by Cara Albany
She turned and gazed at him for a second. "You know why I've come, Qazim," she said evenly.
Qazim nodded. "Have you made your decision?"
Grace nodded. "I have," she said.
Impatience welled up inside Qazim. He was desperate to know. Grace paused. The silence seemed to last forever.
She was teasing him, tormenting him. Didn't she realize how desperately he needed to know?
Grace cleared her throat and glanced down at the floor. Qazim thought she was trying to find just the right words.
She lifted her head. "I agree to marry you, Qazim," she said simply. Her voice quivered with emotion.
The words hung in the air between the two of them. Momentous words. Words that changed everything.
For a moment, he wondered if he should go to her and embrace her. Relief swept through him but he forced himself to hold back a few moments. He needed to know for sure how she felt about all of this.
She had made the statement he so desperately wanted to hear, and it had sounded so bold, so matter-of-fact.
"But I have some conditions," she added slowly.
He frowned at her. "Conditions?" he asked.
Grace nodded. "You told me this is going to be a marriage of convenience, didn't you?"
Qazim nodded but didn't say anything. His emotions were churning.
"I'm doing this for the baby, Qazim," Grace said. "You know that, don't you?"
Qazim nodded stiffly. "Of course, I understand," he said. "That's the most important thing, isn't it?"
Grace nodded in agreement. "As far as you and I are concerned," Grace continued. "If this is going to be a marriage of convenience, then I'm sure you understand that we have to have some rules."
"Rules?"
Grace swallowed nervously. "You know why I left you in the first place Qazim, don't you?"
"I know why you did it, Grace," Qazim said evenly.
"This is going to take a long time, Qazim," she said. "I'm going to have to have some time to get used to everything. I know you understand. This is going to be a huge change for me. And living here is going to be the biggest thing I've ever done."
"I understand, Grace" he said. "I'll do everything I can to make it easy for you, you know that, don't you?"
Qazim saw Grace's eyes narrow slightly. There was something else she wanted to say to him. It was obviously proving difficult to find just the right words.
"As far as you and I are concerned," she said. "If this is going to be a marriage of convenience, I think we should agree that there can't be any intimacy between us."
Qazim felt as if someone had hammered him with a vicious, hard blow in the chest. He was sure his face paled.
"No intimacy?" he asked hesitantly. Did she really mean that?
Grace nodded. "None. We'll have separate rooms."
Qazim gasped in spite of himself. "But, that's..." he started to say.
She interrupted him. "That is what I want, Qazim. It will keep things simple between us. For the time being."
"You can't be serious, Grace," he breathed.
Grace nodded firmly. "I'm perfectly serious Qazim," she said. "This is for the baby, so that he or she can have the best possible life. It's going to take me a long time to decide whether I can stay here long-term. In the meantime, I think we should keep our distance."
"What are you talking about!" Qazim demanded. "We can't live separate lives while we're married."
"We can and we must. At the start, at least," she said. She folded her arms and peered at Qazim. "I know you have feelings for me. But this is going to be hard enough, without complicating it all with how we used to feel about each other."
She was talking as if they were already finished. As if the past hadn't happened.
As if they were history just as they were about to agree to marry. Chaotic emotions swirled inside him.
What was she talking about? Did she have any idea of the depth of his feelings for her?
Qazim felt his body tighten. He had more than just casual feelings for this woman, he told himself. Right now, he wanted to go across, sweep her up into his arms and show her exactly how much he felt for. The way he had done last night in the garden.
But, then again, she would probably do exactly what she'd done last night, and pull away from him. That might ruin everything.
"Are you saying you're willing to live with me as my wife and to look after our child, but that is all? Nothing else?"
Even as he said the words, he thought they sounded unbelievable. And, right now, he didn't want to believe her. Couldn't believe her.
Grace peered into his eyes for a long moment. He wanted her to change her mind. He needed her to be honest with herself, about how much she felt for him. But there was a steely look in those eyes. He knew she wasn't about to say anything like that.
"Nothing else?" he repeated.
Her jaw tightened. "I think that would be for the best, Qazim," she said.
She watched him for a moment, gauging his reaction. Then she added: "What do you think?"
Qazim ran a hand through his hair. Tension swept through him. He knew he could not say anything that would jeopardize the decision she had made. He was sure that if he rejected this offer, she would walk right out of the apartment and go straight to the airport and he would never see her again.
And never see his child.
Qazim sighed heavily. "I agree, Grace," he stated. As he uttered those words, something heavy sank inside him. He tried to swallow his emotion, but found his throat impossibly tight.
Their eyes met across the room, and it seemed to Qazim as if there was suddenly a huge distance between them.
Already.
And they weren't even married yet.
Even though they had agreed to marry, that they would become man and wife, it seemed as if there was a chasm between them. He wondered if they would ever be able to bridge that gap, if they would ever be able to find happiness.
Grace seemed to be satisfied with that answer. She nodded and glanced, businesslike, at her watch. "I only came here to tell you my decision and to see what you had to say. I think it's best that I go," she said.
Qazim saw that her hand was shaking slightly, but he made no comment.
