by Lauren Wood
I went back to marketing and since I lived in a small town now, the only viable job was with the newspaper and though it was a far cry from what I used to do, I knew that it was better than being miserable in the city. The money almost worked itself out because it was so much cheaper to live in Edelweiss. Here things were cheap and when I moved out, I found a nice two-bedroom home that I envisioned Matt coming to live with me in. Maybe I was being crazy for thinking that it could work out, but I really wanted it to. If I could have willed it to work, it would have, hands down.
There were no more days to cross off the calendar. He was supposed to be coming home today. It was the date that he had told me one year ago that he would be back. I had gotten close with his mother again and she hadn’t heard from him in the last year. We were both anxiously waiting his return, as well as some other people.
I convinced everyone to come and I was going to throw him a party. I remember how much he used to like them, and I hoped he would like this one. There was still questions if he was going to be happy to see me, but I had to tell myself that it was going to be okay, one way or another.
“Come on Anna, he’s going to be happy to see you. Matt has loved you since you met. I remember he came home and told me that he’d met the one. I didn’t know he was talking about you, but soon enough I met you. I think you two are perfect for each other. Maybe this time around you can get it right.”
I smiled back at her and really, really hoped that what she said was true.
“I hope so Evelyn. I know that it’s been a weird road for us, but I like to think that it all happened for a reason.”
The older woman touched my shoulder and assured me that Matt was going to love it all. I really hoped so. I looked around the room that was filled with all the people who loved him. His mom had helped me find everyone present and I was hoping that he would see that I wanted to be here for the long haul. I knew that it was crazy, all of this, but I was running on faith now, something I’d never done before.
There was a hush that came over the room and everyone started to whisper. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I soon learned that Matt was here. He’d pulled up while we were setting up and I didn’t even get to see him walk up when someone started to tell everyone to hide.
I hid behind the couch as everyone around me started to scrunch down. This was the moment and I knew that it was going to change everything. I just knew it.
What I didn’t know was how it was going to change it.
I jumped up like everyone else in the dark room to say surprise and it was me who got a surprise. Matt was standing there, handsome and smiling big, but he wasn’t alone. A beautiful and petite blonde-haired woman was standing next to him.
Our eyes met for a moment and in that moment, I wished that I hadn’t waited this time around. That was the mistake. Fate sucked.
Matt
The room was full of people, but I only seen one. All I could see in front of me was Anna. I’d thought about her for so long. She didn’t look that much different, more refined, but still the same girl that I’d fell in love with in college. Her hair was flowing down to almost her waist and she really hadn’t changed that much at all.
There was a happiness in her eyes that I’m sure I was showing off as well. It was good to see her again and I started to move towards her when her face fell in the most complete way and I remembered why. How was I supposed to know that she was going to be here? That she had waited this time around when she hadn’t been able to before.
I had Nadia next to me. The girl that I was supposed to be having a child with in a few months. She’d even talked me into getting married, so she could stay in the country. There wasn’t all that much love between us, it had happened so fast, but I told her that I would stick by her side when she turned up pregnant.
Now what?
Anna started to get red-rimmed around the eyes and I could see that she was upset. Had she really waited a year for me and I’d came back with Nadia? This looked bad. It was bad because everything that she thought was going on was going on. I was with Nadia now and until this very moment, I hadn’t questioned it one bit. It was just like Anna to come in and throw a wrench in my life again. She’d done it in college, done it with her random call and was doing it now, here, at my mom’s house.
Mom was walking up to me and I wanted to stop her. Anna had taken off into the kitchen and she was the one that I wanted to talk to. Nadia was pulling on me and, in that moment, I would have rather been in a battlefield than where I was standing now.
“Son, who is your little friend?”
She didn’t look happy to see Nadia, but her eyes were drawn to her burgeoning belly. She was looking at me like what had I done.
“Mom, this is Nadia. Nadia, this is my mother.”
Nadia smiled and shook her hand. I had to explain that she doesn’t speak that much English and I was still getting my brain around Swedish. It wasn’t the easiest language to master, but we were making it work. I always said that I wanted a woman I couldn’t understand, and I literally got that with Nadia.
Mom smiled at her and told her that it was nice to meet her. She said it slowly like it was Nadia’s ears that were the problem.
“She doesn’t understand you. What’s up. I didn’t know you were doing all of this.”
“I didn’t, it was Anna. Where did she go?”
“She seen Nadia and left.”
“I wonder why son. What the hell is wrong with the two of you?”
I didn’t have an answer for her, even though I tried to explain myself. I had never in a million years thought that she would be here, especially not at my mom’s house. I knew that they had always gotten along, but this was ridiculous. What the hell had happened while I was gone?
“What is she doing here?”
“Waiting for you to come home so that the two of you can finally be together. You had the cutest story, but now, you brought her.”
