by Candy Sloane
Would she be? Could she be?
Fuck, he had no right to be selfish. He had no right to fast forward ten years into three days. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to.
“If nothing else, at least we can eat in peace,” Cynthia concluded. “Reece would probably be telling us how to chew our food, so we made sure we didn’t choke.”
“Is that how the other meals have been going?”
Cynthia waggled her brows, two accusing caterpillars above her blue eyes. “I forgot you guys hadn’t made it to a meal yet.”
Alec was suddenly tongue-tied, not embarrassed certainly, but there was something that held him back from responding. The word mine was still banging around inside him unaccepted, unrequited.
“I hope you’re making sure Valerie’s getting all her vitamins and minerals,” Cynthia continued with a wink.
Alec laughed. He didn’t have to worry about Cynthia judging what was happening between him and Valerie; she just seemed happy it finally was.
He smiled easily. “It’s my highest priority.” He was glad to be joking around. Thinking seriously about Valerie was hard enough—talking about her, he couldn’t even go there.
“You should probably think about some other priorities, too,” Cynthia said.
“What, did Valerie say something to you?” A cold clutch of nervousness squeezed at his gut. It would take so little to knock over the bone-china-delicate relationship they had cobbled together this weekend. “I mean I know she told you about—”
“About your weekend arrangement,” Cynthia interrupted. “Yeah, I’m fully up to speed. I guess I’m just wondering what happens after this weekend?”
It was a damn good question, one that, since that morning, he couldn’t stop thinking about. Not at the top of his mind, but below everything like a lake all of his other thoughts floated on. He knew soon enough he would be drowning in it.
“That’s not just up to me.”
It was easier than answering her, because he had no answer—churning up that lake made him nauseous, dizzy, broke his skin into a cold sweat, the same symptoms as seasickness. He was a rock star who drank whiskey for breakfast—he didn’t get “nauseous” about women, about a woman.
Cynthia squinted. Her bullshit meter was on high, as usual.
“She did say something,” Alec exclaimed, faster than he’d intended, fast enough that he must have wanted to know the truth badly.
“About how she feels about you?” She smacked his back. “She doesn’t have to,” she added as she walked away.
Fuck, this was what he’d been pushing down since the second his lips touched Valerie’s hand in that closet. The what if that had seemed to have become a part of his marrow—the answer that would change everything.
But he also understood to get those words from her, he’d need to offer up some of his own. Words he’d never planned on uttering in his life, let alone this weekend. But maybe he didn’t have to use words.
“Alec.”
He woke from his thoughts and found Val sitting under a tree with two lunch bags. The sight of her smiling in the sunshine, her hair shiny like melted chocolate, her skin glowing like she had a lantern in her belly, made all his uncertainty disappear and only one thought come into focus—go to her, enjoy her while you still can.
He headed over and lowered himself onto the grass. She handed him a Pepsi and popped hers open with a suggestive laugh. She took a long drink and punctuated it with an ahhhh like she was in a commercial.
“It really is so much better,” she reasoned, taking out her sandwich.
He cracked open his own and took a drink. He’d honestly never thought about the difference between Coke and Pepsi. The other guys in the band had all kinds of riders on their contracts stipulating what was in their dressing rooms, but he never bothered. It seemed prissy to ask for something so specific, but prissy or not, he would always ask for Pepsi now.
The thought reminded him he’d be going back on the road in the winter. Even if he and Valerie were able to keep this going, he would have to leave her. Leave her to worry about a tour’s worth of what ifs.
But she might leave him first and go to London—leave an ocean of what-ifs between them.
“You’re sure you don’t work for Pepsi?” he asked. “You aren’t a part of some, like, new guerilla advertising campaign they’re working on?” He unwrapped his sandwich and took a bite—turkey with mustard, his favorite.
Amusement flickered in Val’s eyes, and she lowered her sandwich. He guessed it was peanut butter and jelly; she used to eat them like she was Popeye and they were her spinach. “Yes, women everywhere are luring men to vending machines for…” She trailed off.
“For what?” Alec insisted, staring at the inviting line between her lips before she pressed them together.
She stayed silent, her face glittering like the metal of their cans in the sunlight.
He smiled. “I guess my question doesn’t make much sense considering I lured you.”
She ripped at the crust of her sandwich as she considered what she was going to say next. “We lured each other.”
Fuck, he wanted to touch her, kiss her. Just make out with her for hours under this tree, like they were back in high school. The grass mingling with her hair as his tongue mingled with her lips, kissing and kissing and kissing until their mouths and bodies ached.
He wondered if she was thinking the same thing.
“Regardless,” he answered, managing to pull himself out of the fantasy, “I’m a Pepsi man now.”
Saying that was easy. Saying he wanted to be her man was so much more complicated, something he wasn’t even sure he could get to. Making her believe it after all the women he’d told her about for the last ten years might be impossible.
But did he believe it? That was the real question. Did he believe that she could finally count on him? That he could be the man she needed?
