MacLean planted his feet wide, looking mutinous. “And if I refuse?”
Maggie’s heart was beating so hard that it almost hurt. But Colin’s question made it skip a beat. Would he really refuse?
Evan’s jaw clenched. “Try it. And ye will see me in the lists. To the death, MacLean. That’s what it will be. I’m serious in this. Ye kissed her no fewer than three times and ye were found alone on the parapet. There will be speculation. And there’s no way for her to return from that.”
“She ran away to fight at Culloden and spent two weeks in an English prison dressed as a lad. If her reputation is ruined, it’s because of that, no’ because I kissed her. And because ye forced her betrothal to the devil himself. I heard with my own ears what he had planned for her, and ye should be ashamed of yerself, Sinclair, for bargaining yer sister to the devil for protection against the English. If anyone’s reputation should be ruined, it should be yers.”
Maggie glanced between the two, afraid to move, afraid to breathe. She’d never seen either of them this angry, and she wondered if Colin was defending her or defaming Evan.
“Ye dare to speak to me of reputations? Ye who have a solid reputation as a chief who abandoned his people? A chief who runs from all responsibility? At least I was thinking of my people and their safety.”
Maggie drew in a shocked breath and looked at Colin, waiting for his reply. He was red in the face, his shoulders tense, his hand hovering over his dagger. She prayed that this did not come to daggers pulled.
“Ye may have been thinking of yer people, but ye damned well were no’ thinking of yer sister.”
She admired Colin for standing up to Evan, for saying the things that even Maggie hesitated over. She believed he was defending her, and that pleased her.
“The priest is on his way,” Evan said. “Ye will wed as soon as he gets here.”
He turned away from them, effectively ending the conversation. Maggie looked up at Colin to find that he was glaring at her. He turned on his heel and walked out, slamming the door behind him.
For a moment Maggie’s life stretched before her, barren and lonely. No one wanted her. Not Evan. Thank God, not Fraser, and now not Colin. Colin who had no issue with kissing her at every opportunity but had suddenly decided she wasn’t good enough to be his wife.
Chapter 19
It rained for two solid days, downpours so heavy that one couldn’t see one’s hand in front of one’s face. In those two days Maggie didn’t see Colin. Mortified and frightened of her future, she kept to her rooms, taking her food there. When she did venture down to the great hall, he was nowhere to be found.
This wasn’t how she wanted to spend her last days in the home where she’d grown up, but she also didn’t want to face her clansmen. Because even though Fraser was a bampot, her reputation would be affected by the fact that she had been betrothed to him and caught unsupervised, in a precarious situation, with another man. Maggie wasn’t one to hide, but she was hiding now, and that only added to her embarrassment. What had become of her? All because of these damn men.
The latch on her door rattled and she jumped, cursing herself for being so nervous that even a small sound affected her.
“Open the door, Maggie.”
She wanted to yell, “Go away,” but figured that wasn’t the best way to start their marriage, so she opened the door and stepped back to let Colin in.
She’d forgotten how wide he was. She’d just seen him a few days before, but she always seemed to forget the width of his shoulders. They stood in awkward silence for a long time.
“I thought we should talk before the…wedding.” He seemed to have a difficult time saying that, which only made Maggie feel worse.
“I’m sure ye think I’ve ruined yer life,” she said in defeat.
“I do no’ have much of a life to ruin. Do ye understand that, Maggie? I’ve naught to give ye.”
“My brother seems to think otherwise.”
“Yer brother is furious and no’ thinking properly.”
“So ye do no’ want me as a wife?”
“It does no’ matter what I want. I can’t have a wife. I have nothing. That cave we stayed in? That’s all I can offer ye right now. I don’t even have a home to take ye to.”
“That does no’ matter.”
“It does matter. It matters to me.” He ran a hand through his hair. “When a man weds a woman, he’s supposed to take care of her and be able to feed her and clothe her and put a roof over her head.”
