“What about animal blood,” she asked. “Does it work?”
“Nope,” I answered. “Apparently there are nutrients in human blood that we don’t get from animals. Now, we haven’t tried gorillas, or animals that genetically close to humans, but after a few experiments with rabbits and cats we gave up on animals. And I wasn’t much of a pet guy when I was alive, so being dead has done nothing to increase my desire for a fluffy puppy.”
“And for myself,” Greg said, “I have all I can handle trying to domesticate Jimmy, so I’ve never bothered to try to have a pet. But back to the story. In short, I fed from Jimmy, and then we went out to top off the tank, as it were. We didn’t drain those first donors completely, more out of satiation than out of any moral compunction against killing them. We just got full. Once we were thinking clearly, we realized that killing a bunch of random people would be a good way to get caught, and that would probably lead to unpleasant things happening in government laboratories, so we went for a more low-profile route.”
There was a lot more to those first few nights than Greg was sharing, but even Mike didn’t know much about what we did when we first turned, and I was content to keep all that between the two of us. Let’s just say we became much more discreet in our later years.
Detective Law finished off her beer and leaned back in her chair. It was a long moment before anyone spoke, and when she did, the rest of us leaned in to hear what she had to say. “So you’re vampires. And you’re detectives. And you try to help people. But you still drink blood.”
“Yeah,” I said. “That pretty much covers it, using broad brush strokes.”
“Fair enough. And I suppose you can call me Sabrina. After all, I know more about you than I ever really wanted to know, so I suppose we should be on a first-name basis.”
“Now you know our story. And while I enjoy your company more than I have that of any living woman in nearly twenty years, I’m tired. And somewhere out there is a crazy bun-headed demon lady with a plan to do something really nasty to the world. And tomorrow night is Halloween, when crazy people tend to do nasty things. I’m going to get some rest, so that when it comes time to punch, stab or shoot something, I’m ready.”
Greg yawned and mumbled his agreement, and headed off to his room.
Mike stood and gathered his things. “As much as I like you boys, your housekeeping leaves much to be desired. I think I shall retire to my parish house and get a little shut-eye myself.”
“What about me?” Sabrina asked.
“What about you?” I asked right back. “We’re getting some sleep. I suggest you do the same. Go home, Sabrina. Get a nap, get some fresh clothes, and meet us back here at sundown. You know we won’t be going anywhere until nightfall, so you don’t have to worry about us leaving you out.”
“Fine, but this is my case. If you try to shut me out of this, I’ll show back up here at noon one day and give you a stake dinner you’ll never forget. Deal?” She stood and stuck out her hand. I stood up, too, because that’s how I was raised.
I took her hand and shook. Her skin was so warm against mine, so alive that for just a minute I really, really missed being alive. “Deal.” I stood there and watched her walk up the steps and into the sunlight, and felt the darkness settle into my chest as she closed the door behind her.
I stayed for a minute staring at where she’d been, until Greg came over, gave me an awkward pat on my shoulder, and said, “She’s so out of your league it’s not even funny. Now go to bed.” And I did, feeling more alone than I had in years.
I was gonna have to bite somebody that night. To make me feel better, if nothing else.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I slept for a long time, almost to dusk, and when I woke up, I felt like I’d barely gotten any rest at all thanks to dreams of Sabrina. Great. I love taking on a huge fight after a crappy day’s rest and while I’m carrying around pent-up sexual tension. I should have bitten her and gotten it out of the way. I walked into the living room, and found Greg still sitting at his computer. It wasn’t that unusual for me to come out and find him facedown on the keyboard, but this time he was still awake.
“I think I know what the plan is for tonight,” he offered as I rummaged in the crisper for breakfast. He’d obviously slept very little, if at all.
“Yeah, dude. We had that covered before we went to bed. We wait here for the hot cop chick, then we find the ugly demon-possessed chick, kick her butt back to Hell, and then hopefully I get to second base with the hot cop chick.” I jumped over the back of the sofa and landed with my feet on the coffee table. Sometimes the enhanced agility that came with being undead was handy.
