by Lauren Wood
“I don’t think I can see you tonight and I think I’m going to be busy the next couple of weeks. There is a lot of testing going on at work and I have to stay later than usual.”
“So you don’t want to see me at all for a couple of weeks?”
“Maybe longer, sorry Mack it was good catching up with you though. Maybe when my schedule is a little clearer, we’ll be able to get together again.”
I couldn’t believe what she was saying. Was she really that quick to get rid of me? After everything we’d been through and what I was going through currently, I couldn’t believe that she was ready to walk away. She didn’t even know any of my troubles and she was already ready to walk away. Maybe it was a good thing that I didn’t tell her what was really going on.
“I don’t know what’s going on Danny. What happened since I saw you last?”
“It was just a little fun Mack. You know that it wasn’t supposed to be more than that. Last time it ended much the same way, we just drifted apart. Let’s not make it any more complicated and harder than it has to be. Okay?”
I didn’t know what to say and I just kind of nodded my head to no one in particular. I was in the back of the car by myself and Ernest was looking at me with concern. I suppose it was all across my face. I’d never been so gutted in all of my life. All of the fantasies I had of me and her running off together were quickly getting squashed. She didn’t even want to take the time to see me now. How had I been so wrong?
“I hope you get to that paradise you used to talk about when we were younger Mack. You deserve that.”
She hung up and I was left far more confused than when I started. I didn’t know what it was that she was talking about. It was like Danny had been talking in riddles and she was always the straight forward type so I had to think that something was off.
I wanted to go to her and have her tell me all of that to my face. She was always second guessing us now, but I was sure if she was in front of me, she wouldn’t be able to feel that way. All I had to do was get my hands on her and I would convince her. But then what? How was I going to convince her to come run away with me? I wouldn’t do it for her and now I was expecting her to do it for me? It didn’t seem like I had much choice about how it was all going to go down, but I didn’t think that it was going to end well. Everything was up in the air and that made me nervous.
With or without Danny, I still had to make a plan to get out of here. I don’t know where I was going to go yet, but I thought about the small islands off the coast of Hawaii that we’d always talked about going to. She wanted to see the black sand and I always argued that paradise wouldn’t have black sand. Was she giving me a sign and if she was, that meant that someone had gotten to her.
I was assured by my guys for the third time that no one had been able to get to her, so maybe her telling me that was just her way of saying goodbye.
Now I didn’t know what the hell to do and I was running out of time to do it. The feds would be on my back soon enough and I were going to have to figure something out.
Danny
He just wasn’t getting it and I was so afraid of him saying something to incriminate himself that I had to get him off of the phone before he did just that. Mack was never one to hide what he was doing, but he did now. I knew what it was and since my phone was tapped, I had to be careful what I said.
Then I got a call from the detectives because I wasn’t answering his calls and wasn’t cooperating. Now they were going to be mad because I told him that I wasn’t going to be able to see him. They wanted me to help them take him to jail, but I would never do that. I would rather never see Mack again then to let that happen. Mack meant too much to me and they had nothing on me. I wasn’t going to take my chances and see how it all worked out.
Mack was going to ruin it if he didn’t let us go. He had to stop calling and I hoped that he got the hint and stopped calling now. It wasn’t going to do any good because I wasn’t going to answer anymore. The feds could do what they wanted, because I knew that I had nothing to do with anything. My only crime was for loving the wrong man and since this had been my problem all along, I wasn’t going to worry about it all that much.
I tried to put it all behind me. I didn’t get another late night visit from the detectives, something I was extremely happy about, but at the same time the silence made me wonder. A couple of weeks went by and I missed Mack. I liked to think that he was off, living the great life that he had made for himself. I didn’t agree with how he had done it, but there were very few things that Mack could have done to make me think less of him.
Mariss asked about Mack a few times and I finally told her that we’d decided not to see each other anymore. I made it like he had rejected me so that she wouldn’t keep asking, but that bit me in the butt later when he showed up. It was good to see him, but at the same time I knew that my house was still wired up and he didn’t seem to take any hints at all.
“Now this is enough Danny. You’re going to talk to me if I have to stand here all day. I’m not going to let you keep ignoring this.”
I was shocked by the emotions in his voice and the way he looked at me. He had this look of need that I’d seen at the reunion and it was an expression that was hard to ignore. He wanted me right then in this raw, animalistic way that made me shiver inside.
“We don’t need to do this right now.”
I was heavily aware that Mariss was standing but a few feet from me. I could feel her eyes on me, most likely because I’d told her that he’d taken off. His words to me now were changing that and before long I wasn’t able to keep it together.
“This isn’t the place Mack.”
“Well where is the place? You won’t answer my calls and you just left it all hanging when I talked to you on the phone. Why are you fucking with me like this? You never were cruel before.”
