"Well, yeah… it's a pretty ugly temper."
I leaned forward and gazed at him until he looked back at me. I managed to hold his stare even while the sensation of cold knives shredded me. "You're an idiot," I said.
"Hey. That's a little harsh, isn't it?"
"No," I replied. "You dove into a situation you hadn't fully evaluated and didn't understand. Under the circumstances, that makes sense. But after that, you only made your own situation worse. You should be embarrassed. Your temper got you into deep kimchi with Edward and it'll get you in just as deep with me, if you don't keep a lid on it. You ought to be scared out of your damned mind. I am."
I sat back, tired out by my own annoyance and underlying fear.
"I am scared," he muttered. "I'm scared of everything. Daylight. People. Myself. I'm afraid that I'll hurt someone. What if I attack my sister or my mother? What if I flip out and kill someone? I don't need to kill for food, but what if I do it by accident? All my friends come down to the Square, you know. What if someone figures me out and… and… I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be a monster!"
Who does? I sighed. "Oh, for the gods' sweet sakes. You're not a monster. You didn't harm the Danzigers, did you?"
"No, but they knew and they were prepared. They had… magic and stuff."
"So do you, if what the Danzigers said is true. You are a creature of magic, a denizen of the Grey. This is going to be hard," I added, shaking my head.
"Why?"
"Because I'm not good with this ghosts-and-magic stuff, so I can only do things in the way I already know, and that's the ordinary human way. Investigation and legwork and shuffling papers. If that doesn't work, I don't know what we'll have to do, but I hope it won't get us killed."
"It has to work… I know you can make it work. You just have to."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence. Luckily, it seems that Edward used a condo that belongs to TPM to house Sarah. I'm already trying to track down his connection to TPM. You wouldn't happen to know his last name?"
"Edward's? I don't know if I ever heard it. But TPM… Wow. They're pretty heavy."
"Yes, they are. And here's a funny coincidence for you. In addition to the condo building, they also own several clubs in Seattle, including two in Pioneer Square."
"They do?" Cameron leaned forward. "Which ones?"
"The After Dark, which I've never heard of, and Dominic's, which happens to employ the bouncer who confirmed that you were in Pioneer Square just last night."
"Jesus H—I thought Edward owned Dominic's. But if he's connected to TPM…"
"Edward can't be the principal of Dominic's. Steve the bouncer told me he'd never heard of Edward."
"He's lying. Maybe he never heard his first name—that's a possibility— but he sure knows him on sight. TPM. That might explain why so many people kowtow to Edward, though. And he seems to be a very important guy among the vampires. Lots of bootlicking there, too. He said I was out and by the next night I might as well have been the invisible man."
"So you don't know what his connection is to TPM? Or exactly what his position is relative to the vampire community?" I clarified.
"No, I don't, but I'd guess if he's not the top dog, he's very close to him."
"Oh, terrific. I've just agreed to take on Seattle's top bloodsucker. Thanks, Cameron. I always did like to live dangerously."
"Well, I didn't say it was going to be a normal job."
Chapter 19
At seven a.m. Wednesday morning, I rolled out of bed to stagger around the water tower. It was the worst I'd felt in a week, but I was doing much better at keeping the Grey at bay—at least when there were no ghosts or witches or vampires around. It was an ever-present thin mist dodging around the edges of my vision now, throwing occasional ghost-shapes over the landscape ahead. The constant flickering at the corners of my eyes left me a little dizzy.
When I stumbled home, I called Colleen Shadley to say I'd found Cameron.
Silence sat on the line a while before she asked, "Under what circumstances?"
"Living in his car down in Pioneer Square." "Why? That's not like him." "He had a personal problem and he panicked." "Ridiculous. Why didn't he call me? I certainly could have taken care of it."
"He was scared but wanted to take care of the problem himself. He got in a little over his head. I've agreed to help him deal with it," I explained. "He should be calling you soon. If you don't hear from him, please let me know."
"It must be drugs," she stated. "It's the only way I can account for this behavior."
