A simple ‘Philippe’ signature this time at the bottom of the page. No quotation. No kisses.
Anna re-folded the piece of paper and carefully slipped it in towards the back of the notebook as she opened it. Philippe had started his journal six weeks earlier, carefully dating the first page – the day he’d received the first letter.
Reading Philippe’s journal and his obvious delight in the possibility of meeting his son, Anna could once again hear the voice of the boy she’d loved. The pages were full of his thoughts and hopes for the future. And questions about how she, Anna, would be.
‘Will I recognize you – you, me? I was so angry with you when you disappeared. The one thing I wanted was to find you and care for you. For years I tried to find you. Hoped you’d get in touch with me. I saw you once in the audience at the Film Institute in London but you’d left the building before I could get to you. I saw you getting into a taxi and vanishing out of my life again. The years and life took on their own momentum and suddenly twenty years had passed. I realized even if I did find you, it was too late for us to be that happy family but I couldn’t – and didn’t – stop looking for you. But you vanished very effectively.’
The last entry started: ‘Today Jacques and I had words about me meeting my son. He is very sceptical about things working out but I believe they will. I feel in my heart of hearts that the time has finally come for me to be able to right wrongs done so many years ago. I’m off to America tomorrow, when I return the Cannes Film Festival will be in full swing – who knows, by the time it finishes I may have definite news about our family. “Our family.” Oh, how I love that phrase.’
Anna, unable to control her sobbing, searched frantically for a tissue in her bag, aware that the family playing nearby were watching her, trying to hide their concern. She forced a smile in their direction, praying they wouldn’t approach her, and tried to stop herself shaking. The blue ‘missed message’ light on her mobile in the bottom of her bag was flashing. Leo.
With shaking fingers she pressed the re-dial button and waited for Leo to pick up.
‘Anna, where are you? I’ve been frantic with worry. Bruno told me you left him hours ago.’
‘I’m on Saint Marguerite. Leo darling, I’m so sorry. I just had to be by myself for a while.’
‘Are you okay?’ Leo asked. ‘Bruno said it was an emotional meeting with Jacques.’
‘It was.’
‘You need to be here. Poppy needs to talk to you about finalizing things for this evening. There still seems a lot to be done.’
‘I’ll be back soon. I promise I’ll catch the next boat back. There’s one coming across the bay now. Leo, we need to talk when I get back.’
‘We’ll talk all you like after this party is out of the way,’ Leo said firmly. ‘There are things I need to say as well. I’ll tell Poppy you’ll be here within the hour then.’
Thoughtfully Anna closed her phone. Carefully she placed the two envelopes with their revealing contents in her bag. She had all the proof she’d ever needed that Philippe Cambone had truly loved her – had probably still loved her at the time of his death.
Anna pressed her hands against her eyes and rubbed hard, trying yet again to stem the tears. She knew she had only herself to blame for the mess she’d made of things. But how was she going to live with herself now, knowing how much she’d hurt Philippe with her selfish act of giving their son away?
CHAPTER 14
‘So how was your evening with Nat? Heard you come in at two,’ Poppy said as she and Daisy did some last minute party food shopping in Forville market. ‘Did you tell Nat about Ben?’
‘Oh, hope I didn’t wake you. It was a great night. Nat and I seem to be on the same wavelength over lots of things. He took me to a jazz club he knew up in Valbonne after Juan les Pins. He actually likes Jamie Callum as well. Remember how Ben always used to moan at me for listening to him? And yes, I told him all about Ben.’ Daisy looked at her sister.
‘Can you believe Marcus had also poked his oar in? Gave Nat the impression that I couldn’t wait to jet off to be reunited with him. At least you didn’t do that. Two dozen eggs enough?’
‘Plenty. Cheese counter next. And how did he react?’
‘He was fine – told me all about Julia the love of his life in primary school,’ Daisy laughed. She’d really enjoyed last night. Nat was so good to be around. He thought her plans for the future – going freelance and moving into the cottage were great. But did she have the courage to go it alone? Even if Nat was a part of her life?
