by John McElroy
CHAPTER XI. THE PLAGUE OP THE SOLDIER
INTRODUCTION TO "ONE WHO STICKETH CLOSER THAN A BROTHER."
"HELLO Si; goin' for a soljer, ain't ye?"
"You bet!"
"Wall, you'd better b'lieve its great fun; it's jest a picnic all thetime! But, say, Si, let's see yer finger-nails!"
"I'd like ter know what finger-nails 's got to do with soljerin'!" saidSi. "The 'cruitin' ossifer 'n' the man 't keeps the doctor shop mademe shuck myself, 'n' then they 'xamined my teeth, 'n' thumped me in theribs, 'n' rubbed down my legs, 'n' looked at my hoofs, same 's if'I'd bin a hoss they wuz buyin', but they didn't say nothin' 'bout myfinger-nails."
"You jest do 's I tell ye; let 'em grow, 'n' keep 'em right sharp. Ye'llfind plenty o' use fer 'em arter a while, 'n' 'twont be long, nuther. Iknow what I'm talkin' 'bout; I've been thar!"
This conversation took place a day or two before Si bade farewell tohis mother and sister Marier and pretty Annabel and left the peacefulprecincts of Posey County to march away with the 200th Ind. for thatawful place vaguely designated as "the front!" He had promptly respondedto the call, and his name was near the top of the list of Company Q.
"LET YER NAILS GROW; YE'LL NEED 'EM" 097 ]
Si already had his blue clothes on. By enlisting early he had agood pick of the various garments, and so got a suit that fitted hisform--which was plump as an apple-dumpling tolerably well. It was leftfor the tail-enders of the company to draw trousers that were six inchestoo long or too short, and blouses that either wouldn't reach around,and left yawning chasms in front, or were so large that they looked asif they were hung on bean-poles.
Of course, Si couldn't be expected to do any more plodding farm work,now that he had "jined" the army. While the company was filling up hespent most of his time on dress parade in the village near by, elicitingadmiring smiles from all the girls, and an object of the profoundest aweand wonder to tha small boys.
One day Si was sitting on the sugar-barrel in the corner grocery,gnawing a "blind robin," and telling how he thought the war wouldn'tlast long after the 200th Ind. got down there and took a hand and gotfairly interested in the game; they would wind it up in short meter.Such ardent emotions always seethed and bubbled in the swelling breastsof the new troops when they came down to show the veterans just how todo it.
One of the town boys who had been a year in the service, had got abullet through his arm in a skirmish, and was at home on furlough, cameinto the store, and then took place the dialog between him and Si thatopens this chapter.
Si wondered a good deal what the veteran meant about the finger-nails.He did not even know that there existed in any nature a certain activeand industrious insect which, before he had been in the army a greatwhile, would cause his heart to overflow with gratitude to a beneficentProvidence for providing him with nails on his fingers.
When the 200th left Indiana all the boys had, of course, brand-newoutfits right from Uncle Sam's great one-price clothing house. Theirgarments were nice and clean, their faces well washed, and their hairyet showed marks of the comb. At Louisville they stuck up their noses,with a lofty consciousness of superiority, at the sight of Buell'stanned and ragged tramps, who had just come up on the gallop fromTennessee and northern Alabama.
"SAY, CAP, WHAT KIND O' BUG IS THIS?" 099 ]
If the new Hoosier regiment had been quartered for a while in long-usedbarracks, or had pitched its tents in an old camp, Si would very soonhave learned, in the school of experience, the delightful uses offinger-nails. But the 200th stayed only a single night in Louisvilleand then joined the procession that started on the chase after the rebelarmy. It generally camped on new ground, and under these circumstancesthe insect to which allusion has been made did not begin its work ofdevastation with that suddenness that usually marked its attack uponsoldiers entering the field. But he never failed to "git there" sooneror later, and it was more frequently sooner than later.
One afternoon, when a few days out on this march, a regiment ofWisconsin veterans bivouacked next to the 200th Ind. The strange anticsas they threw off their accouterments attracted Si's attention.
"Look a' thar," he said to Shorty. "What 'n name of all the prophets 'sthem fellers up to?"
