by Bijou Hunter
Ten - Daisy
As soon as Camden disappears from the trailer park, I run to my mother’s trailer where my sisters still peer out at me. Sally’s dark hair is wrapped in a messy bun on her head as she tosses a bag of popcorn into the microwave. My sisters wear their hair in messy buns too, and I feel sexy in comparison with my windblown hair from riding on the Harley.
“Have fun?” Ruby asks, joining Chevelle on the couch in the doublewide trailer.
My lips still warm from his kisses, I smile. “I had an amazing time. Camden even convinced me to eat ribs and mashed potatoes. I haven’t been this full in months.”
“Bad men are bad influences,” Harmony says, patting my stomach before joining Sally in the kitchen. “That’s why I like them.”
“He’s coming over tomorrow for dinner.”
“Can we spy?” Harmony asks.
“It might get PG-rated so no.”
“PG-rated,” Chevelle says, looking at her mom. “I can watch that.”
“Sometimes in movies, but never when Daisy does it. Never.”
Carrying a big bowl of buttered popcorn, Harmony walks back to the couch.
“Where’s Keanu?” I ask my sister.
“Asleep in my trailer. Betty’s watching him while we gossip. So are you pregnant yet?”
“PG-rated doesn’t allow for that. Besides, I’m on birth control.”
Harmony and Ruby laugh, and I catch my mom smiling. “So were we,” Harmony teases. “Use super strength condoms.”
Ruby throws popcorn at our sister. “Let’s keep the gossip from turning PG-13 rated.”
“Message received,” Harmony says, taking the popcorn from her hair and tossing it into her mouth.
When I catch Sally watching us, I feel my gut twist. My mother’s face shines even when she’s enraged. The only time she doesn’t glow is when she has bad news.
“You didn’t ask my opinion,” she says, and everyone’s smiles fade, “but I’ll give it to you anyhow. Dating Camden Rutgers is a mistake. Even if he’s good to you, he isn’t a good man. His family is tied to various criminal activities. He could end up in jail or dead. He’ll likely cheat on you once your newness wears off. If you have his kids, he’ll want them to live his miserable criminal lifestyle.”
Even shocked by her harsh truth, I manage to blurt out, “I don’t care.”
“You should care. He’s willing to ruin your life.”
I look at my sisters for support but find them staring awkwardly at the ground. Focusing back on my mom, I shrug.
“I don’t care what anyone thinks. Camden makes me feel great, and I’m giving him a chance. All that crap you said doesn’t matter.”
“That’s my girl,” Sally says, pulling me into a hug. “Don’t let people and their opinions stop you from living.”
“So that was a test?”
“Your father will likely say the same thing when he hears about you and Camden, but I don’t think you’re interested in living Ollie’s safe life. You want more, don’t you?”
“I want Camden.”
“He seems to want you too. That’s all that matter. Not anyone’s expectations. Not tomorrow. Nothing. Just follow your heart. You’re strong enough to handle the consequences.”
Sally’s meaning might be encouraging, but her words leave me nervous. I know she wishes I was carefree. I want to be that way too. I’ve imagined myself being like her or Harmony, but I can’t muster up the courage to follow their leads. My brain always gets wound up on the little details, and it'll no doubt happen again with Camden. Until then, I want to enjoy feeling beautiful with my Viking.
Eleven - Camden
My uncle Jude Hallstead meets me at the door of the old hardware store we use for interrogations and beat downs. Howler is the Brotherhood's VP, and my dad’s best friend growing up. They came from opposite sides of the town’s wealth divide but somehow ended up running a criminal organization together. A lot of men might have been pissed when their best friend cheated on their sister but not Howler. He’s the biggest tang magnet I know, and Bonn isn’t his only illegitimate kid running around the world.
“Your dick needs to stop running the show,” Howler tells me as I enter the building.
Ignoring him and his bushy blond hair, I smile at Mojo and Dayton along with a handful of other club brothers.
