“Right now?” His tongue traced along the shell of my ear, sending me into a dizzy wave of euphoria.
“Yeah.” I was breathless. But determined. “Tell me what it’s going to be like.”
He paused to look at me, trying to read my mind by studying my eyes. “What what’s going to be like, baby?” He slipped his hand under my sweater, the warmth of his fingers against my skin shocking me into a moan. “What it’s going to be like when I fuck you? Don’t you think it will be better if I show you?”
He bent to kiss me, but I put my finger up to stop him.
“What it’s going to be like in the future. Like…this day next year. When our routine is all settled in. When Sebastian knows you and Callie’s comfortable with your arrangement and I know what I’m doing with my company and your trips back and forth have just become a normal part of our lives.” It was a fantasy, that life was. And I wanted to hear about it anyway. Wanted to live in the fantasy for one night. “Tell me what it’s going to be like this day next year.”
“Ah,” he said. “Well, first, it’s going to be amazing. And incredible, mostly because it’ll be hard, but hard things are worth it.”
He emphasized the word hard by lifting up his hips and rubbing the stiff rod of his erection along the curve of my ass.
“They are,” I said with a grin. “But tell me the details.”
He paused for a minute, thinking. “We’ll fly together to the states that month. I’ll be so happy to have you with me, instead of the usual long flights by myself. It’s so nice to have you next to me instead. Even when we just fall asleep for the entire flight, it feels less lonely.”
I nodded. He was already getting into it, switching into present tense and imagining the moment as if it were happening right now.
“We get into town on the twenty-second and sleep most of the day because of jet lag. And we fuck, because you’ve been working so hard I’ve barely gotten time to see you. Plus, I just like fucking you. So I’m taking advantage of our vacation before we’re intruded upon by the kid.”
“Good thinking.”
He curled his arm tighter around me and started fiddling with the button on my jeans as he spoke, undoing it and pulling down my zipper. “Then the twenty-third, today—a year from today—we go over to Callie’s in the morning to pick up Sebastian. She has a long list of orders and instructions. Even after a year of this, she’s still overprotective. But she lets us go eventually. Sebastian is bundled up in a snowsuit from head to toe. One of those outfits that are hard to walk in, his hands are covered and we can barely see his face. He’s all puffy like a tiny marshmallow man. Because we’re going over to Prospect Park. To go sledding.”
“Sledding?” My voice hitched as I said the word, Weston’s hand slipping in underneath my panties at the same time. “It’s been years since I’ve been sledding.”
“It’s fun. Though, you might get wet.” He slipped a finger down the seams of my pussy, sledding through the wetness down to my hole before dragging two fingers up again to tease my clit in large lazy circles.
“Go on,” I urged, meaning both his story and his hand.
“After the sledding, we go back to our apartment, which is not too far from the park, to get dried off. Sebastian takes his nap. We fool around. Obviously.” He smirked, dipping his fingers back to my hole, then returning them to my clit to resume his slow torturous pattern.
I let out a soft moan, the pressure already building and tightening inside me. “What next? What’s after his nap?”
“Then we go into the city and see the trains at the botanical garden. Sebastian’s so excited by that. It’s better than meeting Santa Claus. We have dinner next. Somewhere family friendly. When we get home, Sebastian’s wiped out. But he’s not too tired to examine all the presents under the Christmas tree.”
“When did we get presents? And a Christmas tree?” It was hard to talk with Weston’s assault on my pussy. Hard to even think, but the fantasy had to be perfect in my head.
“I had the tree put up the month before. The gifts…” He thought about it a minute, creating a likely scenario. “We enlisted Callie and Dana for that.” He was quiet for a few seconds. “Still can’t believe they’re lesbians.”
I nudged him with my elbow. “Stay focused. Go on.”
“Go on like this?” he asked, trailing his fingers back to my hole. This time instead of just teasing me at the rim, he stuck them inside, long and deep, curving them until he hit the spot that made my back arch.
“Yes,” I hissed. “And the story.”
