by Diana Quincy
“Bloody hell.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’ve made my mark as a leader of men, but at the moment I’ve no idea how to conduct my own life.”
Understanding lit his face. “Is this about Lady Katherine?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“To me it is. She’s always been the only person who can turn you inside out.”
“I discovered Sinclair screwing another woman this evening.”
“Sinclair?” Cam’s dark amber brows rose. “I wouldn’t have thought he had it in him.”
“Exactly.”
“Is the lady aware?”
“Kat? No.” He drained his glass and set it on the table with a resolute clunk. “And I don’t plan to enlighten her. She has been hurt enough.”
“You mean to allow the woman you love to marry a faithless man?” He shook his head. “I could never have let Charlotte go.”
“It’s not at all the same. Being with me could ruin Kat’s life.”
“Do not be so certain.” Cam’s smile was wry. “Charlotte has certain associations that, if known publicly, could ruin me.”
“Truly?” His mouth slackened. “Then why did you marry her?”
“She was worth the risk.” He smiled at the memory. “She put up a formidable fight to protect me, but I wouldn’t have it. I seduced her.”
“You seduced Charlotte?” he asked, incredulous.
“In a manner of speaking,” Cam said in a mild tone. “Does Lady Katherine care for you as you care for her?”
“She does.” Restless, Rand pushed out of the chair and paced away. Vera stood, her ears and tail alert. “She intended to cry off from Sinclair so we could wed.”
“What happened?”
“I led her to believe I would be a faithless husband.”
“I won’t even ask how you managed to convince her of that.” Cam rose to refill their drinks. “Why do you think you are unworthy of Lady Katherine? As Basil said, you are an earl and a war hero.”
He paused. “The war left more of a mark on me than the scar on my shoulder.”
Cam stilled. “Meaning?”
His heart accelerated as he forced out the words. “I experience…bouts.”
Concern lit Cam’s green eyes. “What sort of bouts?”
“Episodes that can best be described as waking nightmares. Sudden movements, sounds, smells, anything can trigger it. I panic, sometimes I blank out and can’t remember what occurred.”
“I see.” The words were gentle. “Can anything be done to ease your distress?”
“There is an expert, Doctor Drummond, who believes so.”
“Doctor Drummond? The fellow Will mentioned during our walk in Kensington Gardens?”
“The very one.”
“Have you consulted with him?”
“No, a…friend of mine is doing so now.” He exhaled. “I’m at a loss as to what is best for Kat now. Is she better off with a scoundrel for a husband or a probable bedlamite? Both are pathetic options for the toast of the ton.”
“You are not a bedlamite and I will not have you speak as if you are, or ever could be.” He walked over to Rand and handed him his refilled glass. “Perhaps you should see this Doctor Drummond to determine whether he can help ease your distress. If this is the reason you are condemning yourself to a life without the lady you love, it’s pure folly.”
“I couldn’t stand her pity if she were to see me in that state.”
“It is inevitable that our wives will at some point see us at our worst. It is part of marriage,” Cam said. “If the love is strong enough, it can be overcome. In the case of you and Lady Kat, I do not believe your issues are insurmountable.”
“You think I should pursue her, despite everything?”
“You are the great strategist, so why don’t you strategize? Fight for the lady with the same fierce determination you battled the Corsican. See this Doctor Drummond about your episodes and go and claim your lady.”
“My lady? That is a bit premature.”
“Not at all. If anything you are late. She’s always been yours. You’ve just taken overlong to claim her.”
Rand returned home after taking his leave of Cam to spend a long, restless night. He could not see a life with Kitty as he was now, but he also could not envision one without her. By early morning, he’d reached a decision. He rose from his bed and searched for the calling card he’d received weeks ago at the Hobart’s house party. Both relief and trepidation filled him when he found it. Flipping it over, he saw that Doctor Drummond had scribbled his direction on the back. He dressed with haste, before he could change his mind, and set out for Drummond’s home, hoping to reach the doctor before he left town today with Toby…and before Rand’s own resolution faltered.
…
“My lady, you cannot visit a bachelor residence.”
Fanny’s words barely registered with Kat, who fingered her short curls as she peered through the carriage window at the imposing Palladian-style structure with pilasters running from the ground to the roof. So this was where Rand lived.
He was the last person she wanted to seek out, but she could think of nowhere else to turn. Toby had vanished two days prior without a trace. Aunt Winnie and Bea were beside themselves. She remembered Toby telling her he was going away and that Rand would know how to reach him.
“We must.” She tapped on the roof and the footman appeared immediately to open the door and pull down the step.
“My lady, this won’t do at all,” Fanny said.
Ignoring her, Kat stepped down. “You may wait for me here if you prefer.” To the coachman, she said. “Drive around the block please.”
“I most certainly will not.” Fanny scrambled down after her, clearly agitated. “I know what the two of you get up to when you are alone.”
Kat quickened her stride. “Not any longer.” A fresh wave of hurt and anger washed over her. “He can’t stay far enough away from me.” When Fanny made a derisive sound, she added, “It’s true. He’s courting Miss Campbell now.”
“Hmph.”
