Chad reluctantly released her and went to the door.
Tom stood there, eyes blurry with sleep. “Sorry to bother you, but I think you should see this. The girls are scratching themselves and don’t seem to be able to stop.”
“What?” Robin elbowed past both men and went to the family room.
Chad followed, with Tom close behind.
The girls were on the floor watching cartoons. Their faces were flushed, their little fingers scratched their tummies. Robin knelt between them to check their foreheads.
She frowned. “They’re hot.”
Chad knelt and felt their foreheads as well.
“Yeah, too hot.”
“Mommy, I don’t feel good.” Boo rolled over, kicking off her blanket.
“Me neither.”
“Let me look at your tummy, Lindy.”
Robin raised the lavender nightie to expose Lindy’s tummy and showed him the little red spots. Boo’s stomach revealed the same rash.
“Chicken pox.” Tom sat on the sofa and put on his shoes.
Chad nodded.
“Mommy, why do I feel so icky?” Lindy popped her thumb in her mouth, her eyes drooping.
Robin stroked her hair. “Well, sweetie, I think you have chicken pox.”
“What’s that?” Boo squirmed, her green nightie twisting around her.
“It’s kind of like when you get a cold, only you get these little spots and they itch, honey. You have to try not to scratch.” Robin pulled Lindy’s fingers away from her stomach.
“I’ll get the Tylenol and the thermometer.” Chad rose to his feet, glad she’d left them in his kitchen. He shouldn’t feel so relieved by this turn of events. But the girls’ being sick would keep Robin here so he could work out this mess and maybe convince her she belonged here.
Tom trailed him to the kitchen. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” He dumped his coffee down the sink.
“Don’t worry about it. Thanks for entertaining them this morning.” Chad opened the cupboard and found the supplies.
Tom grinned. “Hardly a challenge. Hand them Cocoa Puffs and the remote and they take care of themselves.” Tom picked his keys up from the counter. “I have to go. I have to work later and still have stuff to do. Do you need me to help get your truck back?”
“No. I’ll call Grandma.” Chad popped off the bottle’s lid and checked the chewable medicine.
“I’ll call later, then.” Tom grabbed his hat and left.
Chad listened to the door slam and lifted the phone to call his grandmother. Robin fussed over the girls and kept glancing at him.
The fledgling hope was there.
So was the uncertainty, the fear of him, of them together. It was a palpable thing, breathing, existing, trapped between them.
He hoped he hadn’t taken two steps backward in the trust department.
~~CHAPTER NINE~~
Robin rocked in the green recliner, its creak producing a soothing rhythm in the quiet house. Lindy’s eyes finally slumped closed, the poor thing exhausted from a fretful night. Water splashed in the bathtub where Chad was giving Boo another oatmeal bath.
Over the last seven days, the red welts erupted on both girls and their fevers spiked. They were irritable. They scratched. They were hard to distract. They watched every movie Chad owned at least twice plus exhausted the listing on Chad’s online movie membership. They read all the books Chad brought from her house multiple times and then added the ones Olivia brought from the library. They’d played Chutes and Ladders, Candyland and taught the girls the basics of Yahtzee until they were all irritable and squabbling. Worse, it had rained all week. The dreary weather made their informal quarantine worse. If Robin saw one more exercise infomercial on television, she’d scream. In the midst, guilt and frustration chewed at her for not doing a better job of managing their vaccinations.
Stifling a deep yawn, Robin shifted Lindy and shut her eyes. The relief from the fatigue was short-lived. Visions of making love with Chad lurked, making her stomach seize and tears rise.
She avoided the alluring replay, the mixed up remorse, but it stalked her. Especially the implications.
She’d had sex with Lloyd.
She’d made love with Chad.
She now knew the difference. She reveled in how Chad touched her, how he’d sighed against her, how he filled her and held her afterward. It had never been like that with Lloyd. The disparity made her stomach cramp.
But sex or lovemaking or whatever she decided to call it wasn’t love, wasn’t an everlasting commitment. It wasn’t anything to risk a future on.
