The room was so dark that she could not see him, all she could only hear his voice, but she felt the length of his tough body pressed against her. The intimacy lent a certain truthfulness to their conversation. She felt they could say anything right here, right now, and it would be all right.
“Tell me,” she said.
“Do ye sometimes forget…that we’re married?”
“I canno’ say that I have. Ye are always here to remind me.”
“Sometimes I forget, and then it hits me and I get…I get scared that I will no’ be able to provide for ye.”
Her heart turned over, and those damn tears pressed against her eyes again. “I don’t consider what we have a conventional marriage.” She pressed her forehead against his shoulder. “I’m no’ a conventional woman and have no plans to be a conventional wife.” He was lying perfectly still; she swore he was holding his breath, listening intently to what she was saying, and she understood that what she said now would reverberate through their entire marriage, and yet she wasn’t nervous. What she was saying came from her heart.
“Ye do no’ need to feel all of the responsibility, Colin. I can take care of myself, and if need be, I can take care of ye.”
She’d thought he would scoff at that, but he didn’t. “I wish I could give ye more than I have,” he said.
“I do no’ want more. I’m content.”
He turned on his side, and while she couldn’t see him, she could feel him shift and knew that his gaze was searching for her through the darkness. “What if ye get with child? How will we raise a child?”
“I suspect the way everyone else raises a child.” She reached out her free hand to touch his face, feeling the rough stubble on his cheek. “There’s no need to borrow trouble. If it happens, it happens.” She’d not thought about getting with child. The thought terrified her somewhat, but to dwell on what-ifs would do no one any good.
“The last thing I want,” she said, swallowing her apprehension at what she was about to say, “is to be a burden to ye. The one thing I do want is to be a good wife to ye, but ye have to know that I will fail quite a few times.”
“Because ye’re impulsive?”
“That, and because I do no’ know what the hell I’m doing.”
He laughed out loud and she smiled, feeling relaxed and comfortable and forgetting that she’d gone to bed angry at him.
“There’s something ye should know about me,” he said after the laughter faded. “Something I should have told ye long ago.”
“Four days ago or when we were in prison together?”
“Four days ago.”
“That bad, eh?”
“Could be.”
“Well, ye best get it out, then,” she said, intrigued and a little apprehensive.
“There is a very active smuggling operation near my holding.”
“I’ve heard of such smuggling operations. They bring in banned goods from France and England. Why is that bad?”
“I started the operation and head the one in my area. Or at least I did when I was in residence. Abbott knew about the operation but could never catch us at it. It was a game at first, outwitting the redcoats, a competition between Abbott and me.”
“And then Abbott had ye arrested?”
“And then I allowed Abbott to arrest me.”
She paused. “Allowed? Does this have to do with Brice and Eleanor?”
“It does no’ matter why—”
“Yes, it does matter. I’ll have the story.”
He sighed deeply, probably regretting that he’d brought this up, but since he had, she was going to take advantage of it.
“I distracted Abbott and his men so Brice and Eleanor could get away. It was nothing.”
“Ye distracted them by getting yerself arrested, and that’s nothing? I think that’s a whole lot of something.”
Colin made a dismissive sound and rubbed his thumb across her palm. “I wanted to tell ye why Abbott is such a thorn in my side.”
“Abbott’s a bloody numpty,” she said with heat, causing Colin to chuckle.
“I completely agree.”
She thought about everything he’d told her as his thumb continued to caress her palm, sending tingles up her arm. “I’m proud of ye,” she said. “I’m proud that ye thumbed yer nose at the English by operating a smuggling business, and I’m proud that ye sacrificed yerself for the Sutherlands, and even though ye suffered terribly, I’m glad ye did all of that because I met ye in that prison, and if that makes me sound selfish, then so be it.” She nodded for emphasis even though he couldn’t see it.
A long silence followed her proclamation. Colin finally said, “I’m glad I did all of that, too, and that I met ye in that prison.”
