by S. J. West
“When John Austin gets back, we’ll need to fill all these glasses with the ice he’s bringing.”
I watch my sister count the glasses over and over again as if she’s making sure we have enough. I look to Mama Lynn but see she’s fighting back tears, watching her daughter helplessly as Faison completely refuses to accept what has happened to the love of her life.
I walk up to Faison and try to put my hands on her shoulders but she just knocks them off.
“Don’t touch me while I’m counting. He’ll be here any minute and I need to make sure we have enough glasses.”
“He’s not coming, Faison,” I say, not trying to be mean or cruel but needing her to face the reality of the situation.
“He’ll be here any minute,” she argues. “Now leave me alone.”
I put both my hands on her shoulders and force her to turn around and face me. She fights me but eventually I win.
“He’s dead, Faison.” I say.
Her eyes look glazed over like she’s trapped in a world where John Austin is only a few minutes away. I can’t let her wall herself off in that world because I know I will loose her for good if I do.
“John Austin is dead,” I say again, trying to shock her system into accepting that fundamental truth. “He is not coming back. He is not bringing ice. He is dead, Faison.”
I watch as her eyes start to refocus on my face and know she’s coming back from whatever fantasy world she was creating.
A mask of grief contorts her features.
“He’s dead,” she says out loud, forcing the words to sink into the cracks of her broken heart. “He’s dead!”
Faison collapses into my arms in a fit of sorrow and I bare the brunt of her weight.
I feel a pair of strong hands grab my shoulders keeping me steady so I don’t topple over. Without even looking behind me, I know it’s Mason. He comes up closer behind me so my back is pressed against his chest, allowing me to use him as my center while my sister, my best friend dissolves in my arms.
Chapter 20
For the next three days, I am constantly by Faison’s side. I’ve never seen grief like hers and it breaks my heart to watch such a genteel soul suffer the way she is. Chandler and JoJo come to offer their support to me, and I wish Faison could draw some strength from the connection we feel with one another. I ask my friends if there’s anything they can do for Faison to ease her pain, but they pretty much tell me whatever they did would only stop her suffering for a moment. She would still have to work through it naturally to ever find true peace and be whole again. I know they’re right but the torment I see Faison going through seems beyond a human’s capability to deal with.
I’m not even sure she wants to be alive which worries me more than anything. I try to put myself in her position. How would I feel if I lost Mason? Would I want to go on? I don’t see how. I would probably be just like Faison, alive but not really living.
I feel torn between my need to continue my work with Chandler and JoJo and my desire to be there for Faison anytime she needs me. Even though all I want to do is take care of Faison, I know I have work, which is just as important.
Mason was my rock after John Austin’s death. He not only helped me deal with Faison and her grief, but he also helped me cope with my own feelings of loss. John Austin had been in my life just as long as he’d been in Faison’s, albeit not as intimately. We all grew up together and all I can think about is the little freckle nosed boy who used to pull on Faison’s bright red pigtails in second grade trying to get her attention.
I always envied the two of them. To be able to find your soul mate at such a young age seemed like a small miracle. Now, it just seems like a cruel twist of fate. They finally reached a point in their lives where they could fulfill their dream of getting married and starting a family. Now, one of them was gone forever, never to return except in the world of dreams.
Mason held me when I needed to cry over the loss of my friend and he held me when I needed to cry because I felt like I was losing Faison too.
There are times I look at Faison and see nothing behind her eyes, like her body is with me but her mind is trapped somewhere else. I have no idea how to help her and am clueless on how to ease her pain.
“Grief passes,” Mason told me late one night, after Faison went to bed. “She just needs time.”
“I’m not sure she’s strong enough to get past John Austin’s death,” I replied. “She’ll never be the same again.”
“No, she won’t be the same. She’ll either grow from the experience or shrink from it. There isn’t much you can do except be there for her. She has to find a reason to live again. You can’t give it to her.”
On the fourth day after John Austin’s passing, I ask Mason to bring JoJo and Chandler to my house. We need to at least try and connect with the fourth vessel, even though I fear my mental state might block our efforts like it has before.
Faison and I are working on a puzzle of Vincent van Gogh’s Starry Night painting at my kitchen table when Mason phases to my house with JoJo and Chandler. I’m usually not one to do puzzles but it seems to help Faison concentrate on something else besides her unending grief.
Faison looks up from the puzzle and notices JoJo and Chandler standing awkwardly in my living room waiting for me as Mason walks into the kitchen.
“I’m going to step outside for a little while,” she tells me, standing from her chair.
“You can stay in here while we work,” I urge her. “It’s cold out there, Fai.”
“No, I think some fresh night air will do me good. I won’t stay out long.”
“Don’t forget to put your coat on.”
She nods and heads to her room to get her coat.
Since John Austin’s death, Faison has been staying with me. A part of her blames Mama Lynn for his death because she’s the one who asked him to go get the ice. I know Faison realizes it wasn’t Mama Lynn’s fault but in her desolation she seems to need someone real to blame besides fate.