Chad would have expectations now—expectations that she wouldn’t meet, that fear wouldn’t let her. She knew herself well enough to recognize she would never again punch through that fear into belief. Her muscles tightened from head-to-toe. Shrugging against the tension, she tried to loosen her stiff neck without waking Lindy.
She’d been avoiding him, using the girls and their chicken pox as a shield. When he eventually figured out what she was doing, he would confront her. He was that kind of straight-forward person.
How could she explain her reluctance to a man with an almost perfect life? He was a man with a strong family behind him. Fear wouldn’t rule him as it ruled her. She could blame her decisions with Lloyd on loneliness, immaturity, naiveté or just a stupid choice. But if she made the same mistake again, how would she live with that?
She craved Chad’s love and attention. She used to crave her father’s, too. That rankled and made her stomach heave. She thought she’d learned her lesson. When she was little, she always waited by the window for daddy to come home from work, something perverse making her stand there day after day after day, needing what other girls had. Most times he never came and she had to turn to the neighbors. He lacked any modicum of caring about the daughter with her nose pressed to the window. He’d provided her with the basics, but the time and attention she craved wasn’t as important as the bottle of brew at the local bar.
Robin shivered, pulling Lindy closer to her to combat the remembered lonely emptiness. Her chest unbearably tight, her emotions churning in distress, she bent and kissed Lindy’s forehead.
Sweeping her sweaty bags away from her face, Robin anchored herself in the here and now. Unfortunately, the grief and agony from the lack of love always came as a matched set with the same rhetorical questions. Why me? Why wasn’t I good enough to love? What would become of her children if she didn’t stay in control and make sensible choices?
Robin forced her eyes open and leaned forward in the chair. Shoving those questions into a dark closet in her mind, forcing the whole scenario as far away as her mind would allow. She was a grown woman now and had her daughters to think of, daughters she loved with every fiber of her being. They would never know one moment of not belonging, never spend a minute with their noses pressed to a window only to be devastated—that was her vow and she would honor that however she needed to. She would not trust their future to any man or any promise implied with sex, no matter what her feelings. She wouldn’t make that mistake again.
“You want me to take her?” Dark smudges surrounded Chad’s eyes and his hair stood on end.
Robin flattened her feet on the floor, stopping the chair’s motion and squinted at Chad. Her breath escaped in uneven spurts. The man smelled delicious, the scent heating her insides to flashpoint. The itch to reach up and stroke his face tempted, her palms tingling.
“Where’s Boo?” She stroked Lindy’s face instead, denying the devil urge.
“She fell asleep in the bathtub. She’s in bed. Let’s see if we can get Lindy there without waking her.” Chad’s hands slipped along her thighs to cradle Lindy’s head and knees.
Exhaustion allowed the door open again, the feel of his hands on her legs mimicking the gliding sensation of his hands over her body. He moved down the hallway and she wished they were walking that way together—wished she had the courage to ignore every instinct in her that was
saying it wouldn’t last. He was going to want to talk soon and she damn well didn’t know what to say.
I love you, but I don’t trust you not to tear my heart out.
But love without trust wasn’t really love at all.
Robin sighed, slipping to the edge of the chair and stretching muscles sore from a long time with no movement. She wasn’t in love. She was lonely. She was broke. She was tired of being a single parent and bearing the entire burden alone. Though lovemaking with Chad could get to be a serious addiction, it wasn’t love. Couldn’t be love. Gee, wouldn’t saying that to him go over well? Unfortunately, she could more than imagine the hurt that would cause.
No. Better to avoid him and the whole stupid discussion.
Chewing her lip, Robin rose from her chair and glanced at her watch. Seven a.m. Halloween morning. Tiptoeing down the hall, Robin peeked in the master bedroom, hoping to sneak into the shower without having a face-to-face with Chad.
Chad was stretched out on the bed with Lindy tucked in his arms. Boo lay curled up against her sister. All three slept soundly. Robin’s heart swelled, threatening to burst.