I didn’t want mom to look at Nadia that way and I tried to explain it. “I waited for her before. I didn’t want to wait anymore. Nadia is pregnant with my child and we’re to be married soon. She has to be married in the next thirty days because that’s when her visa runs out.”
Evelyn just shook her head at the mess that was made. “I wish you wouldn’t have done this son.”
“You’re supposed to say that you’re happy for me, for us. You’re going to be a grandmother.”
She frowned at me and I knew that she wasn’t happy. Mom was never one to suffer in silence and she gave me a fill of it with the expression on her face. She was not happy at all and I was a bit clueless to the strong reaction that I was getting. I understood Anna’s, far more than hers.
“I’ve got to go find Anna. She is going to be devastated.”
I wanted to ask her why she was worried about her and not me, but I didn’t bother. Something more had happened that I didn’t understand. I knew that coming home was going to be interesting, but I never would have guessed that it would be like this. My mom was rushing off to my old girlfriend instead of sticking around since I hadn’t seen her in a year.
Standing there like an idiot, Nadia came up and put her arm around me. She seemed to know that I was upset, that or she took it as I wanted to have sex. We had a lot of that, but no conversation. I wanted to go after Anna, but I didn’t know what to say to her. Of course, she would wait this time, after all the time that I’d waited for her. We really were like two ships passing in the night. It wasn’t funny anymore.
I grabbed my duffel bag and Nadia’s things and showed her where we would be staying. We were just staying with mom until we figured something else out. I had a feeling that I was going to get chewed out for this. I’d always felt like my mom liked Anna more than me when we were dating. Now even more than her grandchild. All she had said about it was to ask if I was sure it was mine. Not the reaction that I thought I was going to get.
Trying not to be antisocial when everyone was so nice to
come to see me, I looked around for Anna, but didn’t see her anywhere. I didn’t see mom anywhere either, so I was made to believe that they were together. I was certainly going to hear about this later and it was the last thing that I wanted to do. I knew that Anna had set this all up, gotten close with my mom and I’d came back with a pregnant girlfriend. There was no way to get out of it. It was just a looming storm off in the distance.
I focused on the people that came and after a while I wanted to only talk to one. The noise was getting to me and I was ready for everyone to go home. This wasn’t how I had imagined this day going. I’d imagined a quiet homecoming where I could tell mom the big news and it would have been received so differently. She wasn’t supposed to be upset. She was supposed to be happy for me like a normal mother would be about to have her first grandchild.
Going out back, I looked around the backyard and my eyes went to the spot on the swings that I used to meet Anna. It was one of our spots and I had mixed emotions seeing her there now. I don’t know why, but it felt wrong for her to be in our spot when I’d finally given up on her. What was she doing here? Was she just here to mess with my head because she was doing a damn good job of it.
Anna
“What are you doing out here Matt? You’re missing your party in there.”
My voice sounded bitter as hell and I don’t think I was going to be able to change that. I felt bitter at the present moment. I’d waited a long time for him to come home and the last thing that I could think about was him coming home with a woman. She was pretty, perfect and pregnant from what I’d seen. I hadn’t seen that coming and I was feeling sick. I’d told Evelyn that I just needed some fresh air, but the truth was that I needed to get out of there before I had to speak to him and here he was now. In front of me.
“I just needed some air. I didn’t think you’d be out here.”
“Well I told your mom that I was going to help her clean up when it was all over, so I’m just waiting for it to die down, so I can start.”
“Are you going to stay out here the whole time?”
He asked like I didn’t have a reason to do that very thing.
“I think that would be best. I don’t need to meet anyone else tonight.”
“You’re talking about Nadia?”
“That’s her name?”
He shook his head and I still wasn’t sure what to say. Of all the scenarios that I’d played out in my head, good or bad, none of them involved another woman, pregnant no less. Apparently, my imagination had not been big enough to have predicted this.
“Yeah, Nadia.”
I hated the way he said it. I felt like he was just messing with me. He was enjoying the way I was feeling, and I guess I deserved it. I made promise that I didn’t keep and now it was his turn. He’d said that he was going to be waiting for me, but things change. Matt wasn’t holding up to his end of the bargain either.
“Well I’m glad you’re home. People were worried about you. I knew you’d come back though.”
My voice was getting higher pitched and I wanted this conversation to end. I didn’t want him to see how devastated I was. He most likely felt the same way when I never showed up. I’d done this to myself and I can’t say that I liked the payback all that much. It must be what it is, that or he really did move on. I think I liked it better thinking that it was all just for spite. At least then it meant that he cared enough to try and hurt me. If he moved on, he felt nothing for me and while it may sound silly, that seemed far worse to me then anger.
“I’m getting married.”
He said it so simply and I didn’t know what to say. “And having a baby I see.”
“Yeah.”