Maggie could see that this really bothered Colin, but it didn’t matter to her. She’d gladly live with him in a cave. “I can feed myself and I already have clothes and a cave is just as good for a roof as anything else.”
“Don’ ye see, Maggie? It makes me look the fool.”
“No’ a fool. An honest, compassionate man but no’ a fool.”
He pressed his lips together, and they stared at each other for a long time in a silent battle of wills.
“When I told ye I wanted to come with ye, this was no’ what I had in mind,” she said. “I’d thought to go as a warrior, someone to watch yer back, a…companion.” It all seemed so silly now. “Of course I know that women are no’ warriors, and they certainly can no’ go off alone with a man without raising eyebrows. Unless they’re married, which we will be…” She was rambling, unable to stop herself, feeling more and more foolish while he just stood there staring at her and she had no idea what in the world he was thinking.
“Ye make a damn fine warrior, Maggie Sinclair. Ye’ve had my back so many times that even I canno’ deny what a good warrior ye are. Evan taught ye well.”
She snorted and he chuckled.
“I’m glad ye’re no’ marrying Fraser,” he said softly. “No matter what happens between us, I’m glad for that, at least.”
“But are ye glad that we’re being married?” She held her breath, wishing she hadn’t asked.
Colin stood there mute, and she looked away as the silence stretched to uncomfortable proportions. He finally said, “I’ll no’ start our marriage with a lie. A wife right now is no’ a good thing for me.”
“I see,” she said. Then she looked up at him. “Well, ye may no’ want a wife, but ye’re getting one anyway, and I’ll promise ye this, Colin MacLean, I’ll still have yer back. I can be a warrior and fight with ye if need be. If ye do no’ want a wife, I’ll give ye a warrior.”
—
The morning of the wedding arrived. She knew she had to do something—wash, get dressed, go downstairs to meet her groom who had no desire to marry her.
She was saved from the inability to move by Innis and a maid.
“Today is yer wedding day,” Innis said brightly, as if Maggie needed to be reminded.
Maggie gave her a baleful look. Why in the world was the woman looking so cheerful?
The smile slipped from Innis’s face. “It’s sorry I am, Maggie, about how things worked out.”
“Are ye, Innis?”
“I am. Ye are the first friend I had here. Who will go to Loch Rumsdale with me now?”
Maggie laughed, but to her horror, the laughter turned to tears and then sobs. Loch Rumsdale. Her favorite place on earth. Would she ever see it again? Would Colin allow her to return to her home and visit her family?
“Ah, lass, do no’ cry.” Innis hugged her tight and Maggie clung to her. It was so strange. She’d never cried so much in her life, and she’d never cried on another woman’s shoulder.
Innis led her to the bed and they sat side by side. “Since ye have no woman to talk to, I guess it’s up to me to tell ye the way of things now that ye’ll be married.”
Maggie held out her hand as if she could physically stop Innis’s words. “Oh, no. That’s quite all right. Colin and I, we’ll no’ have that kind of marriage.” He’d said he didn’t want a wife, and she’d promised to be the one to watch his back. That was all their marriage would be. She need not worry about anything else.
Innis smi
led shyly and secretly and leaned toward Maggie to whisper, “It’s no’ that bad. In fact, it’s quite enjoyable.”
Maggie jumped up and was on the other side of the room in less than the five strides it usually took to get there. “Stop! Please. This is my brother ye’re talking about.” She shook her hands in front of her and hopped on her toes.
“I just do no’ want ye going into yer wedding night thinking it will be miserable. If Colin is as good as—”
“Innis!” Maggie nearly shrieked.
Innis got a twinkle in her eye, but her look was severe. “Do no’ go telling me that ye’ve already done the deed. And if ye have, it’d better have been with Colin.”
“No!” Maggie lowered her voice. “No. We have no’. And I have no’. But this conversation is completely unnecessary. I promise ye.” She had a rudimentary knowledge of what Innis was speaking of. She knew what parts went where, thanks to a kindly laundress who’d noticed when Maggie first started getting her flow. The woman had told her why it was necessary and what it was for. But she had no desire to hear any of Innis’s stories about the sexual act when it concerned her brother.
