by Karli Perrin
I find my cell and see that it’s 11.56 p.m. and that I have a missed call.
Please let it be her. Please let it be her. Please let it be her.
I don’t know why I’m getting my hopes up when it’ll probably be Mason checking that I’m not fucking my life up even more.
But I was right to hope.
My heart leaps when I unlock the screen and see that Lori tried calling me at eleven twenty eight. Eleven twenty eight. Which also happened to be exactly twenty eight minutes ago. If this isn’t the universe giving me a sign then I don’t know what is.
I waste no time in calling her back and she wastes no time in answering it. “Lor?” I say after a few seconds. “Are you there?” More silence. “Lori?”
“I’m here.”
“Are you okay?”
“Not really. You?”
“I feel like shit. Where are you?”
“Home.”
“Is John with you?”
“No. I left his place about an hour ago.”
Good. “Sorry for ruining your game night.”
“It wasn’t my game night. It was his way of pimping Hannah out to you and we both know it. He must think we’re stupid.”
“Nah, apparently you’re the most intelligent woman he’s ever met except for when it comes to me.”
“He said that?”
“Yup.”
She sighs. “Buzz…I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. I always want you to be honest with me.” Even if the truth hurts.
“Sophia was pushing me for answers and it all came out sounding way harsher than how I actually meant it.”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. What I said about switching my feelings off…I only said that because my life would be so much easier if I didn’t feel anything for you. But the easiest option isn’t always the best option. That’s what I’m struggling with at the moment. I just need to be sure before making any decisions.”
“I get it.”
“Do you though?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sure your life would be much easier without me in it, too.”
“My life would be empty without you in it,” I tell her. “I don’t know what I did before I met you.”
She laughs. “Hmmm, you don’t know what you did? You did a lot of women.”
“Did I? I can’t remember it was that long ago.”
“You can’t remember their names, or you can’t remember doing it?”
I chuckle. “Wait, which one are you again?”
“I don’t even know who I am anymore,” she replies, all joking aside now.
“You’re the same wonderful person you’ve always been. Don’t let any of this make you think otherwise.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Well I am.”
More silence.
“How was Sophia after I left?” I ask, changing the subject. “I never want to come between your friendship.”
“She was okay. She wouldn’t be so angry if she didn’t care about us so much. She doesn’t want either of us to get hurt. To be honest, I think she wants us to go back to being a happy family of four again.”
“Don’t we all?”
Don’t we?
Please say that we do.
She doesn’t answer for a long time and I’m about to make a joke when she finally says, “Look out of your window, Buzz.”
“What?”
“Look out of your window.”
I practically run over to it and stop breathing when I see her car parked outside. “I thought you were at home?”
“I am.”
I swallow hard. “What…I mean, do you…do you want to come inside?”
“I’ve been sitting here for almost an hour.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I was in the shower when you called. I called you back as soon as I saw it.”
“It’s fine. I needed some time to think.” She pauses. “I got out of my car twice only to get straight back inside again. I’m not sure what I’m even doing here. I want to come in but I’m not going to.”
“We could talk. Just talk.”
“We’re talking now.” I hear the smile in her voice.
“Maybe when two people can’t stay away from each other, they’re not supposed to. I meant what I said earlier, Lor. I’ve changed. I wish you would believe me.”
“I do believe you.”
“You do?”
“Yes. But I also meant it when I said that I’ve changed too. I need to work through some things. I need some time alone.”
“What about John?”
“I need some time alone,” she repeats.
She’s leaning her head back, looking the other way when I say, “Look out of your window, Lori.”
Her head snaps to the passenger side where I’m standing in nothing but my towel. “Buzz…”
“I couldn’t stay inside knowing you’re right here.” I try the door handle and it opens. “Can I get in?” I ask, still talking into my cell.
“Yes,” she whispers into hers.
I hang up and climb inside. “Hi.”
She groans. “Of course you’re only wearing a towel. Of course.”
I chuckle. “Is there a problem?”
“Sophia would kill us if she could see us now.”
“It’s pitch black, I’m pretty sure nobody can see us now.”
She lets her head fall back against the headrest. “So now what?”
“Now we talk.”
“Talk or just talk?”
“I’ll let you decide,” I say with a grin.
She sighs. “When did life become so difficult?”
“Six months, three weeks anddd four days ago.” She leans her head to one side as though she’s trying to figure it out. “The day I let you go,” I explain. She closes her eyes in response. “Do you remember when we were having a movie night and you got called in to work to trap that reality star? I think he was on Survivor.”
She opens her eyes. “Yes?”
“I ended up going out for drinks with Mason.”
“Yeah, I think I remember you making plans.”
“Well we saw you that night.”
She leans forward in her seat. “What?”
