“Your loss.” She arched a brow—she believed in the Santa sentiment, even after she’d discovered he wasn’t real; she’d taken great pleasure out of stuffing her Mom’s stockings and surprising her with lots of things around Christmas—chores, songs, and food.
She leaned back and closed her eyes. “I remember once before my mom died. I was about ten. Already knew there wasn’t a Santa, but it was the first time I realized that there was usually nothing in my Mom’s stocking on Christmas Day, or at least stuff I know she bought herself.” She opened her eyes and gazed at Carlee.
“Yeah, Uncle Beau and I stuffed my dad’s last year. It was fun.”
Leia stalled at the thought of stuffing Zach’s stocking.
“So did you get stuff for your mom’s?” Carlee prompted.
“Yeah, I had some singing money that I used. Mom found out I’d used it right before Christmas. It was supposed to go in my savings account and she got real mad at me when I wouldn’t tell her what I spent it on.” Leia giggled. “Wasn’t she surprised to have an overfull stocking on Christmas morning. She cried.”
Carlee shrugged. “Dad’s always had family that surprised him.”
Exasperated, Leia leaned forward. “That’s not the point. When you care about people, you do for them. That’s what Christmas is about.”
Carlee opened her mouth, then snapped it shut again. She frowned and rose from the chair, taking a handful of ornaments to the tree. When she came back, Leia tried again.
“Give your dad some room about this skiing thing. He of all people understands you and how important this is. If he says no, it will be for a really strong reason.”
Carlee lips flattened. “I don’t have a choice. I hate not being old enough to make my own decisions.”
Leia patted her hand. “Well, even when you are, it sometimes isn’t any picnic. Remember that.”
The front door blew open and the men came in with a flurry of cold and flakes.
Zach’s cheeks were red, his hat in his hand and his hair swept in disarray across his head. She wanted to use her fingers to tousle it. She wanted to kiss those cheeks and down to his mouth. She wanted to sidle right up to him and get him warm.
His expression changed from playful to smoldering in the crackle of the logs. Leia’s breath snagged right between breath and release.
God, he was gorgeous and so damn hot.
Their kisses flashed over her and she wanted everyone gone so they could do it again.
His eyebrows rose, as if he read her mind, and she flushed, the hot and cold of it skating across nerves like the chanting after an exceptional concert. Her fingers trembled slightly and she stuffed them beneath her legs to hide the tell-tale sign.
Zach grinned.
“It’s starting to snow again.” Wyatt took off his gloves. “You should come see the lights, Leia. You can credit my skill at supervising for the utter perfection in the yard.”
Zach and Ryder snorted.
Beau slapped Wyatt with his hat. Snow flew. “Right. You were the one that wanted one of us to climb the trees like a damn monkey.”
“I’ll concede that misstep, but I own a restaurant, after all. I tell people what to do all day long. You guys are a good crew. You can have a job any day.”
Beau put an arm around Wyatt’s neck. “I have a job, bro. I sell real estate and manage a ski resort. The lights along the sidewalk were my idea. Gave the whole thing cohesion.”
Ryder held up his gloved hand. “Hold it a sec. I’m still back on the supervising thing. I run a law firm, buddy. Zach’s a sheriff. Beau deals with skiers of questionable reasoning skills every damn day. I’d say our supervising talents are much stronger than the restaurant skills you put on the table.”
Carlee sat next to Leia and grinned. Fiona had come out of the kitchen and watched the byplay with an indulgent twinkle in her eye.
“They do this all the time?” Leia whispered to Carlee.
She nodded. “Oh yeah.”
Wyatt shook his head and stuffed his gloves in the pocket of his coat. “Nope. Your skills suffer from the dumbed down affect. “
Ryder pulled back and raised a brow. “Dumbed down affect?”
“Well, if they weren’t in some kind of problem, they wouldn’t need you, which implies a questionable thought process. Beau’s last blonde proves my point there.”
“Hey, watch it.” Beau shrugged out of his coat, then slapped Wyatt with his scarf.