That sounded familiar. "This has nothing to do with drugs. He's just young and his situation was more complicated than he realized."
"What is this situation you keep talking about?" she demanded.
"Cameron wanted to discuss it with you himself." I was biting my tongue pretty hard as my temper rose. Sarah's view of her mother snapped into focus.
"I paid for this investigation. You have a contractual obligation to tell me."
The temperature of my voice hovered near freezing. "No, Colleen. The contract gives me discretion on matters not directly bearing on the job, and I'm exercising that clause. You paid for me to find your son, not to spy on him. If he doesn't call you within twenty-four hours, then I'll be glad to discuss whatever you want. But your son asked for some time to straighten out a few things and I'm giving him that courtesy."
"Will I be billed for this 'courtesy'?"
"No."
"I'll call you as soon as I hear from Cameron. Or not." She cracked the phone into the cradle as she hung up.
I slithered out of my sweats and running shoes and flopped back into bed. I felt like a Chihuahua in a wind tunnel. Flat on my back, eyes closed… I was more tired than I should have been, but the constant wearing nausea was gone. I couldn't see the Grey. I was aware of it, but it wasn't immediate. Without the flickering, the treacherous false ground, the heaving, unstill world on top of the world, only fatigue remained. It was the Grey that left me queasy and worn, the uneven, sporadic view, the constant expenditure of energy to figure out what was real and hold back the rest.
Groaning, I got up and called Mara. Inside an hour, I was back in the Danzigers' kitchen.
I held on to a cup of coffee, but I wasn't drinking it. "I have to get a handle on this. I know I'm a lousy student, but bear with me. I agreed to help Cameron with his problem, but I'll have to get closer to the Grey to do it."
Mara started to say something and I waved her down. "And much as I don't like it, you were right. This isn't going away. I don't want to be a witch or a psychic or a Greywalker or anything else. I just want to do my job, but I can't seem to without help. Cameron is… well, he's not quite like the rest of us, and I'm going to have to deal with more like him. And this other investigation keeps turning up dead men. I've never dealt with this many recently deceased in my life. I'm at three now and the coincidence is bugging me. What's with the dead guys?"
Mara swallowed a bite of muffin. "I've been considering that. You're like a pebble in a pond, putting out Grey ripples, and all the fishes in that pond come swimming to see. That's part of the difficulties you've been having. They swarm around and frighten you. And perhaps a few of them are pushing you in some way you can't yet discern."
"You mean like that geas thing?"
"No. What I'm wondering, now that it's come up, is this. If a vampire, like Cameron, can have problems which need help solving, why not other creatures of the Grey? Some of them can't communicate well, and others may need help which cannot be easily found. And here you are. Perhaps the number of dead you are turning up is no coincidence at all, but a sign that you're dealing with something out of the ordinary. And as they're attracted to you, so are a lot of other Grey things."
I forced a laugh. "I hope not. The last thing I want is a client list from a horror novel."
"If they choose to come to you, how will you turn them away? And is it even fair to do so?"
I put the c
offee cup down. "Don't start on the ethics. I'm already tied up about this as it is."
She shrugged, but she'd made her point.
I picked apart a muffin, scattering the bits around my plate.
Mara pushed hers aside. "I looked up a couple of simple tricks and I'm thinking they might help you out."
"Not more trips to the Grey today, please, Mara."
"No, no. These are truly simple. In a way, you already know one and the other's not any harder."
I sighed. "What've you got?"
She grinned, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "You've learned to push the Grey back so it's just a bit of a flicker on the edges, right?"
I nodded.
"So, if you look sideways and concentrate on that Grey flicker you should be just seeing into the Grey. Sort of a filter."
"Hey… I think I did that, in a way, when I was looking for Cameron in his car."
"Then all you need do now is refine the technique. Don't look straight on, just peek out of the corner of your eye."
The first few times I tried it, the Grey just slipped around and disappeared, but I got the hang of it pretty quickly.