“We went to a couple of bars and you were in one of them with him. He had his arm around your waist and you were laughing at something he said. I watched you for at least twenty minutes. It felt like hours. Mason was trying to get me to leave but I couldn’t look away. It was like watching a car crash.”
“It was my job. You told me that you understood.”
“I did…until I saw you with him.” I shake my head. “You were looking at him the same way you looked at me. You were smiling at him the same way you smiled at me. Your laugh even sounded genuine and your eyes did that thing where they crinkle up in the corners. It all became real. Too real. Mason stopped me from going over to you. I couldn’t take it. And then we were finally about to leave and you kissed him.”
“He kissed me,” she clarifies.
I shrug. “You kissed each other. And it lasted a little longer than I liked. I thought that once his lips touched yours, it was game over. I was waiting for you to pull away.”
“I did pull away but I needed to make sure the photographer got the shot first or else I would have done it all for nothing. I pulled away when he tried to use his tongue.”
I know she’s only trying to make me feel better, but it really isn’t helping. “When his hand touched your ass...I exploded. Mason had to drag me out of there. I tried to forget about it afterwards but I couldn’t.”
She looks like she’s mentally piecing a puzzle together. “You stayed at Mason’s house that night.”
I nod. “I kept picturing you kissing him.”
“I hardly saw you that week.”
“I tried to fight it so hard but every time I kissed you, I thought about him. It was driving me insane. I neede
d some time to get over it before I completely ruined us for good. I didn’t want to take it out on you. I didn’t want to resent you.”
“Time out isn’t supposed to last six months, Buzz.”
“I wanted to make sure that I was properly ready. I wanted to deal with my issues rather than mask them. I didn’t know you’d quit trapping so I was making sure that I could definitely handle your job. I didn’t want to mess you around. I’d never had a serious relationship before you, so I wasn’t used to all the emotions. I started seeing a therapist and I could feel myself getting better.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this at the time?”
“I just…I just thought you’d still be there.”
“You thought that I would wait for you.”
“Don’t you think what we had…what we have is worth waiting for?”
“I don’t know anymore. Is it?”
“Yes, it is.” I lean over and place my hand over her heart. “And in here you know that it is. I made you wait too long. I get it. Well now it’s my turn to wait for you.”
“I don’t want you to wait,” she whispers, placing her hand on top of mine. “I want you to live. I want to be sure that if we end up together, it’s because we’re absolutely positive that we want each other over anybody else.”
I thread my fingers through hers. “I’ve never been so sure about anything in my entire life.”
“You always say the right things.”
“I’m just being honest. What do you want me to say? That I’m fine living without you? That it doesn’t hurt my heart to see you with another man? Because I’d be lying.”
She smiles. “There you go again. You sound like you’re a character in a book.”
I chuckle. “If this were a book, it would be one of the best slow-burn, second chance love stories out there.”
She swallows hard. “Love story?”
“Come on, Lor. You read enough books to know what it looks like when a man is in love.”
“Are you…are you saying…”
“I’m saying that I’m in love with you, Lori. I’m saying that I didn’t even know what love was before I met you. I thought it was some stupid, airy-fairy bullshit but you’ve opened my eyes to a whole new world. You’ve opened my heart.”
“Do you really mean that?”
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. There’s a reason I haven’t said it until now. I’m ready for this. I’m ready when you are.”
She keeps her eyes fixed on mine as she unfastens her seatbelt. “I googled what I should do about you, you know.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Damn, Google has the answer to everything these days, huh? So what did it tell you to do?”
“Well I read a few articles then looked on a relationship advice forum. There were three popular answers. Number one was to stay away from you. Apparently the longer I’m away from you, the easier it will get. In time, I’ll lose all my feelings for you.”
“That’s terrible advice. Did I tell you about the time Doctor Google diagnosed me with a brain tumor? All I needed was an updated contact lens prescription. You should never listen to Google. Ever.”
She ignores me. “Number two was that I should fuck you out of my system.”
“Okay, you should always listen to Google. Not the second part though. I’d rather stay in your system.”
“Number three was to get back together.”
My heart starts to race. “And what do you think about that? Did you come to a conclusion?”
She doesn’t answer right away. Instead, she silently climbs over the center console and straddles me, causing her denim skirt to hitch up around her thighs. “I think,” she finally says, “That we were away from each other for a long time and it didn’t get any easier.” My dick throbs when she pulls her t-shirt up and over her head. “I think that even though I developed feelings for somebody else, I didn’t lose the ones I had for you.” She reaches around and unfastens her bra, letting it drop to the floor. “I think it’s safe to say that number one is out of the question.”
I nod. “Number one is so out.” My greedy eyes roam her perfect, naked skin and it takes every ounce of restraint that I have to wait for her to make the next move.
And she does.
She unwraps the towel from around my waist, takes hold of my dick and guides it right where it belongs. We both cry out as she slowly lowers herself down onto me. “No panties?” I ask with wide eyes. “Are you trying to kill me? Was that another one of Google’s suggestions?”