“We’re total pushovers, you and I, as parents.”
I managed to glare at him—I didn’t particularly picture myself as a pushover for anything.
“Okay, I’m a total pushover. So we let Sebastian open one gift. It’s a stuffed giraffe that he names Dog Man because I’m raising him right. He loves it so much, we can’t get him to let go of it, even to get him changed into his pajamas. He wants to sleep with it. So we let him.”
“Ahhh.” It was really hard to focus on the story now. Weston’s hands were too good, the way they plunged in and out of me, his palm rubbing against my clit.
“He doesn’t want to stay in his room now, and like I said—pushover—so we bring him in with us. He likes to snuggle. He cuddles up with his head under your chin. I hold you both to me, sniffing his head and his fresh new scent, and kissing your beautiful pouty lips.” He added a third finger then, stretching me, filling me the way his dream story of our future was filling me, warming me with this beautiful lie.
“When we’re sure he’s knocked out, you and I slip out to the living room. You remember to move the elf on the shelf. Thank God. Because I always forget the damn thing.”
I giggled, but it came out as a whimper, my orgasm reaching the threshold.
“And then I curl up with you on the couch, and finger fuck you until you’re coming all over my hand like the dirty, sexy girl you are.”
My body started to shake, and I closed my eyes, ready to lose myself to the entire fantasy.
“Eyes on me, Lizzie.”
I turned my head, opening my eyes, my gaze crashing into his, eyes so blue and unwavering.
He sped up the thrust of his fingers and slid his other hand up under my shirt, pulled down my bra cup, and teased my nipple, the whole time keeping his stare locked on mine.
“Just like that, baby. You’re almost there. You’re so good and tight on my fingers,” he praised. “Fuck, when you make those sounds—I could also come on that alone.” He rubbed his erection on my ass again, and my eyelids started to flutter, the intensity of the coming climax bearing down on me.
“Stay with me, Lizzie. Stay here.”
My eyes shot open again, and this time I pinned my eyes to his. I didn’t want to look away. Wanted to keep looking and looking at what I saw there.
Jesus, he loved me. It was written everywhere in his expression, in his face, in his stare, in his voice and hands.
“I love you,” I whispered, knowing he heard me. So much. Like his soul was my own soul. Like his heart was my own heart. “I love you,” I cried over and over as my orgasm rocked through me, shaking me, tearing me apart, destroying the vision he’d planted in my head with its vibrancy. The words he’d said were false, a dream we’d never have, but these words, this passion, was raw and honest and surging through me.
This was truth. This moment. This feeling. It was truth and it was fleeting. It couldn’t last. It wouldn’t.
But for this moment, at least, I could look at him, could love him. Could stay with him before I let him go.
16
Weston
“Okay?” Elizabeth asked, her head tilted, studying my features as she waited for my response.
It was one word, a simple question, but difficult to answer. We had already had an eventful morning—opening presents with Sebastian at Callie and Dana’s had been even more exciting than getting presents myself. It had been hard not to spoil the ki
d, but luckily the short amount of time had limited us to five wrapped packages.
Even that number of gifts had turned out to be overwhelming, particularly when my little boy wanted each and every one set up immediately. Thank God for four adults buzzing around to help cater to his every whim. The fresh mimosas that Dana made didn’t hurt either. I was really starting to appreciate what she brought to our little family.
Then we’d all loaded into the car. Like the first time I’d taken Elizabeth to my parents’ house, I borrowed Donovan’s Tesla. It was strange how it seemed like an entirely different vehicle with a booster seat in the back, lodged between two mothers. Less sportscar, more practical. Sebastian napped the entire ride to Larchmont clutching onto his baby doll, still his favorite toy despite all his new loot.
Now the five of us stood on my parents’ front step, and after several deep breaths, I still hadn’t gotten the nerve to knock.
I’d told them I was coming—that Elizabeth and I were coming—but I hadn’t told them I was bringing anyone else. I still hadn’t told them about Sebastian. I thought that was a conversation better had face to face. Now, however, I was nervous about my decision.
