by Renee Porter
“I think I’ve just come to the realization that she doesn’t like me. For whatever reason, and I’m okay with that.” My mother nodded and handed me a cinnamon bun.
“As long as you’re alright with that, I am too.” She smiled as she handed me another plate and took two of her own. “What do you say to a little The Nightmare before Christmas?” I groaned as I followed her out of the kitchen. I guess seeing it for the hundredth time wasn’t that bad.
Chapter 3
I heard a groan to my left as Dana Williams popped down in the chair and placed her hands over her eyes. “How much longer until graduation?”
I chuckled as I thought hard. “I think it’s somewhere along the lines of two hundred and ten days.” Dana groaned louder as she looked at me with disdain.
“Why would you tell me that?”
“You asked.” I shrugged my shoulders as I looked toward the front of the class, waiting for the bell to ring.
“What did you do this weekend?” Dana Williams had been my best friend for as long as I could remember. And I wasn’t just saying that to just say it. Our mothers are close friends and had gotten pregnant at the same time. Dana was officially one week older than me – a fact that she liked to bring up at the most opportune times. All in good humor, of course.
“I took Beth to the pumpkin patch, listened to her sing ‘This is Halloween’ about three hundred times and ate my weight in baked goods.” Dana laughed at me and pushed my shoulder.
“Don’t even lie. You loved it. I bet you sang along with her every time.” I nodded in Dana’s assumption. She definitely knew me too well. The rest of our conversation was stilted when the bell rang and the teacher started class. About fifty-five minutes later and one boring lecture on the Civil War, we officially had two hundred and nine days and seven hours left of high school.
“I honestly do not know how I am going to get through this year. I already have senioritis and it isn’t even winter break yet.”
“You’re going to be fine. It will be over before you know it.” We reached my locker as I put the heavy history tome inside and waited for Dana to do the same.
“It’s not though.” Dana sighed as she leaned back on the metal walls. “We’ve basically just started the year and it already feels like it should be summer. Between the essays, tests, pop quizzes,” she raised her hands up and then threw them down hard, “soccer games, traveling…it’s exhausting. Aren’t you exhausted? I mean, you have all AP classes, soccer and acapella.”
“Don’t forget the astronomy club, too.”
“Actually, I think we should…” The tease in Dana’s eyes made me smack her on the shoulder.
“Don’t resort to violence, Jen. It’s not my fault you went all nerd on me this year.”
I chuckled as Dana and I walked toward our next class. “It is exhausting, I agree. But this isn’t going to be nearly as bad as it will be in college. We better enjoy it now before real life slaps us in the face.” I heard Dana hum in agreement.
“So when are you holding tryouts for the Choral Pleasures?” Again, I smacked Dana in the arm and she laughed. “Fine, I’ll stop teasing. When are you holding tryouts for the ConnChords?”
The ConnChords was Taft High School’s acapella group and divisional champions. As captain of the group this year, it was my job, and the job of my group, to find new members to fill in the spots that seniors left last year.
“A week from Friday,” I said without much enthusiasm.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head and chewed on my bottom lip. It was a nervous trait that I had never grown out of as a kid. “It’s nothing. Just…now that Karyn is gone, I doubt we’ll have a chance in making it to Nationals this year.” Karyn Davis had been the ConnChord’s miracle voice. Her thick tone and strong vocal support was what carried us most of the way last year. I was sure that without her here, we were done for.
“You’re selling yourself short. You have an amazing voice. And the boys have great voices too.” I nodded my head but I think Dana could tell I was still worried about it.
“Look, if you want to get someone who has a strong voice, you should just ask Taylor.” I stopped dead in my tracks as I watched Dana continue on. She realized less than thirty seconds later that I wasn’t standing beside her anymore and she turned around to walk back to me. “What’s wrong?”
“You just told me to ask Taylor to join the ConnChords.” Dana rolled her eyes at me as she pulled me into walking beside her again.
