‘No, what?’
‘Your son.’ He nodded his head towards Jack, and Nancy looked over to him and was momentarily lost for words. Because whilst she and Cameron had been messing around and chatting, and whilst the attention wasn’t on him, Jack had moved his chair a little closer to Aiden and was now leaning slightly towards him, so he could see the screen of his iPad. Aiden was talking him through the game he was playing and Jack was listening. Actually listening.
‘Oh my God,’ she whispered. ‘Cameron, he’s interacting with him.’
‘I know.’
She couldn’t take her eyes off him.
‘If you put this bit here and then tie that bit round, then it means it won’t fall off and the wall will be stronger,’ Aiden was saying, swiping and tapping away at the screen as he spoke.
Nancy turned to face Cameron, her eyes wide with wonder. ‘Your booklet idea worked.’
‘I guess it did. Who’d have thought it, hey?’
‘What made you think of it?’ she asked, not taking her eyes off Jack and Aiden. For so long she had wanted Jack to experience the feeling of interacting with a child of his own age and actually wanting to do it. Instantly, this small gesture made Jack look so much older to Nancy. He seemed really grown up, not her little baby boy anymore. The feeling was both thrilling and constricting in equal measures. She was so happy for him but she worried about him becoming overwhelmed and then not wanting to do it again. She wanted to join in, talk with them both and get involved but she knew that if she did, she risked ruining it all and making a big deal out of it, forcing Jack to recede back into his shell. She needed to let him do this on his own. Her stomach tensed as she watched him in awe.
‘Do you know, I couldn’t tell you? It just came to me. I remember you saying he didn’t like people because they were new and he didn’t know them so I just thought, why not let him get to know us before he meets us. And then Aiden really wanted to draw all the pictures – he’s quite the artist.’ Cameron rolled his eyes.
‘It was a great idea. I really can’t thank you enough.’ Her hands were clasped under the table as she watched and it was only after a moment that she realised how much her nails were digging into her palms. Her whole body felt tense. She tried to relax a little bit.
‘Don’t thank me. Just, maybe, agree to have dinner with me one night before you go home?’
The comment shocked her into turning her head to look at him. She blushed. ‘Dinner?’
‘Yes dinner. You know, the meal that generally comes after lunch and before bedtime.’
She playfully hit his arm. ‘I know what dinner is, you wally!’
‘Wally? I’ll have to watch out in case you try to bite into me.’ A cheeky smile. ‘Although maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing,’ he added, quietly.
‘OK, if you’re going to take the piss then I think I’ll decline dinner and save the embarrassment.’ She turned and crossed her arms, pretending to be annoyed.
‘Oh now, come on, I didn’t mean it. Forgive me. Let me take you to dinner, to make up for it?’ He lifted his arm and placed it onto the back of her chair. It was a smooth move and he technically didn’t have his arm around her, just resting on her chair. But it opened up his body language and Nancy was reminded of his tattooed chest as it peeked out from his unbuttoned top.
She tried to change the subject. ‘What’s your tattoo? What does it mean?’
‘Looking at my chest, huh?’ He raised an eyebrow.
‘Well, no … I … it’s poking out.’
He laughed, a shocked expression forming fast. ‘Oh, is it now!’
She blushed crimson at the realisation of what he’d insinuated and covered her face in embarrassment. ‘No! I didn’t mean that and you know it! You’re just trying to embarrass me.’ His chuckling was contagious and she found herself laughing with him. ‘You’re mean; you knew that would embarrass me.’
‘I couldn’t help myself, sorry. Listen, let me take you out to dinner and we can discuss my tattoo – and it’s poking out – then.’ He tried to look innocent – it didn’t work.
‘You do realise this is an all-inclusive resort – so you won’t actually be taking me to dinner as opposed to eating alongside me,’ she said, crossing her arms at her smart comment.
‘Fair enough, would you like to eat alongside me at dinner time – after lunch and before bed – one evening before you leave to go home … ma’am?’
