A light blush colored her cheeks. Her fingers slowed. “Would you mind very much if I stayed the weekend? If you don’t have other plans, that is. If you do, I—”
“No.” The question took Jinx by surprise. “I…That’s…” A dozen thoughts raced through her head at once. “I’d love that,” was the winner, and she couldn’t help but grin when she said it. “Oh, I have to work tomorrow.”
“That’s fine. I have work I can do to keep me busy. And I want to make you dinner, so I’ll need to do some shopping.”
Jinx chuckled. “You’ve thought this all out.” But Jinx hadn’t. She tensed. If E. J. stayed that long, she’d have to tell her about her past.
E. J.’s eyes darkened. “I have. But—”
“Yes,” Jinx said, resolved.
E. J. smiled and kissed her tenderly. “Now, about those things I want to do.” She sat up and moved her other hand under Jinx’s shirt. She pushed the fabric up Jinx’s torso. “You’re way overdressed for them.”
Anxiety rolled through Jinx. It was time, especially now that this wasn’t going to be another one-nighter. She couldn’t let things go any further. As much as she wanted out of her clothes, as much as she wanted to feel E. J. naked against her, she didn’t want a lie between them, didn’t want anything between them. If E. J. knowing the truth was going to ruin everything, better to know, now.
Jinx caught E. J.’s hands and stilled them. “Baby,” she said, hoping it wouldn’t be the last time she could call her that. “I need to tell you something.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
E. J. sensed a shift in Jinx, and a weight settled into the room. She looked down from where she sat astride Jinx’s thighs to find her watching her, and that shadow that normally lurked in the depths of her blue eyes was now veiling them. What happened? “That’s a line rarely followed by anything good.” She tried to alleviate the strain. “Don’t tell me you’re a Buddhist nun and you’ve broken your vows of celibacy for me.” She attempted a grin but knew it fell flat.
Jinx smiled hesitantly. “No. No vows of celibacy here.” She swallowed. “But you are the first woman I’ve slept with in over ten years.” She eased her shirt down. “Can we get up? Maybe sit at the table?”
E. J. tried once more to lighten the mood, pushing away the anxiety building inside. She ran her fingertip down Jinx’s fly. “You’re sure you don’t want to finish first?”
Jinx caught her hand. “Baby, please. I want to get this over with.”
All signs of Jinx’s playful nature—the laughter in her eyes, that slow smile, the crinkle of her tiny laugh lines—were gone, and that shadow seemed to have shaded her entire face.
“All right,” E. J. said, easing off the bed. “It sounds important.”
“It is.”
They settled at the table.
Jinx looked at the refrigerator, the front door, the end table…anywhere but at E. J. “Now I don’t know where to start.” Her lips trembled slightly.
E. J. took her hand. She had never seen Jinx like this. Granted, this was only the third time she had been with Jinx at all—if you didn’t count the wedding…The wedding. She had seen Jinx like this, at the top of the stairs after Andrea had said those horrible things. Was she about to learn what all that was about? She leaned across the table. “Just start anywhere, sweetie. It’s okay.”
An uneasy moment passed. “Okay,” Jinx said finally. “I’m going to say the worst first.”
E. J. nodded.
“I spent twenty years in a federal prison for bank robbery,” she blurted. “I’ve only been out for three years.”
E. J. froze. Not in surprise. Surprise was what you felt when people jumped out from behind the couch on your birthday. Shock? No, that was still too mild. E. J. was stunned. In fact, she couldn’t have been more stunned if Jinx had told her she was a man. This just didn’t fit. Everything she knew about Jinx, everything she felt when she was with her, didn’t fit with being told she was a bank robber. She felt her face go pale, then instantly saw tears well in Jinx’s eyes.
Jinx looked away. “You can go if you want. It’s okay.”
A part of her did want to leave—a part of her wanted to bolt without looking back. That’s what she always did at the first sign of conflict or drama. She had seen that same deep pain in Jinx’s face at the wedding, though. She couldn’t bear to be the cause of it. But what was she supposed to say? Her mind was just as frozen as her body, but she had to say something. What if Jinx had told her she was a man? She would have questions, right? Surely, there were questions to be asked here as well. So ask something. “Bank robbery?” was all she could manage, but it bought a little time.
