“Did you sleep well?” asked Harriet, peering into Wilmer’s eyes.
Wilmer nodded and blinked, surprised. “Harriet! Your hair is different. And I didn’t know you wore glasses.”
She wore round, thick, black-rimmed glasses that were almost exactly like Wilmer’s. Her hair was messier—more moplike. Sort of like Wilmer’s hair, actually. She wore a tan sweater vest that was remarkably similar to the one Wilmer often wore.
“Well, it never hurts to improve your vision,” she said. “That’s why I love spinach. It’s packed with lutein and zeaxanthin, which help promote good eyesight.”
“It also has folate and manganese, nutrients that are good for brain function,” added Wilmer.
“I could listen to you talk about spinach for hours,” Harriet cooed.
Wilmer wiggled a bit uncomfortably in his chair. He looked away and scanned the room. Kids were calmer today than they had been the night before. Yesterday, students yelled and threw French fries, but now everyone was quiet, almost listless. Ernie especially seemed a bit slower than usual. He only had three sausages on his plate, and he picked at his doughnut with slightly less joy than Wilmer would have expected.
Claudius and Vlad, however, looked like their old selves. Vlad wore a big blue-and-yellow dotted bow tie. It’s hard to look evil while wearing a bow tie, but somehow Vlad did. He and Claudius sat at the end of the table snickering. Occasionally they would stare about the room and tug their ears. Very suspicious. Then they would start giggling for no reason. But at this point, Wilmer would have been suspicious if they hadn’t acted suspicious.
“Morning, guys,” said Roxie, sitting down in the empty seat next to Vlad. Her earphones were draped around her neck and she carried her tape recorder. She smiled, casting a fleeting sunbeam of happiness at Wilmer. It almost cleared his head. He still felt slightly on edge despite a good night’s rest. “Morning, Vlad,” she said, directing her happiness beams away from Wilmer.
Wilmer was about to ask Roxie how her night had been, when Harriet tapped Wilmer on the shoulder and leaned in, blocking his view of everything but her head. “Last night I dreamed that E=mc2, which of course represents Einstein’s theory of relativity, was actually m=Ec2. Have you ever heard of such a thing?” She laughed. “Of course you would never dream of anything so silly.”
Wilmer had dreamed of a giant tap-dancing raisin, but he kept that to himself. Besides, he was only half listening despite Harriet’s big intruding face. From the corner of his eye he could see Claudius and Vlad looking around and whispering to each other. “They are up to something,” murmured Wilmer. “And that’s a fact.”
Harriet squinted at the cousins too. “You mean it’s a theory, right, Wilmy? A theory is something you believe to be true but is not yet proven. A fact is something that can be shown beyond doubt. Such as the Jersey Giant being the largest breed of chicken.”
“They weigh between eleven and thirteen pounds,” added Wilmer. “But it’s no theory. I have no doubt that Claudius and Vlad are up to sabotage. Cheating. Destroying stuff. I don’t know how. Or what. Not yet, exactly. But I’m going to find out.”
Harriet nodded. She stared at Claudius and Vlad with eyes as narrow and suspicious as Wilmer’s. “If you say it’s a fact, then it must be a fact. You are amazing, so you would know such things.” She turned back to Wilmer, so close that her nose bumped his. “Excuse me,” she said, but didn’t move her nose, so it remained pressed against Wilmer’s. “Can I help you solve this mystery? It would be a lifelong dream come true: working alongside Wilmer Dooley! Oh, look! My hands are shaking!”
Wilmer couldn’t see her hands, since her head was in the way. But having a sidekick might be just the thing he needed to stop Claudius and Vlad from carrying out their mysterious plan. He couldn’t have solved the contagious colors conundrum without Ernie and Roxie, after all.
Or maybe he could have. Yes, he probably would have done just fine by himself. He was amazing, just like everyone said.
Still, what harm could it do? “Sure, you can help. But can you move back a little? Your nose is crushing mine.”
“Sorry! I didn’t notice.” She laughed and moved her nose five centimeters away.
“Morning, kids!” boomed Dr. Dill, strolling by. “Hello, Vlad and Clavicle!”
“That’s Claudius, Dad.”
“Right. Sorry. Good morning, Claudius Dad. And how is everyone else doing this morning?”