As I peered from the corner of my eye while the sensation of the Grey barrier raised the hair on my arms, a tiny slice of the world went cold silver. I could see white shapes squirreling along the floor and up the walls like vines, weaving glowing lattices through the house.
I gasped. "That's why nothing gets in here! That's why you weren't worried about Cameron. The house has a… a…"
Mara whooped. "Tender's Lace. It's a protective charm, just very large. Let's try the other. This time, you'll need to sort of grab the edge of the Grey and bend it round you."
"What? I thought you said I didn't need to go in there."
"You don't. You can do it from either side if you can catch the thing. That'll be the tricky part."
I narrowed my eyes. "Why would I want to?"
"Because, while the edge of the Grey is no barrier to you, it is to one of them. If you can bend a bit of the edge around you, it'll act as a shield. Not for very long, I suspect, but it should at least bounce things back from you, if they aren't too solid. Wouldn't have much of an effect on Cameron, but should keep a ghost back. You could try it with Albert."
"I'd rather take your word for it than invite Albert to cuddle up, if you don't mind."
"Why? Do you think he's angry at you?"
"I'd rather not find out today."
"Try the trick anyway. I can test it, if you prefer."
"I'm still not so sure…"
I felt around for the edge of the Grey, but since I was trying to grab it, naturally I couldn't. I could only find it as a rippling wall of here/ there. Every time I tried to catch it, it bulged away.
"It's not physical," Mara reminded me. "It's a mental trick. Just push it around."
I pushed. The cloud-mist in front of me curved, leaving a clear bubble between me and it. I moved my hands to grab it, not thinking. The Grey gleamed like glass in front of my hands and slid a bit, keeping the same distance as before. I stared at it and moved my hands apart.
The gleaming bit of Grey grew. It felt heavy, as if the Grey not-mist had developed weight and was pushing back on my hands. My finger-tips went white from the intense cold. I jerked my hands back and the Grey slumped back into its usual roiling storm-light.
I moved around and pushed on it again, feeling the deformation stiffen and grow heavy with cold. I pushed harder and popped through it, tumbling into the chill, instantly swamped in the cold, writhing haze. For an instant I was disoriented and afraid, but I caught my breath and a whiff of weird chemicals and pushed my way back out. Mara put out a hand, as if that would help.
She looked me over. "That almost worked. Try it again."
I shook her off. "No way. Not right now. It's wearing me out. I don't feel so good around this stuff, anyway. It smells bad, it's cold, and it gives me vertigo. There's no up and down in there."
"Is it really that appalling? I had no idea."
"The difference between theory and practice I guess."
She laughed. "Ha! Hoist on me own petard! Still you should try—"
"I'll practice, but not right now. Thanks for the tips, though"
"Glad to. Should help you keep the beasties at bay. And there will be more. You're making waves, remember."
"I do, but I have one question. Why do they seem to go away when I'm in my truck?"
"Do they? They never really go away, so if you're not seeing the Grey, it's because the truck's material acts as a filter. It's got no connection to the Grey. It keeps them out, but it also keeps you in."
"That's fine. I can't start thinking about monsters from the Grey descending on me, or I'll start screaming. Even if I can make myself believe in them."
"But Harper.»
I waved through her words. "I know, I know, but it's one thing to say you do and see one or two bits of proof and another to get your head around the whole, enormous thing. I'm trying to keep my balance. I'm not used to this brand of open-mindedness. I'm a cynic by nature and training and likely to stay that way."
Mara heaved a sigh. "I know. But so long as you're fighting it, the Grey will be a minefield for you. Be careful. Learn to accept it."
"I'm working on it, Mara. I am."
I wished I didn't have to.
I was just ahead of rush hour all the way to Bellevue.
Nothing seemed to have changed at Sarah's house. The motorcycle parts still reposed outside, the lawn still played dead. Sarah answered my knock before I finished. I almost rapped on her forehead. She didn't seem to notice. She was grinning.
"Hi, Harper! Cam said you might drop by. Come on in. I've got some coffee on, if you want some, she added, holding the door So Cam got in touch with you?" I asked as I settled myself at the table.
