by Tracy Lee
I heard her laughing "It's nothing bad. I just know you've been down about what happened with TJ and I wanna take you out for lunch…and maybe do a lil bit of shopping." She said, raising her voice up as she added that little bit in there at the end. Huh… shopping… who could ever turn that down. I closed my eyes and exhaled loudly…"Fine, let me see if Loren has a problem if I take this afternoon off. I'll call you right back."
"Yay!" ok I'm sitting right here call me back."
"Bye."
I hung up before she has a chance to say bye. I wrote Loren an email asking if he minded if I took the afternoon off and that I would stay later tomorrow evening to finish up everything that I needed to from today. I waited a moment and he got back to me almost instantly, he didn't have a problem with that and to have a good afternoon. I loved my boss!
I called her back and told her I could. She told me she'd meet me out front of my office building at one and be ready to shop our butts off. I said Yikes!
The morning kind of lagged, I did some paperwork, filed some away and cleaned out the storage room, finally 12:45 rolled around. I turned off my computer and stopped by Loren's office to tell him I was leaving. He had his back turned to me but I could hear his voice.
"Of course, Mr.McHale… I completely understand… I will make sure she does… Not a problem sir… thank you… you do the same."
He turned around to hang up the phone and saw me standing there. "Hi" is what he said. He knows I was going to ask him about the phone call but he just shook his head. I knew deep down that he wasn't going to tell me right now and that I had better let it go; I lifted my hand up without saying a word to tell him goodbye.
As I walked down the hallway to the elevators I had come to the understanding that I had learned a few things about myself that I had never realized. I was a fighter. Since I was eighteen I have had to struggle to keep my head above water. I did what I had to do for TJ, I kept my children safe and content and I fought for my own well-being. I did what Mona told me to do; Bear might've wanted my blood and my sweat but he never got my tears. I don't have to be in complete control to realize that all is well. It was nice giving it up from time to time. To allow myself to hear a song on the radio, throw my arms up in the air and just be free. That was the most liberating feel that I have ever encountered. I also came to the conclusion that just because in my mind I'm doing something in the best interest of someone doesn't mean I have the right to make choices that will infinitely affect their life's outcome. There again, it comes down to letting control of the situation and just sit back and attempt to relax.
I walked out the front of the building and saw Rachel sitting there in her Mustang, top rolled back, it made me smile… huge.
"Hey sweets" I greeted her. I loved my sisters. I couldn't imagine where I would've ended up without them.
"Hey Biatch!" yep… love her.
"Where we going for lunch? I am sooo ready to get my retail therapy on, baby girl!" I joked with her.
"You'll see" she smiled back. I couldn't see her eyes with those big sunglasses blocking sitting on her face.
Something wasn't right and I was getting anxious. I never liked surprises because to me, they weren't good, they were always bad surprises.
"Anything" I heard her say as she kept her eyes on the road, the smile left my face, I knew she was asking about TJ, if I had heard from him. I hadn't and I didn't try to call him, he was pretty pissed when I left him I figured he moved on. I looked down at my hands in my lap and just shook my head whether or not she saw me, I didn't really care.
We pulled into the country club that she belonged to and I looked her way. She never looked back at me, I hated being here. It was always so snobby and she knew this.
"Rach, what the fuck; I'm not dressed for this." She reached into her back seat and pulled out a bag and handed it to me. Inside was a gorgeous darker sandy brown dress with white polka dots on it. It was sleeveless and around the middle was a thin belt of the same tone. The shawl that she had was a color lighter and silver accessories to go with it. The shoes were perfect; thick platform with a thin heel. There was also a small makeup set and a brand new bottle of my favorite perfume. I looked at her and she shrugged and got out. We walked to the entrance and into the foyer. She turned to look at me and she smiled
"You go to the ladies and do your thing, I'll meet you in the bar when you are ready… k?"
