by Val McDermid
She could barely swallow the lump in her throat. With tears pricking her eyes, she jumped to her feet, choked out, ‘I’m so, so sorry,’ and ran from the room, not pausing till she threw herself on the bed and began to sob.
The visions of romance were over. Henry’s words, brief though they had been, had such an impact that all she could see was the absurd extravagance of her recent imaginings. She had humiliated herself, shamed herself, abused her hosts. Sobs shook her shoulders; it wasn’t only that she despised herself. Henry too must hold her in total contempt now. Her terrible folly was laid bare before him. He tried really hard to treat it like a joke, but it had become clear to her that he was wounded at the notion she should think so badly of his father. She hated herself more than she could express.
Her imagination had taken liberties, and now she would have to pay the price. It was over with Henry. Nobody could forgive the absurdity of her curiosity and suspicions. Thank God she hadn’t said anything about her vampire convictions.
That thought brought her up short. However fanciful some of her thoughts had been since she came to Northanger, there was no escaping the hard fact of the family Bible with the bullet hole. That was not the sort of family heirloom that most people had, secreted away in a hiding place where casual eyes would not see it. For all Henry’s outrage, there were still secrets in Northanger Abbey.
But that was little consolation for a broken heart. Cat stripped off for bed, throwing her clothes on a chair. Not even bothering to clean her teeth, she curled up under the covers – including the tartan blanket Mrs Calman had delivered – and clutched her misery to her chest, certain she would never sleep again.
But although it was restless and her dreams confused, sleep she did and when she woke, it was to another bright morning, the sun pouring in through curtains she had forgotten to close in her state of desolation. Her heart was still heavy with shame and self-disgust, but her stomach rumbled complaint that all this high-octane emotion had stripped her of available calories. Cat glanced at her watch, surprised to see it was just after seven. If she was quick, perhaps she could get in and out of breakfast before Henry appeared. She knew she couldn’t avoid him for ever, but she wanted to put it off for as long as possible.
She scrambled into clean clothes and ran downstairs, apparently the only inmate of the house stirring. But as soon as she crossed the threshold of the dining room, she realised her error. There, hollow-eyed and sipping a cup of tea, was Henry. He looked as if he’d barely slept. Unshaven and tousled, he was almost more attractive than ever, Cat thought hopelessly.
He gave her a wan smile. ‘Good morning.’
Cat nodded. ‘Morning, Henry.’ She turned her back and moved to the sideboard to pour herself some coffee.
He cleared his throat. ‘I think I was a bit rough on you last night,’ he said. ‘I should know by now how you girls love to dramatise every little incident in your lives. I know from Ellie how little it means in reality.’
Cat couldn’t quite believe her ears. Her heart soared in her chest. She turned to him, her face radiant. ‘I can’t believe you said that. Thank you, Henry. Thank you so much. You have no idea how crap I’ve been feeling.’
He shrugged. ‘Let’s just draw a line under it and move on. We don’t want one silly indiscretion to ruin your time here with us.’
Cat piled a bowl with cereal and sat down with him. ‘I won’t forget or defend what I did. But I am sorry. And I don’t want it to spoil things between the three of us.’ She knew she was remarkably lucky to have achieved this measure of clemency, given the alarming and insulting nature of her suspicions. Slowly, it was beginning to dawn on her that the books she had read and the dramas she had watched had brought her to Northanger Abbey determined to discover dark secrets, set on scaring herself silly.
She recalled the feelings she’d harboured before she even arrived. She’d been infatuated with the idea of Northanger, regardless of what the reality might be. Engrossing and enthralling though the Hebridean Harpies were, horrifying and heart-stopping though the fictional world of vampires was, they were not source books on the life and habits of the Scottish landed classes. There might be distant and exotic places where such things were commonplace, but here in the Borders, the chances were slim that life was going to imitate art.
