by Karli Perrin
The door behind her opens and John walks out. He frowns when he sees me. “Buzz? I didn’t expect to see you again so soon.”
“Right back at you. I didn’t realize you worked here.”
“My name is on the sign outside...”
“Oh, I didn’t look. I was in the area and noticed that it was a dentists office.”
“Has my next appointment arrived yet, Hannah?” She shakes her head. “Then come on in, Buzz. I don’t have long though.”
“Great.” I wink at Hannah. “Thanks.”
“So what can I do for you?” he asks once the door closes behind us.
You can start by breaking up with Lori.
I walk over to his desk and pick up a framed photograph of her. “How long did you say you’ve been together?” I ask, gesturing to it.
He folds his arms. “Four months.”
And he’s already got a framed photograph of her? What a loser. I frown as I look closer. Wait a minute…
“When did you take this photo?” I ask, even though I know the answer.
“Oh, I didn’t take it. I just stole it off her Facebook.” Well that’s just downright creepy. “It’s my favorite picture of her. She looks so happy.”
Okay, I need to set him straight. “She was happy. I know that because I’m the one who took the photo.” It’s the first time I’ve seen him look pissed off. Welcome to the club. “I can see why it’s your favorite. Did you know that she’s naked in it from the waist down? Oh, of course you didn’t know. How would you? Nobody would know except for me and her. That’s why she looks so happy. Jesus, I used to get a hard-on every time I logged into Facebook and saw it.”
“What are you doing here, Buzz?” he asks through gritted teeth.
We stare at each other for a long moment and I decide to just lay it all on the line. “I want you to step down.”
His eyebrows nearly reach his hairline which is a huge achievement considering how much he’s receding. “Step down?”
“You’ve only known her for four months. We have history. Unfinished business.”
“I understand how hard this must be for you, but you need to accept that she’s in love with me now.”
“And you need to accept that she’s in love with me too.”
“Has she told you that?”
“No.”
“Then maybe we should wait until the words come out of her mouth.”
“And they will. Couldn’t you feel the tension last night?”
“You’re her ex. She hasn’t seen you in six months. Of course there’s going to be a weird atmosphere.”
“Was she acting differently after you left Mason and Sophia’s last night?”
He shrugs. “I don’t see where you’re going with this…”
“I’m just trying to find out whether she was thinking about me while going home with you.”
“Wow. It’s all coming out now, huh?”
“Man to man. Do you really want to be the rebound guy? Plan B? Do you want to be somebody’s safe bet?”
“I want to be somebody’s someone, which is more than you have right now.” He walks over to the door. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”
I take a seat in his obnoxious, oversized leather chair which is probably to make up for the fact that he has a tiny dick. It must make him feel like a real man. “Nah, I think I’ll stay. You obviously don’t understand the seriousness of the situation.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“No. You’d know if I was threatening you. I’m hoping it doesn’t get that far.”
“Do I need to call the cops and have them remove you from my office?”
“If you’re a little bitch who can’t deal with their own problems then yeah, you probably should.”
“I don’t know what you want me to do or say, Buzz. Do you want to fight me? Is that why you came here? Do you want to make yourself feel better by breaking my face?”
“That would make me feel better but no, I didn’t come here for a fight. I came to give you the opportunity to bow out gracefully, before this gets messy. If I were you, I would get out now. It’s called self-preservation.”
“I trust Lori. I don’t believe that she would ever hurt me. I think that you’re the one who needs to step down. You need to move on.”
“That’s never going to happen. There’s really no need to make this any harder than it has to be.”
“Does Lori know that you’re here?”
“No, she has nothing to do with this.”
“I wonder what she’s going to say when she finds out that her boyfriend was threatened by her ex?”
She’s probably going to think that you’re a little rat. “I’m just trying to make this easier for everyone involved.”
“No. You’re trying to steal my girlfriend.”
Well at least we’re on the same page now. “Is she honest with you?” He nods. “So she’s told you about her job?”
“Of course. She works in the library across town.”
I laugh. “No she doesn’t. You don’t even know the half of it.”
“What do you mean? I’ve seen her working there. I’ve met her on my lunch break and walked her home a couple of times.”
How sweet. “It’s all just a cover up. She’s really a honey trapper. She gets paid to trap cheating men.”
His frown transforms into a smug smile. “She doesn’t do that anymore.”
I freeze. So he does know about it. “What?”
“She quit about two months ago. She started working at the library right away.”
My head starts to spin and it feels like the walls are closing in on me. She quit for him? For him?
“We don’t keep secrets, Buzz.”
I shake free from my trance. “Except when they’re about me, apparently.”
“The past should stay in the past. I don’t doubt that you still have feelings for her but she’s with me now. Unless she tells me to back off, then I’ll be here to stay.”