“Everything is—” began Roxie.
Dr. Dill’s phone rang and he quickly answered it, leaving Roxie’s mouth open, midsentence. “Dr. Dill here . . . What? She has Googly Eyes, you say? Don’t let her out of your sight . . . !”
“He sure is busy,” said Roxie, watching Dr. Dill rush off, still talking on the phone.
Wilmer nodded. “All great doctors are.”
Claudius grunted.
Next to each of their plates was a sheet of paper. It listed all the science classes, workshops, and laboratory experiments kids could choose to participate in that morning. Harriet pointed to the seminar Bacteria and Food: What’s Eating You? Hopefully, Nothing. Underneath the title it read: A discussion and exploration of various food-borne bugs and how to prevent them.
Wilmer nodded enthusiastically. That sounded like the perfect activity for him. He could barely believe his luck.
“Hey, Wilmer. We should do this,” said Ernie, holding his sheet and tapping a class titled How to Kick Butt in Video Games: A Discussion of Thumb Physics.
Wilmer grimaced. He had promised Ernie they would hang out together. But keeping his word meant missing the bacteria discussion. Ernie looked at him with high hopes. Harriet tugged at Wilmer’s arm and pointed emphatically to the food bacteria class. As Wilmer’s brain churned, he overheard Vlad and Claudius.
“Let’s take Crystal Clear: A Beginner’s Guide to Crystal Formations in Natural Habitats,” said Vlad. “It won’t be as explosive as the rest of the weekend, though.”
Claudius laughed. “Yes, explosive!”
Wilmer could think of few things more boring than making crystals. But he needed to keep an eye on those two. He announced, “I’m taking the crystal class.”
“Are you sure, Wilmy?” asked Harriet with a small frown. “If you’ve seen one crystal, you’ve seen them all.” But then she quickly added, “But yes! It’ll be fun. Good idea. As long as we’re together.”
Ernie groaned. “That sounds like possibly the most awful class of all time. I’ll stick with video games.”
Wilmer glanced at Ernie. He felt a stab of guilt. Promises were promises. Best-friend thumbshakes were best-friend thumbshakes. But he needed to prevent whatever evil egg Claudius and Vlad were hatching.
In the front of the room, Elvira and Valveeta Padgett sat with Mr. Sneed. Something about Elvira seemed off to Wilmer, but he couldn’t place it. She was talking to a group of students, smiling and laughing and patting them on their heads with approval. “I love kids!” she gushed. She seemed perfect. Too perfect?
Wilmer shook his head. How could someone be too perfect? That would be like a single-celled amoeba being too single-celled. He was just paranoid because of Claudius and Vlad. They were clouding his judgment. They were the ones to watch. They were the reasons his suspicions were spinning around like an ultracentrifuge.
Mr. Sneed stood up from his chair and marched toward the door. As before, wires stuck out of his janitorial jumpsuit back pocket. That man’s work must never be done, Wilmer thought, what with so many things in disrepair: the groaning walls, the water dripping from the ceilings and leaky pipes, and the hole in the lobby floor that Wilmer almost stepped in on the way to breakfast.
Roxie jumped from her chair. “There goes Mr. Sneed! I need to ask him about broadcasting my Mumpley Musings radio show at the hotel. Maybe Elvira Padgett can be my first guest.”
In her hurry, she left behind her headphones and tape recorder. Wilmer was about to shout after her when the loudspeaker squawked. Wilmer’s mind went
blank for a split second, but then he inserted his earplugs and his brain fuzziness cleared.
Harriet also put in earplugs. “I said to myself, if Wilmer Dooley can wear earplugs, then so can I!”
Wilmer glanced over to Claudius and Vlad. They were gone. Where had they snuck off to now? There was another loud squeal and the speakers buzzed with the usual odd half-human garbled voice.
“Attention, dear, dear students. Please make your way to your first activity. We hope you enjoy your day here at the Sac à Puces Palladium, Lodge, and Resortlike Hotel. And always build igloos for down-on-their-luck polar bears. Thank you.”
“The poor down-on-their-luck polar bears,” said Wilmer with a nod, removing his earplugs. “Right, Ernie?”
