by Robin Hobb
I paced. I walked out to my old vegetable garden to find it a patch of weeds. Nothing useful there. Using the rusty sabre hilt with its bit of blade and one of the table knives, I successfully repaired the shutter so that it hung straight again. I paced some more. My old sabre still hung on the wall of the cabin. I took it down, hefted it, and tried a few lunges. It still wasn’t much of a weapon. It was notched and rust had eaten at it. But it was still a sword. At first it felt foreign in my hand, but after a few feints and then a solid touch on the door it felt like the grip of an old friend’s hand. I grinned foolishly.
After what felt like several days, I heard the sounds of someone approaching. But it wasn’t a lone horse, or even two horses. It sounded like a cart. I hastily put the sword back where it had been and walked to where I could look down the track that wound up the hill.
Kesey was riding his horse. Behind him, drawn by an old nag, Epiny was driving the most ramshackle two-wheeled cart I’d ever seen. Moreover, she was driving it one-handed. On the seat next to her was a large basket and her other hand rested inside it. In the basket, a baby was kicking and fussing.
CHAPTER THIRTY
REUNION
The world stood breathless around me as that cart slowly came up the hill. I had time to absorb every detail. Epiny wore a proper hat, but it had been donned hastily, unless it was the fashion now to wear it nearly sliding off one side of her head. Her hair had come unbundled and half spilled down her back. One of the wheels on the cart was wobbling so badly that I immediately resolved she could not go back to Gettys in that conveyance until we had secured it. But mostly I just stared at Epiny’s face.
As she drew nearer, I could see high spots of bright color on her cheeks. She was thin, but not as thin as the last time I’d glimpsed her in my dream. I could see her mouth moving as she spoke to the baby in her basket, and then suddenly I couldn’t stand it any longer. I began to run down the hill toward her shouting, “Epiny! Epiny!”
Epiny tried to pull in the horse, but my headlong rush toward it alarmed the poor old creature. Instead of stopping, he veered to one side, taking the cart off the track and into the deep grass. There the wobbly wheels refused to go any farther, and that more than Epiny’s tugging on the reins brought him to a halt. I reached the side of the cart in time to catch Epiny as she leapt from the seat into my arms. I hugged her tight and whirled her around, beyond joy at seeing her again. Her own arms went tight around my neck. Nothing had ever felt so healing as that simple expression of pure affection. Other than our kinship, Epiny had never had any reason to love me or to make the sacrifices and take the risks for me that she had. In so many ways, I’d brought pain and suffering into her life. But her honest embrace assured me that she still cared for me, despite how I’d damaged her. Her capacity for love humbled me. Kesey had reined in his mount and was watching us in consternation. Epiny, as ever, never stopped talking even as I spun her around.
“I knew you would come back! Even when I couldn’t feel you anymore, I knew you weren’t dead, and I told Spink so. Oh, that frightened me so, when I woke one morning and could not feel the magic at all. I tried to explain it to Spink, that I knew you’d said good-bye to us. Right away, he said I’d have to accept that you’d probably died. Have a little faith in him, I told him. No one kills a Burvelle that easily! Oh, Nevare, I am so glad to see you, to touch you, to know you are really back. Oh, now, put me down, put me down, you must meet your new little—what would she be, your second cousin? Oh, but that sounds silly, she is much too small to be anyone’s second cousin, and I have already been calling you Uncle Nevare to her, so that is what you shall remain. Set me down right now! I want you to hold Solina! She’s never met you yet, and listen, she’s crying!”
I think those words finally brought me to my senses. I was so joyous at seeing my cousin alive and well after all the anxious days and nights away, it seemed intolerable that anyone should be crying, let alone her own precious baby. I set her down, and she staggered a few steps dizzily, laughing wildly all the while, and then caught hold of the cart’s side and hauled herself up to take the baby from the basket. The child was so layered in blankets and wraps that Epiny looked as if she were opening a present. I held on to the edge of the cart and watched, enchanted.
Kesey spoke behind me. “Nevare?” He spoke the word incredulously.