A single tear slid down her cheek, before she swiped it away.
He’d be a great Dad.
Robin drew in a sharp breath. Her girls had already had found themselves a place in his life and she was too scared to let them stay. They couldn’t stay. Could they?
She tucked a comforter around them. Forget the shower. She was too darn tired. She trudged back down the hall and pulled an afghan over her shoulders, slumping to the sofa, plagued by thoughts of whether to stay or go, to love or not. Her mind told her she’d be safe here. She’d be loved by his whole family, her burden lifted not added to.
But her bruised heart knew better than to fall for that dream. It would be yanked away, just like always.
Chad woke and tried to move his tingling arm. There seemed to be a hundred pounds of dead weight on it. Cracking an eye open, he found Lindy’s knees were pushed against his belly and a large part of her body across his arm. Water was running somewhere and it looked like the sun was setting, which meant he’d slept all day. So had the girls.
Where was Robin? She must have come in at some point, because the comforter was tangled across the bed. He’d lain down for a second to make sure Lindy went back to sleep. She whispered “I love you Daddy Chad” as he’d put her on the bed. He’d gathered her close and whispered back to her.
Apparently he’d fallen asleep.
He had to talk to Robin. Ever since they’d made love, she’d been pulling away. He could kick himself for the way their lovemaking happened. She belonged in his arms, in his bed. But he’d blown it totally by not at least telling her what he was feeling. No ‘I love you, marry me.’ Nothing. Instead, he’d snapped at her because she’d been shy about being naked in his presence. She didn’t trust him and after that performance, she had good reason.
In careful, measured movements, Chad untangled himself from the girls and stood up.
They both gave out little groans as he shifted, but rolled into new positions against each other and settled back to sleep. Every cramped muscle made itself known. Stifling a groan of his own, he went to the bathroom and cleaned up. Dressed in a fresh pair of jeans and a clean shirt, he tiptoed down the hall with stocking feet.
The smell of pot roast permeated the air. The rich scent made him sniff like a dog on a good trail, his mouth watering. He stopped short when he saw his grandmother in the kitchen. He tip-toed up to her and hugged her from behind. “What are you doing here?”
She patted his hands and he released her. She picked up the potholders and opened the oven. “I’m cooking our traditional Halloween meal for the family. Or had you forgotten?”
Chad grimaced. Yeah, he had. The dinner had been a tradition since he’d bought the farm. His grandmother cooked a sumptuous meal with pot roast, sweet potatoes, green beans and rolls. Meg brought her famous Mudd dessert, a combination of chocolate pudding, cool whip and crushed Oreos mixed in a big bowl. The whole family sat down for the meal. Then they’d drive back to his grandmother’s and escort the kids through the neighborhood to trick-or-treat. He wouldn’t be doing any of that this year.
“I know Lindy and Boo can’t trick-or-treat, but they can put on their costumes. I figured they were well enough for a few treats.” Closing the oven, she went back to the sink where she was peeling potatoes.
“You are an amazing woman, Olivia Applegate.”
“Well, I’ve been through this a few times before.”
“Where’s Robin?”
“Asleep on the sofa.”
Chad stepped into the family room, peeking over the back of the sofa. Robin was snuggled with one hand tucked under her face. She looked innocent and sexy, her brown hair tousled, begging for his touch. Her slow, measured breathing raised the afghan, molding it against her breasts. His grandmother’s hand slipped around his waist as he studied her.
“She’s sweet,” Olivia whispered.
“Yes.” Chad didn’t add anymore, continuing to appreciate and enjoy every feature. He reached out and softly stroked a finger down her face, enough to assure himself of the warmth of her skin.
They needed to talk, but it wouldn’t be happening tonight. He had to do it soon. Because as sure as he was standing here, she was poised to leave him. The three of them were wrapped around his heart. Rubbing a hand over his chest, he blew out a silent breath. He didn’t like being vulnerable or anxious. If they left again he didn’t think he’d to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Not even his family or the farm would be enough. Holding his grandmother’s arm, he walked with her back into the kitchen.
