“He is?” She’d heard the phone ring, but she’d expected it to be her mother or June or Lisa, all of whom called often and were just as happy to talk to Haley as Macy. She never dreamed it would be Thad. Not after this morning when she’d told him to leave her alone.
“Can I go?” Haley asked again.
Macy shook her head, wondering how to handle this new turn of events. “Let me talk to him.”
Tucking the hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ears, she snagged the phone off the far counter. “Thad?”
“Hi, Macy.”
Macy’s stomach did a triple somersault and dived, just at the sound of his voice. What was ever going to become of her? “Haley said you want to take her to the movies.”
“If that’s all right.”
Haley was jumping up and down next to her, a look of desperation on her face. “Pleeease, Mommy.”
“You didn’t think to ask me first, Thad?”
“So you could tell me no?”
Macy sighed. She thought he’d understood that when she’d told him to stay away from her, she’d meant Haley, too. It appea
red she should have been more specific. Turning away from her daughter, she lowered her voice. “You can’t just keep waltzing in and out of our lives.”
“I’m not going anywhere this time,” he cheerfully informed her. “As a matter of fact, I’m not even going home tonight.”
Surprise stiffened Macy’s spine. “You’re not? Where are you going?”
“I’m staying at your place. Just thought I’d give you some notice.”
Macy’s heart slammed against her rib cage and stopped. She resisted the urge to smack her chest to get it going again. “I’ll prepare the guest room.”
“Don’t bother, I’ll be sleeping with you,” he said. Then the phone clicked and a dial tone hummed in her ear.
* * *
MACY DIDN’T CARE if Thad was spending the night or not. She wasn’t going to sleep with him. After what had happened last time, he was the last man on earth she’d trust with her heart or her body.
But she showered, washed her hair and shaved her legs, twice. The makeup she applied was to make herself feel good. She wasn’t trying to impress him. And the expensive, vanilla-scented lotion? She put that on after her shower almost every day. Or at least once a year.
When the doorbell rang, Haley rushed to answer it while Macy feigned interest in a novel. She’d read the first three pages several times, but had no idea what the book was about. She’d been too nervous, knowing that Thad was on his way over.
If she was half regretting her decision not to go to the movies with him before he arrived, she regretted it tenfold after. He looked better than a fudgy brownie standing at her door wearing a pair of snug, worn jeans and a golf shirt. She remembered that scrumptious body snug against hers, his mouth on her own, hungry and wet, and had a hot flash.
Damn hormones, she silently cursed.
“You sure you don’t want to join us?” he asked, his crooked smile tempting her to forgive him, to trust him. “A nice movie, fresh popcorn, maybe an ice-cream sundae afterward?”
The ice cream almost got her, but Macy shook her head. She needed time to shore up her crumbling defenses. Thad wasn’t an easy man to refuse. And it would be dark and late when they returned. Nights were difficult enough when she was only imagining his presence.