It was time to let it go. Cat had to start seeing the world as it was, not as she dreamed it. People were not angels or devils. Even in her darkest imaginings, she had still been forced to consider the General’s magnanimity. And she must acknowledge to herself that, even with such paragons as Henry and Ellie, some slight imperfection might eventually appear. Everyone had shades of grey between the black and the white of their extreme characteristics. It was just that some, like the General, were less amiable than others.
Having now made her mind up on these points, Cat felt much less tremulous about the prospects for the rest of her stay. There was one point, however, on which she still sought reassurance. ‘You won’t tell them, will you? You won’t tell Ellie or your father what an ass I made of myself?’
Henry shook his head. ‘I think you’ve suffered enough, being lectured in the middle of the night by me. I won’t say a word, Cat. Now, since I’m here all day, what shall we do? Do you fancy a run out to Kelso? Or Coldstream? See some civilisation and check out your Facebook and Twitter? See what’s been happening in the world?’
Distracted by his mention of social media, she said, ‘Did you see anyone in Edinburgh? The Allens? Bella? My brother?’
Henry got up to fetch some food. With his back to her, he said, ‘I was working. Life still goes on for some of us, even during the festivals.’
‘So, no news? You didn’t even see your brother?’
He flashed a quick glance over his shoulder. ‘No. Nothing to report.’ He returned to the table just as Ellie came in. They soon hatched a plan to drive up to Kelso and on to Coldstream for lunch so Cat could see something of the small Borders towns whose identity had been forged generations before, when they were at the heart of the Debatable Lands constantly fought over by the English and the Scots. It was a prospect of far more delight than Cat could have imagined possible on waking. She was determined to make the most of it.
27
Cat was entirely charmed by the cobbled square at the heart of Kelso. ‘It’s the largest town square in Scotland,’ Henry said as he eased into a parking space on a side street. The three of them walked back to the square with its array of Victorian and Georgian buildings. Cat felt like the luckiest person in town to be walking the streets in such company. Henry looked every inch the country gentleman, complete with tweed cap and matching jacket, while Ellie lacked only a Labrador to complete her county set image.
‘There’s a café with free wifi on the square itself,’ Ellie said. ‘Do you want to do that first, or have a walk around?’
‘Let’s go to the café first. Then we’ll have something to gossip about, I feel sure.’
Henry groaned. ‘What have I let myself in for?’
‘Oh, shut up,’ Ellie said. ‘You know you love knowing everything that’s going on. I never met a man who loved a good gossip more than you.’
They entered the café and sat at the three points of a triangle round a table. They restrained themselves until they’d ordered their drinks, then they each whipped out their smartphones, piggybacked on to the free wifi and lost all sense of where and with whom they were.
Cat logged on to her Facebook account first of all and was amazed to see there were no messages from Bella. A quick trip to her friend’s page revealed only a couple of anodyne messages about a comedy event and a Book Festival reading she’d been to. Even more surprising was that there were no new photographs in any of her albums. It was odd, for a woman whose evening was not complete until she’d taken at least half a dozen photographs, and not all of them selfies. The only explanation Cat could think of was that her brother had returned and the two lovebirds had no time for anyone but themselves. Sh
e gave a little shrug and went back to her own Facebook page so she could let her sisters and Susie Allen know what a wonderful time she was having.
Once she had completed her updates, she went to Twitter, where she quickly responded to a handful of tweets from her few followers and the many writers, comedians and broadcasters she followed. She had barely finished when she spotted the alert that indicated she had a Direct Message waiting.
Wondering who was sending her a private communication, Cat clicked through to the appropriate page. To her surprise, the message was from her brother. James had written:
Where have u been? Been trying to get hold of u for 2 days.
Soz. No wifi or 3g at Northanger. Had to come into Kelso with H&E to get a signal. U ok?
Feel like shit. Finished with Bella. Left her & Edinbro y’day. Never want 2c either again.
‘Oh my God!’ Cat gasped.
Ellie looked up. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Later,’ Cat said, thumbs darting over the keypad.