"Yeah," she called over her shoulder as she gathered up the coffee things. "He came by kind of late last night. Like, about two a.m."
She brought the tray and sat down with me. "I was kinda surprised to see him. I mean, you said you thought you'd find him pretty quick, but I didn't expect it to be that quick. And then he starts telling me this crazy story, and I thought he was jerking my chain, at first. I mean, that is one weird tale. A vampire? Like I think that's likely…"
"What do you think now?" I asked.
"It sounds crazy, but I believe him. It… it kind of fits. Mom is not going to be cool with this, though. I'm still a little out of it on some of the details myself. Cam couldn't stay a real long time, y'know. He said you're making him call Mom tonight. Is that right?"
"I'm not holding a gun to his head. I told him it was the reasonable, responsible thing to do. If he had called her a month ago, I never would have gotten the case. Even if he'd made up some kind of lie to tell her, your mother would have at least known he was around."
"I know," she said, rocking her shoulders in a queer, rolling shrug. "It's just going to be hard to tell her the truth and get her to believe it. Mom's imagination is limited to interior design and party planning."
"We'll have to wait and see."
"Yeah, I guess. I got the feeling there's still some kind of problem, but like I said, we didn't have a lot of time. Is he going to be all right?"
"I think so," I replied. "Something needs to be resolved, yet, but once that's taken care of, things should be OK. But this is pretty strange stuff to be going through on your own."
"You got that right." She shuddered. "It makes me pretty creeped out to think about it. Edward could have gotten me, too, y'know."
I shook my head. "I haven't gotten a handle on this guy yet, but I don't think he would have done the same thing to you. You're not the same sort of person as your brother, and I think the personality clash made all the difference. At least, that's what I think right now. I could change my mind by this time next week." I didn't add that I suspected the natural path of Edward's games with Sarah would have led to the county morgue.
"I
n the meantime," I continued, "I'm going to try to help Cameron resolve his problem. Can I call on you if I need your help?"
"Sure," she said. "Anything you need." She got a notebook out of her purse and scribbled on a page, ripped it out, and handed it to me. "That's my boyfriend's cell phone number. He left it with me while he's in Italy."
I cocked a quizzical look at her. "You've had a phone all this time?"
"Yeah, but I wasn't going to let my mom know that." She grinned and became a very pretty girl with very ugly hair.
"I won't tell her," I promised.
"Thanks."
Back across the water, I stopped at the office to check my messages.
"Ms. Blaine, of course paying for information is no problem. Up t… five hundred dollars? This will be acceptable. Please keep me informed." Sergeyev really wanted this thing.
I wrote myself a note, then headed home.
I checked Chaos when I got home and found her sleeping, ignoring me with a will. I looked toward the chair and the narrow, awful-red cabinet and let them wait. I flopped onto the couch with a beer and indulged in total, potato-headed TV-watching.
I was fascinated by some kind of nature show about Australia when the phone rang. I answered and was ambushed.
"I just talked to my son, thank you," Colleen Shadley started, "and he told me some… cockamamie story about vampires and night-clubs and I don't know what. Now, you—you tell me what is really going on!"
"I'm not certain myself yet," I answered. "It's complicated."
"That's hogwash! Why is he doing this to me? Why is Cameron lying to me? I hired you to find my son and you seem to have found some kind of nut!"
"Are you saying that the man you just spoke to was not your son?" I asked.
"No, I am not!"
"So it was Cameron who called?"
"Well, it sounded like him. Except for this wild tale-telling. Now, you tell me the truth, damn it!"
"Well," I drawled, "I am pretty well convinced your son is a vampire."
"What!" she shrieked. "Have you gone completely insane!"
"No." My speech was like molasses. "I don't want to upset you, Colleen, but, as the Bard said, 'There are more things in heaven and earth… I wasn't inclined to believe it myself, at first, but Cam has said and demonstrated some things that convince me that he's… not factory spec anymore. And he still has some problems to resolve."
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