“I want to show you something.” Letting go of his hand, Cassie crossed the room to the fireplace and pulled a framed picture off the mantle. With shaking hands, she handed it to Jacyn.
When he gazed down at it, he had to blink away his own tears. It was a man and woman. The male had the same color hair they did and he reminded Jacyn a lot of Mitchell. Both of them having the same strong jaw line and sloping nose. The female had long, raven hair and the brightest blue eyes Jacyn had ever seen. She was gazing up at the male, a seductive smile playing on her rosy lips. “Who are they?” he asked, although deep down he already knew the answer.
“They’re our parents.” Cassie took in a shuddering breath. “They died trying to protect us. We were only three at the time.”
Jacyn lovingly caressed the glass. So many thoughts and feelings were mixing inside him he didn’t know whether to smile, laugh or cry. “I don’t remember them,” he confessed with a choked sob. “I don’t remember any of you. I’m so sorry.”
Cassie wrapped one arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. “That’s okay, Jacyn, because we never forgot you.”
Chapter Twelve
“What exactly in the hell were you thinking?” Mitchell asked angrily as he strode into his office and took a seat behind his desk.
Logan, summoned first thing in the morning, shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he thought best how to answer it. While he knew better than to lie to his leader and friend, he still wanted to keep his head. He didn’t want to say something that would end up hurting Jacyn anymore than he already had.
All night, Logan had twisted and turned in bed, a burning self-hatred keeping him awake. When he did close his eyes, all he saw was the pained look of betrayal on Jacyn’s face. It was as if a piece of Logan had died when he had walked away from him. All the while, he wanted nothing more than to turn back, run to Jacyn and gather him in his arms.
“Are you going to answer me, or are you starting to make it a hobby to piss me off?” Mitchell pounded a fist on the desk.
Startled, Logan realized he had let his mind wander. “I’m sorry,” he replied, gruffly.
“What exactly are you sorry for? Not listening or for playing games with my brother?” Mitchell leaned forward and glared, his eyes flaring with fury.
Logan wasn’t afraid of getting a physical beat down, but he was terrified of disappointing the leader. Not when Mitchell had placed so much trust in him and accepted him so willingly. “It’s not what you think,” Logan tried to reason.
“Really?” Mitchell cocked his head to the side, the anger far from being gone from his face. “So correct me if I’m wrong. My lost little brother didn’t come home reeking like one of my top soldiers? One who was in charge of protecting him and making sure he got back unscathed? Damn it, Logan, you were the last one who I thought would pull a stunt like this.”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen.” Logan scrubbed his face with his hand.
“What, you accidently had sex with Jacyn?” Mitchell made a scoffing noise in the back of his throat. “Do you honestly expect me to fall for that excuse? It’s lame and beneath you.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.” Logan sighed, hesitated. He was already in deep, he might as well dive all the way into Shit’s Creek. “I didn’t mean to end up caring for him so much.”
There was a long stretch of silence, the tension so heavy in the air it was a wonder either one of them could breath. Finally, Mitchell muttered a low curse as he settled back in his chair. “This is the last thing he needs now,” he said, all the earlier anger gone from his voice.
Somehow that didn’t comfort Logan any. Nothing short of having Jacyn back could do that. “I know it is.” He did, too. It was going to be hard enough for Jacyn to fit in without having to be associated with an outcast like him.
“It’s not because of what you’re thinking either,” Mitchell cut in, seeming to read Logan’s thoughts. “He’s got so much coming at him right now, that he’s confused enough as it is. What if things don’t work out with you two and he ends up getting hurt?”
“I would sooner die then cause Jacyn any pain,” Logan vowed passionately.
“That’s a chance I can’t take. What if something happened between you two and he decided to leave because of it? I couldn’t stand losing him again,” Mitchell admitted in a hoarse voice.
