A Prayer Heeded

by Samreen Ahsan

  I change my clothes, realizing that he didn’t change my undergarments. I am wearing the same ones I wore yesterday. He would have been a dead man if my undergarments were changed. But who gave him permission to change my clothes, when I was sleeping? Why does he think he possesses me? Suddenly I feel naked, insecure, even though I’m locked inside the washroom. I decide I shouldn’t be living under his roof for a single moment more.

  I pack my belongings, which is actually nothing more than my parents’ picture and the bag that I took to Vegas with me. I know where I have to go and what I have to do. No matter what, I am not letting him hurt me again.

  I pull out my phone and type a message to Adam.

  Thank you for your generosity. I don’t accept charity.

  On that I leave my phone beside the lavender roses, grab the water bottle because my head is still spinning, and exit his apartment.

  I step outside the building and take a cab to Hope shelter home. I know that place was built by Adam, but somehow, it gave me a lot of peace when I lived there for three nights. Martha is like a mother to me. I should go there for a while, maybe for today and tomorrow. Since it is a public holiday, I doubt I can find any agent who would help me find another apartment. No matter what, I am not going to accept favors from Adam. The cab is parked outside Hope in twenty minutes.

  “That will be seventeen dollars, ma’am,” says the cab driver.

  “Sure.” I take my wallet from my handbag. When I open it, I see my credit and debit cards missing. Someone stole them? But the bag was with me all the time. I check inside my handbag, but find nothing. I open the cash side of the wallet and find lots and lots of hundred dollar bills, and a Visa card, which has Adam Gibson’s name on it. I flip the card to see the back, which has a sticker on it.

  You have no other option than using this card. Don’t worry. Your cards are safe with me. Adam.

  What the hell! This is way beyond my patience level. He knows I am not going to take anything from him, so he couldn’t find any other way but to force me to use his damn money.

  Mike was right. He is a bloody control freak.

  “Would you like to pay cash or credit?” The driver interrupts my thoughts.

  “Umm yes, cash.” I don’t have my damn debit or credit card and I have no other option than paying from his money. I pay the driver and enter the shelter home hurriedly. Luckily, I meet Martha right away.

  “Hey, lovely girl. Happy New Year.” She looks at my blank face. “What happened, dear? Still upset?”

  “Is the room still available, Martha? Can I get shelter for two days?” I ask her, hiding my frustration.

  “Of course, my child. The room is all yours.” She looks toward the passage and I hurry to the room without even saying anything to her. I close the door behind me and try to calm myself down. I can’t believe he could do any worse. He thought I would stay in that apartment, even though he knows I would not even take a single penny from him. And worst of all, the height of possessiveness, he is keeping my travel documents with him, so I can’t run.

  I decide to call Mike and tell him what Adam has done. Maybe he can guide me under the law, help me get my passport and credit cards back. I step out of the room and head to the reception area. For the first time, I have walked down a different corridor. This is a huge place, like some hotel. I don’t believe Gibson Enterprises is running this place from its own pocket. I am sure they must be getting lots of sponsors as well. Adam can’t run this place on his own, or can he? He can’t be feeding hundreds of people daily. I know what hunger is. You never know unless you’ve experienced it. I do remember his words. Is that why he wants to feed people?

  I pick up the phone at the reception desk and dial Mike’s number. That’s the only number I remember by heart, other than mine.

  “Hello. Mike Dynham speaking.”

  “Hi, Mike. It’s Rania.” I speak in a low voice, so no one around me can hear.

  “Hey, girl! Where are you? I’ve been emailing you all morning. You have no phone. Dad said you would come back this afternoon. Where are you right now?”

  “I got back last night.” I take a deep breath. “Mike, I’m in a big trouble.”

  “What happened? Is everything okay?”

  “I don’t know where to start.” I begin searching for words. “You know I went to Vegas, and—”

  “Ah! Tell me about it. Your obsessed Richie rich lover came yelling at me,” Mike says sarcastically.