Wyatt laughed and moved away, taking off his own outer gear.
“So why aren’t you blasting Zach? I’d say his job defines questionable thought processes.” Ryder shrugged out of his coat and hung it up. The blue and white checkered flannel shirt molded against muscles that belied the idea that he sat behind a desk all day long.
Wyatt hung his black ski jacket on the peg and stamped his boots on the rug. “He rescues cats from trees, walks small kids home and… carries a gun. He gets a pass.”
Zach smirked and walked forward to the sofa and held out his hand to help Leia up.
Fiona moved from the doorway. “Well, I do believe it was Wyatt who decided to jump from the roof into a bank of snow and broke his arm, right? How old were you again?”
Wyatt slung an arm around her shoulder. “You wound me, woman. You bring up the indiscretions of my ill-spent youth in front of my brothers? I believe it was you on the ground encouraging me to try.”
She slapped his arm. “I was not. I knew you were going to do it anyway so I let you learn the hard way. Damn stubborn child.”
Leia flipped off the blanket and struggled to rise, sucking in a breath when Zach’s hand closed around her elbow. His fingers were chilled, but the skin-to-skin contact made her stomach flip. She let him help her to the window. The other men continued their good natured ribbing while waiting like anxious little boys for her reaction to their work.
She peeked at Zach from the corner of her eyes, but he was looking out the window and actually smiling. “Looks pretty good, doesn’t it?”
She turned her attention to her yard and swallowed, tears flashing across her eyes. “My God, it’s beautiful. Just like I pictured it.” She couldn’t see it all, of course, but tonight after dark, she would don some boots and a coat and go out to the end of her driveway and look. Zach’s coddling be damned.
She breathed through her nose for a bit, gaining control over her leaky eyes and then turned, slipping an arm around Zach’s waist. “Thank you. Thank you all.”
Fiona had moved to another window to take a peek. She stood with her arm around Carlee. “Damn fine job, boys. Damn fine. Let’s eat and warm up.”
If she savored that meal a little more than others, if she participated in the teasing and the discussion with relish, if her eyes darted to the window more than a few dozen times and basked in the thrill of the beauty, it was all right. Zach’s warmth next to her caused a heat wave across her skin, that was okay too.
Because this was going to be her family.
He was going to be hers. Hers.
The connection, the rightness felt meant to be, much like the feeling she’d had when little about her singing. Nothing had stopped her when she made up her mind.
How long would it take to convince Zach?
The gleam in Leia’s eyes was making him nervous. Yes, she had a good deal to be pleased with. The lights were strung, the house looked like a home now, and yet that wasn’t what had her nearly simmering in her chair. For once, he damned his family. Wanted them all gone. Wanted to strip this woman and lay with her, heart to heart, whispering in the dark.
He was on the cusp of something, teetering, a fall imminent. He should pull back. He would pull back.
In a minute.
Beau gave him a look from across the table. He’d noted Leia’s flushed cheeks and animation, too.
Go after her or I will.
The challenge hovered between them. Green-eyed monster jealousy raged. His brother would find himself stranded half-way up the mountain
on a snowy, frost-bitten day in hell if he even thought of trying. He glared, trying to translate the message.
Beau grinned, damn him.
Fiona and Wyatt bickered about a recipe’s ingredients and whether it was healthy enough for a new cookbook Wyatt was producing. Ryder had his eye on the television. The movie over, the news had come on. He rose to turn the volume up.
Zach wanted to ignore it, but when he heard ‘storm of the century’ and thirty inches of snow predicted with brisk winds, he groaned. Carlee did too.
“Does that mean I won’t be able to go skiing in Denver? Or that Mom won’t be able to come?” Carlee turned in her chair beside Zach and he couldn’t stand the devastation in her eyes.
He hedged, not wanting to give her false hope, but not wanting to hurt her either. “I’m not even sure this skiing competitively is a good idea. It’s a lot of pressure for your age.”
“Dad!”