I closed my eyes and hated the way he was looking at me now. He went from desire to pain and I didn’t want to see it. This was for his own good and I wished in a way that I could have explained it to him so he wouldn’t think such things. I needed to believe that something was going to happen, but I didn’t want to think about it too much.
“I’m not being cruel Mack. I just can’t do this right now.”
He wasn’t budging and I looked to Mariss to give us a minute. She was reluctant to leave, but finally did and I was able to focus on the man in front of me.
“Fine, but I want to hear the truth later.”
She grabbed her coat and told Mack that it was good to see him. She looked to me once, like she was silently telling me to be nice and I looked away. I didn’t tell her because of that reaction right there. It was always my fault.
Once the door shut, I turned my attention back to Mack and asked him if he wanted a seat and something to drink. I was going to have to make sure to steer the conversation away from that which could get him in trouble. Since he had never talked about it before with me, I hoped the trend stayed the same and we didn’t have to worry about it now.
But then of course, he wanted to launch into this confessional and he was becoming thick to any kind of hints on my end. It was frustrating to say the least because he truly didn’t seem to get the fact that he needed to shut his mouth. I hadn’t talked to the FBI in weeks, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t still listening and recording from various places in the house. I knew were a couple was, but like cockroaches I’m sure there were ten to every one I saw.
“I need to get some things off my chest Danny and I don’t know why you aren’t listening. You can at least hear me out. It’s the least that you can do.”
He was getting angry and I was running out of ideas how to get him to shut up. I decided that I was going to use a tactic that I knew he used on me quite a bit. He would deny it, but anytime I was saying something he didn’t want to hear, Mack would kiss me and make me forget pretty much everything that I was saying. It worked every time and I moved to kiss him. He was seating and it took his
mouth a minute to realize what it was that I was doing.
Mack kissed me back and I was unprepared for the wave of need that ran through me. I should have known that I was going to be in trouble if I let him get his hands on me. It had worked so well for him before and quickly I was pulled into the kiss and how it made my body feel.
I was instantly yearning for more and hating myself the whole time. Even as he pulled me onto his lap, I knew that this wasn’t’ going to end well, not in the long run. In the long run, I was going to have to say goodbye again, but at the moment, all I could think about was how he was going to feel inside of me.
Not thinking about the ears in my house, I let him hike my skirt up and set me down on his lap, straddling him backwards. “I didn’t come here for this Danny. I really didn’t.”
I smiled at him and told him he was always here for this, whether he knew it or not. He belonged in me and I was going to enjoy our last chance together, even if he didn’t understand that it was. I did and that was enough.
Mack
She was right and I was lost in the moment. I came over here to tell Danny that we had to talk and I was going to come clean. I hadn’t come clean to anyone ever, no one knew and I wanted it to be Danny if anyone was going to know. But damn it, she started to kiss me and the next thing I knew, she was on my lap, her skirt hiked up to her waist and I was fiddling with my pants, trying to pull them down so I could slide inside of her.
“Now Mack!”
There was no stopping her once she got to this point and she was the one, pushing down on me as I entered her. I wasn’t given any warning and I wasn’t ready for the sudden suffocating heat that enveloped me. She was just as silky and tight as I remembered. Even with it in my mind, I was never fully ready to feel it take over my body. It was hard to contain myself as the woman started to bounce on me. The chair rocked and I held onto her instead of the other way around.
Danny was usually underneath me and I got to watch what I did to her, but this time I was watching only as much as I could. I would have slowed down, even paused several times by now, the need to come rising faster than I would have liked.
“Slow down Danny.”
She had no intentions on doing that, as was evident by the way she just smiled down at me, kissing me as she moved faster than before. There was no getting through to her and I had far less reasons to try the faster she went.
I couldn’t hold on any longer and I started to come. I grabbed her hips roughly and settled her down hard, rising up to take the last inch deep inside of her. Danny screamed as I filled her with my hot seed and she clung to me as her legs started to give way.
Danny was so demanding that even when I came, she wanted more. She didn’t give me long until she was moving on top of me again and I was back in heaven. All I could think about was how good she felt and how badly I wanted more of it.
It wasn’t long before I was rock hard inside of her again and she was able to move back and forth like she liked. Her feet were planted against the floor and she moved down harder and harder. I had to groan and grimace at the same time because I was so used to control and now I was the one that was meant to just take what I was given. That was a hard thing to do and my hands on her hips dug in as I tried to slow her down. There was no point though. Danny was not going to finish until she was done and that was only when she had flooded us both with fluid.
Her head fell back and she stopped moving altogether. I was spent, twice now, but my orgasm was overshadowed by her own, as it should be. The sound of her was just too sweet and I held her tight. She was back in my arms where she belonged and I knew then that there was nowhere else I would have rather been than there with her.