They drifted into their own thoughts, but sleep was far off for Maggie. Her thoughts shifted to Colin’s thumb, still rubbing her hand.
“Can we practice?” he asked.
“Practice what?”
“Ye said that ye would fail many times, and I thought maybe if ye practiced that it would help.” He sounded sheepish and she grinned. He guided her hand to his hard cock and pressed her palm to it.
“Oh,” she said breathlessly. “Practice.”
“Aye. Practice.”
“I think practice is a good idea.” She was beginning to get warm, and that heaviness between her legs returned.
“I want ye powerfully bad,” Colin said.
“I can feel that.”
“Kiss me.”
She obeyed because a good wife obeyed her husband, and she had told him she wanted to be a good wife to him. But only in this. She would reserve judgment on the obeying part for other things.
Colin lifted her on top of him and she squeaked, not expecting it, but once she was lying full length over him, she forgot everything else. He was so much larger than she was. And hairy. He had a lot more hair than she did. He was hard all over, covered in honed muscles.
“Ye make an uncomfortable pillow,” she said.
He flexed his hips until his engorged cock was pressing against her. She opened her legs and wriggled over him, making him groan. “Good God, woman, what are ye doing to me?”
She stilled. “Can we do it this way? I thought since ye put me up here that we could.”
He grabbed her hips. “Aye. We can, but it will be over before we even attempt it if ye do no’ stop.”
Colin raised her hips, adjusted her, then surged into her. She gasped as he stretched her tight, filling her fully, his cock heavy inside her. They lay still for a few moments while she adjusted to the fullness.
“Ah, God, lass, but ye feel so good.”
She wiggled again and his body tightened beneath her.
“What are ye doing?”
“Practicing.”
He moaned and she realized that he enjoyed this, so she moved more until he was gasping beneath her. It had never occurred to her that a woman could be completely in control in the bedchamber, but she was learning very quickly, and she was enjoying the learning.
Colin’s fingers dug into the fleshy part of her hips, trying to control her movements, but she was beyond that. The slick slide of cock was almost too much to bear. She arched her back and closed her eyes, letting the warmth and sensations fill her.
But she was quickly coming to the end, and even though she tried to slow down, her body wouldn’t let her. Beneath her, Colin let out a groan and surged up, filling her completely. She felt the warmth of his release flow through her, and that was the catalyst that put her over the edge. She cried out, her muscles clamping down on him as he shot out the last of his seed. She felt as if her release went on and on, never ending and yet not lasting long enough.
She collapsed on top of him, struggling to breathe. Colin wrapped his arms around her and they lay quietly breathing, pressed together.
“How was that for practice?” she finally asked.
“It will do for a first try.”
She playfully slapped him on the shoulder and roll
ed off him and onto her back. “More practice needed?”
“Oh, definitely. Lots and lots of practice.”
—
The next morning Colin stumbled down to break his fast before Maggie. He’d left her sprawled across the bed, snoring softly. The confidences and lovemaking of the night before stayed with him through the morning like a warm glow. For the first time, he really thought that they might be able to make a go of this marriage, and even though he didn’t have a real home to bring her to, he felt hope.
While he was feeling good about his marriage and his relationship with Maggie, his head was pounding from the drink the night before. He regretted his bad choices—the drink and leaving Maggie alone most of the night. He was cradling his head between his hands and staring at the unappetizing food in front of him when Maggie walked into the great hall. She was heading toward him when there was a commotion at the front door.
There was clattering of boots on the stone floor and Campbell appeared. Colin wanted to bury his head in his arms. What the hell was Campbell doing here?
Sutherland followed Campbell, his expression grim and his gaze clashing with Colin’s. Immediately, Colin’s stomach twisted, and he stood up as the two made their way toward him. He was surprised when Maggie appeared at his side.
Campbell tipped his head toward Colin. “MacLean,” he said in that lowland accent.