Olivia stopped at the stove, checking the potatoes. “It’s obvious how you feel about her. Talk to her.”
Chad leaned against the sink. “I’ve been trying to talk to her for several days. A little thing like chicken pox got in the way. That and the fact she’s avoiding me.”
Olivia smiled. “Use sex. It always loosened the tongue for me and your grandfather.”
“Grandma!” Chad grabbed his baseball cap from the table and settled it on his head. “Too much information.”
She put her hand on his arm. “Oh, stop. We’re all adults here. There’s a lot of pull in sexual bonding. Use it.”
Chad flushed. “This conversation has gone as far as I can handle. I’m going to check the market and do a drive through before it gets dark.”
“All right, dear. But I talked to Trudy a little while ago. She was going to have Hank do that.”
“I’d feel better if I did it myself.”
“All right, dear. Just make the time to talk to her. Soon.”
Chad nodded, pulled on his jacket and exited the house. The weather had cleared from the week’s rain, but there was a chill in the air. The clear weather would make for a busy Halloween, which always brought out the pranksters. The piles of pumpkins by the open market were always a target. He’d lost more than a few thousand dollars in pumpkins from teenagers stealing them and smashing them up and down the road in past years. He still had florist orders to fill for Thanksgiving. He couldn’t afford to lose any of the orange gourds. A stiff breeze ruffled his hair as he got into the truck and put it in gear.
Chad drove down the road and pulled up by the market, his thoughts still on his Grandmother’s remarks. Snorting, he shook his head.
Use sex?
He’d done that.
It definitely had not solved the problem. If anything, she staked out a few more ‘no trespassing’ signs. Damn, he was getting tired of those things. He wanted to build a big bonfire and turn them to hot ash, then marry her and spend the rest of his life showing her that she belonged to him. If he could do that with sex alone, he would.
But her parents had abandoned her not only physically, but emotionally. Great sex didn’t make that better. She’d been badly burned by a man who had only wanted sex from her. A man who had walked away when she’d needed him most.
Chad wanted more than her body. He wanted her friendship. He wanted her trust. He wanted her heart and soul.
If he could get his body to cooperate, a long talk was the answer.
Robin stared at the sea of faces in the kitchen and tried to remember names. Olivia’s delicious dinner rolled in her stomach, barely staying down. Not indulging in a second helping, she’d risen from the table, rinsed her plate and now leaned against the counter, swallowing against nerves. The scene in front of her defied her experience. Squirming, Robin swallowed hard to settle her stomach. God, she didn’t belong here. Chad’s family was tight-knit and she only knew what that meant from the outside looking in. She’d never been a participant in that kind of circle of love.
“Grandma, you’ve outdone yourself again.” Chad rose from the table and rinsed his plate in the sink. He came across the kitchen, leaned against the counter and brushed up against Robin.
Robin forced herself not to slide down the counter to put space between them. Instead she checked the girls to be sure they were eating. Boo, the angel, and Lindy, the fairy princess, were perched on Tom’s knees, eating a second helping of mashed potatoes.
Olivia wiped her hands on her apron. “It’s just pot roast, honey, but thank you anyway.”
“I always enjoy this celebration. Crop’s in and all the hard work is done for another season.”
Robin felt Chad’s eyes on her, but refused to look at him, instead found herself counting the floor tiles.
“You going to be in the black this year, Son?” Bill stood at the counter with his arms around Meg. A prick of jealousy marred Robin’s enjoyment of the sentiments she saw in their expressions.
“Yep. Finally, I have a viable farm.”
“You had a viable farm before.” Rick rose from his chair and placed his plate in the sink. “Only it was sucking money from the trust instead of standing on its own. Now you have a profitable one. Good job, little brother. This calls for a toast. Grandma, open up that apple cider.”
Rick passed around glasses of apple cider to everyone, including the children. “Here’s to family and a good year.”
Pumpkins, Cowboys & Guitars Page 14
