"You have to have something."
"I have a lot of somethings. I just can't find the right one."
"Show me." Haley ordered.
Cynthia brought Haley to her closet and presented her options to her. Haley fingered through all of Cynthia's clothes, considering each one carefully as she did.
"You have such a 'mom' closet. Where are your cute things? The party dresses? The high heels?"
"I guess I phased a lot of that out over the past couple years. If I don't wear it for six months, I donate it."
"So, there are a bunch of homeless people out there in cocktail dresses and stiletto heels."
"Possible."
"There has to be something here." Haley said as she dove deeper into the closet. She pulled down every hanger she could find and soon almost half of Cynthia's wardrobe was laying on the floor.
"It's a lot harder to find anything good to wear. Most of all my old clothes just don't fit anymore."
"Then why haven't you donated them as well?"
"I guess because I'm still holding out hope they will fit again. I'm not quite ready to accept this, but maybe I should."
"Got it!" Haley exclaimed as she found an eye catching red dress. As Cynthia looked at it, she couldn't remember ever having bought it, much less wearing it. She took it in her hand and examined it carefully.
"I don't even remember this one. Where did you get it?"
"It was just in there. Are you sure you don't remember? It's cute." Haley said. Cynthia took the dress and held it over herself. It was cute, she thought. She took it over into the small bathroom attached to the bedroom and slipped it on. It went on easy and it felt good on her skin. When she emerged with it on, Haley just smiled and Cynthia looked in the mirror and was shocked at how good it looked. It was clearly a bit too tight along the sides, but on the whole it looked good.
"It's not bad." Cynthia said.
"It's great!"
"I just wish I could remember where I wore it last. It's driving me crazy."
"Who cares? It looks great on you! It's perfect!"
"Are you sure? It's a little low cut, don't you think?" Cynthia asked as she noticed her prominent cleavage.
"That's kind of the point here. Show the girls off!"
"You do remember I'm still happily married."
"Don't stress. We're just going out to show them all what they can't have."
Once the dress was chosen, Cynthia and Haley sat down to do the make-up. While Cynthia was being conservative, Haley urged her to push the envelope. Red lipstick. Dark eye shadow.
While Cynthia painted her face, Haley started on her hair and with a few flicks of a curling iron; she got Cynthia's hair looking more lustrous than it had been in a long time. When they were finally done, Cynthia stared back at herself in the mirror, but she could hardly believe it was her.
"You see what a little effort can do?" Haley said.
"I can't believe this. I haven't looked this good in, well, I don't want to think about how long it's been."
Haley and Cynthia stepped out of the bedroom and headed out to the kitchen where Douglas was helping Ronny to eat his dinner. When he turned and saw Cynthia as she was, he nearly fell over in his chair.
"Cynth?" Douglas asked as he approached her.
"How do I look?"
"Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful."
"Don't sound too surprised."
"I'm sorry, but it's just been so long since you've looked like this. I remember how your hair looked like this on almost all of our dates."
"Yeah. I guess it was easier to maintain back then." Douglas couldn't take his eyes off of Cynthia and she found herself mesmerized by his loving gaze. Haley watched as they were slowly inching closer to one another and she was beginning to see what was happening.
"All right," Haley said suddenly. "Before you two get the smart idea of just staying in tonight, me and Cynthia have some red paint to throw around town. I'll have her back here in one piece later." Haley snagged Cynthia's hand and dragged her back to the front door.
"What was that all about?"
"You and Douglas were making goo goo eyes at each other."
"So? It's been a while since we've done that."
"That's not what tonight's about. He'll be here, still in love with you, when we get back."
"Do we really need to do this now? I mean, you saw how it was in there."
"Yes, but your issue isn't about whether Douglas loves you or not. You're dealing with how you feel about you, and you are going to find out how hot you are tonight!"
Haley drove back to the valley and Cynthia just sat in her seat feeling nervous and checking her make up again and again in the visor mirror. Her stomach was rumbling and she was feeling as though she could throw up at any moment.
"Why are you so nervous? It hasn't been that long since you've been out."
"No, but I usually go to Coconutz. Not a lot of pressure on me there."
"Relax. I'll be your wing girl. You're in good hands."
"It's funny."
"What is?"
"You and me. Two fag hags. The only way we would ever have become friends, probably."
"Yeah, I guess so. Gay men are just so much easier to be friends with, you know?"
"It helps that they have their men and we have ours."
"Well, sometimes those lines intersect, but I get your meaning. I mean, for me Mike was great because he liked to drink and he knew all the best places to go. He'd listen to my girl problems and I'd listen to his boy problems."
"Same with me and Jason. Douglas doesn't have any boy problems."
"All men have those problems. Gay men are the only ones willing to talk about them. Straight guys get it drummed into their heads from day one they have to keep everything in and never show one sign of humanity. I think that's why they make movies like 'Brian's Song'. It gives them an excuse to finally cry, and when they do, they still can't admit it."
"My father was pretty open about his feelings."
"Well, I'm just speaking in general. My father was one of those 'keep-it-in' guys. I think the only time I saw him cry was at my wedding, and even then he just told everyone he had something in his eye."