She hated it when Fanny did that. Making her opinion clear when she hadn’t actually said anything. “What does that mean?”
“That man only has eyes for you. Any fool can see it.”
“You are not present at the gatherings where he constantly attends her.” It was enough to turn her stomach, and it often did. Her stride faltered and she considered turning back, but then Aunt Winnie’s aggrieved face came to her mind along with Bea’s pale, quiet worry. She straightened her spine and marched up the stairs to sound the knocker before she could lose her courage.
No noise came from inside. A servant should have opened the door immediately. She frowned at Fanny. “Obviously his staff is not very well trained.”
She pounded the knocker again, and this time sound of a barking dog followed. Her heart gladdened. She could recognize Vera’s bark anywhere. But where was the blasted butler? She could hardly make a discreet visit to a bachelor establishment if Rand’s staff kept her waiting on the front doorstep all afternoon. Impatient, she sounded the knocker again, this time hitting it louder.
The door swung open as she did so and she almost fell into the tall man standing in the doorway. “What is that infernal knocking?” Rand barked before his probing emerald gaze focused on her. “Kitty? What are you doing here?”
Her cheeks grew hot. “Do you mean to keep me on your doorstep all afternoon?”
He glanced up and down the street before pulling her inside. “Have you taken complete leave of your senses,” he hissed, “to call on a bachelor residence?”
“Precisely what I asked her,” Fanny said, following her mistress inside.
Vera yelped, looping excited circles around Kat. Distracted for a moment by her happiness at seeing the dog, she knelt down to give her old friend a proper greeting. “Hello, you fickle girl,” she said with a smile, running both hands over the animal’s soft fur. “I’ve missed you.”
&nb
sp; Rand slammed the door shut and turned to face Kat with his hands on his hips. “Are you determined to ruin yourself yet again?”
She shot to her feet. “Yet again? You are the one who nearly ruined me in Richmond.” She ignored Fanny’s exclamation of surprise. “You’re a fine one to talk.”
“And I’ve spent the time since trying to salvage your reputation,” he said furiously.
“You have?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I should like to know how.”
All expression smoothed from his face. “That is of no matter. I trust your wedding planning is coming along well?”
For the first time, she realized he was not dressed to receive company. He wore no cravat or jacket, only a linen white shirt which laid bare the pronounced cords of his neck and throat. His fawn-colored riding pants skimmed over strong, lean thighs before disappearing into well-worn brown boots. Her skin warmed. “I assure you this is the last place I would willingly come.”
“And yet, here you are.”
“I need your help.”
His expression tensed. “Is it something to do with Sinclair?”
“Laurie? No, of course not.” She hugged herself against the chill of the house, unexpected on a late summer evening, and wondered why an earl would answer his own door.
He noticed her discomfort. “Forgive me, let us go to the study.” He motioned for her to precede him down the hall. “I have a fire built up there.”
Stepping ahead of him, with Vera trotting by her side and Fanny following, she snuck furtive looks around as she walked. Despite an absence of decent lighting, she could see the servants weren’t keeping the place up very well. The house’s bones were undoubtedly grand, but thin layers of dust coated almost every surface, tickling her nose.
They stepped into a large warm chamber which smelled of old leather, brandy, and tobacco. Smoke whirled upward from a still-lit cheroot on the large rosewood desk.
“I beg your pardon.” He stepped past her in a quick motion to snuff it out. “I was not expecting guests.”
She inhaled, sneaking a look around while he put things to rights on his desk. Shelves full of leather-bound books almost reached the ceiling. A huge limestone hearth dominated the opposite wall, its crackling flames imbuing the space with cozy comfort. She could feel Rand’s presence in this chamber; it even carried his scent.
Fanny remained just outside the open door, keeping a watchful eye on events inside the chamber. Vera sauntered over to a large stuffed leather chair near the fire, settling down on the floor beside it as though she belonged there. “She’s certainly made herself at home.”
Rand glanced at the animal. “You can have her back at any time. She still belongs to you.”
Vera practically smiled at her before propping her chin on her front paws and regarding Kat with a watchful gaze. “No,” she said, feeling the weight of her loss. “She is well and truly yours now.”
“Perhaps I should ring for tea, to help warm you.”
She forced her eyes away from Vera. “No thank you, the fire is taking care of that. This is not a social call.”
A man stepped around Fanny to enter the chamber. “My lord, may I be of service?” Kat recognized him as the man who’d been with Rand while Toby had his episode. The valet, she presumed. But if that were the case, why was he attending to matters a butler should see to?
“Ah, yes, Burgess.” Rand cleared his throat. “If you could be so kind as to see to Lady Katherine’s lady’s maid.”
“Of course.” The man looked at Fanny, gesturing for her to follow him. “Perhaps Cook has some tea in the kitchen.”
Fanny shot her a look and, for a moment, Kat thought her maid would refuse to leave her with Rand. But then Fanny turned to follow Burgess, taking care to leave the door wide open.
A smile cracked Rand’s still face. “Still protecting your virtue, I see.”
“She won’t have to for much longer. The wedding is in four weeks.”
He let her words hang in the air while he examined her face. “Does he make you happy, Kitty?”