He was shocked that she wanted to leave so soon, but he also understood why she felt the need to do so. She had said what she'd come here to say.
Qazim nodded. "When will I see you again?"
Great thought for a moment. "Give me a day or two to settle," she said. "I still need to figure a few things out. And then you and I can get together and plan the wedding," she said casually.
That sounded so simple, the way she had said it. "Plan the wedding," he repeated. Qazim nodded. "I'll call you," he said.
Grace shook her head. "No. I'll give you a call when I'm ready," she said.
She walked past him and he felt a sudden impulse to reach out, slide a hand around her waist and draw her to him. But the moment passed as quickly as it had appeared.
He followed her to the elevator doors. "Can I get the driver to take you home?" he asked.
Grace shook her head. "No. There's a taxi waiting for me, downstairs."
Qazim didn't say anything. He had to allow her to do what she wanted.
Grace smiled at him weakly and then she entered the elevator.
The doors closed and she was gone.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Two weeks later, Grace stood in front of Qazim, in a marquee in the garden of his own palace, and in front of a gathering of over a hundred of the great and good of Qazhar society.
It was the day of their wedding.
Qazim was dressed in traditional white, flowing robe and headdress. He looked like the embodiment of the sheikh in every woman's fantasy, Grace told herself.
Grace wore an elegant white wedding gown, tailored to every curve of her body. Atop her head she wore a bridal headpiece, decorated with a tastefully arranged variety of small, multicolored stones and crystal.
She felt like a true bride. She was sure she looked like on, too.
Grace thought about what she had just done. She had just agreed that she would honor and cherish Qazim.
Vows spoken in English.
Words of commitment.
Even as she'd said them, she'd felt almost like a fraud. She had promised to become his wife. Looking up into his dark gaze, seeing the steady appreciative look on his face, she could tell what this meant to Qazim.
She wondered how long the marriage would last.
He had spoken exactly the same vows to Grace. There had been sincerity in his voice, and his eyes were filled with genuine emotion. None of that had made it any easier for Grace to go through with the wedding ceremony.
But she had. And she felt relief when she and Qazim kissed briefly and turned to face the crowd of smiling guests. They applauded gently as Grace and Qazim stood on the low dais, hand in hand, looking every bit the perfect, happy newly-weds.
Grace's heart beat faster and she forced herself to smile as she ran her gaze across the crowd of smiling faces.
This was what it felt like to live a lie, she told herself. There was a churning sensation in her middle as Qazim led her slowly down off the dais and up the red carpet and out of the marquee.
Outside, in the hot midday sun, there were tables laid out, and servants busied themselves preparing the food for the guests.
Grace swallowed. The last thing she felt like was eating. Although the pregnancy was still early, and she wasn't really showing, she still had sudden bouts of nausea. She hoped she wouldn't feel one during the upcoming wedding reception.
A wide canopy had been erected over the expanse of tables, to protect the guests and the newly married couple from the sun. It cast a cool, dark shadow across the tables.
She steeled herself and looked up at Qazim. She would just have to do her best and get through the remainder of the afternoon, she told herself.
Qazim held onto her hand as they went to the table which was designated for them.
The top table.
He held her seat for her as she tucked her wedding gown carefully beneath herself and sat down. She felt the coolness of the air beneath the canopy and she was glad he'd thought of this for her benefit. There were so many guests at the wedding that an outdoor reception had been the only practical solution.
Qazim sat down alongside her. "Okay?" he asked.
Grace nodded. "I'm fine, Qazim," she replied.
Qazim smiled at her. "That was beautiful," he said quietly.
Grace felt a sting in her heart. This meant so much more to him than it did to her. "Yes, Qazim. It was," she said. In spite of her steely resolve not to show emotion, she felt her voice quiver slightly as she said those words.
Grace looked across at the marquee, large and brightly colored beneath the sun. Guests were streaming out of the marquee and taking their places at the various tables.
"This won't take long," Qazim explained. He leaned closer. "If you want to leave at any time, just let me know."
Grace shook her head. "We have to keep up appearances, don't we," she murmured.
Qazim's eyes narrowed. He paused, and looked as if he was about to reply sharply, but then seemed to think better of it. He smiled. "As I say. Anytime you want to leave, we will go inside."
Grace nodded. She was glad he hadn't taken the bait. She was already starting to feel slightly warm, out here in the sun.
The food was brought, and even that was an adventure in itself, Grace thought. There was a mixture of Qazhar and American dishes. Some of the American food drew puzzled looks from some of the guests. Qazim had insisted that every aspect of the wedding reflect the fact his bride was American. Even down to the mixture of music which alternated between traditional Qazhar instrumentals and American folk musicians who Qazim had flown in specially.
The next hour passed quickly. After the meal, Grace and Qazim shared a solitary dance on the makeshift dance floor. That drew gasps of appreciation and a ripple of applause from the guests. Qazim held Grace gently in his arms and gazed down lovingly into her eyes.
In spite of everything, despite all her doubts and hesitation, she found herself smiling up at him, appreciative of all the care he'd put in to this hastily arranged affair.