I looked at her for a second and finally agreed, this wasn't going to take long at all. I went into the ladies room and locked the door behind me. I quickly changed my clothes and unlocked the door I took down my hair from the quick little messy bun I had placed in it this morning and let if fall over my shoulders. I refreshed my makeup and squirted perfume in the air and walked through. There… I was as snobby as these people.
I walked back out into the foyer and looked down the hall for the bar. Seeing the entrance was straight ahead I walked slowly.
"Ms Barker-Jackson?" I heard my name from behind me so I turned around a little surprised.
"I'm sorry ma'am…are you Ms. Barker-Jackson?" I smiled at the older gentleman he looked like he should be retiring any day now.
"Yes sir, that's me" I said politely with all my southern charm.
"Please ma'am, follow me, I've already seated your guest."
Oh ok, well I guess she was starving. I followed him through hallway after hallway, it seemed we were going to the back of the club which was fine with me; she knew I didn't like to rub noses with all those snobs. We walked to a set of double doors that were shut. The waiter waited for me to come up in front of them.
"This is where you'll be dining this afternoon."
I smiled and nodded once in understanding. He opened the doors and my mouth completely dropped open.
There in front of me was the whole entire side of the club encased in glass. Every wall where there should've been concrete wall stood a glass window. The view was nothing I had ever seen before. A lake as far as I could see glistened in the sunlight. To the right was a small pier that two or three members of the club were standing on hanging a fishing pole over the side probably trying to catch a couple of catfish to have for dinner. To the left was what looked like a medium sized outside deck that may have been built on stilts. The deck had four or five tables out there all of them had large umbrellas unwrapped and blocking the sun for a lite lunch and some drinks on the water.
My eyes came back into the room and a cold rush of chills started at my toes and continued to the top of my head. There stood Trevor at a table; dressed in a black suit, hair all groomed, totally different from the man I left behind in Vermont three weeks ago standing there looking at me. I eventually remembered to take a breath and looked to the older waiter and nodded.
"Thank you for showing me to my table." Then I remembered Rachel. There was no lunch and shopping, this was a set up. I made a mental note to kick her ass as soon as I saw her.
I turned back and headed towards the table, never looking at TJ. I reached my chair as he pulled it out for me. I nodded and sat, laying my purse on the chair next to me. He pulled his chair up to the table, set his hands on his piece of china and looked at me. I didn't look at him… yet.
"Elleny" he said my name in a soft, loving tone that made my head pop up without thinking.
My eyes met his and we just stared at each other. I was trying not to convey how much I missed him and his face was blank. I couldn't read him. I didn't need to, he opened his mouth to speak.
"We need to talk, Elle."
Chapter Twenty-Three
Present Day
I sat in front of this beautiful table setting with nothing but fear and anxiety by my sides. He didn't look happy so I knew this wasn't something good.
"You wanna talk to me… now? Three weeks ago I was practically begging you to talk to me, but that wasn't a good time for you was that it? Everything has to be done on your timetable, Trevor? Well… I'm sorry, I don't work that way." I go to stand up when I hea
r his low voice.
"Please, sit. This isn't about us, this is about our children. I want to meet them, get to know them. I want to be a part of their lives. I've missed out on everything. Please Elle, I don't want to miss out on anything else."
I'm sorry, didn't he hear me when I told him that fuck-face would grab my children and run off with them, what the fuck was he not getting about this. This prick was serious, he proven it in every way possible. No, this was not going to happen.
"I'm sorry, Trevor; I can't take that chance. Now if you'll excuse me…" I went to stand up and he joined me.
What if I'm not asking, Elleny; what if I'm telling you." Just at that moment he laid two documents down on the piece of china that should've been where my lunch was; two legal documents.
There were, in front of me; two brand new copies of my children's birth certificates; completely filled out. Where once, the father's name was blank there was printed in big bold letters
TREVOR JORDAN McHALE
"I've made some friends in high places."
That motherfucker!
"You bastard! Do you know what you've just done? You've signed my death certificate. He's gonna fuckin kill me, Trevor and he's gonna take my kids. No, our kids and no one will ever find them."
