By the end of the week, she’d created a place for herself in Lucas’s house. He’d cleaned out the hall closet, where she stashed her clothes and personal belongings, and he’d cleared out a shelf in the bathroom cabinet for her toiletries. He even made room in his underwear drawer for her intimates.
The first night, they’d both been so tired and fighting injuries that they’d passed out quickly and had no trouble sharing a bed. The second night was a little awkward; sex was out of the question with Lucas’s ribs, and that meant they were both tense and uncomfortable. Eventually, though, they talked long enough to relax, and Gillian fell asleep on Lucas’s shoulder.
The intimacy had grown over time, and before long, they easily chatted about their separate lives and the shared life they might have in the future until they fell asleep. They also did a little gossiping, and as it turned out, Gillian’s aunt was apparently jealous of her for her happiness. Aunt Carrie seemed to have found life in Courage lacking in the stimulation she’d grown used to. And as she’d become discontent, she’d drawn away from Uncle Roger and then proceeded to be jealous of every woman who even looked his direction.
Most of all, she seemed to be concerned that she was aging and had a limited time to find her happiness. She’d made comments to someone about how Gillian was ruining her life, and how she had so many years ahead of her and yet she was settling for the first thing that came her way.
The fact that Aunt Carrie, with whom she had always been close, could feel that way about her hurt Gillian, and it made her angry. She no longer cared what her aunt thought about her lifestyle, and she realized that, if she stayed in Courage, that relationship would probably disappear or at least be overshadowed by the blooming friendship she had with Uncle Roger, a much more supportive individual.
Tonight, they had their first double date, which really only consisted of riding down the mountain with Garrett and Shakota to the diner. Come to find out, there was one other restaurant in town, but according to everyone she talked to, it was hit or miss with a decent menu. Most people went there to drink and play pool or darts.
“How do I look?” she asked Lucas as she assessed herself in the full-length mirror hung on the bathroom door. She’d donned a red velour sweater and black jeans with a black leather boot on her uninjured foot. She’d added a teardrop diamond pendant for a little sparkle.
Lucas looked at her with a dancing light in his eyes. “You look like a wet dream. I think you should change because men are going to be all over you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous.” In fact, he was just as likely to have all eyes on him in his favorite pair of dark-wash Ariats, a Michael Kors Country Line shirt, and his old-school Stetson. He was delectable, and she wanted to tear every shred of his clothes right back off him, foregoing the social aspect of the evening and jumping right into the main event.
But she couldn’t do that, especially as the knock at the door sounded, signaling their friends were here. “Are we ready?” she asked, and he nodded, waiting for her to limp behind him into the living room. Shakota stood on the stoop with a broad grin, Garrett behind her tipping his hat. “Hey, guys, I’m starving. Is there any holdup, or can we get going?” Shakota rubbed her stomach like it hurt from fasting for days.
Lucas shook his head. “I don’t think so. We’re eager to get on the way, too.” He reached for Gillian’s hand, and she took it. She looked up at the Bronco, feeling a bit daunted by the height of the vehicle. But she should have known better than to worry. Even with his cracked ribs, Lucas grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her up into the back seat, climbing in behind her.
Garrett took the driver’s seat, and Shakota turned in her passenger seat to talk as he drove. “So, I hear you’re putting in the dreaded chicken coup soon, Lucas. What finally pushed you to do it?”
He made a face that had Gillian wanting to laugh. “The damn smell is so disgusting. I’m putting it as far from the house as I can reasonably justify. It just makes sense, though. Chickens and eggs are constant commodities, and I need the source of income to build up the less profitable parts of the ranch.”
“Does that mean you’ve decided to get some sheep, too?” Shakota asked, sounding excited.
“I’m still checking prices. I want to, but the quotes I’m getting are outrageous. I can’t see paying that much for the damn animals who are going to eat me out of house and home.”
“They aren’t like goats,” Shakota argued. “Although, I love goats, and I’m still trying to convince Garrett to get some.” She turned her attention to Gillian. “So, have you settled in all right, or is Lucas making it difficult for you? He can be a little cranky about change.”