Jinx nodded. A few tears escaped and fell from her chin.
E. J. cleared her throat. “That doesn’t make any sense. How could someone like you rob banks?”
“Bank.” Jinx turned to her with a hopeful expression.
“What?”
“Just one,” Jinx said.
Okay, that was something. Just one. At least she wasn’t Bonnie or Ma Barker. One bank. But why?
Jinx took a deep breath. “I was twenty-one. I was an addict and living on the streets. We started stealing to buy drugs. Small stuff, at first, and it just kept getting bigger and bigger.”
“We?” It wasn’t the most important thing to focus on, but it was something—something to keep E. J. in her seat. Breathe.
“Me and some friends.” Jinx looked down at her hands.
E. J. watched her. She thought of Andrea, what she had heard about Tiffany’s grandparents, Andrea’s—and Jinx’s—parents, the huge estate. “Why were you living on the streets?”
“I ran away after my father died. Nora…his wife, my stepmother…was going to ship me off to some boarding school so her friends wouldn’t know when she cut me out of everything. I decided if I was going to be on my own, I’d rather it be someplace I knew. Either way, I’d be living on the streets. Doing it here seemed like a better option. So I left.”
E. J. looked into Jinx’s eyes. They were still wet, but they were clearer. The more Jinx shared, the steadier she seemed. That made sense. Someone like Jinx would hate keeping a secret like this. Still, a part of E. J. wished she had. This changed everything, didn’t it? She rose and paced the kitchen, feeling Jinx’s gaze on her each time she changed direction. It still didn’t make sense. The Jinx she knew—even though she had known her for such a short time—wouldn’t do something like rob a bank. And something else wasn’t right. What was it? E. J. slowed. “Twenty years?”
Jinx nodded.
“That’s your entire adult life.”
Another nod.
E. J. paused. She didn’t want her next statement to sound like an accusation, but she didn’t know a way around it—and she had to know if there was more. “Isn’t that a long time for just one robbery?”
“I only got twelve for the robbery.” Jinx rested her elbow on the table and rubbed her forehead. “When I’d been in for ten, there was a turf war between two gangs. Some people died. Everyone involved got time added to her sentence.”
E. J.’s heartbeat quickened. “People died?”
“Yes. But I didn’t kill anyone, E. J., I swear,” Jinx said in a rush. “It all happened so fast. Val got jumped, and I went for her…Then everybody was in it. And nobody could get out.” Her eyes went unfocused as though she had gone back in time, seeing it, reliving it.
E. J. waited. She wanted to go to her, but she couldn’t make herself move.
When Jinx shook her head and returned her attention to E. J., they stared at one another.
With a jolt, E. J. remembered. “Is that where you got those scars?”
“One of them. The one on my back. I got shanked.” Jinx looked away. “The one on my side is from a gunshot during the robbery.” Her voice broke.
E. J. swayed. Suddenly, there wasn’t enough air in the room. Jinx had been cut with a knife and shot. She could have died twice. E. J. had no frame of reference fo
r any of this. These kinds of things—stabbings, shootings, bank robberies, fights between prison gangs—didn’t happen to people she knew. She only read about them in newspapers, books, or saw them in movies. She gripped the edge of the counter for balance.
Jinx was at her side, slipping an arm around her waist. “C’mon, baby. Come sit down.” She led her back toward the bed.
E. J. clutched at Jinx’s shirt. She couldn’t shake the realization of what Jinx had just said. She should be grappling with the fact that she had been sleeping with an ex-convict, a felon. Instead, she was fighting back panic from the thought of Jinx possibly dying before E. J. had found her. Tears burned her eyes.
Jinx eased her onto the mattress and sat beside her.
“You could have died.” Terror gripped E. J., and she began to tremble. She gasped and pulled Jinx close. She held on tight. “I can’t lose you.”