As Poppy agonized over how big a brie to buy and whether gorgonzola was a popular choice, or should she just stick with stilton, Daisy wandered over to the flower section to look at several vases filled with one of her favourites – vibrant, happy sunflowers. Just what she needed – a visual reminder of the happy mood she was in. Her mobile trilled its text alert as she selected three sunflowers and paid for them.
‘Seen any reasonable asparagus anywhere?’ Poppy asked, joining her.
‘That stall over there. And the next one for the olives and the tapenade you wanted. Think that’s everything on the list then. No, we still need some smoked salmon.’
Walking back to the car with Poppy, Daisy took a quick look to see who the text was from. She didn’t recognize the international number and it wasn’t until they’d stowed the shopping in the car and were driving home that she clicked on the message.
‘srry hve bn fool. rtrning to uk nxt wk 2 marry u. lv u. ben.’
Daisy hit her knees with her fist clenched.
‘I don’t believe this,’ she said reading the message out to Poppy. ‘Now what do I do?’ she said.
‘You should have replied to his letter telling him it was too late, days ago,’ Poppy said, with a typical bossy big sister tone to her voice. ‘You’ll have to text him back and tell him no way.’
‘Isn’t it typical of Ben though to assume I’ve nothing better to do than hang around waiting for him.’ Daisy threw the phone in her bag.
‘Aren’t you going to text him right away?’ Poppy asked.
‘No. I’ll e-mail him the minute we get back,’ Daisy said. ‘I’m not that keen on texts. All those abbreviated words can lead to misunderstandings. I’m going to have to spell it out in full. Make sure he gets the message. Can’t you drive a bit faster? I need to get this over and done with.’
‘No, it’s a thirty speed limit along here. I don’t want a speeding ticket, thank you very much. What are you going to say?’
‘That if he thinks he can just waltz back into my life and nothing will have changed, then he’s not only wrong but stupid. Besides I won’t be in the UK next week.’
Once back at the cottage sitting in front of her laptop, Daisy clicked on Ben’s e-mail address. Thank God she hadn’t deleted it from her address book in a fit of pique. Now, how to be polite and firm but kind?
‘Dear Ben, re your recent text. Marriage is not on, I’m afraid, so suggest you stay where you are. Am out of the UK next week. Have a good life. Daisy.’
Thoughtfully she looked at what she’d written. Too short? Too cruel? But what else was there to say? She didn’t want him harbouring any false hopes of a reconciliation. This last week since she’d met Nat had convinced her there was absolutely no way she wanted Ben back in her life. Ben was in the past – his choice. Nat was the future – her choice.
‘P.S. Hope you meet someone special soon. I have and I’m very happy.’
There, that should get the message across. Daisy pressed the send button before she could change her mind. Her computer pinged. Incoming mail – one from the paper, two from journalist friends. Daisy read them in a daze before closing her laptop. That was all she needed.
Poppy glanced at her as she walked into the sitting-room. ‘Told him? Good. You all right? You look a bit dazed.’
‘I’ve been sacked as of the end of the Festival. Bill the editor has gone already and rumour has it at least ten per cent of the staff face t
he chop.’
‘Can they do that?’
Daisy nodded. ‘Short term contracts aren’t being renewed. Marcus is fired as well,’ Daisy said. ‘Oh well, I suppose it’s an ill wind. At least I’ll get some redundancy money to kick start my freelancing with. Think I might be living down here sooner than I expected.’
‘Fine by me,’ Poppy said. ‘Now, can we get on with the party preparations?’
CHAPTER 15
Anna could see Leo waiting for her on the quay as the ferry-boat pulled alongside the pontoon. The last to step ashore, Anna ran towards Leo, a feeling of relief washing over her as he put his arms around her and held her tightly for several seconds without speaking.
‘Are you all right?’ he asked finally, holding her at arms length and studying her face. ‘I was so worried when you didn’t return.’
‘I’m sorry Leo. I just needed to be on my own to read the papers Jacques and Bruno gave me. And to think about what they had said.’