“Did she do any better today?” Mason asks me.
I stand and hug him, drawing strength from his nearness while I can. I asked Mason to only come to the house once during the day while Faison was awake. I didn’t want her to feel like a third wheel around us. Plus, I feared our love would just remind her of the love she lost and throw her over the deep end.
At night, Mason would come back and sleep with me because I needed his comfort. I needed him like I needed air or food. It just made me understand even more the pain Faison was suffering through. How was I supposed to help her find a way to live again when I wasn’t sure if I could under the same circumstances?
“She’s talking,” I say, resting my head on his shoulder, wishing we lived in a world where grief didn’t exist. “That’s an improvement.”
I see Chandler and JoJo watching us from the living room. I wasn’t able to be there for Chandler when he woke up after connecting with Chamuel. He understood but I still felt bad about it. Now Chandler has a perpetual pink glow around him. I asked Michael why Chandler and JoJo had different colored auras and he told me each of the archangels would have their own special aura that only I would be able to see. When I told Chandler he glowed pink to my eyes, he seemed a bit disappointed saying it wasn’t a very manly color.
I squeeze Mason tightly before letting him go to walk over to my friends.
JoJo hands me a bag with her designing company’s signature ‘A’ on the front.
“Mason said this would help you,” she tells me.
I open the bag expecting to see a piece of clothing but find a soft black leather sheath for my sword instead.
“Thank you,” I tell her, setting the bag aside.
“Is there anything we can do for you, Jess?” Chandler asked.
“Let’s just find the next vessel,” I tell them both. “I don’t know how much time we have left considering Lucifer only has to find three more princes. We’re falling behind.”
Faison walks ou
t of her room putting her arms through her coat. She attempts to smile at my friends but fails miserably. I’m just happy to see her make the effort. It shows me that a small bit of my sister is trying to resurface. I hear her go out the front door and sigh to myself.
“She’ll be all right,” Chandler reassures me, seeing my distress and most likely feeling it as well.
“Oui,” JoJo agrees. “You will both survive this tragedy and come out stronger for it.”
“I’ll just be happy to take the survive part of that sentence for now,” I say weakly.
“Do you want me to build a fire?” Mason asks me, knowing the sound of a fire helps me concentrate.
I nod and he sets to work.
Once the fire is built, we move the coffee table out of the way and sit in a circle on the floor. Holding each others hands, we close our eyes and try to concentrate on the location of the fourth vessel.
After a while, I almost give up but something happens. I start to smell something burning but know it isn’t coming from the fire we’re sitting by or anything inside my house. I concentrate on the smell until a picture forms in my mind.
A girl, maybe fifteen or sixteen, stands in front of a building going up in a blazing inferno. On the side of the building, I see a ‘W’ and an ‘A’ marking it as Watcher property. I can see the girl’s face clearly, like she’s standing right in front of me. Her beautiful facial features are oriental in origin. Her long black hair hangs almost down to her waist and she’s dressed shabbily in an old green coat and threadbare green knit cap. Her face is streaked with either soot or dirt. It’s hard to tell which. She stands stock still staring at the building as if the dancing flames have hypnotized her.
I hear the blare of sirens in the distance and so does she. She looks frightened and runs down a darkened street before disappearing from my mind.
When I open my eyes, I see Chandler and JoJo open theirs too.
“We have to find a Watcher building on fire right now,” Chandler says.
Mason immediately gets on his phone and makes inquiries about the fire, but no Watcher building in the world is on fire at that moment.
“What do we do now?” Chandler asks.
“We connected with her,” I tell him. “That’s all that matters for the moment. The rest will come.”
I decide that’s enough for one night and suggest we just relax and visit with one another for the rest of the night. I grab my coat and go out onto the porch to find Faison, intent on bringing her back inside to be with the rest of us.
When I get out there, she’s sitting on the top step looking up at the stars in the sky.
Without saying a word, I sit down beside her.
“I wonder if he’s in Heaven watching me,” she finally says.
“Maybe,” I concede, not knowing if people in Heaven actually do look down and watch over the lives of the people they’ve left behind.
Faison breaks down into sobs and I pull her to me, cradling her in my arms as her heart continues to break.
“I can’t live like this,” she wails, shaking her head against my chest, bereft of hope.
“You just need time,” I tell her. “Your heart needs time to heal. You’ll get through this, I promise. I’ll help you.”
As I’m holding her, I see a flash of white light out of the corner of my eye. When I turn my head, I see the Tear is open.
Involuntarily, I gasp. Faison raises her head and follows my gaze to the Tear in the sky.
Through the opening, we see a planet that looks a lot like Earth but there’s something off about it. I can’t quiet put my finger on what’s different but there is definitely something wrong with this alternate Earth. It seems darker for some reason.
As we both stare at the Tear, I hear Faison say, “I don’t want to be here.”
I look over at her. “We could always go stay at Mason’s villa for a while. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. We can go anywhere you want.”
Her eyes remain steady on the Tear.
“I don’t want to be here,” she says again with more force behind her words.