“Ain’t it a wonderful day in the shits, gentlemen?” I announce. “Do your worst.”
“What if I shot you, son?” Mojo asks, trying to seem taller than me. “Would your little girlfriend be worth taking a bullet to the head?”
“Hell, if ditching a meeting is all it takes to have you shoot me in the head, I’d say we might as well get it the fuck over.”
Dayton stands behind our father, dismissively shaking his head.
“The club always comes first,” Mojo says. “Before girlfriends. Before friends. Even before family.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I say emphasizing the last word.
“You knew what you signed on for.”
“If you want to make an example of me,” I say, tossing aside my jacket and stretching out my arms, “let’s do this, but I didn’t sign on to be your bitch. I’m Camden Rutgers. I do what I want. Now, let’s get this done.”
The first hit is always the worst. Once the pain kicks in, the adrenaline does too. Instantly, I feel invincible.
Dayton barrels into me, going low like a linebacker before using his shoulder to nail me in the ribcage. I grunt before swinging to the side and sending him toppling. While I might accept a beating for my transgression, I won’t play the martyr. If they want to punish me, they’ll need to embrace the pain too.
Mojo and Howler double team me. Dad hits me in the jaw while my uncle’s punch makes contact with my ear. Despite seeing stars, I play The Three Stooges by grabbing them by the hair and slamming their heads together.
Outnumbered, I can’t avoid getting pummeled, but I make every guy earn their every punch and kick. My club brothers want me to know my place, and I expect them to understand the same. One day, Mojo will retire, and I plan to lead these men. I won’t take shit from them now, and I won’t do it when they call me president.
“Good boy,” Mojo says after the beating is over, and he’s nursing his wounds. “Next time, make your pussy wait.”
“No,” I tell him, walking away. “I’m hardheaded, Dad. You ought to know that especially after my noggin nearly broke your jaw.”
Mojo gives me a dirty look, but I’m already on my way outside. I refuse to show pain. I won’t even limp despite my right knee throbbing from a righteous kick from Dayton.
As everyone else goes their separate ways, I feel my brother following me. I stop at my Harley and spit out a gob of blood.
“You hit like a fucking pansy, Daycum,” I say, grinning at him.
“I can’t believe you went for my balls. That’s a chick move, Cumdud.”
Smiling, I cross my arms and then remember my bruised ribcage. Uncrossing them, I’m careful not to reveal my pain.
“Sissy,” Dayton says, knowing me too well. He studies me with eyes I see every damn time I look in the mirror. “You’ve built up this chick too much.”
“Fuck that. I’m doing what we always do. I saw what I wanted and took it.”
“Do you know why I chase Harmony and never catch her?”
“Because she won’t let you.”
“Fuck that. I’d catch her if I wanted to, but I never will because the reality of Harmony can't live up to the fantasy I have in my mind. So what happens when the reality of Daisy can’t live up to whatever you’ve created in your fat head? Once you’ve gotten in her bed and she’s no longer the forbidden fruit or prize, what then? What happens when she’s just an ordinary chick sitting there expecting shit from you? I’ll tell you what happens. You’ll dump her or stick around unhappy until she dumps you.”
“Bullshit.”
Dayton pokes me hard in the chest. “You see yourself as a nice guy, but you�
�re making Daisy promises you won’t keep. You think Dad is a loser with women, but he knows he’s no good with them, so he fucks stupid sluts who don’t expect anything. Any decent woman deserves more than he can give, so he doesn’t mess with them since Mom. You should learn from him.”
“I am learning from him.”
“How the fuck do you figure that?” Dayton nearly yells.
“He had his perfect woman with Mom, but he got bored. Instead of finding ways to make their life better and more exciting, he fucked someone else and then someone else. Since then, he’s fucked plenty of other women, but he’ll never find another woman like Mom.”
I pause to spit out more blood and run my tongue over my teeth to make sure they’re all intact.
