His hand moved to the small of my back pressed my hips into his so of course I could feel his excitement against my leg.
“Yes.” I breathed into his neck. And I kissed him.
“Jenna.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m hungry.”
That was a strange thing to say at this moment, so I responded in agreement and pulled away from him so we could go across the river to the fire pit, but he tightened his grip effectively holding me in place.
“Not for food. For you.”
His words flooded my senses. Desire flowed through my body and settled, simmering between my hips. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed over his collarbone and up his neck and finally meeting his mouth. His hand reached up and he held my chin so I couldn’t move away until he was done kissing me. His kiss was deep and hard. His tongue pushed against mine sending waves of want and passion through me. I needed to get in the water quick before I burst into flames.
When Josh finally released me he looked at me, it was dark so I couldn’t see much, but the light from the bonfire created the illusion that his eyes were burning. Probably burning with the same desire that was burning in me.
“I liked that.”
“Me too.”
We broke apart but he still held my gaze. I walked backwards down the river bank watching him follow me eagerly. I liked this playful side to him. I hadn’t seen it much at the house. He was always tense. I wondered if I made him feel that way and if being around people, around his friends, relaxed him.
We walked into the river and across to the fire pit. He had to half drag me at one point when it was neck deep. When we reached the other side, we were each handed a sharpened stick and a few hotdogs. Josh skewered mine for me and we took a spot around the pit.
“Hey,” came a voice from beside me. I thought it was Josh but when I looked. It was Jake from earlier.
“Hey,” I responded. I looked beyond him at Josh and he was eyeing Jake.
“So, do you have anything with you?” Jake said slowly and quietly so only I could hear him. He looked quickly to Josh and then back to me. A sly grin spread across his face.
“Um, no?” I knew instantly what he was referring to and it was exactly what I feared would happen.
“Oh. Well can you get some?”
“No. No I can’t.” I looked away from him. I stared into the flames hoping he’d just leave me alone.
“Are you only supplying Josh? Is that why you guys are screwing each other? Because I can guarantee I’m better than he is. And I’ve got a bigger…”
“Oh no. Just no.” I threw my hotdog stick on the ground and stalked off to the riverbank. There was no way I was staying here any longer. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it!
“Jenna! Jenna wait!” Josh called after me, but I ignored him and made my way into the river. I tripped in the water and splashed into the river rocks at the bottom. Those suckers looked smooth and shiny, but they were actually not and I had a gash on my knee now to prove it. When Josh caught up to me, he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him. I yanked my arm out of his grasp. I just wanted to get as far away from Jake and the other side of the river as possible. I’d like to even go home.
“Take me home Josh! I don’t want to be here anymore,” I said because I assumed Josh couldn’t read my mind.
“Why? What happened?” He looked me up and down, then looked back where we’d just came from where Jake was standing holding all of our skewers. I couldn’t make out Jake’s expression in the dark, but I imagine it was a little anger, and a little worry. Everyone knew who did drugs, but no one admitted it.
I righted myself and looked at Josh. He held up his hand against the bright lights of the trucks behind me, but was staring me in the eyes. I sighed and shook my head in shame.
“Exactly what I knew would happen.”
“What?”
“He wanted to buy drugs from me Josh.” He brushed his hand in the air like he was brush off the crazy notion that anyone would ever think to ask me that.
“He was probably just kidding.”
“No Josh, he wasn’t.”
I stumbled the rest of the way out of the river and made my way to Josh’s truck. I’d walk home if I had to.
“Jenna wait! Can’t we just stay? Please. I haven’t seen my friends all summer.”
“Not my problem Josh.”
I pulled on my shorts and shirt. Ugh, wet jeans and walking. Not a good combination.
“It’s like three miles. Come on. Just stay.”
“No.”
I turned to leave and ran smack into a thick body. Why did I keep running into men? I looked up and didn’t recognize him. He was tall and broad like Josh, but thicker.
“Oh, lover’s spat over here? What would Michelle think?”
That was it. I was done. Why did people keep asking what Michelle would think? Maybe they should just go ask her. Maybe she could take time out of her obviously busy schedule and come see me and tell me what she thought.
“You know what?” I declared loudly. If you can’t beat them, join them.
I grabbed a bottle from some girl and took a huge gulp.
“Damn, what is this?” I asked her. I didn’t wait for the answer. I kept the bottle and continued to drink from it as I stumbled around the riverbank. I saw a boy light up a joint. I took it from his mouth and held it up and showed it to everyone.
“What is this? Pot? Where’d you get it? Obviously not from me!” I threw the joint at the boy I’d taken it from and stomped off toward Josh’s truck. I heard Josh scramble after me, but I didn’t bother to slow down. I took long swigs of the bottle of alcohol along the way.
“And who cares about Michelle?” I said randomly. “She can’t even be bothered to come see me after I’ve been gone.”
Gasps from the crowd made me turn around. Everyone was staring at me as if I’d cursed the dead or something. What the hell was going on? Whatever I was drinking was starting to affect me, I swayed a little, and Josh grabbed me.