"Seems like they was scratchin' theirselves!"
"I s'pose that's on account of the dust 'n' sweat," said Si.
"It's a mighty sight worse 'n that!" replied Shorty, who knew more aboutthese things than Si did. "I reckon we'll all be doin' like they are'fore long."
Si whistled softly to himself as he watched the Wisconsin boys. Theywere hitching and twisting their shoulders about, evidently enjoyingthe friction of the clothing upon their skins. There was a generalemployment of fingers, and often one would be seen getting come otherfellow to scratch his back around where he couldn't reach himself. Ifeverybody was too busy to do this for him he would back up to a tree andrub up and down against the bark.
Life has few pleasures that can equal the sensations of delightfulenjoyment produced in those days, when graybacks were plenty, by rubbingagainst a tree that nicely fitted the hollow of the back, after throwingoff one's "traps" at the end of a day's march.
Directly the Wisconsin chaps began to scatter into the woods. Si watchedthem as they got behind the trees and threw off their blouses andshirts. He thought at first that perhaps they were going in swimming,but there was no stream of water at hand large enough to justify thistheory in explanation of their nudity. As each man set down, spread hisnether garment over his knees and appeared to be intently engaged, witheyes and fingers. Si's curiosity was very much excited.
"Looks 's if they wuz all mendin' up their shirts and sewin' onbuttons," said Si, "Guess it's part o' their regular drill, ain't it,Shorty?"
Shorty laughed at Si's ignorant simplicity. He knew what those veteranswere doing, and he knew that Si would have to come to it, but he didn'twant to shock his tender sensibilities by telling him of it.
"Them fellers ain't sewin' on no buttons. Si," he replied; "they'reskirmishin'."
"Skirmishin'!" exclaimed Si, opening his eyes very wide. "I haint seenany signs o' rebs 'round here, 'n' there aint any shootin' goin' on,'nless I've lost my hearin'. Durned if 't aint the funniest skirmishin'I ever hearn tell of!"
"Now, don't ax me nuthin' more 'bout it, Si," said Shorty. "All I'mgoin' to tell ye is that the longer ye live the more ye'll find thingsout. Let's flax 'round 'n' git supper!"
A little while after, as Si was squatting on the ground holding thefrying-pan over the fire, he saw a strange insect vaguely wanderingabout on the sleeve of his blouse. It seemed to be looking forsomething, and Si became interested as he watched it traveling up anddown his arm. He had never seen one like it before, and he thought hewould like to know what it was. He would have asked Shorty, but hiscomrade had gone to the spring for water. Casting his eye around he sawthe Captain, who chanced to be sauntering through the camp.
The Captain of Co. Q had been the Principal of a seminary in PoseyCounty, and was looked upon with awe by the simple folk as a man whoknew about all that was worth knowing. Si thought he might be able totell him all about the harmless's-looking little stranger.
So he put down his frying-pan and stepped up to the Captain, holding outhis arm and keeping his eye on the insect so that he shouldn't get away.
"Good evenin', Cap.," said Si, touching his hat, and addressing himwith that familiar disregard of official dignity that characterisedthe average volunteer, who generally felt that he was just as good asanybody who wore shoulder straps.
"Good evening, Klegg," said the Captain, returning the salute.
"Say, Cap, you've been ter collidge 'n' got filled up with book-larnin';p'raps ye kin tell me what kind o' bug this is. I'm jest a little bitcurious to know."
And Si pointed to the object of his inquiry that was leisurely creepingtoward a hole in the elbow of his outer garment.
"Well, Josiah," said the Captain, after a brief inspection, "I presumeI don't know quite as much as
some people think I do; but I guess I cantell you something about that insect. I never had any of them myself,but I've read of them."
"Never had 'em himself," thought Si. "What 'n the world does ha mean?"And Si's big eyes opened with wonder and fear at the thought thatwhatever it was he had "got 'em."
"I suppose," continued the Captain, "you would like to know thescientific name?"
"I reck'n that'll do 's well 's any."
"Well, sir, that is a Pediculus. That's a Latin word, but it's hisname."
