by Lucy Snow
Jack was covered in a blue inner blanket, inside the larger wrap Maggie had him wrapped up in. He looked so calm, so relaxed, as he slept, I made sure to touch his arm as gently as I could.
“Would you like to hold him?” Maggie whispered, offering him to me.
“Are you sure? I mean, I’d love to, but…”
“Of course, come on, Laurel, you know I trust you.” She pushed him toward me, smiling. “Plus, it’ll give my arms a rest for a couple minutes.”
I pushed the movable railing back toward the foot of the bed to clear some space for me to sit, and I hopped up and sat, my legs dangling over the edge. “Are you sure?”
“Of course, you’ll be doing me a big favor. Come on, he’s fast asleep, you’ll do fine.”
I gulped; this I didn’t expect. “OK,” I said, still not 100% convinced, “if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure. You’ll be a mom someday, it’s good practice.”
“I guess…I guess you’re right. Give him here.”
“Just don’t run away with him! My mother already tried that.” I tried to picture Maggie’s mother running away with a newborn tucked under her arm, and the image was all too easy to conjure.
Tentatively at first, I took Maggie’s new son Jack into my arms, cradling him like I’d hold…well, a newborn baby. Jack, to his credit, didn’t wake up, just kept snoozing away like he owned the place. Which, in a sense, he kinda did.
I looked at Maggie; she smiled and nodded at me. “Go on, rock him a little bit.” I swayed my entire body a tiny bit over and back, and Jack rolled over a bit, opening his mouth like he was yawning.
“Oh my gosh!” was all I could get out, and I was instantly worried he’d wake up at my outburst, but you couldn’t disturb the little man with an airhorn. Not that I had one or anything. Well, maybe I had one in my purse.
“I had the same reaction the first time,” Maggie whispered. “It doesn’t go away.”
“I’ll bet. He’s so beautiful. So small and so precious.” I couldn’t pull my eyes away from him. “You’re gonna be big and tall like your daddy, aren’t you?” I brushed a little speck of dust out of his face. “Yes you are.”
I couldn’t believe I was holding new life in my hands. Maggie and Chris had created something together, and of course I’d known about her pregnancy for months now, ever since Maggie had breathlessly called me to squeal about it from hundreds of miles away, and I’d congratulated her, but never really understood what that meant.
Until now. All that hardship and work and preparation and this was the result. I held Maggie and Chris’ child in my arms, and he was as close to perfect as he could be. I couldn’t imagine what Maggie must be feeling right in that moment - the exhilaration of giving birth, the wonder at having your own child to raise and love and take care of, and the knowledge that the journey of the last 9 months had come to an end, and an infinitely more difficult journey was just about to begin.
And then a wave of sadness hit me, thinking that Chris was so far away and wouldn’t be able to see his baby for months. My heart went out to Maggie, knowing she’d be facing a lot of hardship relatively alone in the next few months, despite having a huge family as a support system. That didn’t compare to having your husband with you; it couldn’t.
Maggie and I had always talked about having children, and I’d always thought of it as something that would happen eventually. Meet the right guy, fall deliriously in love, get married, and have a ton of kids, right? That was always the plan, that and a career doing…something, whenever I figured out what it was that I wanted to do.
But now, standing there, holding Jack and switching off between watching his sleeping face and Maggie’s about-to-fall-asleep face beaming back at me from tired eyes, all of it came home. Meeting the right guy, getting married, having children, all of it.
Whatever maternal instincts that lay dormant inside me came up all at once, and made themselves known.
I turned my head, casting my gaze around the room before seeing the chair Maggie’s mother had left near the bed. Careful not to wake Jack up or jostle him any more than I had to, I glanced and Maggie and then moved myself from my increasingly precarious perch on the bed to the chair.
Maggie was fast asleep by now. She really had needed a break. I knew there was a room full of family that still wanted to see her and the baby, and would start breaking down doors soon, but for now, I figured I could sit here and hold Jack, giving Maggie a little time to rest and gather herself.
Jack seemed to agree with my plan, nodding a couple times as he settled into his new position, snoozing on like a champion.
Chapter 21 - The Dinner
I finally came home late that night. I’d called ahead and told my parents what had happened at the mall and that we were OK at the hospital. My stepmother offered to come pick me up, but I didn’t need it. Some of Maggie’s family had brought a ton of food to the hospital, and I ate a delicious home cooked meal before getting a ride back to Maggie’s house, where I picked up my car.
It was dark by the time I stood in front of my car. As I turned the key and got in, eager to get out of the cold and not relishing how long it would take the car heater to turn on and melt me, I caught my eye on the large bay window of the house those kids had been playing in front of earlier.
Despite being less than 12 hours earlier, it felt like I’d seen them playing out in the yard ages ago. It was almost like I was a different person too. A random trip to the mall for holiday shopping had turned into quite the crazy experience!
The lights were on in the house, and the family was sitting down to a late dinner. The two kids had apparently found a diplomatic solution to the war declared earlier in the afternoon, and even sat next to each other at the table with a bare minimum of food flinging back and forth.