It made the truth about what I was about to say more real and I hoped that she could accept that I was far from perfect. I had a feeling that she knew that of course but the real idea of it was going to become fairly evident. I wasn’t going to lie to her. If she was going to run away with me, I wanted her to know what she was getting into. After what had just happened, I was sure that she would agree to it now. What occurred between us was always close to magical. I don’t think we could get any closer than we were just a few minutes ago. That couldn’t be faked and it couldn’t be repeated. Danny was the woman for me. She always had been.
I knew now was the time. It was time for me to come out with it and I took a couple of minutes to collect myself. Danny was still on top of me and she wasn’t going to be any more agreeable then she was at this moment. This was the time to finally tell her what was going on and what was about to happen if I didn’t get out of the country.
“I have to tell you something Danny and I don’t know if you’re going to like it or not.”
Danny
It was all so perfect and I didn’t know what to say for several moments. I tried to think of what to say to him, but I forgot the whole point of the kiss that started it all. It all came back to me when he started in on his confessions again.
I had to go back into the mode I’d currently been in. I didn’t have anything to do with him because if I did, he was going to get in trouble. I needed to get that through my head or this was never going to work. What just happened was a mistake. It was just a moment of weakness and it wasn’t going to happen again. This is what I told myself anyways, over and over again.
“This was a mistake Mack.”
He looked at me as if I had lost my mind as I climbed off of him and fixed my skirt. I wanted to apologize for doing it, and now this, but he would see one day that it was all for his own good. The truth was, maybe he wouldn’t see that at all and he would always hate me. It was a risk that I had to take and it was one that I was going to have to live with, no matter how much I didn’t want it to happen.
“You have got to be kidding me Danny.”
I shook my head that I wasn’t kidding in the least bit.
“Not at all Mack. You need to leave and it’s Danielle. It’s been Danielle for a very long time. You and Mariss were the only ones that call me that.”
His mouth was agape and I know that he didn’t know what to say or think. I could agree that it was a hard moment, but unless he shut up and got out of here, he was going to be in big trouble. I didn’t want to see him go down and I certainly didn’t want to be the cause of it.
“Danny, be reasonable. I don’t know what’s going on with you lately. You can’t do that again, not after what we just did. Didn’t that mean anything to you?”
“And you don’t need to know what’s going on. I told you before, I can’t do this anymore and I don’t want to argue about it. Please just go. You said before that you didn’t want to have a fight like last time, so let’s not.”
Mack was staring at me and I had to look away. I hadn’t meant for that to happen and I know how it must look, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t mean for it to go this far, honest, but what was I going to do now?
“I’m sitting here pouring my heart out to you Danny and it’s like you couldn’t even care less.”
I know it appeared that way to someone that didn’t understand it all. It felt that way to him, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I did care about him, a lot and I wish that he understood that I did this because I had to. If I didn’t, well I didn’t even want to think about that. I also didn’t want to think about what was going to be said by the feds for me not cooperating. I felt so helpless.
“I do care Mack, but this is a cycle with us that can’t go on. It hurts me as much as it does you to do this.”
“I fucking doubt it.”
He sounded bitter and I started to wonder if he was actually going to leave. He started to walk towards me and I moved back to keep the distance.
“We can be together Danny. Why can’t we?”
It was a good question, one I didn’t have an answer for, yet I knew that the response was we couldn’t. “We just can’t. Please leave.”
Didn’t he see that this was killing me as much as it was kill
ing him?
“Fine Danny. I don’t know why you’re being like this and playing my emotions. I should have never gone to that damn reunion. It was all false hopes and promises. You made me believe that you actually cared. You care as much now as you did then. What a waste of my time.”
He stormed out of the house and I couldn’t hold it together any longer. I crumpled to the ground and just started crying. It was a very deep low to have when I was so high with him moments before. Mack was finally gone forever and the feelings I had for him were never going to go away. I was always meant to think of him forever and wonder what life would have been like with him. I knew I would never find anyone to replace him. I hadn’t in a decade and I didn’t think I would now. If anything, this was going to be the official end for me and my love life.
Mariss came out and I told her that I just couldn’t talk about it. It was literally the last thing that I wanted to do. I know that I’d lied to her and maybe later, when it didn’t hurt so bad, I would talk about it, but right now the wound was too fresh and there was nothing I could do but weep about it.
She instead gave me a hug and it was what I needed. Mariss always knew because she had given me the same hug after I’d decided to go to college away with her the first time. Now it was the same and ten years later it still hurt like the first time, maybe even more this time. I’d certainly fallen faster than I had before. It was so quick that it took my breath away with the suddenness of it all.
After a time of getting all of the emotion out, I pulled away and asked Mariss if she wanted to get some coffee. I was burning inside to tell someone what was going on, but I couldn’t do it because our house was bugged. She needed to know about that too and the FBI, everything. If I didn’t tell someone soon so that I could be understood fully, I was going to lose it. That much I knew for sure.
When we got to the coffee shop she asked me what was going on. I didn’t say much as we stood in line to make our orders and waited for the coffee.