Reflexively, I glanced back at him. Our eyes met and I had no lies or explanations to offer him. For a long moment, we stared at each other. Then his eyes brimmed with tears even as his grin showed all the teeth he did and did not have. “It is you. Oh, by the good god, Nevare, it is you. But you ain’t fat no more! Still, I shoulda knowed you, even dressed in those drapes. Nevare!”
He fell on me and hugged me hard. The warmth and relief in his voice were so genuine that I could do nothing save hug him back. “Why didn’t you say it was you?” he demanded huskily. “Why didn’t you say it was you, ’stead of coming to the door like a beggar? Did you think I wouldn’t have helped you?”
“I didn’t think you would believe me. I didn’t think that anyone would believe me.”
“Well, I probably wouldn’t have, if the Lieutenant hadn’t told me so, way last spring. Everyone said that you’d been—that you’d died. But I’d had that dream, and then the Lieutenant came to ask me about it, and I suppose I got a little teary, saying I thought that dream was your way of saying good-bye and no hard feelings. Only he asked me if your sword was on the floor when I woke up, and I said, yes, it was, and that was when he told me the truth.” He gave me a friendly shake and pounded me on the back for emphasis. “Only acourse it didn’t sound nothing like the truth, sounded like the second wildest tale I’d ever heard. But the more I thought on it, the more it made a weird sense, and when I talked to Ebrooks about it all, he broke down and blubbered about seeing you killed, and said that he hadn’t stopped them and he was so ashamed. He said he was the one who hauled your body off and buried it safe in a secret place. Only when I pushed him on it, he couldn’t remember where he’d buried you. Couldn’t remember where he’d got the shovel, couldn’t remember digging the hole. So that was when he and I put it all together, all the bits, and decided that you hadn’t done none of what you were accused of, and that you weren’t dead, either. ’Course, it was all pretty strange, thinking of you having Speck magic or whatever. Being rescued by Specks with magic.”
“Lieutenant Kester told you I was alive,” I said stupidly. This was as stunning to me as my reappearance was to him.
“I told him to!” Epiny announced proudly. She was holding her baby against her shoulder and beaming at me as she spoke. “I told him it would be cruel to leave your two friends believing that you were dead and that they’d contributed to your death. And I reminded him how angry I was, and still am, that you left me in the dark for so long. They deserved the truth. And they’ve kept your secret.”
“Well, it wasn’t a hard secret to keep,” Kesey said, finally releasing me. He dragged his cuff unashamedly across his streaming eyes. “The state you left the town in, no one wanted to even mention your name, let alone talk about how you’d died. If you wanted to shame those fellows for how they were going to do you, you sure did it. Most of them slunk around the town like whipped dogs for months. And I think it was their own guilty consciences that made them tell wild tales about seeing you come back as a Speck warrior during that sneak attack last winter! I told them I didn’t believe a word of it. And, by the good god, don’t I wish I could take you to town and parade you around now and say, ‘See, I told you so! He couldn’t a done it. He’s been off living in the woods on roots and berries and getting skinny as a rail!’ Why, you look like a kid, Nevare! That’s what taking off all that fat done for you.”
“Yes,” I agreed with him. The wash of shame that flooded through me nearly sickened me. I wanted to confess to the old soldier that I had been at the “sneak attack,” that I had been seen. But then I would have had to try to explain to him that it hadn’t reall
y been me, at least not the me that stood before him now. It all suddenly seemed too complicated. The homecoming joy that I’d felt drained away. What had I been thinking, coming back here at all? There was no way I could fit myself back into this life. There were too many contradictions, secrets, and lies.
I found myself looking bleakly at Epiny. I gave her a clenched-teeth smile, resolved that I would say nothing to her of my realization. But I think she sensed my chain of thought, for she held her baby out to me and said, “Hold her. Look at her. Isn’t she beautiful? Everything does work itself out, Nevare, if we just give it enough time. Don’t be in too big of a rush to give up. All will come well in time.”