Beyond the table I could see a fire roaring in the background. I felt a little nosy looking in as this family ate their dinner, but at the same I had trouble looking away. The mother and father talked to each other in between sips of something toasty warm, maybe spiced wine, and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy.
“Come on, Laurel, let’s get home,” I muttered to myself as I shook my head and got in the car, happy to see that it still started. Not that I had any reason to believe it wouldn’t, but given the weather out these days every time I turned the key my stomach lurched a little bit, and it didn’t settle until I heard the engine roar back to life.
When I got home my parents were waiting up with more food, which I picked at, still full from the giant meal back at the hospital. Harrison was nowhere to be found, and I didn’t really look that hard.
My parents wanted to hear all about my afternoon, so I spent the first few minutes telling them all about Maggie and I at the mall, how we got to the hospital, and seeing the baby in Maggie’s room. They were overjoyed at Maggie’s new baby and my father was clearly very proud that I didn’t lose my cool in a tough and tense situation.
I stayed up with them talking for a little while longer and then I went right to bed, exhausted. The adrenaline surge that had gotten me through the day chose that very moment to run out, and I felt myself hunch over, almost zombie-like.
As I walked down the hallway after coming upstairs, I stopped for a second in front of Harrison’s door. There was no light coming from underneath the door, but he still could have been in there. I thought really hard about knocking; if he was in there I wanted to tell him about the day I’d had.
I hovered my hand just off his door; I wanted to knock, but then I thought the better of myself and went into my own room. Harrison and I weren’t on speaking terms and I couldn’t just waltz in there and dump my day all over him.
My room and most in particular my bed was the most welcome sight of the day, and I pretty much just jumped in and went right to bed, without bothering to change.
***
The next morning I lay in bed way longer than I expected to. Not only was it comfortable and peaceful, but
it also was the perfect place to think. I kept going over and over in my head how wonderful it had felt to hold baby Jack in my hand, and the waves of love and the twinges of jealousy surprised even me as I relaxed under the blankets and let the day begun.
Maggie was a mother. That was NUTS. Just a few years ago we’d been two giggling teenagers looking up dating tips In magazines and deciding what the perfect first date would be like. And now Maggie was not only married but had a baby too?
I could barely wrap my head around it. If I hadn’t seen the giant beach ball, as she called it, that she’d been carrying around these last few months, and hadn’t held Jack in my arms last night, I wouldn’t have believed it.
Luckily there wasn’t much to do that day, so I settled back down to read, this time vowing to finish up my long-neglected romance novel. I was just getting into it when Harrison walked into the room, and looked at me. “What’re your plans tonight?”
I sat on the couch in the living room, the book in my hands suddenly forgotten despite the engrossing story of love denied then rediscovered a few days later. “I don’t have any.” I let that hang there, not sure where Harrison was going with this. This already was the longest ‘conversation’ we’d had in days.
We were in uncharted territory and I didn’t know what to do.
“I don’t either.” Apparently two could play the game of ‘letting the other one make the first move.’
“Well, that’s a random coincidence. Good luck with that.” I wanted to be nice to him, but after what had happened when we came home from the police station, I didn’t want to make it easy for him.
Plus, Harrison had a way of making it very easy to be mean to him. He just invited it most of the time. We’d settled back into our high school routine - avoidance and hostility. It was much more familiar to me than our shenanigans from the earlier part of my trip. I smiled at my ability to call hot sex ‘shenanigans.’
I turned back to my book, but that was a ruse, and not a good one. I had one eye on Harrison towering above me. He stood there, bristling.
I’ll say one thing for the man, he knew how to make bristling look sexy. I could watch him stand in place and just strike various poses of disdain, of antipathy. He just knew how to wear moodiness like a sexy glove. I realized just what I was thinking but couldn’t help myself.
He didn’t leave, just stood there, and I eventually turned both eyes back to my book. I was just getting to the good parts! The sexy reformed bad boy was just starting to open up to the plucky heroine after their budding romance had been derailed a few scenes earlier. She wasn’t going to make it easy for him to apologize, but he was making the attempt anyway.
It was quite the feel-good story.
Suddenly, next to my book was Harrison’s face, looking at me with one of his trademarked bemused grins. “Yes?” I asked, “can I help you?”
“I’m just wondering what happens,” he raised the pitch of his voice, “did Sophie ever forgive Hunter for what he did?”
I turned the pages quickly, and I could feel my cheeks reddening by the second. He read my book! I mean, I hadn’t exactly hidden that I was reading a romance novel, but I still didn’t expect him to take any interest. “Why do you care?” I asked, as acidly as I could, trying not to stare at his perfect face. This was the closest he’d been since we’d been in my bed, days ago.
I ached for the touch of his lips, his fingers, his tongue, his cock, all over me, and I was getting wet just having him so close.
But I’d never tell him that, and the thought that he might already know how aroused I was made me turn crimson even faster.
“Oh, I don’t, but when you get wrapped up in a story like that….” He trailed off, still smiling.