Jinx wrapped her arms around E. J. and cradled her. “Baby, I’m okay. It was a long time ago.” She stroked E. J.’s back. “I’m right here.”
E. J. felt Jinx’s warm breath on her face, her heartbeat beneath her hand. She began to calm. Embarrassment flooded her. She had to get control of herself, gain some composure—or at least fake it. She didn’t fall apart in front of lovers. She never gave up her edge. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat. “I’m sorry,” she said, easing out of Jinx’s embrace.
Jinx studied her, eyes wide. “Do you want some water…or something?”
Wine. No, something stronger. Whiskey. But she knew Jinx had neither. She shook her head. “I’m fine.” She had to focus on something else. What had Jinx said? Bank robbery. Yes, but she couldn’t go there, yet. Living on the streets? Father’s wife? Nora? She forced herself to focus. “Nora Tanner wasn’t your mother?”
Jinx blinked. “Uh, no.”
E. J. knew what she must be thinking: Out of everything I said, that’s what you heard? Truthfully, though, out of everything Jinx had said, that was about all she could grasp at the moment. She forced herself to let go of Jinx completely and scooted farther onto the bed. She leaned back against the pillow and headboard. “Tell me about that. How you ended up living there. What happened to your mother?”
Jinx’s posture relaxed, but her expression remained wary. “Okay.” She moved up beside E. J. “I don’t remember much about her. Just what my father told me. He said he and my mother were high school sweethearts, but his parents didn’t approve. She wasn’t good enough for him.”
E. J. stared straight ahead and let Jinx’s voice soothe her as it always did.
“They told him he had to break up with her, but he kept seeing her behind their backs. Finally, when he graduated, he had to go away to college. He said he intended to come back and marry her, but once he moved away and started hanging out in the circles his parents wanted him in, it got easier to just go along with what they wanted. He met Nora, and their parents agreed it was a perfect match, so they got engaged.”
E. J. let herself sink into the story. She could do this one. The rest? She had no idea what to do with the rest. She should be leaving—packing her things and marching straight out the door. She had left women, affairs, flings, for far less than anything like a criminal record and a prison sentence. In fact, every time she had left, it was for far less, because this kind of thing just didn’t happen. She had ended her involvement with Rhonda, the only woman she had ever considered herself even remotely serious with, because Rhonda wanted her to meet her sister when she had come to town, and that, E. J. felt, had held too much potential for drama. Yet—she had already overlooked the fact that Jinx’s niece was married to Jacob and had repeatedly come to the same city in which they lived, for the sole purpose of seeing Jinx. And here she was, listening to Jinx’s childhood story, knowing there were still the explanations of living on the streets, drug addiction, bank robbery, and twenty years of prison to come. And who the hell is Val?
“He never stopped loving my mother, though,” Jinx said, her tone even. “He felt guilty for not going back and taking a stand for her. A week before the wedding, he went to see her to say how sorry he was, but seeing her again brought up all his feelings and they ended up in bed. That’s when she got pregnant. He went forward with the wedding, and she never told him. He didn’t know anything about me until my mother was killed in a car accident when I was five, and a social worker contacted him.”
E. J. glanced at Jinx. While her voice held no emotion, her eyes were hard with what looked like a mixture of anger and sorrow.
“He had to explain the whole thing to Nora, and they took me in, but she made sure we both paid for my existence until the day he died and the day I left.”
E. J. remembered Andrea’s words. My mother was right about you. You’re nothing but trash that came from trash. Who would say that about a child? Who would even think it? E. J.’s heart ached for the little girl Jinx had been. “I’m so sorry.” She slipped her hand over Jinx’s.
Jinx flinched, then softened when her gaze met E. J.’s.
“Do you remember anything about your mother?”
Jinx’s eyes clouded faintly and grew distant as though searching the past. “Not a lot. A bright red shirt with a big smiley face on it. And the smell of maple syrup. I think we ate French toast a lot. And part of a song—something about a sheep and a lion.” The very corners of her mouth tipped upward, and she shook her head slightly. “I don’t know.”
