“Whatever,” I said. I leaned over the side of his bed and grabbed the first movie my hand found. I threw it at him. “Here, we can watch this.” I rolled off the bed and walked out of his room and up the stairs without looking at him.
It’s not like I was really expecting us to have sex tonight or anything, but it would be nice to be satisfied at least once instead of him getting me all worked up for nothing. Ugh! I was over thinking this again.
When I got to the living room, one side table lamp had been turned on as well as the television. The hide-a-bed had again been pulled out for me and bright yellow sheets with gigantic sunflowers printed on them covered the thin mattress. Two pillows were propped up against the back of the couch each with a sunflower printed off center on the cases. I smiled and how perfect these sheets fit Mrs. Riley’s personality. Yellow must be her favorite color.
“Jenna, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” I turned to face him.
“Why’d you storm off up the stairs? Are you mad at me?”
“No, I’m just frustrated at myself.”
“Why?”
The real answer to his question loomed over me like a dark cloud. I didn’t want to admit to him that I was falling for him. I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I reminded myself that I was leaving at the end of the summer so I couldn’t be attached to anything. Not Josh, not the house, nothing.
“I don’t know.”
“No. You can’t answer with that anymore.” He was mad now. “Say what you want to say, Jenna.”
“Josh, I can’t let myself fall for you. I’m leaving at the end of the summer and I probably won’t be coming back again. Ever.” There, I said it. I spit it out. I couldn’t even look at him.
I stood there in the semi darkness with my arms hung down at my sides and started down at the carpet. I felt Josh move in front of me. He put one arm around my waist and the other on the back of my neck. He drew me into him. I stumbled and caught myself on his hips. My face was pressed into the space between his shoulder and neck. I lifted my arms up and hooked them on the back of his shoulders.
“Jenna, I’m falling for you,” he said into the air. “I think I love you.”
I smiled into his shoulder. Most girls would be upset by ‘I think’ and that he didn’t look into my eyes when he said those three words. But I wasn’t most girls. I hadn’t grown up hearing I love you. My dad said it when he talked to me, but it was hurried and hushed over the phone. I knew this would end eventually, but for now, for tonight, I was grateful for Josh’s presence. A single tear escaped my eyes and I pressed it into his shirt.
“I think I love you too,” I returned.
We kissed again in the living room. I wished I hadn’t stormed up the stairs. Our admission of I love you could have been downstairs and I could have kissed him more passionately without the worry of his mom walking in.
We decided not to watch the movie; instead, we kissed not so briefly again and then went to bed. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, I didn’t even realize how tired I was.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of bacon sizzling. I loved bacon, bacon was the reason I could never be a vegetarian. I scrambled out of bed and changed into shorts and a t-shirt in the bathroom and wandered into the kitchen.
“Good morning Mrs. Riley,” I said. Her back was too me and she turned at the sound of my voice
“Good morning, Jenna. Did you sleep well? You looked like you did.”
“Yeah, I didn’t realize how tired I was.”
“Would you like some breakfast?”
I grabbed some plates from the cabinet next to her and set the table for three. I pulled out some silverware and napkins too and placed the around the table. I sat at the table and watched her as she finished the breakfast prep. I realized then that Mrs. Riley was always baking or cooking when I came over. What did she do all day when Josh was a school and work? Did she work? I thought back to when we were in middle and high school, but I couldn’t think of her ever having a job or working outside the home.
“Do you have a job Mrs. Riley?” I blurted out my thoughts before I could stop myself. I usually had a good filter for this kind of thing.
“No honey,” she said as she spooned out eggs and bacon onto my plate. “Josh’s dad pays alimony and we had a large settlement after the divorce. Josh and I don’t need much so what we have is enough to live on.”
“I see.” I wasn’t sure what to say after that.
I ate most of my breakfast in silence wondering when Josh would be awake and join us. Even though Mrs. Riley and I had come to an understanding and let go of things that had happened in the past, I still felt awkward around her. I didn’t like being alone with her because I felt like I had carry on a conversation with her, but I didn’t know what to say. The only things we had in common were Josh and the fact that my mom was the cause of her divorce and that wasn’t a subject I wanted to expand on.
“What are you studying in school Jenna?” she asked breaking the silence.
“Psychology,” I said between bites of bacon.
“Oh, that’s interesting. Why did you choose that?”
“It goes back to my childhood. I feel like I’ve had to deal with a lot and I’m barely eighteen. I want to help other girls, well, children in general, who have difficult home-lives overcome their challenges and realize that there is more to life than what they’ve been given. Drug and alcohol abuse are not the norm. These kids have potential; they just need someone to believe in them and get to the root of the issue, and fix that instead of just trying to fix the kid. I know there are agencies and programs that cater to these kids, but sometimes I feel like they are built on old-fashioned principles and standards. Kids these days are different, and we need to restructure the way we as adults and professionals reach out to them to help them. My dream is to start a new program to help kids realize their potential and get them resources to get out of the life they are in.”
“That’s quite a dream you have.”
“For now it’s just a dream. I need to finish school first.”