“So one day, he’ll be old as fuck, and twenty-year-old sluts will suck him off and giggle at his stupid jokes. Except they’ll only do it if he still has power and money. If he gets hurt or ends up broke, do you think any of those girls will waste their time with him? Do you think they’ll take care of him when he’s sick? Nope. He’s only as sexy as his power and money remain attractive. In reality, he’s a lonely, old man begging for scraps from bimbos. I won’t follow that fucking route.”
“So you think you can force something with Daisy?” Dayton mutters and then adds, “Mom turned out fine.”
“Yeah, she did because she didn’t spend the last twenty years fucking random people. She found an imperfect man and focused on what was great about him and stayed with him like she would have stayed with Dad if he hadn’t fucked half of her friends.”
“You’ve got stars in your eyes, man. It’s scary.”
Leaning against the Harley, I sigh. “I like the way Daisy makes me feel. No other chick does the same to me, so I’m making the decision to go all in with her. I’m won’t be a coward fearing a bad end like you. You’re fearless in a fight, but with a woman, you want to play shit safe. Think about that, man.”
“Don’t call me ‘man’ or I’ll knock you so ugly people will finally be able to tell us apart.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about people telling us apart. One day, I’ll be the guy with a wife and kids, and you’ll be the old perv picking up nineteen-year-olds for a sloppy blowjob behind a dumpster.”
My brother says nothing, but I doubt my words have turned him wise about relationships. Tonight, he’ll likely hit a bar and hook up with one of those nineteen-year-olds for a quickie. While he races off to another meaningless night with women who can’t tell us apart, I only have one woman in my sights, and nothing anyone says will change my mind.
Twelve - Daisy
Camden calls me at work to say he can’t make our date. I worry when he says he’s sick because I know that’s man-code for injured. Camden laughs off my concern and promises he’ll bring me the best damn takeout Tennessee has to offer.
Left without a date, I hang at home with my family on one of the best days of the week. Wednesday nights means drinks, poker, and ribbing at Lush Gardens. Sally and her best friends Betty and Charlie, started the tradition when Harmony was a newborn. Since going out to party was no longer an option with three little ones at home and dealing with her postpartum funk, the ladies decided to bring the fun to the park.
A few folding tables were set out between the trailers. Chips, salsa, and mojitos were served while the women played cards. I remember sitting in the trailer, peeking out at my mom laughing her ass off with her friends. Playing cards looked to be the most exciting thing ever. Later, I realized cards, booze, or snacks didn’t make the nights fun. It was about surrounding themselves with people who loved and accepted them.
I never found that kind of acceptance from school friends while my trailer park friends moved on with their lives as soon as they hit eighteen. The only girls I ever got along with completely were my lovably annoying sisters. We eventually joined the card games even though Ruby has never won a single game ever and Harmony refuses to remember what hands are better than others. I take cards more seriously, only because I tend to take most things too seriously.
Pigging out on nachos and guacamole, I know I need to slow down on my calorie intake, but carbs are so damn good. Now that I’ve indulged in them again, I refuse to stop. I wonder if sex with Camden will have the same effect on me.
“I better get the sex done before I gain eighty pounds,” I announce. “On the other hand, I’m scared poopless of sex with a giant man. Can it injure me?”
“Most definitely but it’ll heal,” Betty says.
Grimacing, I look down at my crotch. “Anything I can do to prepare for it? You know, like exercises or breathing techniques.”
Their laughter pisses me off, but my anger will only entertain them more.
Harmony leans her head on my shoulder. “If you get lubed up really nice beforehand, you should be fine.”
“So buy some lubricant? Check.”
“No, baby,” Sally says, chuckling at my stupidity. “You gotta get him to lube you up with foreplay.”
“Is that something you ask for or will he know to do that?”
“A man with Camden’s experience ought to know, but men are often lazy,” Sally says, shuffling the deck.
Ruby sits on my other side and hands me a mojito. “Keep your legs closed while making out. Make him work to get them open by giving you lots of foreplay. Don’t just let him rip off your panties and go to town.”