WTF? What hap?
I’m stupid, that’s what hap. I trusted Bella, big mistake. Feel total fuckwit, esp after talking to M&D about getting wed. I’m gutted . . .
. . . Only u kno what she’s like. How she can be all charm & fun & that’s all u can c. Just hope ur gone from NA b4 tt bastard Tilney announces . . .
. . . their engagement. Cuz I know u will want to slap him till his ears bleed
‘Oh my good God,’ Cat exclaimed again, waving away Henry’s questioning expression. ‘In a minute.’ He carried on watching her, clearly seeing that whatever she was reading was not improving as it continued.
Freddie Tilney? Engaged to BELLA? Tell me this is a wind-up, I thought he was just flirting 4 something 2 do.
U saw him flirting and u didn’t say anything 2 me?
Henry sd he was just bored and playing silly games. So i never sd anything. My bad, bro, so sorry
Johnny T will be gutted 2. And M&D. Have emailed all of them. What’s worst, she kept pretending she still loved me, rt to bitter end . . .
. . . then finally she dumped me in a txt. A fucking txt. Can u imagine how I felt? She totally played me. Sucker that I am . . .
. . . She sd, “this has been a terrible mistake, I see that now Freddie has proposed to me” . . .
. . . Be very careful round that Tilney family. I don’t want them wrecking ur life like they wrecked mine. L8rs, sis. Tk cr.
Cat’s eyes filled with tears. ‘My poor sweet James,’ she said, her voice shaky.
‘Whatever has happened?’ Ellie said, reaching out for Cat’s hand. ‘Trouble at home?’
‘I think I can hazard a guess,’ Henry said bitterly. ‘Our brother.’
‘Is he ill?’ Ellie asked.
‘Not physically. Just heartsick.’ Cat looked at her friends. Her rapprochement with Henry was so recent, it still felt fragile. She didn’t want to risk it by launching into the stream of invective she wanted to hurl at his brother.
‘Cat’s trying to spare our feelings,’ Henry said. ‘Bloody Freddie has had his way with the lovely Bella Thorpe, and I’m guessing that James found out.’ He shook his head and sighed. ‘He just doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. Is that what happened, Cat?’
‘Not exactly, no. Bella dumped James, not the other way round. She dumped him because she’s got engaged to your brother instead.’ She couldn’t keep the anger out of her voice, which was why she’d been reluctant to talk about it.
‘Oh my God,’ Ellie groaned. ‘What an utter bastard Freddie is.’
‘I’m so sorry about this,’ Henry said. ‘It never crossed my mind that she’d fall for his bullshit. I thought she was having as much of a laugh as him. I’d no idea—’
‘Never mind that,’ Cat said. ‘I need to ask a favour.’
‘Anything. After this, anything.’ Ellie gripped her hand tightly.
‘I want you to take me back to Northanger so I can pack up and head off to Edinburgh. The Allens are there till tomorrow. I’ll go back to Dorset with them.’
‘But why? Surely you don’t blame us for Freddie’s shitty behaviour?’ Henry protested.
‘No, of course not. But if he’s getting engaged to Bella, surely he’s going to have to talk to your father? He’ll have to come home to Northanger. He’ll probably bring Bella with him to meet your father properly, as a future daughter-in-law. And I can’t trust myself under the same roof as them. I swear, I’d want to scratch her eyes out. Honestly, who’d have believed she could treat poor James like that? From being the loveliest man in the world to the poor sod who gets dumped in no time flat. It sucks.’
‘Duped and dumped, by the sound of it,’ Henry said. ‘But I can’t believe she’s engaged to Freddie. I think there must be some mistake about that. I’m really sorry that Bella has chucked your brother, but it’s just not credible that Freddie’s actually going to marry the girl.’
‘It’s true. She texted James that it was all over, that Freddie had proposed to her. Look –’ She proffered her phone and Ellie shuffled round the table so she could read it too. ‘Sorry about the bit at the end, but he’s just upset. He doesn’t mean it. He hardly knows you two.’