Harrison straightened out, once again towering over me. “Those romance writers really know how to string a story together.”
“Oh, I dunno,” I tried to be dismissive, “most of them are pretty terrible. Way too wordy, and the heroines, if you can call them that, don’t really ever take matters into their own hands.”
“Yeah. That’s probably why I don’t read romance.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I tried to picture Harrison reading a trashy romance novel like the ones I loved, and the image was just hilarious. I imagined him furrowing his brow, trying to understand the dumb things people did in these books, and I imagined him looking up in exasperation, asking himself why anyone enjoyed them. “Oh, so that’s the reason? Too many weak women in these stories for you?”
“Totally. Give me a girl who figures out the right thing to do and then goes for it, goes for what she wants every time.”
It dawned on me that we weren’t talking about romance novels any longer. In his own stupid and headstrong way Harrison was apologizing to me. Maybe not the way I would have preferred, of course. There weren’t nearly enough roses and soft romantic music around, but hey, a girl took what she could get in situations like these.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said, warmer this time. I needed him to know I knew what he was doing and that I understood. Maybe I didn’t quite accept his apology yet, but we were moving down the right path.
“You do that.” Harrison kept the smile on his face, but didn’t go anywhere. After a moment or so I couldn’t ignore him anymore; the glint in his eyes as they sparkled was too much for me to bear.
I sighed heavily, exhaling. ”You’re still here. Is there anything I can help you with?”
“Factually correct, Laurel.”
“Factually correct is the best kind of correct, Harrison.” I would never admit it, but I had missed this arguing back and forth between us. It was still totally new to me, but even when it wasn’t so great, it was much better than sniping at each other and slamming doors. Despite the horrible things he’d said a few days ago, I still really wanted to work things out between us. Though I didn’t want to make it easy.
“Ooh, that is true. Let me think about that for a second.” Harrison leaned back on his heels, and crossed his arms under his massive chest, looking like he was thinking really hard about something.
“Any chance you could do your thinking hard somewhere else?” Obviously, I really didn’t want him to go anywhere, but I had to keep up the pretense.
“No,” he shook his head, after giving it another thought, “no, I can’t really do this kind of thinking anywhere else. You just happen to be sitting next to the spot where I do my best thinking.”
I looked around the large living room, seeing how closely packed together we were. Time to up the ante a little bit. “Oh well, I don’t want to get in your way. Sounds like, and looks like, you’ve got some serious work to do.” I started to get up from the couch. “I’ll just get out of your way, then. Leave you in peace to work out whatever you need to figure out.”
Before I could stand up all the way, though, something pushed me back down into the comfortable leather of the couch. Harrison leaned over, and had given me a playful nudge back in the direction I came.
“What was that for?” I didn’t really care, I just liked it when he touched me.
Harrison’s face was back in front of mine, and this time I had no book with which to distract myself. I couldn’t help but stare at him, getting reacquainted with every contour and strong line of his face, a hint of stubble around his cheeks and chin, the quiet strength of his shining dark eyes. “You haven’t answered my question yet,” he whispered.
I pressed my head back against the couch, trying to create as much distance between us as possible. It wasn’t that I wanted the gap, but truth be told, I was a little scared of Harrison. Turned on, aroused, of course. But a little scared too.
“Which question was that?”
“Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?”
I raised a finger in between us. “Point of order,” I began, “you never actually asked me that question.”
“Point of order accepted. Well?”
I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell Harrison to get be
nt; I wanted to make him apologize for real for that outburst after I tried to help him over the weekend. I wanted to get him to promise that we wouldn’t be on this roller coaster anymore.
But in the moment, all I could say was, “yes.”
He stood up, straightening himself so quickly that I could feel the rush of air moving into the place where his head used to be. I realized I’d been holding my breath, and started breathing again in relief. “Great! We’ll leave at six. Not too fancy, but a little fancy.”
And with that, he turned and left the room without another word. All I could do was watch him go. That back, those muscles, that animal of a man barely kept inside the cages of humanity. Every time I looked at him I wanted to tear his clothes off.
Actually, every time I looked at him I wanted him to tear my clothes off too.
I picked up my book and tried to read for a couple more minutes, but I couldn’t get back into the story.
Suddenly whether Sophie and Hunter reunited didn’t matter. I knew they would anyway.
Suddenly, my book wasn’t so interesting anymore.
The roller coaster of my life had a lot more going on than any romance novel.
***
I didn’t know what to wear. What do you wear when your drop-dead gorgeous stepbrother takes out to dinner after having hot sex with you twice then ending whatever this was after he got arrested for getting in a fight saving you from a drunk who got a little too handsy for his own good?
I didn’t think the fashion magazines had a section for that. At least, none of the old ones I had laying about my room did. I searched my closet, going in as far as I dared. Any further would have meant dragons.
Finally I settled on a longer dress that hopefully would keep me a little bit warm. It wasn’t all that sexy, but then again sexy really wasn’t what I was going for this evening. I didn’t know what Harrison had planned, but I wasn’t about to show off any skin after the dressing down he had given me a few days earlier.