I went to walk away when he grabbed my arm. "Elle, wait."
I pulled my arm out of his grasp. "Wait for what, Trevor? For you to come to my house and tell my kids; a perfect stranger to them, that you're their father? Or wait for the guillotine to come down on top of me while I sleep? Then you do what you've gotta do, Trevor; cuz I'm gonna do what I've gotta do."
I walked out of the dining room and down the hall. I was so distressed I didn't know where I was going, I had to get out of there. Finally I recognized where I was. I walked quickly out the front door looking around; I totally forgot I came here with Rachel. I start looking through the parking lot hoping she's just hiding out somewhere until we were done talking but I don't see her around. I got in my purse and grab my cell phone. Just as I pull it out a large hand wrapped itself around mine.
"I want us to be together Elle…I want us to be a family." I looked up at him; tears immediately fill my eyes. I placed my forehead against his chest; "I'm tired, Trevor" I cried. I felt his hand on the back of my head; "I know you are, honey." I wrapped my hands around his sides and clenched his shirt in my hands "I'm so tired of always being strong." I could feel him now rubbing his other hand down my back. "Baby, let me be strong for the both of us; I want to be your strength." I started sobbing now, my body was trembling. I was holding onto him now because I couldn't stand without help. "I'm tired of having to live a lie, Trevor". He reached under my chin and pulled my face up to look at him; "You're free honey. You're not caged anymore; spread your wings, baby." I cried for all the time that we had lost; seventeen years, we squandered away and would never be able to get back. I cried for hurting him, for lying to him causing him to miss out on his babies growing up. I cried for the hurt I had caused my children, this was going to devastate them.
For the pain and heartache they had to go through growing up, not having a normal childhood, always having to watch over their shoulders. I cried for joy; I wasn't caged anymore. I could let someone else be the strong one, give them some of the control. I was exhausted from trying to push him away. I couldn't fight him anymore. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled myself close to him, if I could've I would have jumped in his skin, that's how close I needed to be to him. I missed him; for seventeen years I pined for him; wishing he would find a way back into my life. Here he was; the other half of my heart; holding me, telling me he wanted to be a family with me.
"Nothing's gonna pull us apart this time, Elle. He's not gonna hurt you anymore or my kids."
There it was; what I always wanted. Someone to take some of the slack. He was going to help me carry the load. He wanted his kids, they weren't just "bastard children" to him, they were his kids… HIS… he had love, just as much love as I did for my babies.
"I told you babe, I was anchored to you forever and always, that doesn't mean when we fight we go our separate ways. It means when we fight we may pull away but we're strong; supported by each other you'll always be joined to me babe. No getting away from me again. I can promise you that."
I giggled and looked up at him "we're bendable… not breakable."
He pushed my hair off my face and mouthed "That's right."
I pushed up on my tippy toes and kissed his mouth a sweet gentle kiss and then broke it off quickly, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the parking lot; he laughed
"Where we goin, Elle?"
I giggled back "Doncha wanna meet your kids?"
We drove to the school early afternoon. On my way, I asked if Rachel would pick up Harlee so that we could spend some time talking with the twins. She agreed; happily. So there we were, parked out in the parking lot waiting for me to go in and get them.
"You ready?" I asked TJ…he looked so nervous.
He cleared his throat "I think so" I smiled at him, he smiled back at me. "It will be fine."
I went into the school and had the secretary call for the kids, I signed them out and waited for them impatiently in the hallway. I saw them approaching from down the hall. As soon as they reached me I gave them a hug and explained why I was there picking them up early.
"I had an old friend come into town, he's moving back here and I thought you two might like to join us, kinda have a skip day." They high-fived each other and we walked outside. We came to the car and TJ got out. He looked so fucking nervous I was attempting to mentally communicate with him so that he would take a breath; didn't work.
"JoJo, Luc this is my friend Trevor; all of us call him TJ." He stuck out his hand, his eyes going back and forth between the two children that were his he was just meeting for the very first time.