Gillian chuckled. “No, it’s been fine. In fact, it was easier than I thought.”
“Good! What are your plans? I don’t even know what you majored in at college. I’m not trying to be nosy, but I’ve made a lot of contacts in terms of business, and I might be able to get you in touch with someone about a job or whatever.”
Gillian frowned. She hadn’t put much thought into a career in Courage yet. She was still getting used to being with Lucas, still hobbling around on a broken ankle, and still sexual frustrated and waiting to get down to business. “My degree is in psychology with a minor in business administration. But I haven’t really decided what I want to do now that I’m here. I had a job lined up at a financial institution back home, but I’m not sure I want to do something that dull for the rest of my life. I know I want to learn more about ranching.”
“That’s easy enough. You’ve got plenty of resources here for that.” Shakota tilted her head and seemed to be thinking deeply. “I’m sure we could work together and find something that really suited you and wouldn’t take up too much of your time.”
“There you go again,” Garrett commented, the first thing he’d said so far today. “Are you ever going to stop trying to solve problems and create new career opportunities?”
“Would you still love me if I wasn’t so aggressive in pursuing new ventures?” she asked him with a bit of warning in her voice. Garrett just laughed and patted her lap.
Gillian loved their interaction. It was so different from any relationship she’d ever seen, but then, she didn’t know a lot of women as strong and independent as Shakota. She liked to think of herself that way, but she admittedly wasn’t as confident and sure of herself as Shakota was on a constant basis.
By that time, they were at the base of the mountain and pulling onto the main thoroughfare, and to Gillian’s relief, the diner wasn’t nearly as packed as usual. It was a weekday, and they were ahead of rush hour, so they would be able to get a table and enjoy themselves without feeling crowded. And, since they were all starving, it meant they would get their food far faster.
Lucas excused himself to the restroom as soon as he’d helped Gillian into the booth, and she had a feeling he was going to adjust the bandages more than to relieve himself. Since that would take a few minutes, Gillian took the opportunity to satisfy her curiosity. “Hey, guys, what’s the deal with Lucas’s sister Chrissy? I mean, they seem so close, but she never calls or texts or anything, as far as I can tell. And she said something the other night that made me think he does a lot for her.”
Shakota and Garrett exchanged looks, and she knew there had to be a deep story. Shakota cleared her throat. “Chrissy married a man who gave her two kids and split with some woman in the city, saying he wanted someone thinner. Chrissy had only put on the weight because she was pregnant, and she’s lost it since. The big thing was, the guy kept her here when she wanted to go to the city, and now he’s in the city while she’s still stuck here.”
“Lucas helps her with bills and the kids,” Garrett continued. “He makes sure they have clothes and food, especially since she can only work part time. She can’t really afford a sitter, and their parents don’t want to help. It’s part of the reason Lucas hasn’t gotten ahead on the ranch before now. He’s passing a lot of his cash t
o her rather than investing it. And Chrissy has bipolar issues, so she’d be a recluse for weeks and then want to go out on the town with Lucas.”
“He gets called away in the middle of a lot of their outings, too, so that makes it hard,” Shakota interjected.
That sucked, and Gillian knew that from experience. And she doubted there was anything as disappointing in a dinner with a sibling being interrupted as there was being caught in the middle of sex. “That’s amazing to me,” she said in wonder. Changing the subject before Lucas returned, she asked Shakota, “Do you miss being on the reservation?”
“I do from time to time, but I’ll go and spend a day or two there every couple of months. It usually just reminds me of how much I love my husband and that I truly do belong here. But I love visiting my tribe. The Crow Nation always saw me as a bit of an outcast anyway, and now as a visitor from the outside world, I’m treated better than I was as part of the reservation.”
“That’s because you’ve become as normal as anyone in Courage can be,” Lucas said, rejoining them. “I know that’s a relative term, especially considering your choice of husband, but nonetheless, you’re cut from our cloth more than the Crow cloth any day.”