  “What? When?” Mike has surprised me.

  “No, first you tell me what happened. He met you in Vegas, right?”

  “Did you tell him I was there?” I ask him with annoyance.

  “I didn’t know you were in Vegas. You told me you were going to New York. When Adam came to me, asking what you were doing in Vegas, then I confirmed with Dad. Why didn’t you tell me you were going there?” Mike sounds upset.

  “I didn’t get a chance to talk to you. I thought Ben would inform you.” I shrug my shoulder. It’s the truth.

  “But do you know how stupid that was? When you knew Ethan was there, why the hell did you take the risk? Adam has the right to freak out. I don’t understand how you could—”

  “I didn’t think about what harm Ethan could do, especially against my will.” I speak with hesitation. Well, I know I was stupid.

  “So what happened there, exactly?” I can feel eagerness in his voice.

  “Well…we were in a club and Ethan offered me a drink. He said it was a juice—”

  “And my innocent friend couldn’t figure out the difference between juice and alcohol, I suppose? That’s because she’s never been drunk.” Yes, he is very sarcastic at the moment.

  “No, I didn’t know I was drunk,” I say.

  “Did he hit on you?” Mike asks. I stay quiet, so he takes it as yes. “Well...that was quite expected from that pervert.”

  “Well…when he was trying…umm…you know…Adam showed up from nowhere and—”

  “Wow! That sounds like a movie,” Mike says. “So he rescued his princess like a knight in shining armor, and takes her on a flying horse—”

  “It was a plane, probably.” I roll my eyes at Mike, even though he is on the phone. “He took me out of the bar, and then I blacked out. When I woke up I was back in Toronto, in my apartment.” I skip the yelling and hitting part.

  “So,” Mike asks, “what did your knight do to that pervert?”

  “He punched him in the nose. Then he shouted at me for being so careless as to let Ethan drug me. How would I know he would do something like that? I thought that only happened in the movies.”

  “Rania, you need to grow up, baby. The crime movies that you see are a depiction of our corrupt society. It happens, and I don’t think I need to give you the details of what more he could have done to you. You should be thankful to Adam. He saved your life.”

  “Really? Do I need to thank him for stalking me?” I ask him in a cynical tone.

  “Well, I must say his stalking habits saved you from that fucker. You know, the night you left he called me quite late. He said he had received Ethan’s message on your phone, which you returned to him. I guess Ethan wrote he would be picking you up at the airport. What were you thinking, Rania? After all this, I mean, even if you were pissed at Adam, you shouldn’t have gone to Ethan. That’s immoral.” Is he on my side or Adam’s?

  “I really wanted to attend that workshop, Mike. And I wanted to get out of this city, where Adam rules.” I’m annoyed now. “Don’t think I would go all the way to Ethan to escape Adam. I know that bastard, but I didn’t know he would drug me. I seriously didn’t know. At least now I will remember for the rest of my life that I’m not supposed to accept drinks from anyone.”

  “Hah! That’s right, baby. You would have known if you had ever done any clubbing in your life.” When would he end his sarcasm? “So basically, Ethan’s message on your phone told Adam that you were with him. I guess that’s how he found you and I’m glad he did.”<
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  “Mike, are you on my side or his?” I sound angry now.

  “Side?” He is laughing at me. “Come on, Rania. Don’t be a kid. I’m just being honest. How are you feeling now, by the way?”

  “My head is still spinning.”

  “Drink lots of water.”

  I look at my water bottle. “Yes, Mike, I’ve already been given my instructions. And you were right, he is a control freak.”

  Mike laughs loudly. I wonder if the people at his work are able to hear him. “The control freak saved you. You should be thankful to him.”

  “Okay, fine, Mike. He did save me. Someday, I will thank him. But I am in big trouble. He is not normal, I guess.” I hesitate to tell him all this about Adam. “He has gifted me that apartment and has kept my passport and residence card with him, and worst of all, he texts me and lets me know he has them, and I am not allowed to leave the country without him. Oh, come on!” I hear Mike laughing heartily at me.” “Mike, you’re laughing? He is an overbearing asshole. I called you for help. I want my passport back.”