I gingerly accepted the armful of baby and looked down into her face, and in truth she struck me as an absolutely ordinary baby, one without much hair. She was so bundled up against the mild spring day that all I could see was her face and her hands. “Hello, there,” I said.
Solina looked at me, her brown eyes very wide. Then her lower lip quivered, and suddenly she began to wail. Her tiny fists flailed at the air.
“Take her back, take her back! I don’t know what to do!” I said in a panic, and held her out to Epiny, who received her with a laugh.
“It’s only because she doesn’t know you yet and your voice is so deep. Give her time. Once she gets to know you, I’ll teach you how to comfort her when she cries. After that, you can hold her as much as you like. I promise!” The last two words she spoke to the baby in such a reassuring voice that the child gave a final hiccup and quieted with a sigh.
I rather thought that I’d already held Solina as much as I’d like to, but I was wise enough not to say that aloud. “She’s absolutely amazing,” I said truthfully. “I’m sure her father agrees with me. But where is Spink? Is he coming?”
“He wasn’t home when Trooper Kesey arrived, but once I’d read the message, I knew I had to come right away. Captain Thayer had called Spink in to discuss something or other. The man can’t seem to let each officer do his own job. He’s always oversupervising everyone or demanding that all the officers convene so he can lecture them. So I couldn’t very well run and fetch him, but I’ve left a note for him on the table. I left Kara watching the smaller children while her mother did the shopping. She’s very good with them, and Sem has become quite responsible, too, for his age. And Amzil will be back home soon, so it should be all right. I didn’t say anything about you to the children; I wanted to be sure of you before I told them you had returned. Oh, Nevare, they are going to be so happy! That book you gave them? I’ve read it to them until it’s falling apart. And you would be so pleased to hear how well Kara has her letters and numbers, and even Sem is picking them up! He competes with his sister in everything. You’ll be so proud of that boy when you see him! Amzil and I cut down old uniforms to make proper trousers and jackets for him; now don’t think we’ve dressed him like a little trooper. That would be awful! I remember how horrid that was for Caulder Stiet, always dressed like a little man long before he was one. But he just loves to be dressed like Spink. And Amzil’s skills at sewing and tailoring never cease to amaze me. I’ve told her she should try to open a little dress shop; there isn’t one in Gettys, you know. She says the other women wouldn’t do business with her. I told her that once one or two started, and the others saw her work, they’d have to come to her or risk being seen as dowdy. I just know she could succeed at it if only we had the money to get her started. And Kara is so quick to learn! She’s already sewn her first sampler. Wait until you—”
I set two fingers gently to Epiny’s lips. “Let’s go the rest of the way up the hill and go inside, shall we? Perhaps Kesey has some coffee we could share while we talk. There is so much I want to hear.”
And so many decisions for me to make.
Epiny walked up the hill beside me while Kesey drove the cart and his saddle horse trailed behind. Epiny snorted with exasperation at the top of the hill when I insisted on examining the wheels and axles of the cart. I sent them ahead of me into the cabin, asking Kesey to put on some fresh coffee for all of us. I think they both knew that what I was actually doing was taking a moment to think. When at last I entered, Epiny was enthroned in my big old chair. Little Solina was propped in her lap, looking all around with very wide eyes. The aroma of fresh coffee had already begun to fill the small room.
“You can probably drive it safely back, as long as you go slowly and someone accompanies you in case of mishaps. I don’t want you and the baby stranded on the road next to a broken-down cart.”
“But of course you’ll come with me! I don’t even know why we’ve stopped to have coffee. Not that it isn’t pleasant to be invited in, Trooper Kesey. But of course you will come home with me, Nevare. That’s why I borrowed the cart. I thought that you would ride—”
“Epiny,” I interrupted. “Nothing is decided. Do you forget that I’m a man convicted of murder, among other crimes?”
“But no one will recognize you! Kesey didn’t, and he knew you far better than most and—”
“And in any case, how could I go back to Gettys dressed like this, let alone to an officer’s house? What would people think of you, bringing a man dressed like a savage into your home?”