Ernie gazed off into space. The girl next to Ernie did the same and so did the boy next to her, and the boy next to him, and so on down the line. In fact, just about every kid seemed to be spacing out. There were a few exceptions: a girl with a giant mop of frizzy hair so large you could barely see her face; a small boy who seemed to wear earmuffs all the time (Wilmer had overheard him complain about having cold ears); and a large bug-eyed kid who wore a winter hat pulled tightly over his head. They continued to eat breakfast as if nothing had happened.
Harriet also looked normal. Wilmer leaned over to her. “Have you noticed kids acting weird?” he asked.
She shook her head. “What do you mean?”
“Kids are spacing out and I don’t know why.”
Harriet shrugged. “Are you sure?”
“Of course I am. And Claudius and Vlad keep disappearing. I bet it’s all connected somehow.”
“I don’t know, Wilmy. Claudius and Vlad are probably just off somewhere talking about science.”
“Yes, but good science . . . or evil science?” wondered Wilmer.
“You worry too much. I’m sure their vanishing has nothing to do with anything. It’s just a big coincidence.”
Wilmer frowned. There were no such things as coincidences.
Well, there were, sometimes. Take Buzz Aldrin, the famous astronaut. He was the second man to ever walk on the moon. His mother’s maiden name was Moon. A pretty cool coincidence. Or the strange case of Hugh Williams. It’s rumored that in 1660, a ship sank in the English Channel. The only survivor was named Hugh Williams. In 1767, another ship supposedly sank in the same place and had only one survivor. He was also named Hugh Williams. In 1820, another boat sank in English waters. The only survivor was named Hugh Williams. In 1940, another British boat sank and had only one survivor. Yep, his name was Hugh Williams too.
But this was no coincidence! If something walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck. Unless someone is wearing a duck costume for Halloween, or is a confused chicken. “A true scientist can always tell the difference between coincidence and fact,” declared Wilmer.
Harriet nodded. “We’ll need to keep our eyes open, then. The Amazing Wilmer Dooley is never wrong.”
“What are you two whispering about?” asked Ernie, who, along with the rest of the kids in the room, had apparently snapped out of his trance.
“Do you feel different?” asked Wilmer. “Odd? Blanker? I think Vlad and Claudius might be up to something. Something bad.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Ernie.
“You keep zoning out,” explained Wilmer.
Ernie rolled his eyes. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Be careful about eye rolling, it could strain your ciliary muscle,” cautioned Wilmer.
A boy with a lime-green winter hat pulled over his head shuffled casually past them. Wilmer recognized him as one of the few students who had been acting normally. Wilmer jumped up and blocked his way.
“Hey. You. During breakfast, did you notice anything odd?”
“What?” the boy asked.
“Everyone seemed to be staring blankly.”
“What?”
“Kids were gazing into space at breakfast.”
“What?” The kid pulled off his hat. “Sorry, I can’t hear a thing with this hat on. What did you say?”
“Never mind.” Wilmer sighed.
Something was going on. Wilmer just didn’t know what. Yet.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SCIENCE FAIR ELECTIVE 4-C
Crystal Clear: A Beginner’s Guide to Crystal Formations in Natural Habitats
Saturday 10:00 a.m., The Wolverine Suite
Taught by Dr. Fernando Dill, the World’s Greatest Doctor
Crystallization is one of the most elementary processes of chemistry; a fundamental procedure that all chemists must master. In nature, examples of crystallization include stalactites and stalagmites, as well as gemstones and—
Sorry, I need to take this phone call.
Crystal Clear: A Beginner’s Guide to Crystal Formations in Natural Habitats was held in the Wolverine Suite on the opposite end of the lobby. It must have been named after the set of stuffed wolverines hanging from the wall. They stared out, their jaws set in mid-howl. It was disturbing. Wilmer tried not to look at them. Instead, he focused on the microscopes, thermometers, Bunsen burners, test tubes, and safety goggles on each table, along with sodium thiosulfate and other chemicals in vials. Wilmer and Harriet entered the room but waited to grab their spot until after Claudius and Vlad had arrived. The two cousins nabbed the table at the very back corner, and Wilmer and Harriet snagged the one right next to them. Wilmer had to cut off the twins Lizzy and Tizzy, who tried to grab it first.