Leo looked at Anna questioningly as he noticed the envelopes sticking out of her bag for the first time.
‘I’ll tell you what happened this morning as we walk back to the villa,’ Anna said. She tucked her hand into Leo’s.
‘Preparations going okay for the party?’
Leo nodded. ‘Think Poppy is getting stressed having to take decisions she feels you should be making but other than that, things are on schedule for this evening.’
‘Good,’ Anna answered. ‘Although I’ve never felt less like a party in my life,’ she added quietly.
Walking along the bord de mer Anna told Leo the name of the woman who had contacted Philippe. ‘Felicity Howell. Which means nothing to Jacques, Bruno or me.’
She also told him about the long lost letter from Philippe and the journal that Jacques had given her.
‘I wish I’d come back to Cannes years ago and found Philippe. Told him the truth. My life could have been so different. So much better.’ She sighed. ‘Still it’s too late now.’
Leo was silent and Anna glanced at him, concerned. She’d clearly upset him today, first by disappearing and now by inferring how much better her life would have been if she’d married Philippe all those years ago. Anna bit her lip. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Leo. She loved him too much.
‘I don’t think you coming to Cannes this year was a very good idea,’ Leo said slowly. ‘You seem to have jumped on to an emotional roller coaster that is in danger of running you over. I dread to think what would have happened if Philippe had been here in person.’
Leo indicated an empty bench overlooking the beach and the Mediterranean. ‘Let’s sit down for a few moments. I need to say something to you. I don’t think it can wait until after the party like I thought, after all.’
Obediently Anna followed Leo across to the bench and sat down. As Leo took her hand in his, Anna’s engagement ring glinted in the rays from the overhead sun. Leo gently fingered the ring before starting to speak.
‘I’m beginning to wonder if Philippe hadn’t died and the two of you had met up again this week, whether you and I would be preparing to announce our engagement tonight.’ He was silent for a moment, gazing out to sea before turning to face her. ‘This pining for something that might have been has to stop, Anna, if we are to have any sort of future.’ His hand holding hers squeezed so hard Anna thought her fingers would drop off.
‘We are both old enough to know, and accept, that nothing is ever simply black or white – particularly with the baggage we all collect as we go through life. By the time we get to our age,’ Leo shrugged. ‘Well, there’s usually lots of it.’ He was silent for a second or two before continuing.
‘Anna, we have to be totally honest with each other before our relationship can go any further. I love you with all my heart – I feel we’re soulmates. But I’m scared I’m only second best for you after Philippe. I’m worried too that there is always going to be a dead presence in our marriage. A presence that won’t allow me to get as close to you as I want to. I truly couldn’t bear that.’
Anna stared out across the bay knowing that whatever she said to Leo in the future, nothing would ever be more important than what she said this minute.
‘Leo, you must never ever think again you’re second best in my life. The time I’ve known you has been the happiest of my adult life. I didn’t expect to ever love and be loved in return – I thought it was far too late. But I do love you, Leo, and I can’t imagine my life without you in it.’ Anna paused. ‘What you said about us being soulmates is true. I’m sorry about inflicting my pain over the past and Philippe on to you. I don’t want a dead presence in our marriage, any more than you do. But it’s Philippe’s legacy that is at stake here.’ Her hand still rested in Leo’s, clenched into a fist. ‘It’s the possibility of finally meeting my son, Jean-Philippe, that is really beginning to tear me apart in all this.’
Anna turned to face Leo, her voice taking on a desperate note. ‘You’ve got children. Imagine if you no longer had any contact with Alison. If there was a possibility you would never see your grandchild. How would you feel? I know the whole sorry business is my fault – I was the one who denied Philippe his rights as a father when I gave Jean-Philippe away – but now if there’s just a chance I can explain things to the next generation, make amends in some way, then I have to try. Please help me to get through this Leo.’
‘Anna, it’s impossible to know what Philippe’s true feelings were for you all those years ago. Or whether things would have worked out if you and he had stayed together. As for Jean-Philippe,’ Leo shook his head. ‘Who knows what kind of effect finding him will have on your – on our – lives?