“Do you not think you will?” A look of concern crossed her face.
I leaned back in my chair and pushed my empty plate to the center of the table. I knew I would finish school, but what I didn’t know was if I had to motivation to further my education to do what I wanted to do.
“I’ll finish school, but to do anything in psychology you have to have a Master’s degree. That’s a lot of time and school and I just don’t know if I want to keep going.”
“Why?” Mrs. Riley seemed genuinely interested in me and my plans for the future.
“I don’t know. I think that’s part of the reason I came back to Riverview for the summer, to gain a little perspective and maybe find some closure for what happened when I left.
“Closure?”
“When my mom was sent to jail, I had no one on my side. I was three months from eighteen. Three months from being out on my own. If they’d just let me go, who knows what would have happened. I wouldn’t have gone to my dad’s but I also felt like I was being treated like a child. I wasn’t given a choice, I was just shuttled off to his house because I wasn’t legally an adult. I still don’t know all the details of my situation, but if I’d had some kind of advocate or even just a safe place to go when everything went down, better decisions could have been made. I could have finished school here with Josh and Michelle. I could have made my own decisions about my future.”
“But I thought you liked your Dad.”
“I do. I’m glad I was sent to him, but I think about all the other kids who don’t have a stable parent who are just shuttled around until they age out of the system. The thing I didn’t like was that I wasn’t given an option. It was go to my dad’s or go to foster care. And then my dad and Linda had to have a home inspection and all that stuff and Linda was just livid about the whole thing. Dad later told me that if we’d been able to talk about it, he would
have signed the papers for me to be an emancipated minor and I could have just stayed here and finished school. It would have saved a little heartache on both sides.”
“I see,” Mrs. Riley said. “So you wanted to stay here. Do you want to stay here now?”
“I just wanted to finish school here. I felt like everything just got so crazy and I didn’t get to say goodbye to anyone, especially Michelle and Josh.” I noticed Mrs. Riley fidgeted in her seat and looked down at her lap at the mention of Michelle.
“Where is Michelle?” I asked.
“You’ll have to talk to Josh about that,” she said looking at me again.
“Well I have and he won’t tell me anything. Did something happen between them?”
“Jenna, I…” She trailed off and looked past me. I knew Josh was there.
“Hey you two.” His slow drawl sent shivers down my spine. He didn’t even say anything sexy and my body was ready for anything he would do to me. “What are you talking about?” He took a seat between his mom and me and helped himself to the bacon and eggs in the middle of the table.
“Jenna was just telling me about her school and her plans for the future.” Mrs. Riley said with a smile.
“Oh yeah. What are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure yet. Nothing has been decided” I looked down at the red checkered tablecloth.
Josh and I spent the rest of the morning cleaning up the kitchen for Mrs. Riley, then he had to go off to work. He said I should stay, but I felt awkward just sitting around his house. Like what was I supposed to do all day? After Josh left, I packed up my things, put the hideaway bed back together, and waited for Mrs. Riley to reappear. She’d gone back to her room while Josh and I cleaned up.
Finally, after about forty-five minutes and countless thoughts of just leaving, she emerged from the back rooms into the living room.
“I’m going to head out.” I said before she’d even made into the room.
“Oh, alright.” Her face fell a little at my words.
“I just want to check in at home and call my dad.”
“Have you told him what’s going on?”
“No. It would only worry him and he’s got a family to worry about.”
“You’re his family too,” she said sternly.
“I know.”
After a short pause, she said, “Okay, well you are welcome to come back and stay. I know I was hesitant before about you staying here, but I was wrong. This is a serious situation and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
The sentiment behind her words was real. She cared about me like my own mother didn’t. She cared about her son’s girlfriend, someone who wasn’t even related to her, someone who was connected with her marriage ending, and someone with whom she had no business caring about, but she did. My heart swelled and tears formed behind my eyes. The stark difference between her and my own mother hit me like a ton of bricks. This was the reason I was in school and the reason I needed to continue. I needed to be the one to care for a child the way Mrs. Riley cared for me. I needed kids in my situation to know that they mattered to someone.
I got up off the couch, walked over to her, and hugged her. She immediately embraced me putting one hand around my back and one on my head.
“Oh Sweetheart” was all she had to say and the tears that threatened were now spilling over my eyelashes and down my cheeks. I cried quickly and silently, wiping my face when I pulled away from her.
“Thank you Mrs. Riley. I’ll be back later.” I left quickly, leaving her watching me go in the living room.
I spent the next few nights with Josh and his mom. She cooked amazing dinners like enchiladas, chicken and rice casserole, and lasagna, which was way better than my frozen meal by far. Mrs. Riley let me stay downstairs with Josh in his room to watch TV and hangout, but when it was time for bed, I always came upstairs and slept on the pullout bed even though Josh protested each night. But I just couldn’t disrespect her kindness like that. During the day Mrs. Riley and I talked about the situation with my mom and tried to think of who else might be in on the whole thing. We knew the mayor and the sweaty man who came to my house that day, but since neither of us know who that man was, there could potentially be other people involved that we didn’t even know about.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“Jenna. Fancy meeting you here,” the mayor said with a sneer.
