But even though the impression of expression disappeared, she could still see how hard he was breathing, and there was so much tension in his big body she was surprised he didn’t combust before her very eyes.
“You would whore for a powerless Senate just for some archaic rule about unwed female rulers?” he demanded, a muscle jumping furiously in his jaw.
“I whore for no one,” she hissed at him. “What I do, I do for the good of my species!”
“Your species gets along fine without you being married!” he barked.
“Yes, but for how long? How long before my flouting of tradition filters down into the actions of all of our women and men? What if students decide to ignore their education? Hmm? Why not? After all, if the Chancellor can defy tradition, so can they! What of all those potential Sinners who stay on the good side of the law just because they know they can’t get away with defying the way things have always been? Do I set them loose on Shadow and Dreamscape? Or maybe all handmaidens will think they can kill their priests just because they are limited to a traditional role and don’t want to accept his right to say no to conjugal relations just as it is her right to do so!”
“Drenna, that is not the same issue and you know it!” he roared, surging away from the door and marching up to her.
“You think not?” she demanded, facing off with him fearlessly despite his significant size advantage over her. “Corruption is given permission by a single act, Ajai Guin.” She lifted a single finger up between them. “One drop of water can cause ripples for miles! With murderers in the halls of the Senate and Sanctuary, you think I actually have the freedom to thumb my nose at any demand they make of me and think it will not give my enemy fuel for their fire? They want me to say no. They want me to say yes. They know that either way they win and this regime is weakened. Nothing you or my foolish brother says or does will change that!”
“You are not getting joined to a stranger!” the bodyguard exploded in outrage, his hands jolting out to grab her arms, shocking her with the power he used to shake her in his fury. “If I have to murder every one of those treacherous fucks in their beds and face down every priest in Sanctuary because of it, I swear to you I will not allow it!”
“You won’t allow it?” she cried incredulously. “Who are you to allow or disallow anything of me? You’re nobody to this regime! You are Our protector and Our friend, Guin, but you have no power here! You certainly have no right to treat me like you have any say in my fate. What in Light has gotten into you?” Malaya squirmed in his grasp, trying to free herself of the bruising power of his beefy hands. “Let me go!”
“Let you go?” he echoed. “Let you go?” He laughed, a hollow agony to the sound that made her go very still. “I’ve been trying to let you go for fifty goddamn years, K’yatsume. If I managed to achieve it now, it would be a thrice-damned miracle. But I swear to you, Malaya, that if you let them do this—if you let them force you into the arms of an undeserving stranger, I will let you go. I will walk away from here and this house will never hear a breath about me again. And while I know that is of little consequence to my friend”—the term was positively snide—“and even less of consequence to my queen, it’s all I have to threaten you with and save myself with. I won’t stand by and watch you do this.” His voice lowered to a rasp as he drew her so close she could feel his warm breath against her temple. “I won’t sit and suffer so you can marry someone you do not want and do not love. You speak of sacrifice so easily, but you do not understand how hard it is for those who do not have the goodness of the soul that you do. Well, this is a sacrifice I am unwilling to make. Here I will not compromise.”
Guin suddenly shoved her away from himself, making her stumble. She recovered and stared at him as if he had truly lost his mind. And then he did the most shocking thing of all.
“K’yatsume,” he said, standing at a stiff form of attention. “In fifty years I have never taken time for myself. I respectfully request to be relieved of duty for a week.”
“Request denied,” she shot at him sharply. “Guin, what in Light is going on here?”
He laughed, shaking his head. “You won’t free me? When I have never asked you for anything before?”
“I don’t trust you not to do something stupid! You didn’t answer my question.”
“All I want,” he said tightly, “is some time away.”
“You want to hunt traitors and get your fool neck separated from your idiot head!”
“No,” he said, shaking his head heavily, the single small golden loop through his left ear flickering brightly. “I won’t do that.”
“Then why leave?”