"You've been married?"
"Briefly. It happened right after college. We were so in love, but he became so obsessed with his career it didn't even last a year. We parted as friends, but I never saw him again after he ran off to New York. Mike doesn't even know about it."
"Why not?"
"It's not something I like to talk about. I think he was the one man I truly fell in love with, and I guess there are times I wish I had tried harder to keep it together. Sometimes I think I may have given up too easily."
"What was his name?" Haley's lips curled up into a smile as she tried to keep from laughing.
"Andrew Lloyd Weber." She said. Cynthia burst out in laughter.
"It was not!"
"No, but he was in musical theater. I honestly thought he was gay the first few months we dated."
"So, really. Who was he?"
"Maybe I'll tell you after we have a few."
"Fine."
The car turned around a corner and Cynthia saw a bar up the street. There was a large, brightly lit sign over the door that read 'Weber's'. She saw that there were some people hanging around outside. It looked as though they were smoking. There were a few girls and a couple of guys. As they drifted past, Cynthia turned her head and soaked up as much as she could.
"Wow. A straight bar. I haven't been in one of those in years. Do we really have to do this?"
"Trust me. Whenever I need a little shot of self-confidence, this is where I come,"
"But a straight bar?"
"We have to go to a place where the men will actually notice that you're a woman. A real woman," Haley drove around to the back of the bar where there was a small parking lot for the patrons. She slid the car into a nearby space and they both got out. Cynthia did a quick re-check in the side view mir
ror. "You ready?"
"As I'll ever be." Haley took Cynthia's hand and they headed to the back door of the bar and pulled it open. The smell of recirculated air and Red Bull was thick in the air. They walked in and quite a few heads turned in their direction. Cynthia had worried she would be a bit over dressed for the night, but as she looked around, she saw that she was barely keeping up. Most of the women there looked as though they'd be more at home at a Hollywood club than one in the valley.
"It's like a contest. They all come out trying to look better than everyone else, and whoever looks the most plastic wins." Haley whispered.
They walked up to the bar and the bartender was a thick muscled hunk wearing a tank top about two sizes too small. He had a handsome face with a slight growth of stubble adding definition to his strong jaw line.
"Evening, ladies." He said in a deep tone.
"Hi. My friend and I would like two Bay Breezes, please." His eyes darted over to Cynthia who looked as though she were trying to find someplace to hide as she stood still with her arms crossed across her body. Their eyes caught and she shot her a warm smile.
"Sure thing." He said and then whipped up the drinks in almost no time at all. He slid one to Haley but he held out the second one to Cynthia. She smiled and took it from him gently.
"Thank you." She said.
"Of course, and if you need anything else, and I mean anything, just ask for Tom." He said with a wink. Cynthia felt her cheeks grow hot and she turned away with a giggle. Haley came up behind her and led her away from the bar and toward the pool tables in back.
"Very good! And by the way, where did that giggle come from?"
"I don't know! It just came out. Was he really flirting with me?"
"Yes, and count it. It's true the bartender flirts with everyone, but I know him and that was genuine flirting. In fact, I bet if you go up for another drink by yourself, it'll be free."
"You think?"
"Only one way to find out." Haley said as she pushed Cynthia's glass to her lips and tipped it up.
Haley and Cynthia found a couple of seats that gave them a perfect view of the whole bar. They saw everyone and were seen by everyone. As Cynthia's drink got down to the halfway mark, she found that she was beginning to relax. The music was sounding better, but there were a few things still bothering her.
"The music here sucks." Cynthia whispered.
"I know. It's one of the tradeoffs with coming to a place like this. You'll get hit on, but you're going to get bored." Cynthia looked around again and a lot of the men in the bar were alone, but most of the women were there with dates it seemed. She also noticed a lot of the guys, whether on a date or not, kept looking at her.
"This is really weird. In a good way, of course. All these guys have been staring at me all night."
"I told you. It may not be very modern of us, but when a girl needs a little boost, there's nothing like some leering stares from drunken strangers." Cynthia then finished off her drink and gazed at the remaining ice.
"All done."
"Well, about time. I've downed two to your one. I guess it looks like you need a refill."
"You think I should go to Tom? You really think it'll be free?"
"I'm sure. Trust me." Cynthia smiled and then hopped off her seat and made her way to Tom.
As she approached, his smile broadened.
"Hi." He said.
"Hi. I was hoping I could get one more."
"Of course, but you know, it's been getting so hot in here. Hold on." Tom then stepped back and reached down at his shirt and with one smooth movement; He pulled it off, revealing his well-muscled body. A few whistled shot out at him as he tossed his shirt aside and began mixing the drink.
"That's impressive."
"Thanks. I try," He said as he slid the drink toward her. Cynthia reached for her purse, but Tom held his hand up. "Please. A woman as lovely as you shouldn't pay for drinks. It's on the house."
"Oh! Thank you, Tom."
"My pleasure." He said. Cynthia took the drink and went back to Haley who gave her a thumbs up as she approached.
"You got his shirt off! Way to go!"
"So?"
"Trust me. To get a guy to take his shirt off in a straight bar is a major accomplishment."