I can’t listen to any more of this bullshit. I have more important things to deal with. I stand up and walk over to the door, throwing the framed photo of her in the trash on my way out. Childish, I know, but it was either that or throw it at his head. I don’t think Mason would be too pleased if I missed this afternoon’s meeting because I was in jail. Besides, I took the fucking photo so I get to decide what happens with it. He steps to the side, allowing me to reach for the door handle. I turn to look at him as I push down on it. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
I’m about to call Mason but hesitate and carry on scrolling until I reach Sophia’s name. Nobody knows Lori better than she does. If anyone can give me answers, it’ll be her.
“Hello?” she answers almost immediately.
“She quit for him?” I ask in greeting, unable to bite my tongue.
“Oh, shit.”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“Who told you?” she asks.
“Who do you think told me?”
“Lori?”
“Try again.”
She groans. “You’ve been to see John?”
“Yep.”
“Oh my god, no.”
“Oh my god, yes,” I reply.
“Why?”
“Why do people usually visit a dentist, Soph? I went to tell him to back the fuck away from Lori, obviously.”
“Buzz! You promised you’d leave them alone.”
“No I didn’t. I promised to back off if that’s what she wants. Is that what she wants?” I spot the library building in the distance. “Because now would be a good fucking time to tell me.”
I carry on walking in silence for a few seconds until she answers. “To be completely honest, I don’t know what she wants. I don’t even think she knows what she wants.”
“Then until she figures her shit out, I’m not going anywhere. Why didn’t you tell me that she’s quit honey trapping?”
She sighs. “I didn’t see the point. I d
idn’t want to re-open any wounds. I thought you had moved on. Besides, Lori should have been the one to tell you – not me and definitely not John.”
“I can’t believe she quit for him. I can’t understand it.”
“She didn’t quit for him. Since when would Lori do something just to please a man?”
“Do you really want me to answer that? Because I’ve got a long list of things she’s done purely to satisfy me.”
“Oh, good,” she replies. “You can’t be too upset if you’re still making jokes.”
“I’ll let you know how it goes later.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m about to go and speak to her now.”
“Maybe you should give it a little time? You know, think about what you want to say first.”
“I know exactly what I want to say. It’s too late for that anyway, I’m already here.” I push open the huge wooden doors.
“Already where?”
“At the library.”
“Buzz, no. Not at her work.”
“Oh, come on. What’s the worst that can happen? It is a library after all. It’s not as if she’s going to shout at me or throw a book at my head…she respects them too much for that. God forbid a cover ever got damaged or a page was folded. I’ll catch you later.”
“Wait…”
I end the call and head straight over to the help desk. “Hello. I’m looking for Lori.”
The old lady peers over the top of her glasses. “Who?”
“Lori Campbell. She started working here about two months ago. She’s about five foot five, brunette and beautiful.”
She frowns and shouts over to one of her colleagues. “Do you know somebody called Lori? Apparently she started working here a few weeks ago.” She smirks. “Brunette and beautiful.”
The younger woman shakes her head. “Nope, not that I know of.”
“Maybe it’s her day off?” I ask, unable to hide my disappointment.
“I think you’ve got the wrong library. I work here most days and I haven’t met any new starters. Maybe you should try Maxwell library.”
“Maxwell? I didn’t know there was more than one library in town.”
She laughs. “It’s the library over at the University of San Francisco.”
“Thanks, I’ll try there.”
Two libraries in one day? If that doesn’t impress Lori, I don’t know what will.
Twenty minutes later, I walk through a set of sliding doors and instantly know that this is where I’m meant to be. Of course this is where Lori works. I get a lump in my throat at how perfect it is for her. It’s bigger than the last library and way more modern. It’s full of metal staircases and people sitting inside little white pods reading their books. I carry on walking and chuckle to myself when I notice a conveyor belt which snakes around the whole bottom floor, displaying books for readers to grab and take home. No wonder everything is painted bright white – it is absolute heaven for book lovers.
Just as I’m admiring a piece of artwork used in a book called Confess, I see Lori walking towards me. She couldn’t look any more like a librarian if she tried. She’s wearing a white button-up blouse and a chequered knee-length skirt which turns me on way more than it should. Her hair is scraped into a bun on the top of her head and her glasses perch on the end of her nose.
She gasps when she notices me and drops the huge stack of books that she was carrying. I laugh as I bend down to help her pick them up. “This would have been the perfect way to meet for the first time. Isn’t this the kind of thing you book lovers dream about?” I lean in closer. “This is the second library I’ve been to today. Does that turn you on as much as your outfit is turning me on?”
She swallows hard as she takes the last of the books from me. “What are you doing here, Buzz?”
“Well I’m not here for the books, that’s for sure.” She closes her eyes when I reach out and tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “You look beautiful.”
When she opens them again, I see a mix of emotions. “Why are you here?”
“To talk.”