It’s only then I realize what she’s trying to do. Quickly, I stand up so I’m blocking her view of the Tear, forcing her to look at me.
“No,” I tell her, as if that one word will stop her.
“I don’t want to be here,” she repeats breaking down into a heart wrenching sob.
I kneel down in front of her and grab her by the shoulders, shaking her.
“Faison, look at me!”
She refuses and continues to say her sentence like a litany, all the while staring past me to the Tear.
I scream at her again but she’s too far gone. She just keeps repeating the same sentence over and over. Finally, I slap her hard across the face, hoping to break her concentration and bring her back to reality.
Her eyes, mad with grief, finally focus on me as she screams, “I don’t want to be here!”
Before I know it, I’m not holding Faison anymore.
In her place sits a half formed creature I’ve only seen once before. It looks like a Watcher child in the midst of its transformation into a werewolf. It seems startled by its new surroundings but still hungry for human flesh. It snaps its protruding jaw in my face causing me to fall back onto the side walk.
Without even having to think about it, my sword appears in my hand just as the creature lunges towards me, intent on tearing my throat out. As I lift the sword to ward off the attack, the blade burst into flames as the end of it pierces the werewolf through its gut. The creature disintegrates into a cloud of black ash around me.
I drop the sword on the ground, trying to wrap my head around what’s just happened. The reality of what Faison has done finally hits home. In her grief over John Austin’s death, she used the information I gave her about how the Tear chooses its travelers and abandoned me like most of the people in my life have at one time or another.
She’s gone.
Before I know it, Mason is by my side, helping me stand up.
“Jess, what happened? Where is Faison?” He asks, but I can’t find a voice to answer with. My own grief has all but closed my throat as my body is wracked with wave after wave of unbearable pain.
I feel Mason’s arms hold me tight as he tries to reassure me everything will be all right. But, I know it won’t. I know there will be no way to get Faison back because she won’t willingly ask to come home through the Tear again. Why return to a place that only holds heartache? She has a chance at a fresh start in another world. She’ll never ask to come back.
I see Lucifer phase in a few feet behind Mason. Our connection has brought him to me in my time of grief. Strangely enough, his presence makes me stop crying because I instantly know what I have to do next. I have to bring Faison back home. I vow to myself that I will see her again, no matter what the cost.
Even if I have to make a deal with the devil himself…
Chapter 21
Abandoned…
As I look at Lucifer over Mason’s shoulder, I wonder if that word entered Lucifer’s mind when Michael left him on Earth for his exile. Strangely enough the thought makes me feel like I understand Lucifer a little better. If there was one thing we both had in common, it was the pain of having those you love and trust abandon you when you need them the most.
“Jess, what’s happened?” Mason asks again since I didn’t answer him the first time.
“Faison went through the Tear,” I tell him, pulling myself out of his arms and wiping the tears from my eyes, filled with a new determination.
When I look at Mason’s face, I see how worried he is about me.
“Don’t worry,” I tell him. “I have a plan.”
“A plan? A plan to do what exactly?”
“A plan to bring her back.”
Before he can ask how I intend to perform such a miracle, I walk around him and head straight towards Lucifer.
“What’s happened to make you so upset?” Lucifer asks me, sounding truly
concerned but I can never tell how true his sincerity is.
“My sister just went through the Tear,” I say, coming to stand in front of him.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Why did she want to go?”
“Her fiancé just died. She’s grieving, not thinking.”
I stay silent, waiting to see if he says anything. Will he offer me his help out of this growing friendship he seems to think we have? It doesn’t seem like it. I have a feeling nothing comes free from Lucifer.
I feel Mason come up behind me but don’t turn around. I know he’ll disapprove of what I’m about to do but I just don’t care. The only thing I can think about is getting Faison back. If a Watcher child came through the Tear to replace her, then she might be in mortal danger. I just pray there aren’t any more of those things where she was sent.
“Can you help me get her back?” I ask Lucifer point blank.
“Jess…” Mason says and I hear the warning in his voice. He knows as well as I do that Lucifer won’t just help me out of the goodness of his heart, if there is any goodness left in him.
Lucifer smiles and I feel like a mouse about to be eaten by a cat.
“And if I help you, what do you offer me in return?”
“Jess, don’t.” I hear a familiar voice say beside me.
I look to my right and see Michael standing beside me. I faintly wonder what Lucifer would give to speak to Michael.
“You can’t trust him to help you,” Michael tells me. “He’ll get the information he wants from you but he won’t help you get Faison back.”
“How can you be so sure?” I ask him.
“Because I know him better than anyone. Please Jess, trust me. He can’t help you get her back.”
I feel my heart sink into the pit of my stomach because I know Michael is telling me the truth. I can feel his certainty within my soul in this matter, but I also feel a spark of hope.
“You know how I can get her back,” I say to him, not having to ask for verification because I know the answer is yes.
“Excuse me,” Lucifer says. “But I feel like I’m only hearing one side of a conversation here. Who are you talking to, Jessica?”