“I wasn’t always,” she said pointedly and turned to Gillian. “You’ll learn what we mean. You were a city girl, and you grew used to a fast-paced lifestyle, demands on you for your time and space, and a certain mentality to get by. Here, you’ll learn how to live at a slower pace within a certain means, to share the land, and to believe in yourself and the power of the community as a whole. You’ll change with time.”
Gillian wasn’t sure she wanted to change the way Shakota described, and she suddenly felt uncomfortable. She stuck with the conversation throughout the meal, and she even laughed and smiled and enjoyed her food, but her mind was somewhere else. Did she really want to belong to a community without any desire to move into the twenty-first century? Did she want to slow down and just let things happen rather than being a mover and shaker in an urban area?
Gillian didn’t know, and she didn’t know if she wanted to raise a family without the modern conveniences – and challenges – of the big city. She hadn’t been a sheltered child, and she thought she was better for it. And she knew some people would swear by raising their children in a small town. But she wasn’t sure she bought into it. There was too little exposure in most small towns to prepare a child for the real world. Was Courage like that? How would she know without taking the time to find out? And if she decided it was the wrong place for her and her family, she would have already spent too much time here, wasting years of her life.
When they got back to Lucas’s house, he went to put their leftovers in the refrigerator, and Gillian rushed into the bathroom, where she stared at herself in the mirror for a good, long time. She was trying to see not only the person on the outside to see if something had changed, but also the woman within and how she really felt about the situation.
She was falling in love with Lucas; that was undeniable. But if she kept going down this path, was she going to regret it? She would be head over heels for Lucas, and she might end up resenting him for keeping her stuck here in a place she despised. Was it better to cut things off now and let her heart break rather than shatter? It meant avoiding the possibility of hating the rest of her life. Instead, she would only feel the loss of a love that had never fully bloomed, and eventually, that pain would ebb.
“What’s going through your head, sweetheart?” Lucas leaned into the doorframe with one hand on either side, watching her with a crooked, sexy grin.
She tried to smile, but it barely curled her lips and certainly didn’t reach her eyes. “Nothing,” she told him. “I was just…thinking about life.”
Chapter 22
Lucas wasn’t buying it. She’d been unusually quiet all through dinner. He doubted Garrett and Shakota had noticed, but then, they didn’t know what signs to look for. He never would have believed it was possible, but the week during which Gillian had lived with him had given him enough insight to recognize that she wasn’t herself tonight.
“I think someone said something that struck you the wrong way, and you didn’t let on because you didn’t want to make a scene or ruin dinner,” he told her. Gillian’s gaze snapped to his, and he knew he’d struck a nerve. “In fact, I bet you’ve been mulling whatever it is over and over in your mind, and you’re afraid to talk about it.”
She hung her head and divulged, “I’m not sure I like the changes Shakota said would come with living here. I don’t want to slow down to an amble in my life. And I don’t want to feel like there’s nothing to strive for. I don’t know if I want my child’s exposure to the real world to be limited. I think kids that are too sheltered are the ones who turn into the biggest rebels.”
Whoa, that wasn’t something Lucas had been prepared for. Gillian was going on a tangent about this, freaking out when there was nothing to worry about. “You know, the small town experience isn’t the same for everyone, darling. Shakota has her idea of how it is, and I bet every other woman in the area has a slightly different take on it. Your experience is going to be just as unique.” He walked over to her and rubbed her upper arms as their eyes met in the mirror. “We haven’t even gotten far enough to worry about children or what they might experience. And no one said you couldn’t grow and strive for more. Trust me, there are plenty of challenges to overcome here.”
Gillian leaned back into him, as if welcoming his comfort and support. He held her, and for all that he wanted to be her strength, the nearness was too intimate, too arousing. He felt his body start to react, and she shifted against him as she took notice of it. He watched the desire gather in her through the reflection in the mirror, and he turned her in his arms to face him. He pressed his lips to hers, and she sighed into his mouth, making him grow harder. He loved her reaction to him as much as he loved the way she stimulated him, and he lifted her in his arms, carrying her to the bed.