“Because I won’t sit here and watch every minute of you coming to the wrong decision!” he bellowed sharply. “Gods! You always accuse me of lacking faith, but I swear that you try me like a saint! Let me go or I will leave without your permission!”
“Then do not bother returning, Ajai Guin!”
“Do you really think that will stop me?” Guin stepped forward again, fists tight as he crowded up against her. Feeling the overwhelming heat of his body and the power he held so tightly reined in, Malaya couldn’t fight the urge to step back. Before she realized it, she was backed up into the tile of the far wall. She didn’t understand why she was intimidated all of a sudden. This was Guin, for Darkness’ sake! He had dedicated his life to seeing no harm came to her. He had bullied her in the past, but she’d always given as good as she’d gotten. The thing was, he had never threatened to leave before, and she had no idea what to make of his behavior. “Let me make something very clear to you, K’yatsume,” he all but purred as he lowered his mouth against her ear. “You are standing an inch away from a man who is rapidly realizing he has absolutely nothing to lose. Don’t. Push. Me.”
Malaya couldn’t seem to help the flash of temper that raced through her. What in Light was wrong with the men in her life? She depended on their predictability, but now two of them were acting completely insane! So she didn’t curb the impulse she had to reach out and push him. Not that he budged very much at all, but he narrowed his eyes on her as he realized she was purposely baiting him. Granite eyes darkened as he raked them down over her, from the tip of her widow’s peak to the bare toes peeping out from under her k’jurta. Then, to her shock and surprise, Guin reached out and hooked a finger into the loose neckline of her blouse, pulling downward until her breast was exposed right to the line above her nipple. Her rapid breath brought her dangerously close to exposure to him, which shouldn’t have even mattered after all the years he had been with her and spent seeing her nude during the course of her daily life.
“You push, I push,” he promised her, the low threat giving her amazing chills down the corridor of her spine.
“Guin, cut it out,” she snapped, smacking his hand away.
Or trying to. Guin never moved unless he wanted to move.
The bodyguard re-hooked his finger into her blouse and included her bra this time, pulling both away from her skin. She looked at him in shock, watching as he held her gaze and purposely pursed his lips before leaning a bit closer and blowing warmly against her exposed nipple. She stiffened in response, in more ways than one, and her breath clogged in her throat with her surprise.
“Let me go, or else, K’yatsume, I will stay very, very, very close to you instead.” His fingertip, rough with the calluses of his warrior’s trade, slipped into her bra and rubbed over the pointed tip of her nipple very lightly. “So close,” he promised, “that I will be as good as inside you. Then again, I may not stop at ‘as good as.’”
“Guin, stop,” Malaya breathed, stunned at his behavior and at the way her voice shook. Frissons of heated arousal began to spark inside her, and she blushed hotly at the very idea of being turned on by one of her best friends. Guin had never made a pass at her in fifty years!
Well, there had been that one time…
But that had been a moment of emotional stress and his usual bullying. This time it was well beyond bull
ying, though! Technically, putting hands on a royal without invitation was an act of aggression that her bodyguard was allowed to kill for.
Except what happened when it was the bodyguard himself doing the aggressive touching?
“Make your choice. Close or far. One week of either is all the same to me. Both will relax me, both will afford me the release I need. It’s up to you.”
“Fine!” she hissed, smacking him away more definitively this time. “Go! Get yourself laid, killed, or whatever it is you want to do! But don’t you ever touch me like that again!” Malaya shoved at him, squeezing out from between him and the wall and storming out of the room.
“Not even if you beg me to?” he called to her back, chuckling when she slammed the door on him.
Guin sighed, his fabricated humor evaporating as soon as he was closed off from her. Clearly, he had developed a taste for torture. He ran a hand down the front of his fly, trying to adjust himself in the wake of feeling her and smelling her respond so readily to his touch. He had taken a huge risk, offering her an alternative choice like that. What would he have done in the wildly unlikely instance that she had accepted his challenge? If he thought he had trouble getting clear of her now, he could just imagine what it would be like once he had learned of her sexual body.