Nancy smiled, she liked his playfulness; it was refreshing. He made her laugh. He made her feel like the old Nancy. The Nancy who could have a laugh and a joke and mess around. Not the serious, stressed Nancy she had become of late. ‘I guess it could be fun.’
‘No, don’t do it like that, it’ll fall down. Look, let me do it.’ Jack took the iPad off Aiden and began swiping and tapping and now it was Aiden’s turn to lean over and watch. ‘Look, like this.’
Nancy put her hand onto Cameron’s forearm. ‘Is my son playing with your son – like actually talking and playing a game, together?’
‘I believe so.’ He replied and placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed gently. ‘He’s doing great.’
She turned and gave him a smile. ‘Thank you, Cameron.’
‘Anytime.’
Chapter 33
‘Hari … Hari?’
Nancy couldn’t contain her excitement as she walked into the pool area later that afternoon after finishing lunch with Cameron and the boys. She spotted Harriet sitting on their usual loungers, typing away on her phone. As she neared her she hissed again, ‘Hari?’
Harriet looked up startled.
‘Guess what?’ Nancy watched Jack perch on the end of the lounger next to them, his headphones already on from the walk home and he was now plugging into the iPad. But she didn’t care, he could have his time on the tablet right now; he had done so well.
‘What? What’s going on – is everything OK?’
Nancy crouched down next her friend on the side furthest from Jack and whispered. ‘It worked!’
‘What worked?’ she replied, confusion etched on her face.
‘The booklet, the lunch, everything.’ She took a deep breath and then said, ‘Jack spoke to Aiden and he played with him. Not like sitting next to him and playing on his own, he actually played on Aiden’s tablet and spoke to him – showed him what he was doing. It was incredible.’
‘Are you serious?’ Harriet’s face lit up.
Nancy nodded frantically, ‘it’s a miracle.’
‘This is awesome. How long for?’ She sat up straight, taking a genuine interest in what Nancy was saying. They had known each other so long, their children meant as much to each other as they did to themselves. They were like a big family so this development was huge to Harriet too and Nancy was so grateful to have someone to share this with, someone who loved Jack like she did.
‘Well…’ Nancy pulled a face. ‘Granted it didn’t last very long and after a few moments it was like Jack realised what he was doing and didn’t like Aiden leaning so close to him, so he got a bit edgy and we had to swap seats, but Harriet, he’s not done that before. This is progress, right?’ she pleaded, desperate for Harriet to reassure her and not take away this moment.
‘Of course it is babe,’ Harriet pulled Nancy in for a hug. ‘I’m so happy for you. For both of you.’
‘I’m so happy for me too!’ She really was. ‘I cannot describe the feeling when Cameron pointed it out to me.’ She leaned back and sat on her knees. ‘I hadn’t even noticed, I was too busy talking and he was like ‘have you seen your son’ and I was like ‘no’ and then I looked and I saw … I saw him!’ She clasped her hands together in a bid to steady them.
‘I’ve got to say, I’m loving your voices you’re doing in this story. And he said, and I said,’ Harriet mimicked. ‘It’s cute.’
‘Shut up.’
‘So how did the actual lunch itself go? What’s Cameron like once you get to know him a bit more?’ Harriet picked up her drink and s
ipped as she listened.
‘Harriet, he’s lovely, really nice.’ Nancy couldn’t hide the smile on her face.
She pushed Nancy playfully. ‘Ooh, does someone have a crush?’
Nancy giggled. ‘It’s not like I’m going to do anything about it, but there’s no harm in a little flirting, hey?’
‘That’s my girl! This calls for a celebratory drink!’ Harriet started to get up from her lounger.
‘Oh, and Jack asked to try some of my food.’
Harriet sat back down with force as though the statement had pushed her. ‘Are you for real? What the hell has happened to that boy here – maybe you need to move to Ibiza!’
Nancy laughed. ‘Don’t get too excited, he spent ages staring at it and then went back to his pasta. I think the food thing is going to be a hard nut to crack but at least he asked, right? It’s a start.’
‘It sure is, my love.’