“Campbell.”
Campbell’s gaze swept over Maggie, then came back to Colin with a raised questioning brow. “The lad who escaped Fort Augustus is still with you?”
“The lad turned out to be Maggie Sinclair, of clan Sinclair.”
Campbell turned his full dark gaze on Maggie. He never showed much emotion, so it was with some surprise that Colin found Campbell amused.
“Margaret Sinclair. A pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He held his hand out, and Maggie shot Colin a confused look as she raised her hand to Campbell’s. He kissed her fingers, a small smile playing around the corners of his mouth. Damn, but Colin had never seen the man smile so much. He had to suppress a growl of irritation. He did not like Campbell, and he especially did not like Campbell kissing his wife’s hand. Flustered, Maggie pulled away.
“It’s Margaret MacLean,” Colin said, immediately wishing he’d kept his damn gob shut.
Campbell raised a brow. “Indeed. My felicitations.”
“Indeed.” Who the hell spoke like that? In the Highlands, one spoke what one thought and didn’t couch it in “indeeds” and other phrases that held no meaning.
“Campbell has come with news,” Sutherland said. He indicated that they should sit down.
To Colin’s surprise, Maggie sat with them. He wanted to tell her that her presence wasn’t necessary; women weren’t ordinarily present while the men met like this. But Maggie wasn’t ordinary, and Colin didn’t know how to tell her to leave without embarrassing her. The other two men didn’t seem to mind, and suddenly, Colin was so nervous that he was glad of her presence. She truly did have his back at all times, and he discovered that there wasn’t anyone he wanted there more.
“I heard you were on the run after leaving Sinclair,” Campbell said without preamble.
“Colin had a…confrontation with Hugh Fraser. Fraser recognized him and sent the bastard redcoats after him,” Maggie said before Colin had a chance to respond.
Campbell turned emotionless eyes to her, appearing not at all surprised at her cursing or the fact that she had spoken up for her husband. Rather than being mortified that his wife had jumped to his defense, Colin bit back a grin. Maggie looked so indignant on his behalf that it humored him.
“He can stay here as long as he likes,” Sutherland said. “There are choices.”
Sutherland’s sharp gaze found Colin’s. Aye, he had choices. He could walk the Staran, the secret gateway that Sutherland had created to spirit the most wanted Highlanders out of Scotland before they were executed by the English. Colin could be whisked away to Canada, never to see Scotland again, never to see his friends, never to take leadership of his clan. He would be safe, but he would be living half a life. Also, he had Maggie to look after, so his choices were much more narrow. Was staying and fighting the best decision when he had a wife to protect?
“There’s more,” Campbell said.
“What more could there be?” Colin asked sardonically.
“The English have taken over the MacLean holding.”
Colin felt as if he’d been punched in the gut. His blood ran cold with fury. “What did ye say?”
“The English have taken over the MacLean holding.” Campbell shrugged as if it were nothing to him. Which it probably was. But it was everything to Colin. It was his home. It was his legacy, and it was his burden.
And it did not belong to the bloody English.
Campbell’s steady gaze gave Colin an uneasy feeling that the blows were to keep coming. “Tell me,” he said.
“Abbott is the one holding your home.”
Chapter 31
“What do ye mean I’m no’ going?” Maggie demanded.
“Sutherland will protect ye.”
“Sutherland?” Her voice was beginning to rise. “Sutherland’s no’ even going to be here. He’ll be with ye.”
Colin turned his attention back to sharpening his sword. “Ye’ll be safer at Castle Dornach.”
“I want to be with ye.” She hated that her voice quivered, and she gritted her teeth against the thickness in her throat.
“When all is safe, I’ll send for ye.”
“That’s—”
“Enough, wife. Ye’ve spent the whole of our marriage doing as ye wish. In this ye will do as I say.”
“The whole of our marriage? Ye mean all five days of it?”