“Don’t you think the hot cop chick might have something to say about that?” Sabrina’s voice came from the stairs, and not for the first time I wondered why mental telepathy didn’t come with all the other fringe vamp benefits.
“Nah,” I replied, trying to salvage some measure of my self-respect. “Once we save the world there’s no way she’ll be able to resist my charms. Breakfast?” I held the blood bag out to her.
“No thanks, I ate on the way over. And I have faith in my ability to resist your charms. And in the necklace my daddy gave me at my first communion.” With that, she fished a delicate cross out of her shirt and dangled it from her fingertios “That’s mean.” I leaned back on the sofa and finished my breakfast. “G, what was that about a plan?”
“I think I know what Bun-Head is up to,” he said, his tone still flat. I was gonna have to spike his next meal with Red Bull or he’d be useless in the fight to come. Then what he said registered and I was over his shoulder in a matter of seconds.
“Seriously? You’ve figured out her plan? How?”
“The magic of the interwebs. When you went to bed, I couldn’t sleep, and we had no idea what Bun-Head’s next step was going to be. So I went back to her first steps to see if I could come up with some other nexus between the abductions. And after a couple of false starts, I came up with the answer—school staff.”
“Huh?” I asked. “That doesn’t make any sense, bro. Teachers only teach at one school. How could someone work at a dozen different schools?”
“She doesn’t. At least not permanently. Our bad guy, or in this case, girl, is a substitute teacher. When I ran the lists of substitute teachers in the system against the abductions, one name popped out as being at each school right around the date of the abductions. Janet Randell. She’s been a sub for two years now since losing her job as a teacher’s aide to budget cuts. She was at every single school the day of or the day before a kid went missing. So I did a little work to find out where she is today.”
“And where is she?” Sabrina asked.
“That’s where things got a little tricky. She wasn’t working anywhere in the district today. But I knew she would have to be somewhere, at a decent-sized school, since she needed a dozen victims in short order. I widened my search, and found her at Holy Trinity.” He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his round belly.
“How could she guarantee that she’d be teaching today, much less be at a large enough school to find a dozen likely victims?” Sabrina asked.
I was glad she did the asking. Not only did it save me the trouble, but Greg wouldn’t razz her for not figuring everything out ahead of time.
“She created a vacancy. The home-ec teacher at Holy Trinity was found dead in her apartment last night. Our Janet killed the teacher and set herself up as the sub on call so she could be close to her victims.”
“Nicely done, partner.” Had to give him his props. “That gives us a location to start with.”
“And end with,” he said.
When Sabrina looked a question at us, I said, “Holy Trinity is a pretty tightly wound place, the kind of school that teaches Book Burning 101 and pickets rock concerts. Every Halloween they hold a religious fall carnival to combat the Satanic holiday’s influence on our children.”
“Lucky for us,” Greg added, none to
o happy, “they’ll be hosting this carnival tonight at the school gym.”
“Crap.” I actually paced a small circle as my brain worked it all out. “There will be hundreds of kids and parents there. If the final summoning needs a sacrificial component, then that would be the perfect place to do it.”
I looked up. Both of them were staring at me, slack-jawed. “What? Just because I didn’t do the research I can’t come up with something more profound than ‘Hulk Smash?’”
“Yeah,” Greg said. “True enough. We concentrate on the fall carnival, because that’s where she’ll most likely be. And we go over there, ruin her plans, and save the world from something we don’t really understand.”
“What if we’re wrong?” Sabrina looked from Greg to me, and back again. “I think it sounds like a good plan. And all the logic works. It makes perfect sense. But life isn’t always logical and doesn’t always make any sense. What if we’re wrong? What happens then?”
“Then we all die,” a deep voice said quietly before I could answer.