‘Mummy, look what I can do!’ Isla came running over and did a roly poly next to where they were sitting. ‘See!’
‘Awesome baby. Well done!’ Harriet stood. ‘What you drinking?’
‘Surprise me.’ Nancy stood up. ‘Come on Isla, I’m going to show you how to do a roly poly in the water.’
She glanced back at Jack on the chair. Now all she needed to do was get him in the pool and she would be winning at life. Baby steps.
***
‘So come on then, tell me your grand plan.’
Harriet laid out her papers on the table in front of her. The girls had put the children to bed and were enjoying a drink out on their balcony. The heat had dropped a little and wasn’t so stifling hot as it was during the day. Harriet didn’t mind the heat, but the children were getting a bit aggravated around midday so most days they had taken to having a little indoor break over the lunchtime period. Swimming in the pools inside the spa, playing games or watching TV in the room (or napping for Tommy) and then there was the kids’ club which Isla absolutely loved. Jack still hadn’t been, but he was quite content to read a book or watch his programmes. There was always a sense of ultimate relaxation though when the children went to bed for the night and the girls could enjoy some downtime by themselves.
‘So hear me out for the whole thing first and then talk, OK?’ She couldn’t help but feel a little anxious about this. She wasn’t the type who admitted she needed help and so by doing this, she was showing everyone that she couldn’t do it alone and that was scary. Scary, but necessary.
‘So with work, I have gone through all the projects we currently have on and listed the tasks that need doing. I then allocated specific tasks to specific people. I created teams for jobs and targeted the most prevalent jobs first.’ She looked at Nancy who nodded. ‘Then I took out all the really difficult and pernickety aspects of the tasks and kept them for myself.’
‘Why? You’re supposed to be giving yourself an easier life.’
‘I said wait until I’m finished!’ Harriet barked back and Nancy held her hands up. ‘I’ve done this because these are the jobs that I know I can do the way I want them done. Call me picky, call me a perfectionist, but I want these bits done in a certain way and I’ll only end up re-doing what the others do so if I just take them in the first instance then that essentially saves me time. See?’
‘I do see – I think you’re mad, but I do see.’
‘Why am I mad?’ She leaned back on her chair and picked up her Seabreeze cocktail.
‘Because life isn’t perfect and everything can’t be perfect. And for you to get any sort of respite from this new plan, you’re going to have to learn to let others take the reins. If you want everything a certain way then you will have to do everything yourself – which is essentially what you’re doing now and why you’re in this stress bubble – so you need to learn what battles are worth fighting and which you just need to let go.’
Harriet nodded. ‘Uh-huh, right, I hear you.’ She placed the glass down. ‘But I’m sticking with the plan. It’s only a few bits, I’ll be fine.’ Nancy rolled her eyes. ‘Look, it’s a start, OK – just let me do it in my own way. I can’t change the person I am, Nance.’
‘Alright, alright, chill. Carry on’
‘Right, so tasks are delegated and I’ve kept the bits for me that I need to do. Also, by doing this, it means that I will get more of the bigger stuff done whilst at work during the day and then when I get home, I can concentrate on being with the kids.’
‘Sounds good,’ Nancy nodded.
‘OK, so moving onto the kids.’ She took a deep breath. This was where she was on shaky ground, where she felt most vulnerable. With her job it was easy, clear cut. Emotion was eradicated from the situation and she simply approached it all with a regimented work head on. When it came to the children, she faltered. ‘I need to sort myself out, Nance. I’m not saying I’m incapable of looking after my two, but I really struggle. Like, really struggle.’
Nancy nodded at her but for once stayed quiet, which Harriet appreciated.
‘I spent the best part of last night going over and over things in my head trying to find a way to move forward and be happier.’ Nancy nodded for her to continue.
‘Maybe I can’t be one of these earth mothers who cooks meals from scratch and manages to fit in exercise with her little ones and has an immaculate house and the like. That’s not me.’ This was hard for her to say. She was glad she had her cocktail with her. She picked it up and took another sip.
‘It’s alright to not be that mum, Hari.’