And there were so many other things to say today. My shoulders were tight and tired from carrying all the loads that I needed to lay down.
So was I okay? God only knew.
“Don’t you have a key?” Dana asked impatiently behind me.
“Yeah.” The last time I’d come, I’d used it. That trip, I hadn’t wanted to see anyone. Now it seemed more appropriate to be open about my entrance. “I think it might be more polite, though, to knock.”
“Well…?” She pushed again.
I looked to Callie, who was rocking her weight from one foot to the other, Sebastian’s head resting on her shoulder, not quite awake from his nap. Then I turned to Elizabeth, who merely shrugged.
I paused too long. With a huff, Dana brushed between me and Elizabeth and knocked herself.
“Well, okay then,” I muttered under my breath.
Elizabeth again shrugged, but I saw the smile she was trying to hide.
A moment later, the door opened and there was my sister, dressed in black leggings and a red dress, her blond hair pulled behind her into a low ponytail.
She squealed at the sight of me. “Weston!” Before I could even cross the threshold, she flung herself into my arms, wrapping me into a giant little sister embrace. “I can’t believe you came! I’m so happy!”
“I’d be happy too, if you’d let us in the house and out of the cold,” I said into her neck.
“Oh yeah! Of course. Come in.” She let me go and scuttled backward so that we could walk into the foyer, her brow knitting slightly in confusion when it wasn’t just two of us that entered, but four adults and one adorable toddler.
“Elizabeth, I’m so glad you came! I’ve been dying to get to know you better. I’ve always wanted a sister. It’s not fair that Weston’s kept you from me.” Noelle lunged at my wife as soon as the door was closed, not even letting her take her coat off first.
Teenagers.
Thankfully, I’d married the most amazing woman on the planet. “I’ve always wanted a sister too. Only child here. Let’s make sure to talk all the shit on Weston before I leave today.”
“And every day,” Noelle said, conspiratorially.
“But let’s get in most of it today,” Elizabeth insisted. Probably because she knew we were moving soon and that we wouldn’t be around much, no matter what happened with my parents at dinner.
God, I loved this lady.
Next, Noelle turned to the women behind me. “And, I’m sorry. Weston didn’t say that he was bringing anyone else. At least, Mom didn’t tell me?” Her voice lilted up in a question, leaving room for me to introduce the rest of the guests.
Like on the doorstep, I hesitated again. I had no problem introducing Callie and Dana, but I didn’t want to tell Noelle who Sebastian was without Mom and Dad.
“These are some friends of mine. Callie, Dana, this is my sister Noelle.” I turned to my sibling. “We drove up together, and now they are going to have dinner at a nice little place in town.”
Callie took the cue. “We’d better get going if we’re going to make our reservation.” She began to hand over Sebastian, so I dropped my coat into Noelle’s hands and took him from her.
“Here’s the diaper bag. He’s at the stage where he sticks his fingers into everything,” Dana said. “I left a Ziploc bag inside with some outlet protectors. Make sure you put them in around whatever room you’re going to be in if you’re going to have him on the floor. Here’s his booster seat for the dining room table. There are snacks in the bag as well as wipes and diapers. You have our number. You know how to reach us if you need anything. But, please—” she paused, her eyes suddenly taking on a pleading expression. “Don’t need anything. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since someone else has poured our wine.”
“Got it. We’ll be fine. I promise.” I even sort of meant it. With Elizabeth at my side and in my family home surrounded by my parents and sister I was sure that we could handle a two-year-old.
I turned to Callie. “Thank you so much for trusting me.”
She gave me a tight smile that made me wonder if she actually did trust me, but she left in the end, taking the keys to Donovan’s Tesla (I may not have told him that was part of the bargain when I borrowed it).
Then I turned back to my sister and Elizabeth. Our coats were hung up now, except for Sebastian’s. I stood him up on the bench near the door and began unzipping his jacket.