“Do ye have any questions?” Innis asked.
“Nae. None.”
“Are ye certain?”
“Very certain.”
Innis didn’t look convinced and Maggie prayed that she would say nothing more on this topic.
“I was thinking,” Maggie said, “that I might wear a gown today.”
Innis’s expression brightened and she clapped her hands. “Oh, Maggie. Truly?”
Maggie swallowed. She hadn’t said that just to get Innis off the topic of the marital bed, although that had been part of it. “Truly,” she said.
Innis jumped up and hugged Maggie tightly until she had to squirm out of her hold.
“I only have two,” she said. “Gowns, that is.”
Innis rushed over to the cupboard and threw open the doors. “No’ to worry. We’ll have ye looking beautiful.” She looked over her shoulder apologetically. “I did no’ mean…”
“I know what ye meant.”
Innis pulled out both of the gowns. Evan had them made for her about the same time he got it into his head that she should marry. Before Innis arrived, but not long before. One was the russet gown she’d worn the night she dined with Fraser, and she had no desire to wear it ever again. The other was spring green.
“The green,” they both said, and then laughed.
Innis opened the door and motioned for a maid to enter. The washing and the hair curling and the dressing began.
More than an hour later, Maggie had had enough and she wasn’t even dressed. Innis lowered the gown over Maggie’s head and she shimmied into it. It was much heavier than her breeches, and her movement was impeded by the skirts. She had nowhere to put her dagger, and of course she couldn’t strap a sword to her hips.
Self-consciously, she plucked at the spring-green skirts, pulling them away from her body only to have them fall back into place. She felt naked without her weapons. All of the primping and preparing had taken her mind off the reason she had to primp and prepare, but now it was before her, glaring at her.
She’d thought long and hard about her conversation with Colin, and she understood what he’d been saying. He was torn between doing what was right and…doing what was right. In his mind, the right thing was to marry her because he had compromised her beyond repair, while the right thing was also to walk away because he had nothing to offer her.
But he did have something to offer her. His companionship. The ability to accept her the way she was. That was a lot for her. The physical things didn’t matter to her, but Colin would never believe that.
She tried to take a deep breath but was girded so tightly that she almost popped her laces, so she had to take a little breath. Wings of apprehension had taken flight within her stomach and she pressed a hand there to try to still them.
“Have ye seen him?” she asked Innis after the maid had left.
Innis was folding her breeches and shirt. “Seen who?”
“Colin. Have ye seen him today?”
Innis paused, then continued folding with much more intensity. “I have no’. He’s kept to himself.” She smiled brightly and took Maggie by the shoulders to lead her to the mirror.
Maggie drew in a stunned breath, certain the person staring back at her was a stranger. She was so certain that she leaned forward and touched the glass.
It wasn’t a stranger. It was her. A her she’d never seen before.
“Oh my,” she whispered.
Innis stepped back, all smiles. “What do ye think?”
“I think I look like a…woman.” When did this happen? Since when did she have a curve that flared at the hips and got smaller at the waist? When did she get a bosom? She’d always hated her bosom because it got in the way when she fought, but she had to admit that the gown wouldn’t look quite so good without them.
The green made her dark hair appear darker. Innis had tamed her curls until they fell softly around her face. Her hair was too short to pull up into a bun, so Innis had tucked one side behind her ear and secured it with a gazania, a pale yellow flower with rose-colored streaks, which peeked out from above her ear.
“Of course ye look like a woman,” Innis said on a laugh. “Ye are a woman. There’s no crime in dressing like one now and again.”
“I suppose not,” Maggie said.
“Are ye ready?” Innis asked softly.
Maggie took a breath, not a big one because the gown wouldn’t allow it, but one for courage. Her life was about to change, and she had no idea what the change would be other than she was yet again being forced to take on a husband. Another husband who didn’t want her.