Because there was one thing Guin was absolutely sure of.
He was an addict. He had never taken the drug, but he was an addict just the same. He would trade his life away, do anything, sell out anyone—sell his soul to M’gnone, if that was what it took, just to dive into the bliss of that drug forever.
But forever was the only option once he started, and he knew that. Just as he knew starting wasn’t an option in the first place.
Never had been, never would be.
Magnus lifted his head from the bed of Dae’s hair beneath his whisker-coarse cheek, cocking his attention to the energy passing in the hall outside. With a sigh, he reached out and gently shook Dae awake.
“What is it?” she asked without opening her eyes, rolling over into the warmth of his body. She snuggled close and it made him smile.
“They’re looking for me,” he said softly.
“You’re kidding, right? What part of me screaming ‘Oh, Magnus! Yes, Magnus, yes!’ did they not hear, exactly?”
“Soundproofing, K’yindara. These are private rooms. People need to feel free to express themselves.”
“Oh.” She chuckled. “Well, I certainly took that to heart.”
“That you did,” he agreed, bending to kiss her temple. “No one knows that but us, however, and I like it that way.”
“Then how do you know you’re needed?”
“It’s a sense. The way people are moving through the halls. I can see them in infrared. They don’t realize we came back, so it wouldn’t occur to them to check for us in here. After all, why would I have my handmaiden in a private tutoring room when I have two perfectly good beds to choose from in our quarters?”
“That shows you how foolish it is to assume.”
Daenaira sat up away from him, robbing him of the enjoyment of her warmth, and began to dress herself. He didn’t see how he had any choice but to follow suit. They would find him eventually. They always did. And he didn’t want anyone using Daenaira as fodder for gossip.
“I’ll leave first. I need a bath anyway. Unless you think you will need me at the palace?”
“So you think it’s Malaya looking for me?”
“Of course.” She shrugged a bare shoulder, attracting his full attention to the ripe sway of her breast. “You said yourself that she would be calling on us once Tristan got up the nerve to speak with her. Tristan doesn’t strike me as the sort to procrastinate.”
Magnus laughed at that, a little incredulous as he shrugged into his tunic. “How can you say that after he spent six months doing exactly that?”
“No. He didn’t. He might like to say that he was, but he was actually executing a plan. Like I said. He was trying to cut himself off first. Now that he has a new plan, he’ll do that as quickly as possible. Sometimes procrastination is an action, not inaction.”
Magnus knew this, of course, but it surprised him that she had this kind of insight into the psychological condition of the mind. She’d been locked away for eight years—where had all of this knowledge of people come from? There was still a great deal about her that he didn’t know.
He still didn’t have his boots on by the time she was draped in her sari and bending to give him a quick, chaste kiss on his lips. Finding that unacceptable, he buried a hand in her hair and jerked her down into his lap, bending her back over his arm as he kissed her with enough depth to make her boneless and compliant within his grasp all over again. Not that he was going to take her again. The second time had already been rather selfish of him, putting her untried body at risk of soreness and aches he would rather she avoid even if she would heal quickly. But once she’d reminded him of that fabulous vision he’d—they’d—had of taking her hard against a wall, he’d been unable to stop himself.
Magnus whisked her up off his lap and back onto her feet, propelling her to the door with a smack on her luscious fanny. She rubbed the offended area a bit too slowly and suggestively as she threw a heated look at him over her shoulder before leaving. The priest swallowed hard, realizing that with a woman as bold as Dae was, opening the door of her sexuality was going to be like letting loose the proverbial tiger. She was beautiful and savage in her own right, full of danger and surprises. He had a feeling he was in for the ride of his life.