  “So you called to file a complaint against Gibson? Where’s the proof he has your passport?” He is actually enjoying my grumpiness.

  “I have his text message, in which he wrote he has my passport and residence card.”

  “You still have that phone?” Oops! I left the phone with the roses. “I assume you want to live in medieval times. No phones. No Internet, right?” I roll my eyes at the phone. He is more difficult than I expected.

  “Mike, he has my debit and credit cards. I can’t use my damn money. He is insane. He has put his Visa card in my wallet with a note that I have no other choice than to use it. Dammit!” I stamp my foot on the floor in frustration. Of all people, I expected my best friend to listen to me.

  “Hey, that’s cool, babes. Enjoy the royal treatment. Girls would die to shop on Gibson’s card, and you bloody own it.” He is still laughing. “Enjoy it while it lasts. Shop till you drop, baby. Bust the card and make him poor. Simple.” Mike’s funny remarks actually make me laugh too. He is doing his best to ease my mood, and I must say he is successful. “That’s the easy way of vengeance.”

  “I can’t believe you are making fun of this.”

  “Okay! Let’s talk seriously. Tell me, what do you want me to do?” He is back in his serious mode.

  “I don’t know. That’s why I called you. He has my travel documents and he’s trying to force me to use his money. Is there any law against—”

  “Against showing too much care?” Mike interrupts. “A law against gifting you the apartment so that you can live there safely rather than living on charity? Honestly, Rania, I believe you deserve it. I agree he is a bit too obsessive when it concerns you, but it is good to some extent, when you have perverts like Ethan Murray around you. If he doesn’t want you to travel without informing him, it’s good. After what you did, it had to be this way. I’m sure Adam would not leave Ethan with just a punch in the nose. And if he wants you to use his money, then what’s the big deal?” I take a deep breath, concluding that there is no point in talking to Mike, but he continues.

  “When he came to me, frustrated, I could clearly see how worried he was for you. It freaked me out too. It was hard for me to convince him that I didn’t know where you were, and in that moment I realized what kind of friend I am. I didn’t even know where the hell my best friend was, getting drunk with an asshole. Do you realize what could have happened if his obsessiveness wasn’t there for you?” I close my eyes in pain, taking deep breaths. He is so right. Why didn’t I think about that? “Tell me, what do you want me to do now?” Mike asks me with concern.

  “I don’t know, Mike. I really don’t know. I can’t accept him in my life. I mean, there is no future. Even if I know he loves me, there is no point. You know that. I was with him because he told me he wants nothing more than a friendship. And all of a sudden…”

  “I know, baby,” Mike says calmly. “But can you blame him for that? Anyone who spends enough time with you, it’s impossible that he wouldn’t fall in love.” Really? “Do you remember you used to say that when you don’t understand what you have to say or do in life, it’s better to stay quiet, stop complaining, and leave it to God? I think you should take that advice yourself. Let Him guide you. Stay in silence. Let God lead you.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Thanks for being so supportive.”

  “And by the way…where do I call you? Would you mind buying a phone? You know he has other ways to find you anyway.”

  “I know, Mike. But I’m better like this. You can call me on this same number. I’m living in the Hope shelter home.”

  “You own a damn property now, and you’re still living in a shelter home? You’re not using his money, but you’re living on his charity. That’s ridiculous, Rania.” He sounds annoyed.

  “Whatever you think. But you can call me at work if you want. I’ll be going now. Thanks for your time.” After such a long conversation, I’m back to square one.

  “Take care, girl. Bye.” And he hangs up the phone.

  I have no idea how to deal with Adam myself. He has a good heart and a compassionate soul, I know he has. It is just that I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve his love. He is too good for me. I know he is doing all this to show me how much he cares. But he doesn’t know what he is getting himself into.

