Michelle turned wounded eyes to his. “That’s not true!” she cried, just as upset. She clenched her fists at her sides. “I’m committed to being a mother to William, and a companion and lover to you.”
“Just not a wife.” Bitterness tinged his voice.
She traded contentious glances with him. “We have to be practical,” she repeated. “Marriage without love won’t work. The rest of it will.”
Thad’s jaw hardened at the implacable note in her tone. His handsome features frozen in a blank mask, he countered with a willfulness of his own. “I’ll co-adopt William with you, because I think he needs you as his mother, but as for the rest of it, I think we should go back to being just friends and co-parents. Nothing more.”
The unexpectedness of his rejection was like a slap in the face. Wanting to be sure she understood what he was saying, she said numbly, “Not lovers.”
Thad’s muscles had turned to stone. “Definitely not lovers.” He pushed the words through clenched teeth.
Tears stung her eyes. They had taken care to be so practical, to protect their hearts, their hopes, their future. How had it come to this? “That’s really what you want?” she asked in a disbelieving voice, aware she had never felt more abandoned.
Thad turned away, a stranger to her, too. “It’s the way it has to be.”
Chapter Fourteen
“Thanks for coming in on such short notice,” Glenn said the following morning.
Catching the veiled concern in the other man’s eyes, Thad shook hands with his attorney and took a seat on the other side of the desk. “You said you wanted to talk to me about the adoption.”
Glenn nodded and rocked back in his swivel chair. He rested his elbows on the arms of the chair and steepled his fingers in front of him. “I wanted to go over the specifics of the nesting arrangement.”
Thad eyed Michelle’s law partner warily. “Shouldn’t Michelle be here for this?”
Glenn frowned. “I spoke to her earlier. She’s already conveyed her thoughts on how it should go.”
Or in other words, Thad thought sullenly, she did not want to see him.
Glenn opened the folder in front of him. “She would like each of you to parent three twenty-four-hour periods a week. And then every other week, you’ll each have an extra day.”
Trying not to think about the last time he’d kissed Michelle and held her in his arms, Thad shrugged. “Sounds fine.”
“She’d like to care for William on the days you are working at the hospital. So if you will provide her with your work schedule via e-mail, she’ll mark off her calendar, as well.”
Struggling to contain his disappointment, Thad said, “Sounds…efficient.” Which was just like Michelle. Only now she would be using that same preparedness to avoid him whenever possible.
“When she is in residence at your home, she would like to sleep downstairs on the sofa—and she requests you do the same at her home, when you are in residence,” Glenn continued.
The thought of sleeping in Michelle’s bed where they’d once made love and never would again was unbearable to Thad. It was understandable she wouldn’t want any reminders of their failed romantic relationship, either. “No problem,” he said tersely.
“She would like the nesting schedule to begin today. And since you had William last night and are at the hospital until eight this evening, she’d like to pick William up at Dotty Pederson’s when she leaves work this afternoon.”
Thad thought about the way William fixed his gaze on Michelle’s face whenever she was near. “I’m sure he’ll love that.”
Glenn scrutinized Thad closely. “Are you okay?”
Thad did not know how to answer that. Yesterday at this time, he’d thought he had everything he had ever wanted. Now…if Judge Barnes approved their joint petition to adopt, he and Michelle would have a son to love, their homes and the satisfaction of their careers, but that was it. There would be no big romance. No sense of family, at least not the one they’d almost had within their grasp. And damn it all, he still didn’t know why Michelle had broken it off. The truth was, he might never know. “I’ve had better days,” Thad admitted finally.
“So has Michelle,” Glenn confided. “I saw her this morning before she left for probate court. She looked like hell, too. Still gung-ho on being a mom, but otherwise…completely shut down.”
Thad exhaled sharply. “I get the feeling you’re trying to tell me something.”
“I don’t know what’s been going on between the two of you except that lately she’s been happier than I’ve ever seen her. And it wasn’t just because she finally has a chance to become a mom. It was something more—and now that’s gone.” Glenn paused. “What did you do to make her feel so blue, Thad?”
“I HAVE TO BE honest,” Tamara told Michelle during her last unscheduled home visit later that same day. “I didn’t think this whole nesting arrangement was going to work.”
Michelle moved around Thad’s kitchen nearly as easily as she moved around her own. Doing her best to disguise her broken heart, she set a cup of hot coffee in front of the social worker and offered up an efficient smile. “But now you’re a believer.”
“Hard not to be!” Tamara broke apart a freshly baked scone. Beside her, William was seated in his bouncy chair, batting awkwardly at the arc-shaped toy bar in front of him.
“The baby is thriving. The nursery upstairs is beautifully done—he’s obviously very comfortable there. Plus—” Tamara tapped the typewritten pages in front of her “—you and Thad have the scheduling thing down pat. I wish all our single moms and dads were as cooperative with their parenting partners as the two of you are.”