“You’re being ridiculous. Just ask her to audition at least. You know that Taylor doesn’t hate you right?”
I barked a laugh. “You could’ve fooled me.”
“She doesn’t, Jen. She’s a nice person. And she has a beautiful voice. You saw her last year in the Junior play.” I nodded and my thoughts ran back to seeing Taylor all dolled up in the musical. Everyone knew that Taylor could sing, but for some reason that night she was at a whole new level. Her voice was far beyond how a seventeen year old voice should sound. It was as if she was lip synching and a more tenured singer was voicing the music instead.
I couldn’t say that the thought of asking Taylor to audition for the ConnChords was purely Dana’s idea either. After the show I had pushed aside my own tribulations and decided to ask Taylor to audition for the end of the year tryouts. I knew that we were losing Karyn and Taylor would be the perfect addition, even if she didn’t like me. We could get over that right?
Wrong.
After the show I had gone to seek out Taylor. I had even gone over what I would say in my mind and when I finally reached her I smiled, but Taylor just stood stock-still. She didn’t even acknowledge that I had been speaking. And when I finally gave her the flyer for the tryouts she just stood there, looking between me and the piece of paper in her hand. After a few moments she opened her mouth to say something but then just nodded and turned away. I had been rejected and that was that.
We had added a few people at the end of the year tryouts but again, no one was added that could fill Karyn’s void. And now, Dana was telling me that I should ask her to audition again? No way. I wasn’t going to put myself out there. I had already tried and look where it got me.
“I think I’ll just leave it up to fate and see where that takes us.” I responded to Dana who just rolled her eyes at me. I wasn’t one to hold a grudge, but I knew for a fact that Taylor wouldn’t audition. So why waste the time?
“Yeah, okay. Let’s just leave it up to fate. And also, it will work out for the best. Cause when you guys lose in the beginning of the new year, you’ll have more time to work on your other projects.” She shrugged her shoulder and I forced myself not to get frustrated at Dana. Because, even though I wanted to defend my group, I knew that Dana was probably right.
Chapter 4
If it was one thing you can count on Taft High School for, it was the stereotypes that every high school movie ever had. At lunch, you could almost believe that you were in that old classic movie Mean Girls. Taft high was so dead set on being a film that you could probably document it on your cell camera, submit it to Sundance and win movie of the year.
As you look out across the quad at lunch you’d see what I was talking about. Across the overhang next to the cafeteria were the band geeks. Taft had an award winning band so they overtook the area. Freshman to Seniors riddled the tables, talking loudly, making out and banging on the tables with their drum sticks. Adjacent from the cafeteria were the academics. The kids who liked to study at lunch and after school in the library. They always wore sweater vests and pleaded skirts and slacks and seemed to always be reading something and discussing who took better notes in whichever class. Then there were the jocks who seemed to love to wear their football and baseball jerseys to school every day. The boys always seemed to have a football in their hand with their boyish grins and cheerleader girlfriends on their arms. And then there was my group. We were large and in charge. The students who did it all. We were athletes, intell
ects and talented among a variety of different subjects.
The group consisted of me, Dana, the rest of the soccer team and ConnChords. And of course, Taylor Montgomery-Fields. It wasn’t as if we all stayed in the group either. We hung out at the stage at the head of the quad and the group was so large that we all mingled together. Smaller groups would form and people would enter and exit based on what the conversations were like. But of course, Taylor would stick to her side, never really coming near me. And if I would find myself near her, she would just stare, tighten her lips and stay quiet until I left or until the bell rang.
And today was no different.
I couldn’t help but wonder what I could have done every time Taylor gave me her blank stare. Today I had been speaking with a group that Taylor was also talking in and while looking at her I would frequently look back on the years and try to determine if there was one moment that would make Taylor act the way she did towards me.
“So what do you think, Jen? This Saturday?” I peeled my eyes off of Taylor, easily talking to another girl on my soccer team and I looked up at Josh McGowen. His dark hair had just been cut and gelled into a fohawk. He was incredibly handsome with perfectly straight teeth, dark eyes and dimples that made girls swoon.