Soon Dr. Dill strolled in and stood in the front of the class.
“Welcome, students,” said Dr. Dill. “Today you are going to form crystals and . . .” His Beethoven ringtone interrupted him. “Excuse me!” He fished his phone from his pocket. “Dill here . . . What? . . . He has Tongue Twisters? . . . Yes, they could be caused from eating pickled peppers. . . .” Phone pressed against his ear, Dr. Dill dashed out of the room.
The kids stood, uncertain what to do. Fortunately, a set of instructions was at each table. Every pair of scientists needed to heat the chemicals in a tube, seal it, let it cool, and then add sodium thiosulfate. Clear crystals would soon form. The students got to work.
It seemed pretty easy, so Wilmer only needed to pay a little bit of attention to his project and focus most of his attention on Claudius and Vlad. The two cousins rotated between being very quiet, pulling their ears, giggling, and whispering to each other.
Wilmer tried to listen in on their whispers. Luckily, he had used earplugs during the hotel announcements, so his razor-sharp hearing was still in pristine condition. Who knows what tiny ear hairs might have wilted if abused by the scratchy loudspeaker rumblings?
“It’ll blow, right?” mumbled Claudius.
“Of course,” Vlad whispered back. “The biggest eruption you’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to see the look on everyone’s faces.”
“I can just imagine Wilmer’s blank face as he is engulfed in . . .”
Blank face! Engulfed in . . . what? Wilmer inched closer. Their voices dipped even lower, so he couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. He wiggled toward them.
“. . . their hopes crushed like a pureed tomato.”
“Like a smashed and minced pureed tomato. That’s seeded.”
Wilmer leaned over to hear.
“As long as we’re far enough away when it’s ignited,” mumbled Claudius.
“And if things get destroyed?”
“We can only hope so.”
“So the plan is . . .”
Wilmer leaned over even more.
Uh-oh.
He had inched a bit too close. Wilmer hadn’t realized that he was leaning over their table, leaning so far that he lost his balance. He waved his arms to keep steady, and accidentally swiped Claudius’s and Vlad’s experiment across the table and onto the floor.
KCRZZZIGLE!
Test tubes shattered. The Bunsen burner flew onto the floor and broke in half, its flame extinguished. Chemicals spilled. Wilmer forced a
halfhearted, embarrassed smile, and then realized that every kid in the room was glaring at him.
“Um, sorry?” mumbled Wilmer. He felt like he was turning as red as a StrawberryBUZZZZ! Popsicle.
“What do you think you’re doing?” snarled Claudius.
The other kids began growling, and two barked like dogs.
Wilmer gulped. The students’ fuming stares pierced him like toothpicks, poking and jabbing him with rage.
Wilmer took a small step backward. The reaction from the kids surprised him. Sure, he had just ruined the cousins’ project, which was a serious violation of the scientific code of honor. But it was an accident! And scientists were usually slow to anger.
Jealousy.
That explained it. When you’re at the top, people are always looking to drag you down. And the Amazing Wilmer Dooley had so very far to fall.
Wilmer took another step backward. The other students moved toward him. Where was Dr. Dill when you needed him? “But they’re up to something!” Wilmer pointed to Claudius and Vlad. “They’re going to blow up the hotel or something horrible!”
“A scientist needs proof,” spat Lizzy, cracking her knuckles.
“A scientist needs facts,” hissed Tizzy, jabbing a pencil.
“He has neither!” roared Vlad. “He’s just desperate for attention. Like always.”
“He’s been this way ever since the Mumpley contagion!” shouted Claudius. “He’s always walking around like he’s better than everyone!”
Wilmer slumped back another step. He gasped for breath; the stares in the room were suffocating him. “But I-I do know stuff,” insisted Wilmer. “I know these two.” He pointed to Claudius and Vlad. “They’ve been whispering.”
“Oh. We’ve been whispering!” said Vlad in mock horror. “Call the police!”
“Lock up the librarians!” yelled Claudius. “They whisper too!”
“And hoarse people,” said Vlad. “Hoarse whisperers.”
“No, it’s not like that,” moaned Wilmer, inching back even more. Unfortunately, he bumped into his own table, knocking over his vials and tubes. They smashed on the floor too.
The Amazing Wilmer Dooley Page 5