“We said everything we needed to say last night.”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure you didn’t.”
“What do you mean by that?” she asks.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you’ve quit trapping?”
Her eyes widen. “Who told you?”
“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you weren’t the one to tell me.”
“What did you want me to do, Buzz? Text you and tell you even though we hadn’t spoken in months?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted you to do.”
“And what would I have said?”
“How about, ‘Hey, Buzz. It’s Lori here. I’ve quit trapping so we can get back together now.’ Something like that would have been fine.”
She shakes her head. “It doesn’t change anything.”
“Are you joking? It changes everything.”
“I was already with John.”
“I don’t understand why you quit for him but you wouldn’t for me.”
“I didn’t quit for him. I quit for me. That’s the whole point, Buzz. I quit when I was ready.”
“Which was only a month or two after we broke up. If you knew you were going to quit eventually, why didn’t you just do it when you knew I was struggling with it?”
“Because you weren’t just struggling with it, you couldn’t handle it. Besides, I didn’t have any plans of quitting then.”
“So what made you change your mind?”
She shrugs. “I couldn’t carry on doing the job forever and I saw how happy Sophia was after she quit. It was like a huge weight was taken off her shoulders. She was free to live her life. An honest life. I saw how happy she was with Mason and when they got engaged, it made me realize that I want that too.”
“With John?”
“John had nothing to do with my decision.” She sighs. “You need to leave. I’m working.”
“Come over to my place tonight.”
“We both know that’s not a good idea.”
“Why not? Because you can’t trust yourself around me?”
I follow her as she walks over to a table and places the books on top. She flexes her fingers. “Stop making this harder than it has to be.”
“You’re the one making things hard. Stop messing around with John.”
“I’m not messing around with anybody. I really like him.”
“Oh, come on. You’re settling. Even if you don’t want to be with me, please don’t settle for him. You deserve so much more.”
“You’re so rude, do you know that? John is an amazing person. He’s so patient and kind. I’m definitely not settling by being with him.”
“Are you in love with him?” She doesn’t answer. She doesn’t do anything. I’m pretty sure she’s holding her breath, just like I am. “Are you in love with him?” I ask again, crouching down until we’re at eye level.
“I’m not having this conversation with you.”
“Why not?”
“Because!”
“Because what?”
She takes a step closer to me and pokes a finger into my chest. “Because what you’re doing is not okay, Buzz.” More prodding as she adds, “This. Is. Not. Okay.”
“I’ll tell you what’s not okay; seeing you with another man when we both know that you belong to me.”
“There you go again with your alpha bullshit. I don’t belong to anybody.”
“It’s not bullshit. It’s the truth. We belong together.”
“We’re dangerous together.”
“Says who?”
“Me! We’re gasoline and fire, Buzz.”
I can feel the frustration building up inside of me. “Gasoline and fire? Well if I’m gasoline then John is a big cold bucket of water. I saw you with him last night, remember? Your eyes were dead when you looked at him. There was no fire. There wasn't even a flicker. I’d always
choose to take a risk over playing it safe. All those nights we used to spend talking about our future…not once did a forty-year-old dentist come into that.”
“There you go again being rude! Leave John out of this!”
“You leave John out of this!”
“Maybe I don’t want to. Maybe I want some safety.”
“Do you love him?” I ask again.
She begins to walk away but I grab hold of her arm and spin her back around to face me. “Answer my question, Lori. Do you love him?”
“I don’t know. I thought I did and then...” she trails off.
“And then?”
“And then you bulldozed your way back into my life last night. Now my head is all messed up.”
“So then I haven’t lost you yet?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You’re not saying a whole lot.”
“Because this isn’t fair on John.”
“Fuck John!” I reply a little too loud, catching the attention of some people nearby. I lower my voice and lean in closer. “John gets to hold you and kiss you. He gets to make love to you. Trust me when I say that John is doing just fine.”
She sighs. “I need time, Buzz. Please give me some time.”
“You’ve had six months.”
“No. Give me some time to see how things go with John. I want to find out where it could go.”
“You’ve just told me that you’re not sure how you feel. Forgive me but there’s no way in hell that I’m going to step back and watch you fall in love with another man. I’ll never stop fighting for you, Lori. I stopped fighting six months ago and you found your way into another man’s bed. Into another man’s heart. Never again.”
“You need to let me figure this out on my own. If we’re truly meant to be together then we will find our way back to each other.”
My heart is beating out of my chest but deep down, I know that she’s right. I need to be smart about this. Even though it kills me, I need to respect what she wants and help her reach the right decision rather than pressure her into it. I want her to want to be with me. I want her to see how boring life is with John so that when she comes back to me, she knows she’s made the right decision. I take her hand in mine and hold it up against my chest. “I hope you find your way back to me.” She rolls her eyes when I add, “Really fucking soon.”