The Tilneys said nothing as they read the DMs. Henry handed back the phone and sighed. ‘Well, if it’s true, God help us all. What a disaster that would be. Freddie wouldn’t be the first man who has chosen a wife with less sense than his family expected.’
‘It’s awful,’ Ellie said. ‘Can you imagine Bella Thorpe running Northanger? And that mother of hers with her interior designs? I think I want to kill myself.’
‘I almost feel sorry for Freddie,’ Henry said. ‘Both as husband and son. He’s going to spend the next few years getting it in the neck from both sides. Cat, you know them better than we do. What sort of family are they? What’s the mother like?’
‘Apart from her terrible taste,’ Ellie said darkly. ‘I’ve seen the pics she’s always shoving under people’s noses with her iPad.’
‘I don’t believe there’s any harm in her,’ Cat said. ‘She thinks her family are the brightest and the best looking and the most talented in the country, but she’s not the only mother who’s that misguided about her kids. I expect my mum’s quite nice about me when I’m not there.’
‘What was Bella’s father?’ Henry asked.
‘A solicitor, I believe. They live in Crouch End. Though Bella has her eye on Chelsea,’ Cat added with a trace of malice.
‘Are they loaded?’ Ellie asked.
‘Don’t think so. Bella’s always going on about being skint. And the flat they’re in for the festival is pretty poky and on the edge of the centre. They only come so Mrs Thorpe can pick up potential clients. But that won’t matter in your family, surely? Your father said the other day money only mattered because it allowed him to promote the happiness of his children.’ Cat made the quotation mark sign in the air.
‘But would it be promoting Freddie’s happiness, to support him marrying an empty-headed gold-digger like Bella Thorpe? I know she was your friend, Cat, but I assumed that was just because her mum is Susie’s old pal and you were thrown together.’
‘She can be good fun.’ Cat felt a little uncomfortable at the wholesale trashing of someone whose company she had enjoyed, even though she clearly hadn’t understood what Bella was really like.
‘Fun’s not enough. You think she’s a gold-digger?’ Henry said.
Cat thought for a moment. ‘Now I think about it, she did seem pretty put out that my parents weren’t about to set them up in a nice little house in London, with a cushy number for James in a London set of chambers. I don’t know where she got that idea from, but she wasn’t thrilled at the thought of York and a mortgage. So maybe Ellie’s right and she saw Freddie as a better prospect.’
‘In fairness to Freddie,’ Ellie said, ‘he’s not the sort to go around busting up other people’s engagements. It’s not like he has any trouble finding girlfriends. He’s just not met the
right one before.’
Henry gave her a condescending smile. ‘You’re much too indulgent of our brother, Ellie. When he’s in the mood, he’ll chase anything with a pulse. But if Bella Thorpe’s really got her hooks into him, his days on the town are numbered. It’s all over for him. He’s a dead man, and not just brain dead.’ He gave Ellie a gentle punch. ‘Just the kind of soul mate sister-in-law you’ve always craved, Ellie. Open, candid, artless, loyal, unpretentious and not in the least devious.’
‘The very qualities that would delight me if they were for real, dear Henry. I’ll have to leave that up to you to supply me with.’
Henry looked quickly away and grunted.
‘Poor James,’ Cat said. ‘He’s never going to get over this.’
Henry swigged his coffee, realised it had gone cold and pulled a face. ‘It’s tough for him right now. But I think it’s hard on you too, Cat. Bella was your friend. You did everything together in Edinburgh. You’ll miss that intimacy too.’
Cat shook her head. ‘No,’ she said firmly. ‘I only saw in Bella what I wanted to see. I was desperate for a friend and I thought she was the one. I’m hurt, yes, but I’m not grieving like James is. If I never hear from her or see her again, I won’t lose sleep over it.’ She turned to Ellie and smiled. ‘Besides, I’ve got a better friend now.’