“Saturday?” I asked, trying to reel back the last five minutes to see what we had been talking about. I pulled on my dark braid and bit my bottom lip. Josh smiled softly and chuckled.
“I have an extra ticket to the Timbers game. Thought you would want to go?” He was looking down at his shoes now and I had to wonder why. Was he asking me out on a date? Oh god…I think he was.
“Um, yeah. Sure that sounds good?” Josh’s eyes lit up and his smile was just as bright.
“That’s so awesome. So I’ll pick you up around three? Maybe we can get some dinner…” My mind went blank as Josh started to plan out our day. My heart was racing but it wasn’t for the fact that Josh, incredibly handsome, perfectly straight teeth and dimples Josh, had asked me out on a date. Instead, I was already trying to think of ways to get out of it. Maybe I could tell Dana to call me during dinner with some catastrophic disaster that I needed to attend to. It worked in the movies. It would work for me right?
Josh continued to rattle on as I nodded my head and pulled on my braid. I was still chewing on my lip as I looked around the small group that I had infiltrated. The soccer girls were talking about our last practice, Brian and Craig had been in a mercy fight and Taylor was just looking at me with a blank expression.
Okay, wait. That wasn’t true.
I looked straight at Taylor as she raised one eyebrow to me and gave me a slight smirk. Yes, I said that right. Taylor Montgomery-Fields was actually grinning at me, and for the life of me I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her.
“And then after the game, maybe we could go to the movies too.” I heard Josh say in the back of my mind. Taylor tilted her head and waited. What she was waiting for I wasn’t sure but when I felt Josh’s hand on my shoulder I finally realized that maybe I should answer him.
“Oh, um. Actually, did you say Saturday? I’m sorry but I have to watch my sister all day. I thought you had said Sunday.” Josh’s face fell but he took it in stride, saying we can get together some other time. I smiled at him, hoping my rejection didn’t hurt him too much but when I looked back at Taylor, she had already lost interest. She excused herself and walked away, brushing passed me in her attempt to leave.
“What’s up with her?” Brianna asked me.
I looked at the tall girl with her long hair pulled in a ponytail. I shrugged my shoulders in response. How the hell was I supposed to know anything that Taylor was thinking?
Chapter 5
“Josh McGowen asked you out and you said ‘no’?!”
I looked around the empty dining area and held up my finger to my mouth to tell Dana to quiet down. “Yes. And please keep your voice down. I don’t want the world to hear.”
“So you agree then? You’re insane. That’s what you don’t want people finding out. You’re certifiably insane!” Dana responded in a loud whisper and I tugged on a piece of her hair. “Ow!” She hissed. I looked at her with another warning glance and she finally relaxed her shoulders. “Why did you say no?” The initial shock seemed to have worn off and Dana was now back to normal. Somewhat.
“I don’t know. I just don’t like him like that.” It was the excuse I had been giving myself all day because I couldn’t truly explain why I had said no to Josh. It just didn’t feel right. Maybe I wasn’t ready to date. Maybe I was a late bloomer and that’s why I didn’t find him attractive enough to want to go on a date with him.
“So you aren’t into dark, tall and handsome. Good thing to know. I’ll set you up with an albino with white hair and red eyes.” Dana rolled her eyes and drank from her glass.
“Thanks. That would be perfect.” I responded. “And how did you find out anyway? It’s not like you were there to see the whole awkward mess.”
Dana shifted her eyes to me and then back to her drink. “I overheard it.”
My eyes widened. “From who?” I was curious to think which one of my friends ran to Dana to gossip about me and my rejection to Josh.
“Taylor.” She said it so simply that it made me even more frustrated. I had been thinking about the way Taylor had been looking at me. At first I had thought it was an olive branch, but now I know she had just been making fun of me.