I was about to find a new grocery store. I had decided to buy a few items to help restock Mrs. Riley after staying at her house for the past week. It was the least I could do.
This was the second time I’d run into him and it was two times too many. I didn’t even want to respond to him. Not now that I knew he was behind the attack in my own home. I wasn’t even going to bother to finish my shopping. So I abandoned my cart and walked the other way.
“Don’t you turn your back on me.” He hurried over to me, grabbed the back of my t-shirt, and held me against him. “I know you’ve been staying with the Riley’s. You don’t want them involved in this mess. Yes, I know you know what I’m talking about. You better find what you have of mine and return it to me.”
“I don’t have anything of yours. Let me go.” I struggled against him, but he held on to me.
“Don’t play games Jenna.” I frantically looked around the store in hopes that someone would pass by and see us, but no one did.
“I’ll call the police,” I said. It didn’t come out as threatening as I wanted it to.
“And tell them what? That your mother was still trafficking drugs through your house even though she’s in jail. That you came back to help her? That you are using that poor innocent Riley boy to do your business for you? Face it Jenna, I have you cornered. Get me what’s mine, and no one will get hurt.”
He pushed me and let me go. I didn’t turn to look at him. I headed straight for the door at a run and hightailed it out of the parking lot as fast as my car would take me. I texted Josh.
Meet me now. You know where.
***
I waited for Josh for the better part of an hour before giving up. I stripped down to my suit and slipped into the river. The water bubbled happily over my feet sending chill up my spine despite the fact that it was over a hundred degrees today.
“Watch out for snakes,” came Josh’s low rumble of a voice. I smiled, my back was too him, but I knew he was staring at me.
“Thanks for the warning.”
I heard his sandals flop as he walked down the embankment to the water. I didn’t turn around to face him, but let him walk up beside me and stand, both of us staring out over the clear water. I side glanced at him. He was wearing bright orange board shorts and a blue t-shirt with Dodgers printed across it. Memories flooded the forefront of my mind. He always wore that shirt to the river. In high school we’d party down here. The girls would be in the water or lounging on the banks while the boys played a pickup game of soccer. Even after he and I broke up, I’d still catch myself watching him. I even watched him kiss Michelle and wish it was me.
I let out a breath of air and moved further into the water. The slimy moss covered rocks squished between my toes. Josh rustled beside me. I guessed that he was removing his shoes and shirt. I kept going. At its deepest, the river was to my neck. I walked until it covered my hips. I lifted my arms and skimmed the water with my fingertips creating tiny waves all around me. Josh came up behind me. He stood unusually close to me, the warmth of his body sizzling against my back.
“Jenna.” He breathed in my ear sending shivers of desire down my spine. My heart rate accelerated, deep breathes heaved in my chest. What was he doing to me? All he did was say my name. I leaned back slightly so my back was touching his chest. I leaned my head back against his shoulder. He met me with a soft kiss on my temple. I reached up and ran my fingers down his arms to his hands. I took them in mine and pulled them around me. I placed them on my stomach and reached on hand up and around his neck. He kissed my temple again, then trailed tiny kisses down to my ear, then do
wn my neck. I gasped and drew in a deep breath. That must have been enough for him because he spun me around to face him.
I was met with his glistening, tanned, well-toned chest. I couldn’t stop staring at it. I watched it rise and fall with each breath he took. I attempted to match my breathing to his in hopes it would calm me, but his breathing was just as erratic as mine. I tentatively reached up and put my hand on his chest over his heart. It was racing just like mine. He flinched at my touch so I pulled away and we just stood there inches apart breathing each other’s air as the river rushed passed us.
I had no idea what Josh was thinking right now, but I wanted to know. I wanted to ask him why he was still here in this going-no-where town, why he wasn’t with Michelle anymore and why was he here with me now.
Before I could get my words out, his right hand was cupping my face. He tilted my head up to meet his so I was gazing into his stormy blue eyes. He searched my eyes with his before lowering his gaze to my mouth. I parted my lips and drew in a breath. I barely had time to exhale before his lips were on mine. This wasn’t a soft, test the waters, kind of kiss. His hand was pressed to my face, his left hand squeezed just above my hip then snaked around and rested on my lower back. The current of the river nudged me so I fell into him. My hands gripped his waist.
I pulled him to me and returned his kiss. I parted my lips and granted his tongue access to mine. Both of his hands were in my hair now as his tongue danced with mine. I slid my hands up his back gripping his firm muscles along the way. A soft groan escaped from his throat, igniting an old flame I thought I’d long extinguished.
Josh pushed me gently backwards so I was heading into deeper water. He pulled away from our kiss, but only briefly. He continued pressing his mouth to mine mirroring the soft flowing current of the river. Before I knew it he was trailing kisses under my chin and down my neck. I was now chest deep in the water and my feet were slipping on the rocks at the bottom. Josh released my head and held me around my waist pressing my hips to his.
We Were Us Page 12