“Oh, it could be managed, Nevare! You worry too much about what other people would think! You are too cautious! You need simply to come back to town and take your life back. How long must Amzil wait for you?”
“Amzil? The Dead Town whore?” Kesey put in incredulously. “She’s sweet on Nevare?” He’d taken the steaming pot of coffee off the fire. As he set it down on the table, he said, “Looks like you done a lot of tidying up while I was gone.”
“Amzil is not and never was a whore,” Epiny said indignantly as I simultaneously said, “I just thought it was the least I could do after you helped a complete stranger.”
“And it sure needed doing; I’m no housekeeper, I know that. And pardon if I spoke out of turn, ma’am, or said something wrong. It’s only what I’ve always heard about her. And the good god knows she’s got a brand-new reputation in Gettys since last winter. She stares at the troopers like she could bring the wrath of the old gods down on them with a snap of her fingers. And makes them sharp little remarks all the time. Hasn’t won her any friends.”
“If you knew what she went through—” Epiny began.
I cut through her stream of words with the truth. “The night everyone thought I was murdered by that mob? Amzil was there. Some of the men were going to rape her because she was my friend. To hurt me by making me watch, and afterward, to kill her in front of me. And the Captain wasn’t going to do a thing to stop them. It was ugly, Kesey. I managed to protect her, but it’s not a thing a woman could forget. Or forgive.”
“I heard somewhat of that,” he said shortly. “The regiment isn’t what it was, once. Men get ground down for so long, some of them just go bad. Cavalla used to be a notch better than common soldiers, but, well…It’s not like anyone is proud of that night, Nevare, least of all Captain Thayer. There was a Sixday service, not long ago, when he talked all about how wrong a man can be when he trusts a woman. Says even the sweetest woman in the world can be a deceiver and a temptress, and when men believe them, they can be led to commit the worst of crimes. He said he knew that no woman could be trusted, not even your own wife. Everyone knew he was talking about that night. Shocked every one of us there—well, not me, ’cause I ain’t been to Sixday services in a long time, but to them that was—when he broke down and sobbed about it. Cut him to the bone, I guess, that she’d lied to him. Though he never said about what. Then he said it was a lesson to us all to live upright lives and not trust our hearts to anyone but the good god. And—” Kesey suddenly looked uncomfortable. “He said something ’bout how it was lucky you’d committed other crimes that made you deserve your fate.” He abruptly stopped speaking.
“Really lucky,” I said sourly. “Otherwise he and his men would have murdered an innocent man.”
Kesey jus
t looked at me.
“Kesey, I am an innocent man. Innocent of that, anyway. I didn’t do any of the things I was accused of. Not one.”
He nodded gravely and put three cups on the table. Two were tin but one was of thick crockery. He poured the steaming coffee slowly, trying not to stir the grounds from the bottom, and spoke without looking up at me. “That’s what the Lieutenant told me, when he come up here about my dream. And Ebrooks and me, we talked it over, and even before then we thought it was damned peculiar—Oh, pardon my language, ma’am.”
“Damned peculiar,” Epiny agreed wryly, making Kesey blush. She took up her crockery mug of hot coffee and sipped at it gingerly. As she put it down on the table, she asked me matter-of-factly, “So what will you do? I think you stand a fair chance of clearing yourself if you came back and decided to do so.”
“Oh, Epiny, it’s so much more complicated than that. You know it is. A fair chance of clearing myself means there’s also a fair chance I’ll dance at the end of the rope, unless they flog me to death first. Even if I clear myself in Gettys, how do I explain to anyone how I slipped away from that mob: do you think that anyone would think me innocent if I told them I’d done it with Speck magic?”
“They wouldn’t like it at all,” Kesey chimed in. “Soldiers don’t like to think anyone can fool them, and Nevare fooled them all. And let them live with a lot of guilt for a long time, to boot. And most of them still figure that Nevare, uh, you know, with the Captain’s dead wife. Some of the fellows speculate that if she lied, maybe she was a temptress, too, and—”