Stunned, we all turned to the stairs. Phil. But not my Phil, the one I’d come to know and despise. This was Zepheril, the fallen angel, accompanied by Lilith, the first wife of Adam. Phil had his wings on display, and Lilith had on an outfit that put almost all of her on display.
They looked like extras at a fetish party, only better armed. Phil had black leather pants and a sword belt with a sword on it. Lilith wore thigh-high boots with come-hither heels, a black leather miniskirt and a leather jacket unzipped enough for me to see that the only other thing she had on besides a bra was a shoulder holster. The first guy to build a combo bra/shoulder rig that’s comfortable will make a mint.
I blurted, “What the hell are you two doing here?”
Lilith gave me a little smile and came over to me, oozing sex with every step. As she approached, the room suddenly felt really warm, and my jeans suddenly felt very tight. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Greg wiping a bead of sweat off his forehead. Sabrina just looked grumpy.
“Why, we’re here to help, little vampire. If tonight goes poorly for you, it could go very, very poorly for us.” She spoke into my ears in a low voice, almost a purr, and I remembered the feeling of her blood pulsing through my veins.
Pulling back took almost everything I had. I poured all my reserve strength into looking, very carefully, into her eyes, which seemed about the only safe place I could look. “What do you mean, go poorly for you?”
She chuckled and pulled back from me, giving Sabrina a glance as she crossed back towards the door. “You have no idea what awaits you in the afterlife, little vampire, if you even have one. Zepheril and I, however, know exactly what is waiting for us. And that’s why we have no interest in bringing about the end of our lives anytime soon. Because what we have in store is unpleasant beyond your wildest dreams.”
Zepheril put a hand on her arm and spoke when she paused. “All that is important is that our interests align with yours for the moment. It is time to go.”
“Oh, hell no!” Sabrina said from where she had stationed herself with her back to a wall and a clear line of sight to everyone in the room. “I am not going anywhere with Tinkerboy and his partner, Slinky the Super-Slut. I agreed to work with you two because there’s no other way to get this case solved, and I still only halfway believe in vampires. But I am not going into a firefight with a couple of . . . of . . . whatever you are at my side!” Phil crossed to her quicker than anything I’d ever seen. I mean, he made me look positively glacial. He literally appeared at her side and whispered something in her ear. She pulled back, tears in her eyes, and slapped at him. He caught her wrist and looked deep into her eyes. A long moment passed with them staring at each other. I strained to hear what was said, but it was too low even for my vamp hearing. I looked to Greg and pointed at my ear, but he shook his head. Nothing there, either. After a few more interminable moments, Sabrina sagged a little and Phil let go of her hand.
“Now can we go?” he asked quietly, and for a second Phil didn’t look like the self-righteous jerk I’d come to know and half despise. He looked like he must have before he fell, kind, peaceful, caring. I didn’t like it, so I was happy when his normal sneer came back.
“Are you okay?” I asked Sabrina.
“No. But let’s go. We need to finish the job.”
Sabrina shouldered her way past Lilith and hurried up the steps ahead of everyone. I wanted to make some crack to Phil about taking a sword to a gunfight. Desperately. But after his little encounter with Sabrina, I knew better than to push my luck by making a joke. Instead, Greg and I followed, stopping at the closet to gear up. I wasn’t sure how much good my guns would do in this mess, but it made me feel better to strap them on regardless.
And to make things even more festive, Mike was leaning on the fender of his Lincoln Town Car when we got upstairs. I’d harbored a sliver of hope that we could get rolling before he got here, but I should have known better.
“Going somewhere?” he asked. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to come out before nightfall, so I did a little research on our demon, and thought you might like to know exactly what it is that we’ll be facing tonight.”
“Not we, buddy. You’re staying home.”
“Not likely, old friend.”
“This is not a matter for discussion.”
“Then let’s not discuss it. I’m going with you, and when you hear what I have to say, you’ll agree that you need all the help you can get.” Then his mouth dropped open at the sight of Zepheril coming up the stairs.