Just then, the lights in the bar began to dim and Cynthia looked around in confusion.
"What's this?"
"Oh, it's Friday night so they turn down the regular lights, turn up the black lights and it's kind of a psychedelic dance party thing. It's cool." Haley said. Cynthia looked over and soon she saw the small dance floor was soon filled and the music began to get a little better. Cynthia started to move to the beat in her seat.
"You want to dance?" She asked.
"What?"
"I think I want to dance."
"That's all right. You go on ahead. I just enjoy watching the show from here." Haley said.
Cynthia took a big sip of her drink and she felt the alcohol rush through her body. She got up and headed toward the dance floor and as she made her way into the crowd, she soon felt like the center of attention. Every time she turned around people were looking at her and smiling. Normally she shrunk away from such attention, but it had been so long since anyone paid any attention to her, she was starting to enjoy it. Her inhibitions were leaving her and she was finally having a good time. She then felt something pull at her arm and she saw it was Haley.
"We have to go. Now."
"What? Why? I'm getting into this."
"I realize that, but I think it's best if we go now." Cynthia then stopped and pulled free from Haley's grip.
"Why? We came here to make me feel better, and I'm feeling better. What's wrong?" Haley then grabbed Cynthia and spun her around to face a nearby mirror and her eyes fell instantly on the rather large white streak running across her dress. "Oh my god!" Cynthia cried out. Haley led her to the back and they ran out the door and back to the car. As they got in, Cynthia put her hands to her head.
"Don't freak out over it. You'll never see any of these people again."
"No. It's just; I remember where this dress came from. It as Ken's! He wore it at the bar once when they were having some weird drag promotion. He met someone that night and disappeared for about an hour. A few days later, he offered me the dress and I took it without thinking a thing about it."
"And you never checked it or cleaned it since then?"
"I totally forgot about it! Oh my god."
"It's all right."
"No, it's not. I was wondering why this dress fit so well, and now I know. It was a man's dress."
"Look, the evening's young. I think I might have something you can change into."
"I doubt it."
"Let's just check."
Haley lived in a rather new building in Encino. The exterior was heavily landscaped with large plants and dramatic lighting out front. There was a curved, iron stair case that led from the sidewalk to the security door, and as Cynthia walked in, she thought it all looked more like a hotel than an apartment building. The front lobby was carpeted and there were a couple of nice looking chairs arranged along the wall and a glass coffee table in front of them with some magazines for visitors to read while they waited for whatever they came to wait for.
"Wow." Cynthia said as she looked up at the expensive looking light fixtures on the walls.
"Believe it or not, this place used to be a dump, but they did a total renovation two years after I had moved in. The rent shot up, but as you can see, it was worth it."
"I've never lived in an apartment building that didn't look like an apartment building."
"I almost didn't live here as well. They tried to kick me out before they started getting this place pretty, but I stood my ground. I guess at some point they felt it was too much trouble to deal with me and after that, I could get whatever I wanted. I got hardwood floors in my unit as well as brand new appliances and fixtures."
"How much do you pay a month?"
"Enough, let's just leave it at that." Haley pressed the button for the elevator and the doors slid open. They walked in and Haley pushed the button for the third floor. They went up and she then led Cynthia on a seemingly endless journey through the twisting hallways of the building until they finally came to her door. She pushed her key in and the door opened up and Cynthia was in awe. The hardwood floors were gorgeous. They looked to be dark like Cherrywood or something. As the lights came on, Cynthia was impressed with how large the kitchen was and everything sparkled as though it were new.
"If this were my apartment, I don't think I'd ever leave."
"It's new to you. Once you've been here a while, it gets old. Now let's raid my closet."
Haley said as she snagged a large bottle of tequila from the kitchen.
Haley took Cynthia to her closet, which was noticeably smaller than her own, and offered up all she had. Cynthia fingered through the dresses and shirts, but it seemed everything was too small. She turned to Haley just as she was pouring some tequila into two small shot sized paper cups.
"I don't think this is going to work. You are clearly not my size." Haley handed Cynthia a cup and she took it and downed the shot without a thought.
"Okay. What I am about to say, I say simply as fact, not judgment. I have some fat clothes in a box up there on the shelf." Cynthia stepped back into the closet and saw a large plastic box on the shelf above her. She reached up and pulled it down and set it on the floor. As she opened it up, Haley handed her another shot, which she drank without question.
"Why do you have all these clothes if they don't fit you anymore?"
"Just in case. I mean, we buy clothes that are too small to use as goals when we're trying to lose weight. I hold on to clothes that are too big just in case I gain. I wasn't always this size, you know." Cynthia then pulled out a blouse and as she held it up, she thought for a moment it was a bed sheet. She looked at Haley with astonishment.
"I was an eater as a child. I topped off at almost two hundred pounds before junior high."
"Holy cow."
"Yeah. My high school graduation present was liposuction and a tummy tuck, and even after that I still struggled to keep the weight under control. I found a good place and have tried to stay there, but the phantom of that fat little girl has been living with me ever since and I have no idea if she'll ever show up again. If she does, I'll be ready."
Beautiful Days (Jason Of The Valley Book 5) Page 11