He kept saying that in a way that made it almost sound profound. But it told me nothing. All it told me was that he didn’t really have anything to say to me. That was worse than hate. At least hate I could work with. I understood that better than this indifference. It had been a long time and I was a fool to think that we would be able to just pick right back up where we left off. That wasn’t going to happen.
“Well, I guess I will go help her clean up so that I can get out of here. It looks like the party is winding down.”
“Is it?”
He didn’t even look behind him. Matt just had this strange look on his face and I wasn’t sure what was going on in his mind. At this point I was sure that I didn’t want to know what it was anyways.
“Yeah, looks like it. Good to see you again Matt.”
I got up and started to walk back towards the door to go in. I had to pass him, and I went as far away from him as I could possibly go. He still grabbed me on the arm and stopped me.
“Are we really not going to talk about the fact that you are here?”
“What do you want me to say? I didn’t realize that it was going to be a problem with me being here. Your mom needed some help with the party, so I helped her. I have known Evelyn for a long time and I was just trying to help a friend. I didn’t know that it was going to be a problem.”
“We both know that is not why you are here. I want to talk about why you are really here and what we are going to do about it.”
I shrugged and pulled my arm away. “I think it’s a little too late for that, don’t you? You always said that we had the worst timing ever. I think you were right.”
“No kidding.” Matt chuckled and pushed his hair back with his hands. There might have been a little bitterness there as well that made me feel a little better. The man’s arms were huge, and mom was right, he had grown up. The man standing in front of me was still the same guy, but I felt a whole new need course through me that was hard to ignore. There had always been something about Matt, but now, he looked like what a god must look like. It was hard not to look at him like I used to, even knowing that he had a pregnant girlfriend not too far from where we were standing.
“Have a good night Matt. It was…”
“I know, good to see me.”
He may have been thicker, wider, more muscular and still just as handsome, but I can’t say that I liked the new guy. He was rude and short and after all for this time, I would think that we would be able to at least be civil to one another. It wasn’t like he had done all of this, waited anxiously for a year, just to be told that it was too little, too late.
I was never going to get over this crushing feeling that I had now. It was horrible, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I didn’t want to think about the fact that I’d done it to him because the raw emotions were too much to contend with now. I knew in the back of my mind that this must have been exactly how he’d felt when I didn’t turn up at all.
Walking away, the only thing that I could think was that I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want him to know how messed up he had me feeling. I was devastated and all I wanted to do was have a nice gut-wrenching cry because that was all that was in me. I didn’t know what to say to Matt and there was nothing that could be done. I’d went out on a limb, way out there and now I was paying for it. I thought I knew what was going to happen, but I had been so wrong. This is not how this was all supposed to go, and I was disappointed more than anything about that fact alone.
I helped Evelyn clean up and avoided the pitied looks that she was giving me. She made it seem like it was the end of the world. In a way, it felt like it, but that didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean that I wasn’t completely capable of getting over him again.
“It’s going to be okay dear.”
I tried to tell her that I was going to be fine, but she wasn’t having any of it. I was most likely glad for that. I wasn’t in a mood or mindset to talk about it. My head was so twisted up, it was going to take quite some time for me to get it all unraveled again.
Matt
I didn’t go back in for a while. It was wrong for me to leave Nadia like that when she’d just got here, but the truth of the matter was that I wasn’t going to be able to explain this and I didn’t want to run into Anna. That was the last thing that I wa
nted. I loved seeing her. I’d waited a long time to see her in front of me, there for me, but something else had came with it. Something that wasn’t expected. Now there was this tension between us that I knew was never going to go away. How could it when it was all because of some stupid mistakes I made while I was gone? I’d finally decided that it was time to get over Anna once and for all. I thought it would work.
It did work for a while, but even with no conversation, Nadia wasn’t what I really wanted. She was beautiful and good in bed, but that was as far as it went. Now she was carrying my baby and I wanted to do the right thing by her and our baby. But of course, it came at a price. I kept thinking, of course, now Anna decides that what we had was worth it and of course now I have a pregnant girlfriend that I am going to have to marry so that she can stay in this country and not get deported. Of course. This was my luck.
Mom was giving me dirty looks when I finally went inside, and I was starting to get a bit annoyed about it.
“Why am I the bad guy?”
Her eyes went to Nadia and I didn’t know how to tell her that she wouldn’t understand. I’d already tried telling her, but she never listened.
“If you only knew what had been happening for the last year boy. How could you not even call your mother? I could have warned you that coming home with some pregnant foreign girl wasn’t going to be wise.”
I couldn’t believe she was acting like this. I knew that she liked Anna, but what was I missing? I felt like she was genuinely mad at me and I should at least know why that was. What had I done that was so bad?
“I thought you’d be happy about that. You are always telling me that I need to get married and have a family.”
“Yes, but I wanted you to make the right choice.”
“You don’t even know Nadia.” Why was I making excuses when I knew that I had messed up?
