by Heather Boyd
Holland’s hand touched his head lightly as he tousled his hair. “I’ve thought so too on many occasions.”
Merrick released him, overcome by emotions that threatened to unman him. “Get some sleep. The old sow likes to travel early.” He winced at the insult he’d unthinkingly uttered before Holland.
Holland’s brow rose.
“Forgive me,” he begged quickly. “Old habits are often hard to break. But I will overcome this and behave in the future.”
“Thank you.” Holland nodded. “She’s called the carriage for seven.”
“In the morning? I gather you inherited the curse of rising early from her.” Merrick rolled his eyes as he opened the door to let himself out. “Damn Fords, never let a man sleep till a decent hour.”
“Mother can be a taskmaster about punctuality.” Holland grinned widely. “The Fords never let a man have any peace. It’s not in their nature.”
Holland had just described their entire family, even the illegitimate ones. “Nor ours. Sleep well, brother.”
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
Arabella closed the door behind her softly and turned the key in the lock so no one would disturb her. Across the room, Merrick sat hunched on the side of his bed. She hadn’t heard more than a few words from him all night, and she had been concerned about his disappearance. “I missed you tonight. Where did you go after Gray left?”
Merrick glanced around, unsmiling and serious for a change. “I wasn’t particularly good company, and I wanted to speak with Holland again.”
She approached him and discovered he’d begun undressing for bed, getting only so far as one boot off. “You couldn’t have known.”
He dragged a hand through his hair, looking confused and uncertain when he’d never been that way before. “Well, I know now and believe me, it will take some getting used to.”
Arabella moved closer and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Did you speak to your aunt about it?”
He shook his head, gaze falling to the floor. “No. I don’t think I ever shall have the courage to do that. In truth, I don’t believe she would confirm or deny the accusation. I’d rather not stir the pot at all if that is all right with you.”
“I think silence in this matter is definitely the right decision.”
She rubbed her hand over his broad shoulders and then curled her fingers around his neck, slipping them beneath his shirt and pressing them against his muscles. He rumbled his approval. The heat of Merrick’s skin soaked through his shirt and brought her pulse to life in the most disconcerting way.
“What will become of your brother? Would you like him to join the staff here?”
“No, but thank you, Arabella. That’s a very kind offer.” He removed her hand from his neck and brought it to his lips. He kissed her knuckles and then held her hand to his face. “He is coming home with me. We’ve spoken and he’s made me consider the matter in a different light. Apparently Aunt Pen likes to keep track of him too.”
“Well, she is his mother.” She relaxed, pleased by his change of heart. “I’m relieved to hear that. Holland was quite upset. I would have hated to have you estranged from him. You make a very good team.”
“I realized that, too.” He leaned into her touch as if he found comfort in her presence. “She’s kept him secret all these years. Not even Rutherford knows, and he usually knows everything. My father. Dear God, there are no words strong enough to describe him properly. He truly was an evil, grasping man. My father likely seduced Aunt Pen for her dowry, but when she wouldn’t agree to the match and went away to deliver Holland in secret, he turned his attention to my mother. Imagine Aunt Pen’s horror on discovering her own sister had married the monster.”
Alarmed by the horror in his voice, she caressed his face and neck with her fingertips. “The stress of keeping Holland’s existence secret would have been unbearable. The disagreement you had when you brought him to Newberry, it must have been fear of discovery, not anger, that provoked it. You do look remarkably similar. If Holland had lingered at there, your grandfather and others might have been found out and the scandal that would have followed could have torn the family in two.”
He covered his face suddenly. “Oh God, Arabella what have I done? The things I have said.”
She held him close as a lump formed in her throat. Merrick had been rather harsh in speaking of Lady Penelope, regardless of being provoked. “You are referring to your manner of speaking to her?”
“I never hesitated to complain to Holland about her meddling.” His hands fell and he gripped the bed beneath him. “He has had to listen to every hateful word I’ve ever spoken about her. She is his mother. Yet he listened and never once complained.”
“I think I can set your mind at ease a little.” She drew his head against her and smoothed his hair with her fingers. “Yesterday when you cursed Lady Penelope, I was surprised at her reaction, or lack of. She smiled. I don’t think you can hurt her, not when Holland is under your roof and you hold him in such high esteem. As I mentioned before, you were under no obligation to provide for him, or for any of your father’s illegitimate children. You are a good man. The very best, as far as I can see.”
Merrick looked up suddenly, staring hard at her face. “God, you’re easy on me. Most women would have run shrieking from the madness of my life.”
“Well, you’ve let me see a side of you that few can claim to know, and I never shriek. So unladylike,” she told him, tears forming in her eyes. “And I cannot claim to have a perfectly sensible life either. I’m not sure I will ever again trust people as much as I once did.”
“That’s a shame.” He caressed her cheek softly. “If not for your trust, I’d never have gotten to know you so well.”
She bit her lip—at the moment people she trusted could be counted on one hand. Merrick was at the top of the list because of all he’d done for her without expecting a thing in return. Her heart beat a little faster. If she thought him the best of all men, did that mean she loved him? She bit her lip as the idea took hold. Could this really be what love was?