Logan felt the last little bit of hope he’d been holding onto crumble like dust. How could he even think about putting his own needs and wants first? Mitchell was the brother he never had. Cassie the sister. It would destroy him to know they were hurt because he had been too selfish to pull back. It was going to hurt though. Hell, it was going to be like a knife in the gut every time he saw Jacyn. To know that even though he was close enough to touch, Logan could never have him. “When does that team go to the Middle East?” Logan asked, his voice so tight he hardly recognized it.
“Tomorrow morning, why?” Mitchell picked up an ink pen and started to tap it nervously on the edge of his desk.
“Permission to join in.” As soon as he made the request, Logan wanted it back, but he knew this was the right thing to do.
“Are you sure? This mission could go on for weeks?”
Which was precisely the reason Logan wanted it. If he were gone, then maybe Jacyn would forget about him and find someone else. Maybe then, at least, one of them could be happy. It hurt like hell to think of Jacyn being with anyone else, but Logan would manage somehow. He would be alone. Just like always.
* * * *
Sweet goddess of mercy, they had Lucky Charms. Jacyn barely held back the whoop of joy as he pulled the colorful box from the cupboard. Now all he had to do was figure out where they kept the bowls and he would be set.
Yawning, he scratched his stomach as he went bowl hunting. He had just found them and was pulling one down when Brent came into the kitchen. Jacyn noticed the shifter was dressed in black fatigues and a t-shirt. He suddenly worried that maybe he should have pulled on something besides the tee and flannel pajama bottoms Cassie had bought him. “I hope you don’t mind.” Jacyn waved the box. “I was just hungry and didn’t want to bother you guys.”
“This is your home, too, so you can take whatever you want.” Brent smiled. “Just so you know though, you try to jack my Fruit Loops and we’re going to have issues.”
“Got it.” Jacyn laughed, some of his shyness passing. “I’ll make sure to leave them alone.”
“Man, I still can’t believe you’re here,” Brent declared as he went to the fridge and pulled out a gallon of milk. He set it down on the counter next to Jacyn. “Now all we have to do is find Keegan, Andy and Joel and we’ll finally be a complete family again.”
So those were the names of his missing brothers. Jacyn felt a tad guilty for not inquiring about them before. “How old are they?” he asked as he sat down at the table.
“A couple years younger than you and Cassie. They’re from Mom’s last litter.”
“How do you guys know they’re still alive?”
“Same way we did with you.” Brent pulled out a chair and joined him. “Rat is great at hacking into the humans’ computer systems. He looks for kids put into orphanages or foster homes at the time of the attack and he goes from there. It’s not much of a lead, but it’s all we got. At first we didn’t think we were ever going to find you.”
“How did we end up with the humans in the first place?” Jacyn stirred his cereal with the spoon. “I mean, why not just kill us when they did our parents?”
“That’s a mystery that not even Scooby can solve. Maybe some of the Ravens actually have a heart and couldn’t stand to murder kids. Hell, maybe they just did it to fuck with our heads. All we do know is that you guys are out there and we have to find you.”
“Because you don’t want unaccounted shifters running on the loose,” Jacyn recalled from his earlier conversation with Logan.
“Well, yeah I guess that, but mostly because you belong with your
family.” Brent threw down his spoon, his cheeks flush with anger. “I heard how you had to go through your first change, not even knowing who you were. That killed me having to know how scared you must have been. If you had been home where you belonged, you would have been taught how to manage it so it didn’t hurt so much. Mitchell would have been with you the first time and eased you through it. Instead, you had to endure the agony while being beat up by those Raven bastards at the same time.”
“I managed,” Jacyn shrugged, even after everything he still wasn’t comfortable having others worry about him. “Logan taught me how not to fight it so it didn’t hurt so much the second time.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that’s not all he taught you,” Brent huffed.
Before Jacyn could ask what he meant with the comment, Cassie came shuffling into the kitchen. Like Jacyn, she was still in sleeping pants and a t-shirt that had Rob Zombie on it. Her hair was such a mass of cowlicks and tangles, it seemed to make up most of her body mass.