This time, Lucas took a moment to turn off all the phones, and he slowly peeled her clothes from her body before removing his own, still being somewhat careful not to twist too harshly and hurt himself. He needed to be at the top of his game. Her nude body stretched out on his bed threatened to be his undoing, and his body trembled as he lowered himself over her.
Gillian welcomed him, arms reaching for him and wrapping around his neck to pull him in for a deep kiss. He caressed her arms, her breasts, and her stomach. She clawed at his shoulders gently but insistently, begging him to stop teasing as their hips met in mutual need.
He fell on top of her, wincing as he shifted his ribs slightly, and lay there with their sweat mixing and the smell of lovemaking surrounding them. He heaved for air, wondering if his lungs and ribs could handle it, and slowly he came back to himself, realizing that Gillian’s fingers were tickling along his spine. He pushed off her with his hands, gazing down at her in concern. “I’m not crushing you, am I?”
She smiled at him lazily, with hooded eyes and the flush of afterglow in her cheeks. “Not at all. It’s hard to tell you’re all muscle laying up there. You feel like a feather. It’s nice.”
He snorted and brushed some of her wild locks back from her face with a tender hand. Staring at her face and seeing her contentment pleased him, and Lucas felt the same sense of satisfaction. “I love you,” he said, only realizing the words had come from his lips after the fact as Gillian’s eyes grew wide.
He didn’t know where the words had come from, and he scrambled trying to think of a way to take them back. But as he continued to look at her, Lucas realized he didn’t want to take them back. Or rather, if he took them back, it would be a lie. As much as he didn’t want to be in love with anyone, he had fallen head over heels for Gillian, and there was no turning back from that.
Of course, Gillian looked panicked, and Lucas knew he’d chosen a bad time to have the emotional statement fall out of his mouth. She obviously either didn’t feel the same or wasn’t ready to
say it yet. He wanted to scream at her to say something, but he was afraid of what it would be, so he just sat up and turned away from her, hanging his head.
“Lucas?” His name was a question on her lips, and he felt her hand on his shoulder. He didn’t answer, not sure what to say. “Lucas, do you mean that?”
Of course he did, but if he said so, would it scare her off? He refused to lie, though. He’d never been in love, but he was sure lying about it was the wrong way to try to start a relationship. “Yeah, I did. I love you, Gillian, and it sucks because it changes everything in my life. But I love you nonetheless.”
Her lips fell on his arm, and she scooted up beside him. “Everything’s going to be all right, Lucas,” she told him in what he assumed was supposed to be a reassuring voice. “Nothing changes. I mean, not right now. We already live together, and neither of us is seeing anyone else. So, we’re in love. So what? We don’t have to run out and get a marriage license and have two and a half kids in the next three years. We have time to decide what being in love means to us.”
She’d lost him back at we’re in love. “What’s this ‘we’ stuff? What are you saying, Gillian?”
“Oh, come on, Lucas. You know I’m in love with you. Do you really have to make me say it?” She smacked his arm playfully, but as he gazed back at her, he saw the hope and delight in her expression. “I don’t know exactly when it happened or why, but I fell for you quite a while ago. And like I said, it’s not like we have to go to the justice of the peace tomorrow.”
Lucas couldn’t have been happier, or more shocked. He’d just admitted to having an emotion he’d never intended to experience. He’d discovered that the object of his affection felt the same for him. And though he had no intention of getting married tomorrow, the thought of marrying Gillian someday didn’t scare him at all. In fact, it sounded like a good idea.
He must be out of his mind.
“I’m glad to hear you say that,” he told her, already feeling better. At least this wasn’t one of those horrible one-sided love stories where one person admitted to being in love and the other welcomed that with something like “thank you” or ”that’s so sweet”. “Lucas, you look far away.”
Courage To Believe (Cowboys of Courage 2) Page 14