She shook her head, delaying that line of thought. The night would soon be over. She needed to ponder love with a clearer head. “You do what you can to help others less fortunate than yourself. Even without Farnsworth, I still would have seen it. You did not have to help my niece marry your cousin. And I know you feel some guilt over your father’s behavior. I honor you for sharing your efforts to make amends for what wasn’t of your doing.”
Eventually, a smile teased at the corners of his lips. “I don’t have any more secrets left to tell, Arabella. You know everything unsavory about me and my family now. The good and the bad. It’s all there.”
She kissed his forehead, his nose, and at last his lips. “I have one secret I should have told you too.”
“Really? Just the one?”
“In coming to London to see Cecily matched and wed, I had a plan for myself. I wanted a lover. Someone who would teach me what I’d missed from my marriage. As you’ve discovered, my marriage was rather unfulfilling.”
He cupped her face, brushing his thumb forward to brush her lips. “It was a pleasure I will never forget, nor would I want to.”
She had found the perfect man for an affair. Merrick’s patience and understanding had helped her feel less like an ignorant fool. He had opened her eyes to what pleasures might be found with him and made her want even more. “Nor will I. You have been an excellent teacher.”
He fumbled with the ribbons on her nightgown, smiling in his wicked way as it opened. “There are other lessons I could share with you before I return to London.”
“I was hoping you might be agreeable.” She frowned at the thought of him leaving, but it would be for the best. “When do you go?”
He smiled and continued undressing her. “When you do. At the ungodly hour of seven in the morning, if you still intend to stay with my aunt in London despite all you’ve heard about us.”
She nodded. Lady Pe
nelope had spoken to her right before she went to bed and was rather determined to have her pay a visit, insisting they leave together tomorrow. Now that Arabella knew her better, she found the woman a lot less terrifying. “I think that might be best for now.”
Merrick pulled a face. “Then I will call on you there if I may.”
She grinned. “If you would brave your aunt’s hospitality to see me, then I will be available at any time. I will look forward to your visits very much.”
But there was still one matter that troubled her greatly. She tugged on his shirt and drew it over his head. “What about your plans to marry? The special license must be expiring soon.”
“Let it.” He stood and finished undressing her. As her chemise sailed across the room, he continued, “I was never in any rush. I’d very much like a chance to court you properly.”
She searched his face for signs of frustration and saw none. “You might be wasting your time.”
“It won’t be a waste.” He pulled her into his arms and brushed her lips with his. “Surely you cannot believe that what exists between us happens every day.”
“I don’t know. I told you I’ve never been in love.” She wrapped her arms about his neck and pressed her cheek to his. “I don’t know when I would be certain, in fact,” she whispered.
It wasn’t fair to him to lead him to believe anything less than the truth.
“One day, you might be surprised to find you cannot live another day without me. But for now I am content make love to you while I can.” He drew her down to the bed at his side and set his lips to her throat. “What comes after we return to London is for you to decide.”
The soft kisses he peppered over her skin woke her body completely and she reached for him, eager to bring him closer.
Merrick dragged her flush against him, already aroused and needing her. “I must take pains to avoid getting a child on you. I cannot ever be careless.”
“I trust you.”
“In this you shouldn’t.” He dragged her upper leg over his and ran his hand down the expanse of bare flesh. “I lose all sense and caution when I’m with you. How do you do that?”
As he examined her leg, he lifted his head to stare at his actions and exposed his throat. Arabella darted out her tongue and tasted his skin quickly. Merrick groaned. “Yes, just like that. One touch and I’m beyond thinking of much beyond the moment.”
“I have no idea what I’m doing, but I am glad you like it.” Arabella chuckled as she leaned in to kiss him there too.
Merrick groaned again, arms tightening about her shoulders to hold her against him. “I love everything you do. I’m afraid I always will.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
“I tell you, Rothwell, you have missed your chance. You have wasted valuable time mending fences with Lady Penelope Ford, and for what, I ask you? The dubious pleasure of her company? Now you will have to wait until next season to make the match you need,” Lady Harrison warned as Lady Mary swept by on the arm of her future husband. “She would have made you an excellent countess if you’d not dragged your feet.”
“I am not concerned,” Merrick told her, attempting to hide his amusement at her outrage. “Lady Mary is not always kind to her servants, and that is a mark against her in my book.”
Lady Harrison gestured to Miss Milne, who stood between her protective parents and her suitor, Lord Bellows. “And what of that, I ask you. How could you ignore another gentleman poaching in your territory? It was very clear you were interested in the girl, too. Milne has remarked more than once that you went so far as to discuss pin money.”
Ah, so that was where he’d gone wrong and led Aunt Penelope to assume he was about to make an offer for Miss Milne. He silently vowed never to discuss pin money again except with Arabella.
It was a relief to him that the two young women Aunt Pen claimed were waiting for his proposal of marriage had found other gentlemen more interested in them. Arabella would have no cause for concern if the pair soon made a match with someone other than him.
A new face twirled past and he studied Miss Hayes. She was, as he’d first thought her to be, the closest to mimicking Arabella’s grace ever to waltz through London’s ballrooms.