“Morning, cupcake,” Brent sang out as he gave her an overly bright smile.
“Bite me,” she grumbled back.
“Cassie isn’t a morning person,” Brent confided to Jacyn in a loud stage whisper.
“That still doesn’t mean I’m not alert enough to kick your ass.” She stuck her tongue out at him. Frowning, she looked down at their bowls. “Please tell me you did not welcome home our brother with this. Gosh, Brent, you are such a pig.”
“I love you, too,” Brent replied with an even bigger grin. It was obvious he loved to rile his sister.
Jacyn couldn’t help but smile at their banter.
“Jacyn, put down that spoon and give me a second,” Cassie ordered with an ease that told him she was used to bossing others around. “I’ll cook you a real breakfast.”
“Oh, hell no!” Brent protested, putting his palms up in a pleading gesture. “Not even you would be so cruel as to poison Jacyn on his first morning home.”
“My cooking isn’t that bad,” Cassie protested, hand on hip.
“Yes it is. The government should declare it a WMD. If we sent some of your food to the Ravens, those damn birds would probably surrender within the first day.”
“How can you say that to me?” She acted angry, but Jacyn detected a hint of a smile playing at the corners of her lips.
“Last time you made something for me, I was sick for days.” Brent rubbed his stomach as if he were reliving a particularly painful memory.
“That was so not my fault,” Cassie giggled, her laughter light and bubbly.
It tugged on Jacyn’s heart, as it seemed to reawaken some lost memoires. He tried to push further, in hope of recalling what exactly they were, but came up blank.
“Not your fault?” Brent echoed. “They put expiration dates on food for a reason.”
“That cheese smelled perfectly fine when I used it,” Cassie continued to argue even as she went over and poured herself a bowl of cereal.
Jacyn noticed she went for the Lucky Charms, too.
She joined them at the table and they all ate in comfortable silence for a while before Brent finally broke it, “Doc Featherstone from the infirmary called. He was wondering if you would be interested in working there permanently. It seems he was impressed with your skills yesterday.”
“Really?” Jacyn exclaimed, unable to hide his excitement. The only loss that had truly upset him from his former life was that he wouldn’t be able to be a paramedic anymore. To know that he would be able to do it here more than made up for it.
“Yeah, he said you could start as soon as you get settled in.” Brent seemed pleased with Jacyn’s reaction.
“I’m going to be training Jacyn so he’s battle-ready, too,” Cassie added around a big mouthful of cereal.
“That would be great.” Brent nodded. “I know Mitchell wants more medics battle-ready so they can go out on missions with the teams.”
That made sense to Jacyn. The sooner they got medical attention to the injured, the lower the casualty rate would be. It was what the human military did so why not the shifters, too? Jacyn took a deep breath and finally asked the one question that had been hammering his conscious since he’d woke up. “I know Mitchell could sense that Logan and I…” he trailed off, shooting an embarrassed glance at Cassie.
She didn’t seem to mind, however. “Oh yeah, Mitchell and Brent both smelled Logan’s stank all over you. The males of our kind can do that, you know.” She took a bite, acting as if she had conversations like this all time. “So they knew right away that Logan and you were banging.”
Brent moaned and he hid his face in his hand.
Jacyn stared at her in slack-jawed shock.
“Why can’t I have a normal girly sister?” Brent asked.
“Because normal is boring,” she shot back with the cutest of grins.
“Is Logan going to be in trouble?” Jacyn asked, recovering from his shock. “I could tell Mitchell was pissed at him.”
“I wouldn’t worry about Logan.” Brent directed his gaze down at his bowl, suddenly very interested in the cereal. “When I talked to Mitchell this morning, he said that Logan volunteered to go on an extended mission.”
“Oh,” Jacyn stammered, feeling his body go numb from the inside out. “How long is he supposed to be gone?”
“We don’t know for sure since the military isn’t too big on sharing info with us, but it’s probably going to last several weeks.”