“Sometimes pressure is a good thing. It hones the talent.” Leia gave him a calm look and took a sip of her coffee.
He studied her for a moment, remembering her background and how hard she’d worked to get where she was and look what it got her. “We’ve got time to talk about all that,” he hedged. “There’s classes in January, too.” He looked to Beau for confirmation.
When Beau nodded, Zach turned back to Carlee, ignoring her crestfallen look. “Your mother, I’m not sure. Depends on how bad the roads are when she wants to come up.”
Carlee’s lip trembled. She was hurt and disappointed, just like he expected. He felt bad he couldn’t pull off better, but there wasn’t much he could do.
Beau rose to the occasion. “Hey, Carlee girl, how about you and I go to the lodge and get a suite. That’s where your mom is staying anyway. We can order room service and watch movies and play video games. Once the snow stops, we’ll be primed for some good powder and you’ll be right there when she gets here. Okay with you, Zach?”
“Sure.”
Carlee chewed her lip and turned to Leia. “Will you be okay without me?”
Leia’s hesitant smile sank in his gut like a quarry stone. “Yeah, hon. I’ll get your dad to stock up my cupboards and hunker down with the remote and my guitar. You go….get some practice in on some good snow.”
Zach fought off the sinking sensation.
He wouldn’t leave her alone in the house. With her illness, he’d worry. That meant they’d be alone.
In the dead of night, temptation would be a breathing beast with claws.
No Carlee for a buffer.
Carlee gave him a kiss on the cheek and left the table in a rush to don her jacket and go home to pack a bag. Beau helped his aunt and brothers clear the table and put away the food. Zach remained where he was, twirling his coffee cup, more than aware of Leia eyeing him.
What could he say?
I’m too damn chicken to stay near you when I know within a breath of my imagination what’s going to happen.
“Are you going to have to go out in this?” Leia looked over to his pager, then tilted her chin in challenge and looked back at him.
“Depends. I’m off the clock in a couple hours, but that doesn’t account for random idiocy.”
“Well, I’m going to find another movie on television and watch it snow. Want to join me?”
Hell, yes.
Zach cleared his throat, intending to put on his professional persona and clear out. Instead, he joined the ranks of the random idiots. “Sure.”
“Anything you prefer.”
“Let’s just see what’s on and then we’ll decide.”
“Fine.” Leia rose and made her way back to the living room and found the remote. He watched the way she moved, looking for signs of tiredness, of weakness. But she made it on her own steam and seemed to be even more rejuvenated by the meal with his family. In fact, other than her cough and lingering huskiness in her voice, she was getting closer to fully recovered. Then what would his excuse be for keeping her at an arm’s length.
“Hey Rock Star’s Sheriff—get in here and help with the dishes.” Wyatt stood in the doorway a second.
Zach snapped around in his chair and glared at Wyatt. “What did you call me?”
“You heard me.” Wyatt lifted the remaining serving dishes and lowered his voice. “Compared to what I could have called you, I thought that one fit pretty well.” With another chuckle, he walked back to the kitchen.
Zach turned to see if Leia had heard, but she was engrossed in some of the older movie channels, checking their lineup.
Rock Star’s Sheriff—the title rubbed and prodded, making him squirm and justify, promise and plead with his self-control for more willpower. Because the woman just now sitting on the sofa and wrapping up in the blanket was a woman—beautiful, smart, touching, sexy. She didn’t look like anyone’s Rock Star except his. He knew that was a byproduct of the illness, of shedding her lifestyle; if he blinked the savvy, talented star would be back. Either way was a lose-lose.
Chilled to the core, he rose, intending to help with the dishes, but stopping to look out at the Christmas lights.
Not his, he thought again. He couldn’t afford to take her deep into his soul, to bare things to her he never told anyone, to hold her close and cherish her. He’d lost before and lost big. It wasn’t just about not wanting to take the risk. He liked his life the way it was. People depended on him, everyone stayed in their role and understood his limitations.