“So…you’re babysitting?” Noelle asked, her face squinting in confusion. “On Christmas?”
“Uh…where’s Mom and Dad?”
“In the kitchen. Finishing up with dinner. Seriously. What’s with the kid? Practice baby?”
My sister was tenacious.
“Sebastian, this is Noe,” I said, introducing my sister with her longtime nickname as I took his baby doll from him and maneuvered his coat off. “Want to say hi to Noe?”
Sebastian’s face grew concerned at the meeting of a new stranger while in the midst of a strange house and he sidled up closer to me. “Daddy,” he said reaching up for me.
“Is that something he says to all guys?” Noelle asked, “or…? Weston. Holy shit. Mom’s gonna freak.” Then she called louder. “Mom!”
“Hey, hey!” I shushed her. “Let’s just go in and do this all together. Okay?” I was about to seriously bribe her to get her to shut her mouth.
But Noelle surprised me. “Fine. If this is what got you to come home for Christmas, then fine. But I definitely want to be in the room when you tell Mom she’s old enough to be a grandma.”
A wave of nausea rolled through my stomach, and I had the sudden urge to flee, but then there was Elizabeth, slipping her hand through mine. Warm, comforting, reassuring.
“You’ve got this,” she said.
And because of her, I knew that I did.
With my free arm, I hoisted Sebastian up onto my hip, and the three of us trailed after my sister into the kitchen to find my parents.
We saw my mother before she saw us, bent over a platter of ham, artistically garnishing it with parsley and cranberries, humming a Christmas carol off-key.
My throat tightened.
I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed my mother until I saw her in her element, cooking for her family, the house spruced up to look like a page out of a Martha Stewart catalog. She was happy, and I knew that a good part of it was because she knew I was coming for dinner. How easy it was to give this woman joy. How much had I hurt her these past years by keeping my distance, whether it was justified or not?
Was the pain she’d caused me worth the pain I gave back?
Noelle, impatient and intent on stirring up shit, cleared her throat, announcing our presence.
Mom looked up. “Weston! Elizabeth—is it Elizabeth?” She turned from the meat to wipe her hands on a dishtowel
. “Or do you prefer something else? Liz? Beth?”
“Elizabeth is fine,” my wife said after glancing at me. I was glad we were on the same page—Lizzie was a name that belonged to me. And Sebastian.
“I was just finishing up here. You’re right on time! Dinner is ready, and as soon as my hands are all clean and I get this off, I can give you both a hug.” She tugged at the strings of her apron, then threw it on the counter. “There’s a bottle of wine chilling on the sideboard in the dining room, and your father is already loading up the table with dishes so we can…oh!” She’d started around the kitchen island to greet us properly, and finally, she’d noticed Sebastian. “Well, who’s this little cutie pie?”
“Just wait,” Noelle said, saucy and snide as she leaned a hip against the island.
My father chose that moment to enter from the dining room. “I thought I heard you all in here. You shouldn’t be in the kitchen. You’re the guests! You should be around the table.”
His jubilant smile faltered only slightly when he followed my mother’s gaze and discovered the little boy in my arms. “It looks like I need to put another table setting out,” he said calmly, as though there was nothing out of place with me holding a child.
That helped me to feel less out of place holding a child.
“Before you do that, Dad, I was just about to…um…” I looked from one parent to the other, not sure where to start, as always.
Elizabeth leaned over to whisper in my ear. “Should they be sitting for this?”
“Probably.” I seriously didn’t know what I’d do without that woman. “Do you guys want to sit down?”
“Why don’t you just spill it? I’m sure we can handle it.” My father was obviously unconcerned with the gravity of what I had to say.
Alrighty then. “Mom, Dad—this is Sebastian. How’s this for a Christmas present? He’s your grandson.”
My mother didn’t faint, thank God, but she did cry. So much so that it took twenty minutes of hugging her and letting her hug me and Sebastian before we could finally sit down at the table. By then, much of the food was lukewarm, but no one complained.
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