“Get in the truck Jenna,” Josh said and ushered me toward the driver’s side door. He threw it open and tossed me in harshly. He climbed in after me and gunned the engine, slammed it into gear and punched the gas, throwing dirt and rocks out behind us. I felt sorry for whoever was back there.
“What the hell was that all about?”
“Nothing. Let’s just go home.”
“First you refused to leave and then you throw me in your truck and hightail it out of there. I think you owe me an explanation.”
“It was just time to leave.”
“Josh, what the hell is going on? For real. Is this town crazy or is it me? And where the hell is Michelle?”
Josh looked over at me somberly and sighed. We were almost to my house thanks to Josh breaking the speed limit times five. He whipped into the gravel drive in front of my house and slammed on the breaks. Thank God for seatbelts.
“Dude,” I said.
“Sorry.”
I put my head between my legs. I was feeling sick. What the hell did I drink?
“I don’t feel well.”
“Shit Jenna!” I heard him get out of his truck and slam the door. My door whipped open, he reached across my lap to unlatch the seat belt and pulled me out. He half dragged me to the front door. He kicked open the front door and dumped me on the couch. It swallowed me
“Are you going to stay?” I said, or tried to.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea Jenna.”
Without warning, tears spilled over my cheeks. I didn’t even know what I was crying about, the fact that Josh was being so mean, or the whole Michelle situation. Or maybe because he wouldn’t stay with me when I needed him to.
“Oh geez Jenna. What now?” I could sense the annoyance in his voice. It only made me cry harder. Josh was on the floor next to me, kneeling, with his elbows on the edge of the couch holding his head in his hands.
“Nothing Josh. I’m fine. Thank y
ou for depositing me at my house. You can go,” I stood up from the couch and stumbled back to my bedroom. I thought about slamming the door but I secretly hoped he’d follow me back. He didn’t. He must have debated with himself about it because it took him forever to make his retreat and shut my front door.
I stripped off my wet clothes and tossed them onto the tile floor of the bathroom. I’d deal with it later. I curled up under my quilt and cried myself to sleep. This night had not gone how I expected. I should have known. I should have just stayed home. I wanted a quiet summer. I should have known better about that too. I couldn’t have a quiet summer here. I couldn’t have anything here.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Days went by and I heard nothing from Josh. No phone call, he didn’t come by, no carrier pigeon. Nothing. The first day I lay in bed all day long. I was still feeling sick from whatever I drank last night. That was for sure the last time I ever smoked anything, ever. Especially something from someone I didn’t even know. I fell in and out of sleep and barely registered time. I didn’t even know what I thought about or dreamed, everything was just a blur. I did remember that my phone was quiet. No phone calls.
The next morning I was woken up by the sound of breaking glass and a hissing noise. I rolled out of bed and stumbled to the living room. Glass covered the top of the back of the couch and a red mist hung in the air. There was also a small bottle of spray paint on the seat. I ran back to my bedroom and pulled on shorts and a t-shirt and ran out the front door. I looked around but saw no one. I tripped down the porch steps and whipped around the side of the house and stopped. The window was broken and written in spray paint across the window was the word ‘HORE’. I laughed. Really? That was the best they could do? Yeah it sucked about my window, but they hadn’t even spell whore right. Assuming that’s what they were trying to spell. Under hore was ‘DR’. I assumed they were about to write drug or druggie, but ran out of time or paint.
I took one last glance at the broken window before going back inside. I grabbed my phone and called Josh but he didn’t answer so I sent him a text asking him to call me. I contemplated calling Dad, but I decided to wait until after I’d talked to Josh.
I thumb tacked a doubled sheet over the window. It didn’t keep the heat from seeping in, but it kept the hot air from blasting in. After cleaning up the glass and spray paint can, deciding to keep all of it in a Ziplock back just in case, I vegged out on the couch for the rest of the day contemplating what to do next. Josh never called back. I was upset and wondered if I should call the police. I didn’t, instead I flipped off the TV and went to bed.
The next day I rolled out of bed when the sun hit my window. I bounded out of bed and found my phone. It was dead. Dang. I plugged it in and took a shower. I took a quick one though. I needed to know if Josh had tried to call me. He’d dumped me on the couch the day before and left me there. I didn’t even know if he was mad at me or disappointed in my actions or what. Plus I was getting more worried about the vandalism.
I snatched up my phone off the dresser. I rubbed my hands down the side of the towel I had wrapped around my body and swiped my phone open. Nothing. I slumped down on the edge of my bed. Why hadn’t he called? I glanced at the time, eight AM. He’d be at work already. I dialed his number and it went straight to voicemail. His phone was off. God, was he avoiding me? That was a little drastic for him. I sent him a quick text asking him to call me or come by after work so we could talk.
I was on the edge of the couch for the rest of the day, obsessively checking my phone in the door. By evening, I was so mentally exhausted that I crawled into bed clutching my phone. The next day Andrew called several times, but I ignored them. What if Josh called or came by and I was talking to someone else. I moped around all day, I ate nothing.
I was annoyed with myself. I was being an idiot. I wasn’t this girl. I didn’t shut down because a guy didn’t call me or come see me. I’d been through too much crap to be that girl.