His soft, almost caressing tone caught her off balance. “It is a brilliant match.”
“Indeed.” His keen gaze met hers. “Are you happy?”
Suddenly she felt angry. After casting her aside more times than she cared to count, he dared to toy with her yet again, making her think he cared. “You overstep, sir. I am not here to discuss my private affairs.”
“Pray tell, what are we here to discuss?”
“Toby. He’s gone missing. Aunt Winnie and Bea are most distressed.”
He frowned. “Surely he left a note.”
“A very brief missive that only said he was going away and that they should not worry about him.”
“Which naturally caused them to worry.”
“Precisely and you’re the only person who can set their minds at ease.”
His forehead lifted. “And why do you presume that to be the case?”
“Toby told me he was going away and that you would know where to find him.”
“Then you know no harm has come to him. Surely you can relay that to your aunt to ease her mind.”
“That’s just it,” she said. “I cannot. Toby swore me to not tell anyone he was going away. I can’t betray his confidence in any way. That’s why you must go to his mother straight away.”
“Very well. I shall pay a call on Mrs. Hobart later today. I cannot betray Tobias’ confidence, but I will assure her that he is well. Will that suffice?” He took a breath. “Now I wish to discuss another matter.”
She tensed at the grave intent in his eyes. “And what is that?”
He cleared his throat. “I think we should marry.”
Chapter Eleven
Incredulity filled Kat’s rounded eyes. “What?”
“I realize this is unexpected. However, I have given the matter much thought.” He stood in a rigid posture with his hands clasped behind his back, his heart pounding. “Marriage is the best course for us.”
Bright spots of red colored each cheek. “You cannot be serious.”
He cursed himself inwardly. This ham-fisted conversation was not how he’d meant to offer for her. His initial meeting with Drummond had gone moderately well, enhancing his hope that he might one day be able to bring his episodes under some semblance of control. But he’d only just concluded they should marry and she’d thrown him off balance by unexpectedly appearing on his doorstep, prompting him to blurt out his intentions in the most oafish way possible. “I assure you that I am.”
“You want us to marry,” she repeated the words, as though certain she’d missed something critical.
“Yes.”
She licked her lips. “Why?”
He followed the trail of her little pink tongue as it washed moisture onto her abundant lower lip. “Although I am an imperfect man,” he continued in an even tone, “marriage to me will carry certain advantages for you.”
She regarded him with a suspicious stare. “Such as?”
“For one, you would be a countess, which is considerably higher than a viscountess.”
The cloud in her brain seemed to clear, to be quickly replaced by furious indignation. “Let me see if I take your meaning,” she said in an icy tone. “You expect me to jilt Laurie, a kind and devoted man, in favor of you, an inconstant, cold philanderer who has made it quite clear he will lie with any woman who takes his fancy.”
He stiffened. Sinclair was hardly devoted, but he’d vowed never to tell her of the man’s repeated indiscretions. “The one other thing I can offer you is my complete devotion.”
She tilted her head and narrowed one eye. “Meaning?”
“From this day forward, I shall forgo…carnal relations…with all women except you.” His heart beat a little faster at the thought of Kitty in his bed, of her sweet pale breasts and their pink tips, her milky white thighs parting to welcome him. He swallowed hard. “When you are my wife, of course.”
“Natur
ally.” Crossing her arms, she wandered closer to the fire before turning back to look at him. “Not so long ago you were rapturous in the arms of your Amazon and you made it abundantly clear that I alone would bore you.”
Shifting his weight onto the opposite foot, he resisted the urge to rub his aching shoulder. “I’ve reconsidered.”
One of those delicate brows lifted. “Have you told your mistress that?”
“Elena and I are no longer involved. We are friends. No more.”
“Will you continue to see her?”
“As a friend only. On that you have my word.”
“Because your word can be depended upon.”
“I have never broken my word to you.”
“No. Only my heart.” Her sapphire eyes flashed. “Pulverizing and stomping on it wasn’t enough for you. Now you expect me to marry you.”
“I realize we haven’t had much of a courtship.”
She snorted. “This has been a courtship? I’m intrigued by how your mind works. Do tell, what exactly will you expect of me as your countess?”
He frowned. “I don’t follow.”
“Is this to be a marriage of convenience?”
“Most assuredly not.” His body quickened at the thought of taking her to bed. “We will engage in sexual congress. I trust you are not adverse to that.”
Something hot flashed in her eyes. “I don’t understand you at all.”
“I will devote myself to your happiness. You will have the running of this house to do as you see fit. I will be generous with my purse.”
A mixture of emotions crossed her face: frustration, anger and, he might well be imagining it, but perhaps even a bit of elation. “For many years, I’ve dreamt of this moment. I’ve longed to be your wife. But something is terribly off here.” Her gaze sharpened on his face. “What sort of game are you playing at?”
“It is no game.”
“Really?” Her words dripped with scorn. “First, you leave me and go to war. Then you travel on to India, obviously in no rush to return. And when you do come back, you ignore me, and then you practically ravish me. Repeatedly. In the meantime, you either flaunt your mistress or dance attendance on Lexie Campbell.”