“Aye.” He eyed down the length of his sword, then blew on the razor-sharp edge.
“Ye mean the five days in which I ran from the English with ye because they were after ye?”
She’d hit a nerve. She could tell because his jaw muscle worked. She waited for him to change his mind, to tell her he wanted no one but her guarding his back. He just calmly sharpened his sword as if an irate wife weren’t standing before him.
She turned on her heel and walked out, more hurt than angry. After hearing that his enemy had invaded his home, Maggie had prepared for anger, rage, even, but Colin had said not a word. He had to be angry and hurt, but he was calmly preparing to travel to his home and…do what? Storm the gates? Pound on the door and demand that everyone leave? She didn’t know because he’d not said, and she feared he was in such a cold rage that he wasn’t thinking clearly.
The fact that he didn’t want her with him hurt more than she wanted to admit.
Stay here, indeed. Like some simpering wife wringing her hands and waiting for her braw husband to return to her victorious?
She didn’t think so.
She ran into Eleanor on the way outside and wanted to groan in frustration. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Eleanor but more that she didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, when she had to figure out how to convince her husband not to leave her behind.
Eleanor fell into step beside her. “I find the garden to be most amenable when I need to think.”
“I do no’ want to think. I want to fight alongside my husband.”
Despite her words, Maggie found herself directed toward the garden. It was a different garden than what she was expecting. A few of the Scottish lords had long ago refurbished their homes from fortresses to English-type manors. While Sutherland had kept the fortress-like appearance of Castle Dornach, there was no doubt the garden was Lady Sutherland’s domain. It was a work in progress, as the Lady Sutherland hadn’t been the Lady Sutherland all that long, but Maggie could tell that the garden was to be in the English style, with wide graveled paths. There was already a tall fountain and a few blooming flowers. It was beautiful and, yes, it was relaxing.
“He wants me to stay here,” she blurted out.
“You are more than wel
come to stay as long as you like. It would be nice to have a friend to talk to.”
“No offense, my lady—”
“Please call me Eleanor.”
“No offense, Eleanor, but I want to fight alongside my husband for our home.”
“Did you tell him that?”
“He refuses to listen.”
“Did you tell him that exactly?”
“Yes. No.” Maggie threw her hands up in frustration. “I do no’ know how I worded it. It does no’ matter, because he will no’ listen.”
“Maybe so, but you need to tell him just what you told me.” Eleanor stopped, forcing Maggie to stop as well. “Men are fickle creatures, Maggie. Sometimes you have to word things in the right way for them to stop and listen.”
Maggie huffed out an exasperated breath. “This is all very confusing. I do no’ know how to be a wife. I did no’ want to be a wife—” She put a hand to her mouth, horrified. “That’s no’ true,” she said quickly. “I mean, it is true that I did no’ want to be a wife when we were wed, but I’m finding that it’s no’ so bad. It’s just…”
“Sometimes we are forced into situations not to our liking, but that doesn’t mean they have to remain not to our liking.”
Maggie dropped her hand and watched the glittering water splash down into the fountain. “He did no’ want to wed me, either. We were forced into it by my brother. He said Colin had compromised me and caused me to lose the only man who was interested in marrying me. But Hugh Fraser was a bastard sheep shagger…” She shot Eleanor an embarrassed smile. “Excuse me, my lady.”
Eleanor merely laughed and waved her hand in the air. “No need to watch your language around me, Maggie. And its Eleanor. Please remember that. We are friends, are we not?”
Maggie wrinkled her brow. She’d never really had a woman friend except Innis, briefly.
Eleanor took her arm and directed her toward the bench opposite the fountain. “So you and Colin were forced into your marriage.”
“Aye.”
“And Colin doesn’t want to be wed to you as much as you don’t want to be wed to him.”
“Aye, at first. I liked him well enough, though.” Maggie stopped to think about that. “I liked him a lot, actually. But to be wed to him? I did no’ want to be wed to anyone.”
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