I had to admit, he made an impressive picture, what with the wings, the sword, the six-pack abs. Mike flapped his mouth open and closed a couple of times then said, “Well maybe you do have enough backup after all.”
Zepheril stepped over to the stunned priest and put a hand on his shoulder. “No party is so strong that it cannot be aided by a true man of faith. We would be honored to have you accompany us.”
I try not to argue with angels as a rule, even (or maybe especially) fallen ones, so I hopped up on the trunk of Mike’s car and asked, “What did you find out?”
He took a deep breath, shook his head, took another deep breath, and finally started to speak. “You told me that the demon identified herself as Belial. Having certain resources at my disposal that most people do not, I went back to the church and did a little research. Belial is one of the most powerful of the second-tier demons. She is the child of Baal, one of Lucifer’s Archdukes. Baal is the ruler of the seventh circle of Hell, which houses the most violent of sinners. All the murderers, rapists, suicides and blasphemers end up in the seventh circle, and Baal has complete dominion over them. That wasn’t a dominion that came to him by default. He’s earned his place. He is simply the meanest, nastiest demon in all of Hell and there isn’t anyone that can challenge him. Not and win.”
Phil and Lilith’s interest was suddenly clear to me. “And Belial is daddy’s little girl?”
“Exactly.” Mike reached into his pocket and pulled out a rosary, holding it like a talisman. “Legend has it that she is the offspring of Baal and the Whore of Babylon.”
Mike went on. “If Belial brings Baal to Earth, then he would have complete dominion over this realm, just like he does over the seventh circle. Baal is a force of nature, a creature so powerful that even the angels fear his power. If the ritual completes and the sun rises on Baal in this world, then the entire world will belong to him. He will, in effect, create a Hell on Earth.”
The wise men of the world are right. Ignorance really is bliss.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I stood up and started pacing. “All the more reason why you’re staying here. I will not be responsible for taking you into a gunfight with a demon.”
“Bite me. And I mean that figuratively, of course,” Mike replied.
“Seriously, Mike. We can’t take you with us. It’s too dangerous. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you,” Greg added.
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“Nothing’s going to happen to me. And regardless, I’m a grown man. I get to make all kinds of bad decisions for myself. I can drink a little too much, eat too much red meat, and consort with undead creatures if I choose. And really, is this going to be significantly more dangerous than having my two best friends be vampires?”
“Yes. Because we’ve never wanted to kill you. Strangle you a little, but never really kill you. If what you’re saying is true, this demoness is far more dangerous than anything we’ve ever faced outside of a video game.” Greg managed to stay calm, which was more than I could say for myself.
“How do you plan on handling her if she’s so . . .” Mike’s voice trailed off as he took a good long look at Lilith. “Oh. Now you can consort with demons, but I’m not good enough to come with you?” His voice was cold, and the look he gave me was heavy with disappointment, and something else I couldn’t quite figure out. Maybe fear?
“I’m not consorting with them, Mike, I’m using them. They’re tools, and like a cheap hammer, they’re tools that I don’t care about. You, I care about. I don’t give a rat’s ass if Lilith doesn’t make it out of this alive, assuming she’s technically alive now, but you’re one of my best friends. And I only have two friends, so I can’t afford to lose any of you. Please, I’m begging you, don’t give me any grief, just stay home.”
“No. I’m going with you, and I’m old enough to be stubborn about it. Who’s riding with the holy man?” He raised his voice on the last so that everyone else could hear him.
Greg yelled “Shotgun!” and hopped in the passenger seat. I shook my head in defeat and went to get in Sabrina’s car. Phil and Lilith started toward Mike’s car, but when they saw the look on Mike’s face, the fallen angel and his servant changed direction and wordlessly got in the backseat of Sabrina’s much smaller sedan. Phil’s wings vanished, and I didn’t even bother to ask where they went.
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