Jacyn let those words slowly sink in. Logan hadn’t been kidding when he said he didn’t want to have anything to do with him. So much so that he asked Mitchell to send him as far away from Jacyn as possible. Just when he thought he couldn’t have been hurt more, this last insult had to be thrown his way.
“That jackass,” Cassie hissed as she clutched her spoon tight in her hand as though she was thinking of using it as a weapon. “I’m going to cut out that black heart of his and make him eat it.”
“It’s no biggie,” Jacyn lied, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. “It’s not like we ever made any promises to each other. Heck, we only knew each other a couple of days.” By looking at the sympathetic looks tossed his way, he knew he wasn’t fooling his brother or sister for a second.
Cassie threw down her spoon and sprang to her feet.
Before Jacyn could react, she had her arms around him, hugging him so tight that he couldn’t breathe properly. At the moment though, he didn’t give a damn. Even though he still wasn’t used to affection, somehow with her it seemed natural. Closing his eyes, he hugged her back, taking comfort in the fact that, while his heart was breaking, at least he didn’t have to go through it alone.
Chapter Thirteen
Three months. That was how long that damn mission to the Middle East had lasted. Months that seemed to go on forever, because by his second day there, Logan realized he’d made the biggest mistake in his life.
As Logan sat in the rear of the dark van rushing the team back to headquarters, all he could think about was Jacyn. That wasn’t new though because the jaguar consumed Logan’s thoughts day and night. With no way to go back or even make a call because the mission was on complete blackout, all Logan could do was count the seconds until he would see his lover again.
Would Jacyn ever forgive him for abandoning him? If so, did he even love Logan? What if he’d already moved on and had someone else? He shifted impatiently in his seat as those doubts and questions pounded inside his head. Even as the familiar skyline of Flint came into view, showing he was close to being home, he didn’t feel relief. The only thing that would do that would be to have Jacyn back where he belonged, in Logan’s arms and bed.
It was late, so the parking lot to the headquarters was relatively empty as they pulled through the gates. The team grumbled as they disembarked and headed inside for a debriefing meeting. Most of them wanted to head straight home and catch up on some much needed sleep. The last thing any of them desired was to have to go inside the building. Logan on the oth
er hand, couldn’t wait to get in. He just might get lucky enough to catch a glimpse of Jacyn.
It turned out he didn’t have to look too hard. As the team was heading back to one of the larger meeting rooms, Logan spotted Jacyn running to the back of the building. Dressed in a pair of baggy, green scrubs and with a stethoscope looped over his neck, it was pretty clear he was heading for the infirmary.
As Jacyn passed by Rat, the cheetah said something that made him laugh. Logan felt like the air was Hoovered from his lungs. He’d almost forgotten how sexy his smile was. Sensual, with just a touch of sweetness to it.
Even though the rest of the team continued to walk, Logan stood still, as if someone had nailed his boots to the ground. The urge to run over and take Jacyn was so strong that Logan had to clamp his hands into tight fists to stop from reaching out.
“Jacyn, wait up!” Cassie yelled as she came bounding through the building.
“What do you want, pest? I’m already late for work.”
Since Jacyn was yelling, Logan could hear that husky voice clearly now. It reminded him of hot butterscotch on a cold sundae. Logan shook his head in self-disgust. Now he was thinking like a love-sick poet. Yeah, he really must be gone.
The rest of his team was long gone and the meeting had probably already started, yet he still couldn’t leave. Now that he finally had Jacyn back in his sights, Logan didn’t think he’d ever be able to walk away again.
Cassie must have sensed him staring because as she reached Jacyn’s side, she turned her head in Logan’s direction. Instead of the warm greeting he’d always got from Cassie, he got a murderous glare. Lips pressed in a tight line, her normally warm brown eyes were sharp with hatred. She wrapped her hand around the crook of Jacyn’s arm, all possessive as she said something to Jacyn that Logan couldn’t hear.
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