“Ugh. I think I’ll stay a virgin.”
“Look, I won’t lie,” Sally says, taking a puff from her cigarette. “It’ll probably suck pretty hard the first time around even if Camden has mad skills. Fucking is a two person activity, and you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. I suggest you accept it’ll be bad, but plan to get that first time out of the way and enjoy the second, third, fourth… Well, you get the picture.”
“With Camden having so much experience, should I check to see if he’s tested for diseases? Is that something I can ask?
“You can ask anything you want. There are no rules in life.”
Rolling my eyes, I can easily list ten life rules just off the top of my head. Ruby takes her cards and looks them over.
“My first time was great because I was with someone I loved, not because it was any good physically. Neither Bonn nor I knew what we were doing. If you’re into Camden, the sex will be great because it’s him even if you fumble around.”
“What if I injure him?”
I know before I finish the question I’ve opened myself up to laughter. They enjoy a good chuckle at my expense.
“It’ll be okay,” Harmony says, giving me a supportive grin. “You always overthink things that don’t need much thought. Just tell Camden you’re nervous and don’t know what to do and let him lead, just like he led when you were dancing at the Boogie Bowl.”
Ignoring the cards in my hand, I think of Camden holding my hands and guiding me. Our dancing wasn’t sleek or sexy. We were having fun, and the world disappeared around us. I only saw him, and I do love that view.
Thirteen - Camden
Breaking my date with Daisy nearly kills me, but I don’t want her seeing me fucked up. My eyes and lips are swollen. My knee is sore and stiff. My bruised ribs make breathing painful. I’d still drive over to see her if my only concern was the pain. A man can swallow a whole lot of suffering when a beautiful girl is involved.
If Daisy sees my bruises, I know she’ll freak the fuck out. The girl’s no fighter, and I doubt she’s suffered a single black eye in her entire life. Violence to Daisy is ugly and unacceptable. How can she understand I agreed to the beat down to be with her and protect my reputation?
Pacing around my condo, I need to keep my distance from Daisy for a few days. I have to play things cool, and I’m an ace at self-control.
Knowing shit and actually doing shit are two very different fucking things, and I find myself riding Shasta to the Lush Gardens Trailer Park just after eight in the evening.
I walk from the parking lot past several trailers wh
ere the occupants quietly watch TV. Closer to Daisy’s place, I hear music playing and women’s laughter. Before revealing myself, I catch sight of a group of people in the lane between Daisy and her sisters’ trailers.
“Mustang” Sally” and her best friend “Black Betty” are having a dance off to Play That Funky Music. Harmony holds Keanu in her lap, and they clap along. I notice Ruby carrying a big bowl of chips to the table. Chevelle is right behind her with what is likely dip. At the table sits Billy, the trailer park’s manager, and his wife and the third of Sally’s crew, Charlie a.k.a. Charlotte is a Harlot. The entire family is present except for my girl, instantly putting me on edge.
“This is why I’m glad I never had sons,” Sally announces while still dancing as I approach them. “Look at what someone did to this boy’s handsome mug.”
Betty claps her hands to the beat. “Rutgers boys can take it, right, Cam?”
I don’t know these women any more than they know me, but in Hickory Creek Township, no one’s business is really private.
“You should see the other guys,” I say, giving them a smile even though it hurts to move my face.
“No doubt,” Sally tells me before walking back to the table and lighting a cigarette. When she notices me watching her, she smiles. “Do you know what the secret is for handling bad habits?”
I shrug, and Betty laughs. “It’s all about knowing your boundaries.”
Sally winks at her friend. “We only smoke when we drink, and we only drink when we gamble, and we only gamble with people we trust. That’s how we keep it safe and sane.”
A curious Chevelle walks over to me. She’s a tall kid with big brown eyes and a lopsided smile. I see both Bonn and Ruby in her, but right now, she reminds me of her aunt.