“I see Miss Hayes has caught your eye,” Lady Harrison teased. “Good choice, Rothwell. Very good, in fact. I do feel she will be an easy wife for a man of your inclinations.”
Miss Hayes was popular, she was kind, and she was approved of by his Aunt Penelope, too. Yet one thing he’d discovered, that didn’t truly surprise him overmuch, was that Miss Hayes might be close to Arabella in nature, but she wasn’t close enough. For him, his head had been completely turned. He didn’t mind that one bit.
“My inclinations?”
“Why, yes.” Lady Harrison languidly fanned her face, her eyes skimming his chest then lower. Her brow rose suggestively. “It is well known you have a roving eye. Marriage will be very hard on you if your wife makes a fuss about every one of your affairs.”
Merrick pursed his lips as if considering his answer, but he needed no time to decide what response to give. “I intend no affairs as I plan to marry only for love, Lady Harrison. Surely you approve of that.”
“Love? Sir, you are cruel to make such a jest.” She laughed at the absurdity.
Her mistake only caused minor irritation for him. He had known what he wanted wasn’t the done thing in their society. Many men did not love their wives when they married. Sometimes they could not even stand them. He hoped to be the exception and make a better match. If his patience bore fruit, he would be a very happy man one day.
“Not at all. You wanted to know my requirements in a wife once, and I don’t mind telling you what they are now. I want a wife to provide a son of course, someone whom I can talk to and share common interests with. I intend to spend every night of our marriage together. But what I want most of all is for that woman to know everything about me and yet love me despite my many flaws. If you’d placed a lady like that in my path, I would have braved any scandal or strife to make her my wife.”
Lady Harrison stared at him in astonishment. “A love like that does not exist.”
“I have reason to believe it does.” Beyond Lady Harrison, Arabella swept into the ball beside his aunt. As usual, his heart skipped a beat, but he did his best to hide his excitement from his companion. “Do excuse me. I see my aunt has arrived and I must speak to her.”
He sauntered away without regret or doubts. Lady Harrison would never find such a love if she didn’t believe it existed in the first place. From across the room, he admired Arabella as she stood close beside his aunt, chatting with animation to her nearby companions. As it always did, his tension eased as he saw her. He didn’t mind not being her husband if he had the good fortune to see her every day. Just being in her orbit, talking to her, and occasionally dancing when his aunt pretended to cajole him to do so, made every day better than the last.
He eased into their group to greet his aunt first so as to avoid arousing suspicions that might embarrass Arabella. She had not told him she’d changed her mind about marriage, but then she had not ever suggested he stop paying her attention.
“Lady Penelope. A pleasure.” He bowed to her but did not draw closer.
Her gaze raked him from head to toe and she smiled, offering up the one he normally did not like. “Rothwell. I hope all is well with you.”
It had taken some time to reflect on their relationship and how it could or should change. Nothing had altered in any material way. He still did not trust her, but he was learning not to be so guarded about his life where it concerned Holland. “I am well, but my household has the sniffles. I hope for an improvement by the end of the week.”
Holland was miserable in his sickbed. Merrick had forced his half brother back to bed that morning and only the threat of staying in himself to tend the man had gained obedience. The threat of Merrick missing a planned rendezvous with Arabella had kept Holland in his bedchamber throughout the da
y.
A frown grew on Aunt Pen’s face, and then she bit her lip, a clear sign that she was more than a little concerned. “’Tis a shame when servants cannot perform their duties properly.”
“True.” He nodded, rather amazed that she worried over Holland’s health at all. “I know you were interested in the glasshouse for Winslette. The plans have just been delivered and feature the alterations we discussed last week. I’d invite you for luncheon so you might inspect them at leisure, but with sickness in the house…”
Since all of London knew of their long-standing estrangement but not the cause, a few breaths had caught at his invitation. Aunt Pen saw her cue to interrupt and took it. “Dr. Pinkerton is always very good for a dripping nose. I shall deliver him to you in the morning and give my verdict on the plans after that. I am sure Lady Farnsworth would like to comment on the changes you propose to her former home.”
Aunt Pen cast a sly glance in Arabella’s direction.
“I’d appreciate that very much.” It was a struggle to keep the smile off his face as she turned away to speak to a newcomer. Aunt Pen had not the slightest interest in the greenhouse project, but Arabella had been the force behind the design of the greenhouse in the first place and surely would like to see the minor suggestions he’d asked to be included. He sincerely hoped she would accompany Aunt Pen tomorrow because he was aching to hold her in his arms again. It had been far too long since they’d had any time alone.
Chatter rose around them and he let it wash over him. He met Arabella’s gaze and smiled a greeting. Her eyes glowed with approval, but she was encircled now by others and he couldn’t reach her to tell her the latest development for her home.
“Excuse me, my lord,” a footman whispered at his elbow. “There’s an urgent message for your attention.”
Merrick took the note from the servant’s silver tray and ripped it open. He read it quickly and then hastily folded it again before anyone noticed what it really was. For a horrifying moment, he had feared the note had come from home with news that Holland’s condition had worsened in his absence.