Leia wouldn’t understand that, wouldn’t accept, and had the ability to decimate him. Worse, she was tender-hearted and what he’d have to do to protect himself would be the worst kind of sin and confirm for him once and for all that he was broken with no real way to be fixed.
Carlee came back through the front door, interrupting his desperately morbid thoughts. She dropped her bag by the door and wiped her feet. Then she crossed to Leia and kissed her cheek.
“Have fun, honey.”
She straightened her gloves and smiled. “I will. Don’t let Dad push you around.”
“I’ve got ammunition for that,” she mouthed at her, not realizing Zach was looking at her.
Carlee grinned. “Good. He gets way too bossy.”
“I heard that.” Zach stepped closer to the two. Carlee rounded the coffee table and came into his arms, his little girl that used to hold his finger to balance and walk. She now stood chest high and could do things on skis that he would never have the courage to try.
She held him tight. He remembered how a few months ago she was a monster child he didn’t know and Leia had managed to pull her back. This was the girl he knew, loved, and was proud of.
“You can go. Beau can arrange it for January,” he whispered.
She pulled away and the smile she gave him was beautiful as a sunrise. Then she shrieked like the twelve-year-old she was and jumped into his arms. “Thank you, thank you, Dad. I promise I’ll work hard. I’ll keep my grades up. You won’t be sorry.” She kissed his cheek multiple times and then dropped back to the floor.
He put a finger under her chin and lifted so her eyes connected with his. “I know, honey. Some things you just have to try.”
He released her so she could dash to the kitchen to tell Beau and the rest of the family. He looked across the living room and rubbed at the burning in his chest, ignoring the sting in his eyes.
“Good job, Dad.” She gave him two thumbs up. The look on Leia’s face made him want to stride to the sofa, go down on his knees in front of her and kiss those full, smiling lips.
Some things you just have to try.
He closed his eyes, feeling torn asunder inside, desperate to protect, but needing to risk.
The need burned. Scorched. Consumed.
The need was winning.
Zach slammed his back door, satisfied that all was secured at his house. He tromped down the driveway through fourteen inches of snow, the flashlight in his hand the only light. The wind was picking up and soon this fine powder would be a wall of white.
/> His patrol truck was parked in Leia’s driveway with the lights on. The electricity was off all over town, a power crew working on a snapped main out on the highway. One of his other deputies was at the station to cover for the night.
He’d spent his patrol hours trying to convince himself he could stay at his house. The electricity issue made the decision. He was going to stay at Leia’s. He could smell the smoke from her chimney so she had a fire where his house did not. He also could make sure she stayed okay with the nasty turn of weather.
He would slip into her house, stoke the fire and crash on the sofa for a few hours before doing a welfare check on some of the town’s older citizens as soon as the new day arrived.
He tightened the muffler across his face, carefully stepping through the snow. He reached his truck and turned off the lights and engine. He placed his weapon in the gun box stored under the seat and locked the door. Bone-weary and yet wired, he wondered if Leia was asleep.
Would be better for both of them if she was.
He was chasing his thoughts like a trapped wolverine, ready to gnaw off his leg. Damn woman anyway. He couldn’t be in the same room with her without wanting and he couldn’t be away from her without wanting. Hell of a dilemma.
They’d had lots of time in the house together, but Carlee had always been underfoot or about to be underfoot. Now she was reigning supreme at the lodge, being pampered with room service and the entire staff making a big deal about her. She needed that, but he needed her for the buffer. There was another hell of a thing for him to feel. He needed his daughter to keep him from having sex with the Rock Star.
He walked up the driveway and ducked under the awning between the house and the garage. He cupped a hand over the flashlight because the glare off the falling snow was blinding him. Best quit dithering about the state of his libido and get in out of the freezing weather. He reached for the knob and it pulled out from under his hand.
She yelped, her fists going up to protect herself.
All his hopes shot down in flames and he couldn’t help the snap in his voice. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Pumpkins, Cowboys & Guitars Page 60