"Purty big name fer such a leetle bug, ain't it, Perfessor?" observedSi. "Name's big enough for an el'fant er a 'potamus."
"SKIRMISHING" 103 ]
"It may seem so, Klegg; but when you get intimately acquainted with himI think you will find that his name isn't any too large for him. Thereis a good deal more of him than you think."
The young soldier's eyes opened still wider.
"I was going on to tell you," continued the Captain, "that there areseveral kinds of Pediculi--we don't say Pediculuses. There is thePediculus Capitis--Latin again--but it means the kind that lives on thehead. I presume when you were a little shaver your mother now and thenharrowed your head with a fine-tooth comb?"
"Ya-as" said Si; "she almost took the hide off sometimes, an' made meyell like an Injun."
"Now, Klegg, I don't wish to cause you unnecessary alarm, but I will saythat the head insect isn't a circumstance to this one on your arm.As you would express it, perhaps, he can't hold a candle to him. Thisfellow is the Pediculus Corporis!"
"I s'pose that means they eats up Corporals!" said Si.
"I do not think the Pediculus Corporis confines himself exclusively toCorporals, as his name might indicate," said the Captain, laughing atSi's literal translation and his personal application of the word. "Heno doubt likes a juicy and succulent Corporal, but I don't believe he isany respecter of persons. That's my opinion, from what I've heard abouthim. It is likely that I 'will be able to speak more definitely, fromexperience, after a while. Corporis means that he is the kind thatpastures on the human body. But there's one thing more about thisfellow, some call him Pediculus Vestimenti; that is because he livesaround in the clothing."
"But we don't wear no vests," said Si, taking a practical view of thisnew word; "nothin' but blouses, 'n' pants, 'n' shirts."
"You are too literal, Klegg. That word means any kind of clothes. But Iguess I've told you as much about him as you care to know at present. Ifyou want any more information, after two or three weeks, come and seeme again. I think by that time you will not find it necessary to ask anymore questions."
Si went back to his cooking, with the Pediculus still on his arm. Hewanted to show it to Shorty. The Captain's profound explanation, withits large words, was a little too much for Si. He did not yet clearlycomprehend the matter, and as he walked thoughtfully to where Shorty was"bilin'" the coffee he was trying to get through his head what it allmeant.
"Hello, Si," said Shorty; "whar ye bin? What d'ye mean, goin' off 'n'leavin' yer sowbelly half done?"
"Sh-h!" replied Si. "Ye needn't git yer back up about it. Bin talkin' tothe Cap'n. Shorty, look at that 'ere bug!"
And Si pointed to the object of the Captain's lecture on natural historythat was still creeping on his arm. Shorty slapped his thigh and burstinto a loud laugh.
"Was that what ye went to see the Cap'n 'bout?" he asked as soon as hecould speak.
"Why--ya-as," replied Si, somewhat surprised at Shorty's unseemlylevity. "I saw that thing crawlin' round, 'n' I was a-wonderin' whatit was, fer I never seen one afore. I knowed Cap was a scolard, 'n' aperfesser, 'n' all that 'n' I 'lowed he c'd tell me all about it. So Iwent 'n' axed him."
"What'd he tell ye?"
"He told me lots o' big, heathenish words, 'n' said this bug was aridiculous, or suthin' like that."
"'Diculus be blowed!" said Shorty, "The ole man was a'stuffin' ye. I'lltell ye what that is, Si," he added solemnly, "that's a grayback!"
"A grayback!" said Si. "I've hearn 'em call the Johnnies graybacks, butI didn't know 's there was any other kind."
"I reck'n 'twont be long, now, till yer catches on ter the meanin' olwhat a grayback is. Ye'll know all 'bout it purty sudden. This ain't thefirst one I ever seen."
Si was impressed, as he had often been before, by Shorty's superiorwisdom and experience.
"See here. Si," Shorty continued, as his eye suddenly lighted up with abrilliant thought, "I guess I kin make ye understand what a grayback is.What d'ye call that coat ye've got on?"
"Why, that's a fool question; it's a blouse, of course!"
"Jesso!" said Shorty. "Now, knock off the fust letter o' that word, 'n'see what ye got left!"