Luc spoke first "Ummm, nice to meet you, TJ."
Trevor couldn't talk yet so he just nodded. After Luc spoke JoJo thought it was safe for her to speak so she said the same exact thing "Nice to meet you, TJ". As he shook her hand. TJ nodded again. I thought we should get on the road "Well, let's go grab a cup of coffee."
We made it to the coffee shop but decided to grab a cup and head to a park where there weren't as many people. I didn't know how they were going to react to this news so I wanted less people around.
We got to the park and found a cozy little area. TJ had a small blanket in the back of his rental, so we took that and laid it down on the grass. We all sat down and looked at each other. I looked at TJ and nodded I was going to start this.
"Before I get started, I just want to tell both of you how proud I am of you and how much I love you. Everything that I have ever done in my life has been for the benefit and well-being of all three of you. Even though at the time at the time it seemed like the best way to go and then down the line it really wasn't, I've thought about ya'll before myself." They both looked at each other and said ok.
I thought if I was going to explain this, I needed to go back some.
"I've known TJ here since second grade. He is Auntie Rachel's cousin and he was my first boyfriend; my only boyfriend." Out of nowhere JoJo chimes in "before daddy right?" I looked at TJ and his jaw tightened. I didn't respond.
"My senior year of high school something happened, ya'll." They could see something wasn't right. "I got pregnant." I could see Luc start to sit up. He was starting to put this puzzle together. I had to hurry up and finish this so they didn't freak out. "I didn't tell TJ that I was pregnant. He had just been offered a scholarship and he needed to go. Daddy was TJ's best friend, he knew about ya'll; we made a deal; he'd be your daddy if I never told TJ about ya'll."
Luc stood up and pulled his hands through his hair "No… No… No… No… tell me this isn't happening."
I had to stay calm or else he was going to lose control; just like his daddy "Luc."
"No momma, you mean to tell me all those times that motherfucker has bee
n shitty to you."
"Dylan Lucas! What have I told you about that tongue, son!" I know he was pissed but he still needed to show some respect.
He dropped down to his knees and held his head in his hands. I could see his chest vibrating. He was quiet for a long while "I used to pray every night momma, every night I'd ask God to make sure I didn't take after my daddy. I didn't want to be that kinda man, momma."
I broke down. I couldn't see my son like this. He was my protector. He was my sweet precious angel that got me through so much.
I hugged him, crying with him repeating over and over how sorry I was for lying to him. I reached over and took a crying JoJo into my arms too. I held my seventeen year old babies in my arms, as though they were minutes old and continued to repeat how much I loved them and how I didn't mean to lie to them.
I pulled away and told them. "Your daddy is a good man, Luc. You are your daddy's son, you're just like him." Luc looked at TJ and I could see TJ's eyes were shiny.
I heard Luc sniff "So, you're my dad, huh?"
TJ smiled a small smile, he really didn't know what to do. "Yeah Luc, I'm your dad."
Luc ran to him and hugged him. TJ closed his eyes and hugged him as hard as he could.
"I guess that means you're my daddy too, huh?" JoJo said. She always had to ruin a moment. We all laughed and I looked at my daughter and her father and those tiny dimples right under their eyes were a dead giveaway.
She jumped in the middle of the hug and I came up on the tail end and we just squeezed together for a minute or two and then we broke apart. Things were about to get serious again.
"So, what happens now?" JoJo asked.
That was when TJ spoke up. "Well, I think I've lost enough time with you kids, I don't wanna lose anymore. I'm movin back to Richland; my company's headquarters will be here now. I want us to be a family. I wanna marry your momma, I've already had your birth certificates changed. Now I grew up here in this town; there's gonna be a lot of talk. If you have any questions concerning anything you come talk to me about it, got it? We're all just getting on the right track I don't wanna derail when we're just building up speed, deal?" Everyone agreed. We continued talking for a while, TJ got to catch up with them and they got to know about him. Then I had to tell them the big news.