‘I know it is – now I know it is,’ she corrected. ‘But then I started thinking, well what kind of mum am I? And do you know what, I am a career mum and that’s OK.’
‘It is OK!’ Nancy said, banging her hand on the table and the pair laughed. ‘It has taken you some time to realise but I’m glad you finally got there. ‘
‘Nance, I bloody love my job. As much as it stresses me out and I sometimes feel like jacking it all in – I really love my job. When Andy left, it broke me. Maybe I drove him away but Nancy, for a long time, my job has been the only thing I am good at. My job makes me feel alive, it gives me purpose and when I achieve my goals at the end of the day, I feel proud of myself.’
‘And so you should! You haven’t exactly had it easy and especially over the last couple of years, now that you’ve spoken about how you’ve been feeling and all your problems with Tommy, I actually can’t believe you have achieved what you have and still been through all that.’
‘Speaking of Tommy…’ She took a deep breath. ‘I know there’s an issue and I’m working on that. But something Jayne said made me think – I really need to get to know him. I don’t know who he is. I don’t know what he likes and because I’ve been feeling so crap, the more crap I feel, the more I hold him at arm’s length and then the cycle continues to get worse.’ The guilt dropped into her stomach like a lead weight. All the words that sometimes parents think but never dream of voicing out loud, here she was saying them.
‘So what’s the plan for that?’ Nancy pressed, driving the conversation forward.
The easiest way to do this was to just say it. ‘I’m going to get a nanny.’ She paused and waited for Nancy’s reaction.
After a moment’s silence, Nancy said, ‘I think that’s a great idea.’
And it was like a weight had been lifted off Harriet’s shoulders. ‘Really?’ she breathed. ‘You think so? Because I was so worried that you’d think I was shirking my responsibility as a mum.’ She felt her whole body relax as she sunk a little deeper into her chair. As much as she was happy with the decision she’d made, she realised she’d needed that back up from someone else. She wasn’t normally a person who needed people behind her to do anything, but this was different. Having someone tell her she had made a good decision made this transition so much easier to bear.
‘Are you kidding me? Harriet, as much as you want to be – you cannot be superwoman and you cannot do everything!’
‘My thinking is … if I get a nanny,
she—’
‘Or he.’ Nancy lifted a finger.
Harriet laughed. ‘Fair point, or he, could clean and cook the meals for the children whilst they are at nursery and school and then pick them up. Give them dinner, sort any homework out or whatever and prepare lunches and so on for the next day and then when I get home, my time with the children is purely play and get to know them time, build up the relationships. The bond. I’m essentially taking the chores out and just enjoying my time with my kids. Does that sound selfish?’ She pulled a face. It felt unnatural for her to relinquish so much control.
Nancy shook her head. ‘It’s not selfish. There’s nothing wrong with finding your strengths and playing to them and your strength is working and providing for your family. And as long as your children are provided for, they are loved and looked after, who’s to say that’s wrong? Harriet, you’re a single parent just trying to do the best for your children whilst maintaining your own identity doing what you love. Ain’t nothing wrong with that, my love.’
Harriet sighed and she could almost feel the tension unravel from her neck. ‘You do not realise how stressed I was about telling you this.’
‘Why? I’m not a dragon.’
‘No, I didn’t mean that. I just meant saying it out loud, to anyone. It’s scary.’
‘I know but trust me; you’re doing the right thing.’
‘So, with having a nanny, it means I can work slightly longer hours and then I won’t have to work at home. So, I’ll take the kids to school – so I still see them in the morning – and then go to work and work until 6 o’clock. Then by the time I get home it’ll be dinner, playtime, bath and bed.’ She paused. ‘Shit that doesn’t sound like a lot of time with them does it.’ She ruffled her papers. ‘Maybe I need to think this through again.’
Nancy placed her hand on top of Harriet’s to still her scuttling. ‘It’s fine. You are a working parent and this is what you have to do – stop beating yourself up over it. You’ll have the weekends, won’t you?’
Harriet nodded. ‘Yeah that’s a point.’
Mums Just Wanna Have Fun Page 22