Daenaira left for their rooms with a smile on her lips and a twinge of awkwardness in her step. When Magnus had first entered her the second time, it had hurt a bit, but nothing like the first time. Just the same, she was happy and relieved when she slid into the hot waters of their bath. She had grown to enjoy the spoiling pleasure of luxuries like the bath. Sometimes she would feel momentary fear about that, because she knew life was unpredictable, and what she had been given could just as easily be taken away, but she had to trust Magnus to protect their way of life, if nothing else. Of course, if his enemies had their way…
Cold, hard dread filled her belly. Daenaira simply couldn’t seem to make herself think cavalierly about Magnus’s possible death. It was stupid, really, because especially given the environment of threat, it could very well happen, and she had to be prepared for that. She had to wonder what would happen to her. K’yan Hera had never been chosen by another priest and was living a life of contented solitude amongst her peers. She had been for the forty years since Kincaid’s death. Sanctuary had even offered to generously retire her at any time when Kincaid had died. Apparently, they had realized that a Bonded handmaiden would never be able to give herself to someone else—this was how powerful the connection was—and they had offered to let her live peacefully as she desired.
But Dae wasn’t Bonded, and she wasn’t likely to be if it hadn’t happened by now. The thought made her smile and shiver all at once. The shiver was a bit of a chill at the thought of being handed over to a priest who might very well have had a hand in Magnus’s death. The sheer morbidity and echoes of her old life that were in that thought made her frown, not to mention the understanding that she did not trust anyone in Sanctuary. The smile was the better part of her thoughts. It was a memory of the past few hours and how hard Magnus had worked to see her through the lessons of sexual awakening she had needed and, admittedly, wanted. She couldn’t imagine being so intimate with anyone other than Magnus. For all their difficulties, some of which were still as unresolved as they had been before, there was something powerful and undeniable between them physically. Before Magnus, she had never imagined being voluntarily willing to give her body to a man. Now she looked forward to his return with eager signs of arousal flashing through her.
Dae got out of the bath quickly after that. What she needed was to keep occupied. She should return to her classes for the night as if nothing had changed. Besides, she had to admit she was grow
ing fond of the private instruction time she had with K’yan Hera. Not just because she liked the woman, but the topic of their religion had become a fascinating subject for Daenaira. Especially when explained in Hera’s devoted voice and with her obvious eagerness for the topic at hand. Dae was coming to appreciate the nuances of the role priests and handmaidens played as physical representatives of the gods they worshipped.
She plaited her hair because it was wet, dressed in a clean sari, and headed out into the common areas again. She was just entering the main atrium when she ran into Tiana.
“Dae! Good night to you,” her newest friend greeted her.
“Good night, Tiana. How are you today?” Dae felt bad for K’yan Tiana. The girl had done nothing wrong, but by association she was being treated as the pariah that Cort should have been treated as. Dae found it unfair that an innocent woman should suffer for the acts of a treacherous man. The only thing Tiana was guilty of, as far as Daenaira could see, was trusting the wrong male and being ignorant of his secret life.
“I am fine,” Tiana lied. The handmaiden was quite sensitive to the way she was being treated. As Dae understood it, because she had been the maiden of a penance priest, she had enjoyed a certain level of prestige while Cort had been alive. Now she was quite removed from any of the influence she had enjoyed.
Despite the claims that all handmaidens and all priests were equal to their peers in place and power, it was clear there was a pecking order to be found, and the more powerful one partner was in either the male or the female order, the more powerful the other became by association. Magnus was, of course, top of the chain within the ranks of the males, with Shiloh a frightening second, but Karri had been second to Hera on the ladder in spite of that. Clearly age and wisdom had its place, but the Bonding was a trump card amongst the women. It was the ultimate achievement for a handmaiden, and therefore the ultimate determiner of position. Being young and new, Daenaira had no position at all, really, until she took her vow officially and developed a stronger relationship with her priest. The battle for position didn’t really concern her though. She had enough to worry about just managing things between Magnus and herself.
Rapture: The Shadowdwellers Page 23