He swallowed. The word no bubbled up into his vision like one of those Magic Eight Balls.
They sat in gluey silence, chewing on their sandwiches. If they’d been alone he would probably be nibbling on her ear, slicking his tongue down the center of her neck, teasing it between her cleavage. Their sandwiches would be thrown aside, their Pepsis upended and pooling on the grass as he went crazy on her.
Fuck, I need to stop. He glanced at her. Found big brown eyes that always knew exactly how to look at him, exactly what he needed at every moment. How can I ever stop?
“How’d the thank-yous go?” He couldn’t care less, but he’d use anything to try and get devouring Valerie off his mind.
“They thanked me.” She giggled. “It’s too bad we’re not still in high school; after this morning I could probably win class president.”
Alec joined in her laughter while rolling the first part of her statement around in his thoughts. It’s too bad we’re not still in high school. Was it? Would being able to take back the invitation to New York change how unbalanced he felt about her now?
“What are you thinking about?” Valerie’s eyes were enough to dismantle his insides.
About you, about us. “I’m still enjoying that look on Reece’s face.”
Val smiled, but it wasn’t full or real. She knew he was lying, but was he if he wasn’t sure how to tell her the truth?
Sex with Valerie was one thing, but fucking her over and over again didn’t prove shit. He’d never seen what the kind of promise Valerie was waiting for looked like—real commitment. He only knew the kind of eternity where his parents lived.
He’d always blamed his father for the mess of his parents’ relationship, but he saw now that it had been his mother and her choice to stay that was to blame for the mess of him. Her inability to protect him had forced him to protect himself however he could. With women that shield had been emotional. With Val that protection made him believe he could be the man she needed for this weekend only, but she was breaking through, crumbling his walls. All the protection in the world hadn’t saved h
im from her kiss.
“I hope Reece skips the dinner tonight.” Valerie’s Pepsi-sweet exhalation filled the air. “The outfit I brought was not intended for ex-bully scrutiny.”
“I’m sure you’ll look beautiful,” Alec replied, so quickly he almost tripped over his words.
Valerie’s gaze stiffened. “Just promise you’ll be there next to me in case there is a repeat of today.”
He touched the top of her hand, tightened his fingers around it. He could do more than that. He had a stylist who could get designer clothes with a snap of his fingers, but he didn’t want to get Val’s hopes up until he had a chance to call and find out for sure. “Of course,” he finally replied, filing the idea away. “Of course I’ll be there next to you.”
He might not be ready to promise her forever, but he could promise her that, at least.
Chapter Fourteen
Valerie lounged on the bed in their hotel room while Alec hung back in the Maserati and made some phone calls. She wondered if she should meet him at the door naked, or wait for him splayed out on the bed in her lingerie. There were three hours until dinner, more than enough time for him to get a real good look at what he’d said he wanted to frame and just enough time for her to give him the thank-you she’d promised.
But she also didn’t want to seem too eager. Not that anything she’d done thus far had indicated she was anything but. She reined in her thoughts, clicked into her phone, and checked her emails. She wasn’t expecting to find anything, which was, of course, why she did.
The London Philharmonic.
She said the words in her head at the same time she saw them sitting in her inbox. The email had been in there unread for hours. While Alec was cooking for her and ravaging her and making her wonder how she would ever be able to survive without his kiss, the answer she had been waiting more than a month for had arrived.
Her pulse beat into her neck, her palms itched, and her stomach flitted like a hummingbird’s wings.
This was it. She clicked into the email. We are happy to inform you… A week from today to accept… A chair in the woodwind section for the 2017-2018 season.
The answer was yes. Yes! She let out a small squeal and bounced up and down on the bed. Happiness washed over her until another thought butted its way in.
What about Alec?
What about him? What was happening between them shouldn’t change this, but she couldn’t help wondering if it would. If they were dating, they would talk about how this would and could change their relationship. But because they were just friends who fucked, no matter how confusing her feelings were about it, they would not discuss what this meant for them.
How could she expect any different? They hadn’t talked about how they felt, per her rule. The best they could muster was to talk about how much they liked fucking. Never once had they mentioned what it was doing to their minds and hearts.
Maybe their fucking was only doing something to her mind and heart.
She sat back against the headboard, glad she hadn’t decided to go with the naked idea. She wondered what she would say. What he would say. She wondered if maybe this would finally shake loose the words that had been floating subconsciously in her mind. If the words she hoped Alec was also holding back would finally break free.
A few minutes later, Alec returned. He closed the door behind him and dropped his key on the dresser.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, first of all you’re staring at me, and second of all I know you. I know your expressions. The one on your face right now is I have news, but I’m biting my lip to keep from spilling it.”
“I’m not biting my lip.”
His expression was insistent; his eyes were stained a darker brown. “Not now that you’re talking, but you were.”
Why was she stalling? She wasn’t afraid to tell him, but she was afraid of what he would say back, or more specifically not say.
She took a deep breath. “I heard about London.”