‘I promise I’ll give you all the help I can but when will all this torment stop? When we leave here at the end of the week? Or will you carry on punishing yourself for the past? Beating yourself up with guilt?’
Anna handed him the letter Philippe had written. ‘No, it’s not impossible to know what Philippe’s true feelings were. Read this and then tell me I shouldn’t feel guilty about things.’
She stared at Leo’s impassive face as he read the letter, trying to gauge his reaction to the emotions expressed by Philippe so long ago.
‘Now do you see why I can’t give up this emotional roller coaster as you called it, until I have some sort of closure over my past?’ she asked quietly as Leo handed back the letter.
He nodded. ‘But I still think you’re wrong to take one hundred per cent of the blame on your shoulders. There were other people involved all along the line.’
‘I know,’ Anna said. ‘But I’m the last one left who can try to right the mistakes that were made.’
Leo sighed. ‘L.P. Hartley was right when he said the past is a foreign country. It’s certainly not a place I’m keen to visit for long. I just want us to get back on track to enjoying the rest of our lives together.’
‘We will, I promise. I’m looking forward to the future with you so much,’ Anna said. ‘But there’s something else you have to know.’
Leo looked at her warily and waited for her to continue.
‘Philippe has named me as a beneficiary in his will. I have to meet his lawyers soon for them to tell me what that means exactly. Will you come with me this time please, Leo?’
‘Yes, but I need you to promise me one thing, Anna. Whatever happens, whatever you inherit, please don’t let it come between us and destroy what we have now in the present.’
‘I promise,’ Anna said, and oblivious to passers-by, leant forward and kissed Leo passionately.
CHAPTER 16
‘I picked up a sparkling candle too,’ Daisy said as she and Poppy admired the iced gateau with its swirls of cream and chocolate hearts Daisy had collected from the patisserie. ‘I thought it would go well … here,’ and she carefully pushed it into the centre of the cake. ‘We can light it just before Leo makes his announcement.’
‘Better put the cake in the fridge,’ Poppy said. ‘Don’t want the cream going
off before tonight.’
‘Right,’ Daisy said. ‘Now where’s that list? What have we got left to do?’
Poppy looked at her clipboard. ‘Think we’re done. We just have to put the food out on the table what, quarter of an hour before people are due?’ she said glancing at her watch. ‘We’ll have to light the candles and float them on the pool but that’s not until later as well. Nat will be bringing Tom back soon. Shall we eat something with him or wait for food this evening?’
‘Oh let’s eat something light with Tom. Shouldn’t drink champagne on an empty stomach,’ Daisy said.
‘Anna and Leo look as if they are still putting the world to rights,’ Daisy added, looking across to the villa where Anna and Leo were sitting by the pool. ‘Anna’s looking pretty miserable too. I wonder what’s upset her? Tonight’s supposed to be a happy occasion.’
‘I thought she looked as if she’d been crying when they got back here earlier,’ Poppy said. ‘She was very subdued when I went across to ask what time they were planning to make the formal announcement of their engagement. I need to know for bringing the champagne out for the toast,’ Poppy explained. ‘Leo said he’d let me know later.’ She shrugged. ‘Hope he doesn’t forget.’
She turned as Nat opened the garden gate. ‘Ah, Tom and Cindy are back. I’ll organize some food. Would you and Cindy like to stay?’ she asked Nat.
‘Thanks. Not sure how hungry these two will be. Lots of candy-floss and other delicacies on offer today on the Croisette – along with balloons,’ he said, catching hold of Cindy’s pink helium filled balloon as it threatened to slip out of the little girl’s hand and float away from her. Daisy helped Tom tie his blue one to the back of a chair before following Poppy into the kitchen to fetch the food.
‘How’s your day been then?’ Nat asked as Daisy put packets of crisps on the table for the children.
‘Apart from losing my job? I’m out of work as from this Sunday,’ she explained as Nat looked at her. ‘Looks like I’m going to be freelance sooner rather than later.’
Rendezvous in Cannes Page 11