For a while Grace allowed herself to settle against Qazim's body. There was a tenderness in the way he held her that genuinely affected her. It was almost as if he was determined that from now on, during every waking moment, he would be dedicated to making everything perfect for her.
That was what it meant to be truly married, wasn't it? Grace felt guilty as she leaned against Qazim's shoulder, thoughts whirling through her mind. Real marriage meant wanting to take care of the other with every part of your soul.
So how come Grace was holding back from dedicating herself to Qazim in just the same way, with the same level of commitment? Leaning against him, she reached down and settled a hand across her belly. That was why she had agreed to be here now, with Qazim. Even if it was all a lie, she was here because of the life they had created together.
The music seemed to fade into the distance and, leaning close against him, she was sure she could feel Qazim's heartbeat, a steady, strong rhythmic pulse. For a moment, Grace felt a little unsteady on her feet and she leaned harder against him.
Qazim reacted immediately. She felt his body stiffen and he glanced down at Grace. "Is there something wrong?" he asked quietly.
Grace shook her head and looked up at him. "I'm fine. It's just a little warm, I guess," she explained.
"We must go inside," he declared.
She leaned away from him and glanced out across the faces of the guests. It wouldn't do to create a spectacle, she told herself. "No. It's okay. There's no need to cause a fuss," she said to Qazim.
He shook his head. "No," he stated firmly. He moved away from her, but held onto her hand. He led her back to their table, but didn't sit down. Instead, he addressed the guests. "My esteemed and honored guests, myself and Grace are going to retire indoors for a short spell." He glanced out beneath the canopy. "Today, the sun has obviously decided to shine on our wedding. Perhaps a little too warmly, in fact," he joked.
There was laughter. Grace looked across at Qazim's family members. Becca, Tariq and Zaheer were sitting alongside Qazim's parents. On the other side of their table sat Riaz and Eva. She saw a look of mild concern on the faces of her now sisters-in-law. Grace smiled at them, needing them to know that everything was okay, but neither of them looked completely convinced.
"My new wife and I thank you all for attending our wedding. It has been a true pleasure to welcome you all. You have graced us with your presence and we will always be truly grateful."
Grace forced herself to smile. "Yes, everyone. Thank you for coming."
There was another huge wave of applause.
Grace felt a sudden relief sweep over her at the prospect of getting back into the palace building. Of course, the day had been everything she'd hoped it would be. But, right now she needed to get off her feet and rest a while.
The applause continued accompanied by wild, celebratory music from the Qazhar musicians. Grace walked alongside Qazim as they made their way back to the palace.
They walked up the steps and onto the terrace. The same one she and Qazim had stood on two weeks before, on the night he'd asked her to marry him. That seemed like such a long time ago, now.
As she followed Qazim into the palace, Grace thought about the whirlwind of activity which had made this wedding happen so quickly. Probably in record time, she thought.
Two weeks. Everything had been done so quickly. But, then again, maybe she shouldn't have been surprised at the way Qazim had handled things. She knew he was decisive and that, when he'd wanted something done, he'd made sure it happened, exactly as he wished.
She'd been fitted with her wedding gown; the reception had been arranged; the guest list compiled and finalized; the catering had been secured.
All of it done with bewildering speed and efficiency.
Grace followed Qazim into the cool, marble-surfaced hallway and halted. She felt slightly breathless, but also relieved to feel the pleasing coolness of the air here.
Qazim halted alongside Grace, cupping her elbow in his hand. "You okay, Grace?" he asked.
Grace nodded and drew in a deep, calming breath. She looked at Qazim. "You don't think they'll be concerned that we left so early?"
Qazim shrugged. "As far as they're concerned, I just want you to myself." He grinned. "I'm sure they can all understand that a man wants to be alone with his new bride."
Grace felt a flicker of emotion in her middle. She smiled back at him, uncertain how to respond to that last comment.
Qazim slid an arm around Grace's waist. "Do you want to lie down?"
Grace nodded. "I think so."
They walked up the marble staircase and reached the upper floor. She could hear the music from outside in the garden as she and Qazim made their way down the long corridor toward Grace's bedroom.
Yes, she thought. Her own, solitary bedroom. Not his.
Qazim's bedroom was a few doors down from hers, just as they'd agreed when Grace had moved into the palace a week ago. She still remembered his reaction when she'd repeated her request that she have a room to herself. His features had tightened into an impassive mask. She had seen the frustration in his eyes. Had he thought she hadn't been serious when she'd made that one of her conditions of marrying him?
That they sleep in separate rooms.
For the past few nights, she'd slept in the palace, while getting ready for the wedding. And every night, she'd expected to hear a gentle tap on the door which would announce Qazim's presence.
But he hadn't come to her room.
Not even once.
He'd kept his promise.
Why wasn't she surprised by that? She already knew he was a man of honor. Why had she expected him to behave like some frustrated, passionate lover, instead of her prospective husband?
They reached the door to her room. She paused and looked at him. He gazed at her. There was no hint of impatience in his eyes. What she saw there was mainly concern.