  ***

  Three weeks have passed, but in all that time, Adam hasn’t approached me once. Every evening, as the day faded into night, I loved watching the sky turning from blue to gray to orange and yellow at the western rim of the world, through the window of my office. I came to work every day, but I didn’t see Adam even once, not even by chance. I am glad he has accepted the truth and moved on. Some things are better left alone. Our relationship was like that. Though I must admit, I missed my friendship with him; my time with him was the best of my life. He made me feel innocent, he made me feel young, and he made me feel like a woman. There is no way I can erase his memories from my brain, but I am glad he has stopped chasing me like a maniac. It wasn’t good for him to keep worrying about me all the time.

  Not seeing him doesn’t keep me from thinking about him, though. He is always on my mind. I have kept track of his activities through the news channels and media. Recently, he gave a couple of interviews to BBC and CNN about his latest projects, Energy Star communities. He also won an Outstanding CEO award, acknowledging his work and wisdom, even at such a young age. I am very proud of him. Even though he isn’t in my life anymore, he will always be a significant part of my prayers.

  In those three weeks, I busied myself with lots of work. We had spring and summer catalogue projects lined up for a number of clients. I used my workshop training to the fullest. Ben was quite satisfied with my performance. My days passed quickly, working on the computer or training my coworkers on the new software. I was actually enjoying myself.

  Sometimes Mike used to visit me during my lunch hour, all the girls ogling him in his uniform. I know he is quite a charmer, which made me feel good that he is my best friend.

  After work, I joined my dance school again and spent my evenings there. I used to come back to Hope around ten at night and, without having dinner, I was off to bed. It had become my daily routine. I don’t even remember the last time I actually ate dinner. It was probably the night of the party. I don’t feel like eating at night, anymore. I don’t feel hungry.

  It is Friday and the last week of January. My whole week was extremely tiring. I have tons of brochures to design and the deadline is hanging over my head. I am glad I have two days off from work. I decide I’ve spent enough time living at Hope, and I need to search for a new place to live. Since my salary is due next Monday, I ask Ben to transfer the money into my new bank account. Adam still has my old debit and credit cards. In all those weeks, he hasn’t asked me if I needed my cards back, nor have I contacted him. I am sure he knows I didn’t use his credit card a single time. I admit that I used some of hi
s cash to get subway passes and food to survive, but he left me no choice. I decide that once I get my salary, I will pay back all the cash I’ve spent, and return his credit card. Right now, my hands are tied with the lack of money.

  I am busy working when I see someone placing a beautiful bouquet of mixed roses on my desk. I look up and find Mike smiling at me. I look at the flowers and then at him, surprised.

  “Happy birthday, my love.”

  “Oh, Mike. You remembered?” I stand up and hug him tightly.

  “You think I would forget?” He looks at me lovingly, kissing my forehead. “Let’s go for lunch.” He shuts my monitor off, grabs my jacket and handbag, and takes my hand to lead me out of the big open hall. I can see girls eyeing me.

  “You know these girls will kill me someday, the way they look at me whenever you come here,” I say while we wait for the elevator. “You should ask one of them out, someday.” I smirk at him.

  “Yeah, right!” He rolls his eyes at me. “As if they’re dying to date me.”

  “Of course they are. Who doesn’t wanna date a handsome cop?” I wink at him.

  “You,” he says seriously. “You don’t date me.” He moves closer to me, his words trailing off in the air. Luckily, the elevator arrives and we step inside. There is an awkward silence between us as the car descends to the ground floor.

  The turnstile reminds me of Adam whenever I look at it. It is the same place where he held me for the very first time. I stand here for a while, watching the opening and closing of the Plexiglas doors.

  “You okay?” Mike asks with concern, placing his hand on my back. I nod in silence and follow him down to the underground parking.

  He takes me to a beautiful Italian restaurant. It seems like he has already booked a corner table for us. The restaurant is crowded, since it’s Friday afternoon.

  “So what would you like to eat, birthday girl? Shall we start with the soup?” He looks at me over the menu.