“And?” He stepped closer to the bed. He stood over her, blinking, his shoulders tensed, a breath lodged in his throat.
She could have just told him right away that she’d been accepted, but she wanted to see his expression. What would color his face when he knew the news was imminent? When she told him that she’d made it? What would his eyes do when she told him that she was leaving him, them? That she would not be visiting him in L.A. at all. That FaceTime would have to cut it.
“I got it,” she said, trying to keep her face blank.
He paused, squared his body. It was imperceptible but as loud as a scream. His eyes shifted down, his lips pressed together. His expression said, fuck, well I guess that settles it.
Alec wouldn’t want anything but for her to go to London. To follow and achieve every dream she ever had. But there was that pause. A pause that she wondered if before this weekend would have existed. A pause that could have a million meanings, but she was pretty sure this pause, on this day, in this room, with news that upended what could be something between them, was the pause of a decision being made for them.
He sat on the edge of the bed and pasted a smile on his face. “This is huge, Val. I’m so happy for you.”
She nodded and tried to smile, too. It was huge, and she was happy. This was supposed to be everything she ever wanted in the world, but with a man sitting in front of her who she also wanted, the happiness was obscured by a smoky black film.
He grabbed her calf and squeezed. “You don’t seem excited.”
“I think I’m in shock,” she said with a laugh.
His gaze deepened. “It’s no shock that they took you. You’re amazing. I’ve always known it, and now the world will.”
Those words were the words of a friend, of a supporter. Where was his selfishness? Where was him asking when it was his turn, their turn?
But how could she expect that when she couldn’t say it? When she couldn’t admit that she wondered if she should go. That she would consider forgoing it for him, because even though he hadn’t asked, this would mean she was saying no to him again.
He put his hands on his thighs. “What did your parents say?”
“I haven’t told them yet.”
“You need to.” He rose and walked toward the door. “I’ll give you some privacy so you can call them. We’ll celebrate later,” he added as he closed the door behind him.
She opened her mouth to tell him to wait, but it was no use. The conversation about London was over before it had even begun. Even if they weren’t talking about it, she still couldn’t help wondering what this would mean for them. Or did it change nothing?
She knew it was crazy, but she couldn’t help wishing that he’d asked her not to go. Though Alec would never do that. Even if he loved her as more than a friend, even if he was starting to feel what she was starting to feel, the friend in him would always win out when her best interest was at stake.
But maybe he was her best interest. Maybe he should have been the life she had chosen all along.
There was a knock at the door.
Alec. He came back.
“You didn’t have to knock,” she said, pulling the door open.
A bellboy stood there holding a huge box with a ribbon around it, looking confused.
“Are you Valerie Barkin?”
She nodded.
“Delivery,” he said, setting it in front of her and heading back down the hall quickly.
“I didn’t order anything,” she yelled to him, but he was already gone.
She stared at the box. What the hell was this? Had Reece sent her the school mascot’s head or something? Or worse than that, was it a bomb?
She picked it up and tried to carry it into the room, but it was heavy. A lot heavier than she’d expected from the way the bellboy was carrying it. It was probably for the best, safer to open it in the hallway than the room anyway. She sat down in front of it and unwrapped it slowly, the ribbon so
ft and silky, the box smooth, gift-box cardboard. Not the way anyone would wrap a bomb or a severed head.
Inside she found a twenty-four pack of Pepsi, a slinky black dress, and a note.
Valerie,
Hopefully this will tide you over until dinner. I can’t wait to see you there, in this.
Alec
Something was about to explode—her heart. It burst into tiny floating animated mini-hearts all over the inside of her chest. Tickling and teasing as they drifted like the inside of a snow globe.
Alec might not be able to talk to her about London, or about how he felt, but he sure knew how to show it.
Chapter Fifteen
Alec had performed in sold-out stadiums, on the Grammys, and even once for the president, but waiting for Valerie to open their hotel room door made it hard to breathe.
He’d meant what he’d said about London. He was happy for her, but he also couldn’t help but wonder if fate was trying to make plans for him again. He shook his head and straightened his stance. Fate could go fuck itself. Tonight was all about him and Valerie and enjoying the time they had left together this weekend.
He’d gotten ready in Gideon’s suite, so Valerie could put on the dress his stylist had sent without interruption. He wanted to pick her up for this night properly.
When she opened the door, the dress coiling over every curve like a second shiny skin and hitting right at the center of her creamy thighs, his chances at breathing became nonexistent.
Goodbye oxygen, hello Valerie.
“Hi.” She finally spoke when he still couldn’t. She glanced at him with a slight bite to her lip.
The dress shirt from the suit his stylist had sent to match Valerie’s dress was so new it was making his neck and wrists itch, or maybe he would never get used to wearing fancy clothes. For Val, he thought he’d give it a shot.
For Val in that dress, he’d wear a suit every minute of his life.
“You look incredible,” he finally said, letting out at least a little of the fever she’d awoken in him.