Arranging the details of William’s care via e-mail and text message was an easy task. Figuring out what she and Thad were going to say to each other when they finally came face-to-face with each other again was not. Thus far, she and Thad had managed to avoid an actual physical encounter by doing the exchanges at Dotty’s house. But Michelle knew that wouldn’t continue indefinitely. Sooner or later she and Thad would have to parent together…
Wary of the wellspring of emotion within her, Michelle sat across from Tamara and sipped her coffee.
She had come to terms with the fact that she would always love Thad.
What she couldn’t accept was the fact that he didn’t love her back. Because if he had, he would have given them the time they needed to make sure their feelings for each other were more than just a reaction to bringing William into their lives.
She swallowed. Forced herself to go on. “Thad and I both want what is best for William, no question. That’s a powerful bond.” So powerful, in fact, that Michelle had let herself forget all common sense and get swept up in a fantasy that couldn’t possibly come true.
Tamara nodded, understanding. “I sensed that from the first,” she said, then paused meaningfully. “I also thought the two of you might…well, have something more intense going on.”
Michelle shrugged and felt her cheeks heat. She never had been able to hide her deepest feelings, which was part of the problem. Aware Tamara was still waiting for a reply, Michelle rationalized, “Adopting a child is pretty intense.”
Tamara lifted a brow. “You know what I mean.”
Silence fell.
Michelle ran her fingers around the rim of her cup.
“Would you mind a bit of advice?” Tamara asked eventually.
It couldn’t hurt. Michelle swallowed around the growing lump in her throat. “Please,” she croaked.
“If there is one thing I’ve learned in my years as a social worker, it’s that every day, in every situation, we have an opportunity to construct one of two things—a bridge…or a wall.” Tamara stood and patted Michelle’s shoulder gently as she prepared to leave. “Make sure what you’re constructing will get you where you want to be.”
MICHELLE SPENT the rest of the weekend taking care of William, all the while thinking about what Tamara had said. By Monday morning she knew w
hat she had to do. Risk her feelings once again and talk to Thad face-to-face.
Unfortunately he didn’t come across the street until it was time to leave for the courthouse. He looked incredibly handsome in a starched blue shirt, dark suit and tie. His hair had been recently cut, and the tantalizing fragrance of his aftershave clung to his jaw. Michelle was inundated with so many memories, all of them good. Thad seemed equally pensive. And in some ways, unapproachable. As if he were ready for the adoption decision—and little else.
“Would you like to drive separately or together?” he asked, towering over her while she knelt to strap William in.
She thrilled at the low sound of his voice, the expectant look on his handsome face.
A bridge…or a wall.
The choice was simple.
Pretending to feel a lot more self-assured than she did, Michelle handed him the infant carrier holding William. “I think we should go together.”
His eyes softened. “I do, too.” Ever the gentleman, he escorted her down to the car, snapped the infant carrier into the base of the car seat.
“What do you think Judge Barnes is going to say?” Michelle asked nervously while Thad drove the short distance to the courthouse.
Thad took a deep, even breath. He kept his gaze straight ahead. “I know what I hope he’ll say.”
“Me, too.” Michelle fell silent.
The next few minutes were consumed with finding a place to park, extricating William from his car seat, grabbing the diaper bag and heading inside.
Glenn York, Tamara Kelly and the court stenographer were inside.
They all sat down. The bailiff called the courtroom to order, and Judge Barnes strode in. As usual, the no-nonsense judge wasted no time getting down to business.
Tamara Kelly was up first. “I’ve read the reports,” he told the social worker. “For the record—what is your recommendation regarding the minor child, and why?”
Tamara referred to her copious notes as she spoke, her clear voice laced with respect. “Although William is an infant and thus way too young to understand what blood ties are, there will most likely come a day when he is older when he will want to know his biological family, like so many other foster and adopted children do. Thad Garner can provide that essential link. In addition, it is clear that William has bonded emotionally with both Michelle Anderson and Thad Garner. They have worked well together to ensure that all of William’s emotional and physical needs have been met.” She looked the judge square in the eyes. “But what impressed me the most was the creative problem-solving used to address even the smallest concerns.”
Tamara proceeded to describe their nesting setup in depth before continuing her assessment. “I have no doubt that Michelle Anderson and Thad Garner both love William very much and will make an excellent mother and father to him. Therefore, I am recommending to the court that their joint petition for adoption be approved.”
Judge Barnes looked through the written report. He asked a few more questions. Stroked his chin thoughtfully. Finally he smiled over at William and said, in his usual gruff, irascible tone, “I was prepared not to like what I see here today, but it’s clear this is one child who already has all the love and family he will ever need.” Judge Barnes banged his gavel. “Motion for adoption is granted!”
MICHELLE WAS STILL a little teary-eyed and disbelieving as she and Thad left the courtroom, William in tow. Together, they accepted the congratulations of lawyer and social worker, then headed back to Thad’s car.
“Big day,” Thad remarked, his voice sounding a little rusty.