E. J. listened, hoping for more, for Jinx’s sake. She couldn’t imagine not remembering her mother. She had been no picnic in the park, but at least E. J. had childhood memories of her, even some nice ones.
“I remember her lips on my forehead,” Jinx said, a hint of excitement in her tone. “That’s how she kissed me good night.” She turned to E. J. “I’ve never remembered that before.”
E. J. squeezed Jinx’s hand. “Do you look like her?” She would be fine as long as she stayed on this topic.
Jinx shrugged. “I don’t look much like my father. Andrea takes after him. So, maybe.”
E. J. took in her features—those deep blue eyes that always pulled her in, that easy, warm smile, the dark chestnut hair. This was Jinx, the Jinx E. J. had come to know and trust, the Jinx that made her feel so intensely. She wasn’t that other person who robbed banks. She caught herself—bank. Who took drugs. Who spent much of her life in prison. A convict. A felon. No, this was Jinx—E. J.’s Jinx.
“E. J.—”
“Shh.” E. J. pressed her fingertips to Jinx’s lips. “I can’t…Just let me…” Let her what? Let her think? Process? She focused on the young Jinx, the young Michelle, who at five was taken to live with strangers, with a woman who hated her very existence. And what about Andrea? That was a question she could ask. “Has Andrea always felt about you the way she does, now?”
“No.” Jinx’s eyes saddened. “We used to be best friends. We’re only three months apart in age, and when we first met, we were instantly inseparable. Our dad had the nanny clear out one of the rooms on Andrea’s floor for me, and that’s where we lived together for eleven years—until Nora moved me into a room behind the kitchen after my father died. We did everything together, when we were little.” Jinx seemed far away as she relayed her past.
E. J. listened, eager for every detail.
“Andi loved to sing, and when I first got there, she decided we’d start a singing group. She taught me her favorite songs, and we pretended the coffee table in the TV room was a stage, and we’d put on concerts for Stephanie, our nanny.” Jinx laughed softly. “And for me, we’d dress up like pirates and search for buried treasure. I got to be the captain, and Andrea was always the wench.”
E. J. smiled, losing herself for a moment in the vision of the two little girls.
“And then, Luke came,” Jinx said. Her eyes sparkled, and she grinned. “He worked on the grounds crew and helped take care of the gardens. He played hide-and-seek with us on his breaks, and he built us a tree house.” She turned to E. J., her features
animated. “It’s still there. I saw it at the wedding. We used to play in it for hours. It’s where we went to hide from Nora.” She chuckled. “God, we had fun.”
“What happened?” E. J. asked softly, but she instantly regretted the question.
The light in Jinx’s eyes went out, and she shook her head. “I don’t know. All of a sudden, when we were about twelve, Andi started changing. She stopped wanting to do anything together at home, and at school—we went to this fancy private academy—she made new friends. I never really fit in there, so I just hung out in the library and studied. As we got into our teens, I tried to talk to her about it, find out what I’d done, but it just made her mad. Finally, she told me she didn’t want anything to do with me and to leave her alone. So, I did. After that, I just hung out with Luke or Emmy, his wife—she worked on the house staff—and spent a lot of time in the tree house.”
E. J. caressed Jinx’s hand.
Jinx gripped her fingers tightly.
“When did your father die?”
Jinx looked down. “When I was sixteen. He had a heart attack. I think he just couldn’t take his life anymore. He told me a few months earlier he was sorry he couldn’t be stronger for me. Looking back, it was like he was making his amends before leaving me.”
E. J.’s temper flared at Jinx’s father leaving her so alone in the world at such a young age. What a coward. She knew they were getting close to the part she wasn’t ready to deal with, but she had to know the rest of the story with Andrea and Nora. “What happened next?”
Jinx sighed. “That’s when Nora moved me into a room behind the kitchen so Andrea would have more space to entertain her social circle and appropriate suitors. I lost touch with her completely at that point. A little later, I overheard a conversation between Nora and her attorney about sending me to a boarding school in Boston where no one would know when she cut me off at eighteen. So, I saved her the trouble. That’s when I ran away.”
Embracing the Dawn Page 10