She laughs. “I haven’t been wearing any all night.”
I close my eyes as she begins to rock back and forth. “It’s a good fucking job I didn’t know about that earlier or else Sophia would have had a much bigger shock.” I lift my ass so that I fill her completely and lean forward, taking a nipple into my mouth. “So just to clarify,” I say, in between sucking and biting. “Is this option two or three?”
“Both? Neither? I don’t know, Buzz.” I switch to the other nipple, biting down hard just how she likes it. “All I know is that…this feels…so…fucking good.” She leans forward and kisses me. “No more questions. No more talking.”
Yes, Maam. Less talking, more fucking. I’m okay with that. She squeals when I pull on a lever which makes my seat lean all the way back. We’re ridiculously cramped; one of the few downsides to being six four but she should have a little more room for maneuver now. I’d much rather have her in my bed and be able to take my time, but I’ll take whatever she’s offering. She grabs hold of the handle attached to the roof and begins to ride me faster.
Fuck, she’s so beautiful. I’d be a fool to let her go for a second time. I try to soak up everything about this moment as I don’t know when the next time will be – if there even is a next time.
I move in time with her and when her moans get louder, I rub her clit and order her to come. She throws her head back and calls out my name - something I will never, ever get tired of hearing. She continues to ride the waves, milking every last drop and only when I’m sure that she’s finished do I allow myself to come deep inside of her. She looks me in the eye, stripping me bare and I’m completely overwhelmed by how much I love this woman. I’m pretty sure she can see it. I just hope she gives me the opportunity to prove it.
Jesus, I point blank refuse to tear up while I’m still inside of her. “Okay, Google,” I say, activating voice recognition on my phone. I pause for a beat and then say, “Remind Lori to listen to you more.” She laughs and shoves me playfully.
“Alright, Buzz,” Google responds. “When should I set the reminder for?”
I stroke my chin, pretending to look deep in thought. “Hmmm, set the reminder for a week from now.”
“Sorry, I can only set reminders for a specific point in time. When do you want to be reminded?”
“Next Thursday at eleven twenty eight.” I shrug at Lori. “You heard her - she insisted.”
“Sure,” Google replies. “I’ll remind you next Thursday at eleven twenty eight.”
“Please don’t,” Lori mumbles.
“Thanks, Google,” I say with a grin so smug it could rival one of John’s.
“I’m happy to help.”
She scowls but I pull her to me and wrap my arms around her tightly. I trail kisses along her shoulder, and we stay like that for what feels like hours until she eventually sighs and climbs back into the driver’s seat. I pick up her bra and t-shirt and reluctantly hand them over before covering myself up with the towel. “Do you want to come inside for a while?”
“Um, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Even after what we just did?” I chuckle. “The damage is already done, Lor.”
She raises an eyebrow. “We could do a lot more damage than what we just did and you damn well know it.” She mutters something under her breath about the time we broke her coffee table. I interrupt when she mentions the mirror.
“Hey, it wasn’t my fault that the mirror
wasn’t attached to the wall. Come on, please stay for a while.”
I want to pretend you’re mine for a little while longer.
Her hand finds mine. “I still have things to deal with. I still have…”
“John,” I add when she trails off.
She nods and I see the guilt shining so brightly in her eyes. I wish I could take it away. I can see how much this is haunting her. Even though what we’re doing is wrong, she’s still a good person. She wants to do the right thing and I respect that she isn’t taking any of this lightly. This isn’t some frivolous, thrill-seeking affair. This is three people caught up in a horrible situation. Two men in love with one woman. I trust her more than anyone in the world, except for Mason. And so even though I want this all to be over with and even though I want her back with me for good, I trust that she’s on the right path. I just hope that the path will lead her back to me.
“Well…thanks for the booty call,” I tease as I open the door.
“How does it feel now the shoe is on the other foot?” she teases back.
I climb out of the car and then bend down to look at her as I echo what she said to me no less than five minutes ago. “It feels so fucking good.” I tap on the roof as she rolls her eyes at me. “Drive safe, twenty eight.”
She throws me a sad smile right before I close the door. I stand there, wearing nothing but a towel and watch her drive away, taking my heart with her.
The next morning, I wake up to the sound of my cell vibrating on my bedside table. I reach over; expecting it to be Lori but my smile fades when I see that it’s Sophia.
Uh oh.
“Good morning, cock blocker.”
“Not funny, Buzz.”
“Aww come on, I’m only joking.”
“Well now isn’t the time to joke.”
Yep, she definitely knows about last night. I sigh. “Have you called to give me another lecture? I’m not pressuring her, you know. I would never do that. It was her idea to drive over here. I didn’t know anything about it. I was in the shower at the time.”