Si looked at Shorty as if he thought his conundrums were an indicationof approaching idiocy. Then he said, half to himself:
"Let's see! Blouse--blouse--take off the 'b' 'n' she spells l-o-u-s-e,louse! Great Scott, Shorty, is that a louse?"
"That's jest the size of it. Si. Ye'll have millions of 'em 'fore thewar's over 'f they don't hurry up the cakes."
Si looked as if he would like to dig a hole in the ground, get into it,and have Shorty cover him up.
"Why didn't the Cap'n tell me it was that? He said suthin' aboutridiculus corporalis, and I thought he was makin' fun o' me. He saidthese bugs liked to eat fat Corporals.'
"I reck'n that's so," replied Shorty; "but they likes other people jestas well--even a skinny feller like me. They lunches off'n privits, 'n'Corp'rils, 'n' Kurnals, 'n' Gin'rals, all the same. They ain't satisfiedwith three square meals a day, nuther; they jest eats right along allthe time 'tween regular meals. They allus gits hungry in the night, too,and chaws a feller up while he sleeps. They don't give ye no show atall. I rayther think the graybacks likes the ossifers best if theycould have their ch'ice, 'cause they's fatter 'n the privits; they gitsbetter grub."
Si fairly turned pale as he contemplated the picture so graphicallyportrayed by Shorty. The latter's explanation was far more effectual inletting the light in upon Si's mind than the scientific disquisitionof the "Perfesser." He had now a pretty clear idea of what a "grayback"was. Whatever he lacked to make his knowledge complete was soon suppliedin the regular way. But Si was deeply grieved and shocked at what Shortyhad told him. It was some minutes before he said anything more.
"Shorty," he said, with a sadness in his tone that would almost havemoved a mule to tears, "who'd a-thought rd ever git as low down 's this,to have them all-fired graybacks, 's ye call 'em, crawlin' over me.How'd mother feel if she knew about 'em. She wouldn't sleep a wink fer amonth!"
"Ye'll have to come to it. Si. All the soljers does, from theMajor-Gin'rals down to the tail-end of the mule-whackers. Ye mind them'Sconsin chaps we was lookin' at a little bit ago?"
"Yes," said Si.
"Well, graybacks was what ailed 'em. The fellers with their shirts ontheir knees was killin' 'em off. That's what they calls 'skirmishin'.There's other kinds o' skirmishing besides fitin' rebels! Ye'd bettergit rid of that one on yer arm, if he hasn't got inside already; thenthere'll be one less of 'em."
Si found him after a short search, and proposed to get a chip, carry himto the fire and throw him in.
"Naw!" said Shorty in disgust, "that's no way. Lemme show yer how!"
"NAW! LEMME SHOW YE HOW!" 107 ]
Shorty placed one thumb-nail on each side of the insect. There was aquick pressure, a snap like the crack of a percussion cap, and all wasover.
Si shuddered, and wondered if he could ever engage in such a work ofslaughter.
"D'ye s'pose," he said to Shorty, "that there's any more of 'em on me?"And he began to hitch his shoulders about, and to feel a desire to puthis fingers to active use.
"Shouldn't wonder," replied Shorty. "Mebbe I've got 'em, to. Let's goout'n do a little skirmishin' ourselves."
"We'd better go off a good ways," said Si, "so's the boys won't see us."
"You're too nice and pertickler for a soljer. Si. They'll all be doin'it, ev
en the Cap'n himself, by termorrer or nex' day."
They went out back of the camp, where Si insisted on getting behindthe largest tree he could find. Then they sat down and engaged in thatexciting chase of the Pediculus up and down the seams of their garments,so familiar to all who wore either the blue or the gray. Thousandsof nice young men who are now preachers and doctors and lawyers andstatesmen, felt just as bad about it at first as Si did.
"Shorty," said Si, as they slowly walked back to eat their supper, whichhad been neglected in the excitement of the hour, "before Co. Q leftPosey County to jine the rigiment a feller 't was home on furlow toldme ter let my finger-nails grow long 'n' sharp. He said I'd need 'em. Ididn't know what he meant then, but I b'lieve I do now."