Michelle’s throat ached with the effort to hold back happy sobs. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“What do you say we forget about going home for a moment and take William for a stroller ride in the park instead?” Thad asked, his eyes as suspiciously moist as her own.
Michelle couldn’t think of a better place to be on a beautiful spring day. And this time, she did find her voice. “I’d like that.”
Thad got the brand-new jogging stroller out of the back of his car. Michelle helped settle William in the seat and strap him in, then the three of them crossed over to the green. The gardeners had been out, and the air was filled with the scent of fresh-cut grass and blooming flowers. Birds sang in the trees. Sunshine filtered through the trees. Children ran about on the playground in the distance. But on the path where they were standing, they were blissfully alone. William, lulled by the motion, was already asleep again.
Thad parked the stroller in the shade, then turned, took both of Michelle’s hands in his and looked deep into her eyes. “I want us to celebrate today,” he said, looking ready to make all her dreams come true and then some.
“I do, too.”
“But first—” he raked her with a glance that was both tender and seductive “—I have a few things I want to say.”
“Thad, I—”
He wrapped his arms around her and said in a rough voice laced with all the affection she had ever wanted, “I was wrong to try to rush you into marriage and walk out the way I did. You had every right to be cautious, given what you’ve been through.”
“And you had every right,” Michelle countered, with equal understanding, “to want more from me.”
Thad tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “The point is I should have backed off because I know that you deserve so much more than what I’ve given you so far. Not just time for us to get to know each other better and become a couple, as well as a family. But things like romance and flowers and candlelight dinners.”
He wasn’t the only one willing to sacrifice. Tears of happiness pricked her eyes. “Oh, Thad. I don’t need any of that.” I just need you. And William and the three of us.
With the pad of his thumb, he brushed away the tears trembling on her lower lashes. “Yes, you do,” he insisted, the passion he felt for her gleaming in his eyes. “We both do.” He pressed a kiss on her temple and then wrapped his arms about her waist, bringing her even closer. “I don’t want to bypass this phase of our relationship. I want to savor every single minute of it.”
Relief rushed through her. She laid her head on his shoulder and cuddled close, drinking in the warmth and strength of him. “I want that, too,” she murmured.
He paused to kiss her, then threaded his hands through her hair. “Remember when I told you that I felt this immediate connection with William?”
Michelle nodded as hope rose within her. She splayed her hands across his chest. She could feel the thundering of his heart; it matched her own.
“What I didn’t tell you,” Thad continued, “was that I felt it with you, too, right from that first morning when we found William on the porch. And that scared me,” he admitted. “Not because I was close to you, but because that felt better than anything else I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I was scared because I worried I wouldn’t be able to figure out what you wanted and needed and I’d let you down. And what do you know?” he reflected bitterly. “I did.”
It was her turn to confess. “Only because I wasn’t honest with you,” Michelle said gently, gazing into his eyes. “Because you were right, Thad,” she conceded softly. “I was afraid to take a chance on us.” The words rushed out before she could stop them. “Afraid that my loving you wouldn’t be enough to hold a marriage together.”
Thad paused. “You love me,” he said after a moment, looking absolutely dumbfounded. And ridiculously pleased.
Michelle swallowed, knowing that now was the chance to lay it all on the line and hope that with honesty and time, they could make everything come out right. “Yes, I do. I love you with all my heart, Thad.” The tears she’d been fighting spilled over her lashes and rolled down her cheeks.
Once again Thad was looking a little misty.
He flashed her a crooked grin. Eyes glistening with emotion, he bent to kiss her. “I love you, too,” he professed, his possessive hold telling her every bit as much as his heartfelt possessive hold telling h
er every bit as much as his heartfelt words. “That’s why I asked you to marry me. And that’s why I want us to start over—” he paused to kiss her “—so this time we can take our time. And do it right.”
Epilogue
One year later…
“It’s a bold move,” Thad said to Michelle as they toured a rambling Arts and Crafts home located three blocks from their existing residences.
While William relaxed in Thad’s arms, Michelle and Thad looked around the second floor, with its half-dozen bedrooms and three full baths. All were in need of serious updating, as was most of the first floor. But structurally, the place was sound. It had two great porches, front and back. A yard big enough for a sandbox and a set of swings. And best of all, it had a study downstairs with a separate entrance, so she could work—and meet clients—at home.
Michelle squeezed Thad’s hand, then leaned over to kiss William’s cheek. “We’re up to it,” she promised.
Thad bussed the top of William’s head, then her temple. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Then let’s do it.” He grinned.
They proceeded to talk terms with the Realtor. By the time the sun set that evening, their bid on the new place was accepted. Their other two homes had For Sale signs out front.
The three of them had dinner together. Then she and Thad bathed William, read him stories and gave him his bedtime bottle. Minutes after he was tucked in, he was asleep.
They walked back downstairs, and Michelle stepped out onto the front porch.
A lot had happened since the previous spring. All of it good.
Found: One Baby Page 18