Finally, after three days of no contact with Josh I took control of myself again and showed up on his doorstep at eight o’clock at night. Mrs. Riley answered the door and silently let me in.
“Hello,” I said, unsure of how to proceed. I had over thought this entire situation and it was just ridiculous.
“Hi Jenna,”
“Is Josh here?” I asked.
“He’s in his room.”
“Can I see him?”
“Of course.” She smiled at me then and I knew she didn’t know about what had happened at the bonfire.
“Thanks.” I smiled back at her then hurried down the stairs.
I heard music playing and shuffling through the closed door. I knocked softly.
“I’m not hungry mom,” I heard Josh’s muffled voice say.
“Um, it’s me Josh.”
I heard a crash and thudding before the door swung open to reveal a disheveled Josh. He was shirtless with dark blue “RHS INDIANS” sweat pants on that were tied ever so loosely around his hips. His hair was all mussed up it that way that made me forget why I was really here. Why was I here?
“What are you doing here?” he asked quickly.
“I, uh, I wanted to talk to you. About what happened at the bonfire?” I’m not sure why that last statement came out as a question.
“Oh. It’s ok Jenna. These things happen.”
He wouldn’t look me in the eyes and he wouldn’t let me in his room. He seemed distracted by something and I couldn’t for the life of me think of what it could be. Work?
“What’s going on Josh? You’re acting strange.”
“Nothing. I just don’t have time to talk right now. I’m heading out,”
“Heading out where?”
“It’s none of your business Jenna!” He looked at me now as he yelled his last statement.
“Dude, I’m sorry.” And I stalked away up the stairs. Mrs. Riley was standing at the top of the stairs obviously listening to our conversation, if you could even call it a conversation.
“Jenna honey, wait,” she said as I hurried past her. I was probably being rude, but I kind of just wanted to get out of the house. All I wanted to do was talk to Josh. I wanted to know what he was thinking about the situation and about me. And I wanted to apologize. “Jenna,” Mrs. Riley said again.
“Yes,” I said a little too roughly.
“Give Josh a day. He needs to sort a few things out.”
“What is going on around here?”
“It’s something Josh has to tell you. I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because he asked me not to. I want to Jenna, but it’s his situation to tell,”
I leaned against the front door and looked up at the white glittery popcorn ceiling. I sighed. All this secrecy stuff was getting old. I knew it had to do with Michelle and I was mad.
“I should go before he comes upstairs,” I said before opening the door and slipping out into the fading evening light.
I’d walked here so I padded down the Riley’s dirt driveway and turned right onto the street that lead to home. I had to make another right turn at the end of this street before I was on the right road to home. It wasn’t far, maybe fifteen minutes. Once I’d reached the end of their road, I heard Josh’s truck door slam and the engine roar. He’d have to pass me to go anywhere because his street was a dead end. I secretly prayed he’d stop and pick me up. I just wanted to talk to him, to be close to him. It had been three days.
Josh’s truck rumbled up the pot-holed road and stopped at the stop sign where I happened to be standing.
“Get in,” I heard him yell over the diesel engine.
It was the middle of the day and the sun was blazing hot. The pavement reflected the heat back at me so there was just no relief no matter where I turned. There were thunderclouds off to the west, but I doubted they’d make in this far before it rained and we desperately needed rain. I hopped into Josh’s truck. The A/C blasted and felt good on my hot skin.
Neither of us s
aid anything to each other for the three minutes it took to drive up the hill to my house. I didn’t get out right away and he didn’t say anything to make me either. We just sat in silence listening to his truck rumble and idle.
“I have to go Jenna,”
“Where?” I asked quickly.
“I’ll tell you later,”
“Will you?”
“Yes,”
“Okay,”
“What is that on your window?” he asked suddenly.
I looked over at the graffiti on the side of my house.
“It’s what I was trying to talk to you about. Someone tagged my house.”
Josh’s face heated, his ears flaming before he threw his door open and stalked across my yard to the side of the house.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he roared.
What the hell?
“I tried Josh. I called you and texted asking you to call me.”
He paced back and forth across the lawn glancing back up at the window.
“The window is broken?” He stopped pacing and kneeled in the grass, picking up tiny pieces of glass I hadn’t thought to pick up.
“Yes.”
“Who did this?”
“I don’t know Josh. A bad speller,” I said mockingly. He looked at me questioningly. “Whore is spelled wrong. It’s W-H-O-R-E,” I spelled for him.
“Oh.”
We stood there gawking at the bright red paint for a few minutes longer. I sighed, and he sighed.
“What Josh?”
“Nothing Jenna. This is all just really crazy and I don’t have time to deal with it,”
“Deal with what? I’m not asking you to do anything?”
“Then why did you want me to see it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know!” I repeated. “Because you’re my boyfriend and I thought you might care that someone is vandalizing my house.”
“No one thinks of you like this Jenna. It’s probably just a prank from the other night at the bonfire.”
Was he seriously just blowing this off? I felt something drop on my head. I looked up and saw the angry grey clouds forming. It had been a beautiful clear blue sky not even ten minute ago, and now the rain clouds hung low, ready to split open at any moment.
We Were Us Page 15