“I’m ready,” she said.
Chapter 20
When Maggie met Evan outside the chapel, she was surprised to see that he didn’t look as severe as she’d expected. Some of his anger had cooled, and there was warmth and sadness in his eyes.
“Ah, Maggie, lass. Ye look beautiful.” He stepped back to look her up and down. “A lovely gown.”
She fidgeted with the folds of her skirts, not knowing what to do with the praise.
His eyes sparkled with the humor that she remembered. This was the brother who’d accommodated her quirks and laughed at her antics. The Evan she’d known for the past few years laughed rarely. She didn’t realize until now how much weight rested on his broad shoulders.
“MacLean told me some of what Fraser said.” His expression went from amused to sad. “ ’Tis sorry I am, lass. I wish I’d known.”
She tried to shrug it off but found this wasn’t as easy to shrug away as most things. “I know ye needed me to wed him for protection against the English, and I know he needed the land ye were to give him.”
Evan half smiled. “He still got some of that land.”
“I’m sorry, Evan.”
“Ah, lass.” He gathered her in for a quick hug. “It’s me that should be apologizing. I should no’ have bargained ye for the clan’s safety.”
She looked up at him. “Ye know I’d do anything for the clan.”
He smiled down at her. “But no’ marry Fraser.”
She shuddered. “Anything but that.”
Her throat was closing up because she realized that this would be the last time she spoke to Evan as Maggie Sinclair. In a few short minutes, she’d become Maggie MacLean and no longer a member of clan Sinclair.
“Whoa. What’s this? Tears?” He wiped her tears with his thumbs just like he did when she was little and skinned her knees. “I think MacLean is a good match for ye, Maggie.”
“He does no’ like me much.”
“Right now he does no’ like ye much. He’s angry, but he’ll recover from it.”
“I hope ye’re right.”
“I think I am. Now, are ye ready to be wed?”
She took a deep breath and nodded.
He chuckled and offered his arm. “Le
t’s get ye wed, lass.”
She was glad for Evan’s arm to lean on when she entered the chapel’s cool darkness, lit by evenly spaced flickering candles. Reflexively, her hand tightened on Evan’s arm, and he patted her fingers while he smiled down at her.
Colin stood straight and tall with his hands clutched behind his back. While staying at the Sinclair house, he’d worn breeches and shirts loaned to him from Evan but now he was wearing his kilt. She had no idea where he had gotten it, but the green and red of clan MacLean looked good on him.
They stopped before Colin, and Evan leaned over to kiss Maggie on top of her head, just like he’d done thousands of times while she was growing up. She quickly blinked her tears away.
Colin took her cold hands in his large, callused ones. His hold was surprisingly gentle. She recited the words the priest told her to recite, and Colin did the same. Everything else was a blur until the priest announced that they were wed, then everything snapped back into place with brutal clarity.
Colin was turning away from her to accept a friendly slap on the shoulder from Evan, and Innis was coming at Maggie with her arms out for a hug.
They made their way to the great hall, where a small feast was set up in celebration. Maggie and Colin were given the seats of honor on the dais.
“Well, lass,” he said softly, so no one else could hear. “We’ve done it.”
“Aye, we have.” Her stomach gave a little flip of apprehension. Or was it because she felt a bit giddy that she was Maggie MacLean? She had her entire life ahead of her, and she had no idea where it was going. Instead of being frightened, she was surprisingly excited.
“How do ye feel about it?” he asked as he filled her trencher with food from his, giving her the choicest meats.
“The question should be, how do ye feel about it? I know this is no’ what ye wanted.”
He shrugged and turned to accept the congratulations of Gilroy. The two talked and laughed as if Gilroy hadn’t trounced Colin a few weeks before, and Maggie marveled at the resilience of men. But when he turned back to her, he resumed their conversation. “We’re wed now, and there’s naught that either of us can do about it but march onward, eh?”
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