“Taylor, fucking, Montgomery-Fields.” I hissed through gritted teeth. “Doesn’t she have anything better to do than gossip about me? What the fuck did I ever do to her?!”
I felt Dana grab my arm to calm me down. “Actually, she wasn’t gossiping. She said that you looked a little flustered and she went to find me to see if you were doing okay.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that’s exactly what she was doing,” I said sarcastically. “She wasn’t trying to make fun of my freakishness of rejecting one of the hottest guys in school.” I took a deep breath as I looked over to Dana. Dana seemed worried and I guess she had a right to. Why didn’t I like Josh? Why was the thought of going out with him gross to me?
I shook my head and swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. I just don’t like when people talk behind my back.” Dana nodded at me as she waved a hand in the air trying to dislodge the tension.
“It’s okay. I understand. You don’t like Josh and that’s fine, Jen. I mean it…it’s fine.” Dana looked at me as if she was sending me a hidden message but I bit my tongue and just nodded my head. “And plus she wasn’t talking bad about you, Jen. She sounded concerned.”
“I’m sure,” I said again, even though the anger and frustration I was feeling previously was no longer there.
“You can think what you want but I really think Taylor likes you. She just doesn’t have much to say to you, that’s all.”
I scoffed. “Much? She doesn’t say anything to me. Her parents even have to force her to say ‘hi’.”
Dana was calm for a moment and then her eyes widened. “Maybe she likes you. You know what I’m saying? Like…likes you likes you.” Dana nodded her head. “I mean it makes sense. Some people don’t know how to talk to the people they have feelings for and…”
I clamped my palm around Dana’s mouth. “Don’t go there. First off, Taylor isn’t gay. Secondly, she doesn’t talk to me because she doesn’t like me.”
Dana peeled my fingers away from her mouth. “How do you know she isn’t gay? Have you asked her?”
I stuttered for a second, not fully knowing why Dana was bringing this up. “No. Why would I ask her that?”
“You’re being weird. Why are you being weird?”
I sighed heavily. “I’m not being weird, Dana. I just know she isn’t gay.”
Dana looked at me skeptically and then sat back relaxed. “Okay, do tell how you know that.”
Again I sighed. “Look at her. She’s beautiful, she has long hair…she just doesn’t fit the part at all.”
“I cannot believe you jus
t said that!” Dana admonished. I winced at the words knowing that what I had said was all wrong. The truth of the matter was that I didn’t know if Taylor was gay or not. But that was Taylor’s business and not mine.
“Okay, I know. That was really horrible.”
“Yes. Because you out of all people should know that being gay doesn’t mean having short hair and not acting feminine.”
“What does that mean? ‘Me out of all people’?” Dana opened her mouth and then closed it. Instead of answering she continued.
“I mean, look at her parents. They are both gorgeous and not stereotypical at all. You can be gay and not fit into the mold. I’m just saying.”
I nodded my head and had to agree with Dana. Madeline Fields and B Montgomery wouldn’t have pinged anyone’s gaydar. “You’re right. I take back everything I said. But it’s most likely that she isn’t gay, Dana.”
“Okay. I’ll give you that. And I don’t even know how we started on all of this anyway.” Dana scrunched up her nose and shook her head. “I guess I was just picking at straws to figure out why you guys don’t like each other.”
“I never said I don’t like Taylor.” Dana went to smack my shoulder but I dodged her instead.
“You’re insufferable.”
“You don’t even know what that means.” Dana pointed a finger in my direction and then dropped her hand on the table.
“I know what it means. In fact if you look it up in the dictionary there would be a picture of you right next to the definition.”
I laughed with Dana as we both grew quiet. “I really mean it though,” I said, breaking the silence. “I like Taylor, I just don’t know why she doesn’t like me.”
Dana was quiet as she thought. “There is a reason and maybe it’s not what you think, Jen. Maybe you should try harder. Get her to open up. Who knows, maybe you two will end up being best friends by the end of school.”
