“I never thought what you asked of me was going to change everything. It has, though. It really has. I am never going to be the same after meeting Jessica, and I can’t let it end like this. This isn’t the way we were supposed to end.”
Dylan waved him off. “Call me a sucker for a love story, but I want to help you too.”
“Good, Dylan. I have a feeling that I need all the help I can get.”
Chapter Nineteen
Amber was doing her best to get back into the swing of her old life. She didn't remember any of it, and so many things felt foreign to her, things that she supposedly liked. It made it hard to believe anything that was being said to her.
It just didn't make any sense, and with each explanation of how their life was together, it just seemed more and more off from reality. If everything was so great between the two of them, why did she not remember him?
What concerned her more than anything else was how the nights went for her. At first, Nick had insisted that they sleep in the same bed, but that had quickly turned into a disaster. Apparently, she kept having dreams about someone else, someone from her past, and it wasn't her husband.
Sometimes she woke up so sad and had no idea why. It was like everyone in her life was gone and she was all alone. Between waking up confused and full of despair, Nick finally decided that maybe they should have separate rooms until she was ready to get back into the swing of things. It was exactly what she needed. A break. From her husband.
About two months after she had woken up there, she was still waking up from intense dreams. A particular one left her rigid in bed. It was not like ones that she’d had before. It was the first one that felt like it was real. The man that pleased her with such passion looked nothing like Nick. He had dark hair and dark eyes, as well as a smug smile that she would see every time she closed her eyes. He meant something to her, something important, and Amber had to figure out what.
She’d hoped that she would get some of her memories back by then, but she was getting nothing. All she had was the dreams. But they didn’t seem real either. They were too different from her life now. It wasn’t like she knew what her life was supposed to be like, but it wasn’t what she was living. Amber would have gone into her dreams and stayed there if it were possible.
It all meant that she had to get on with her day, no matter how badly she wanted to do anything but that.
Feeling strange one day, she went to go speak to Bella. She was a friend that Amber was still getting to know. They were supposedly friends for a long time before that, even longer than she was married to her husband. Amber didn't remember her, but since Bella seem to know something about her, she went with it. She really needed a friend. They got along pretty well too.
She knocked on a pane of glass in the door and waited for her to answer. Bella was always dressed up like she was doing yoga, but she didn't have any sweat on her.
“Hey, Amber. What are you doing? I was just about to see if you wanted to have a smoothie or something. I just got back from my workout.”
Amber wanted to call her out on her lie, because there were many inconsistencies that she noticed throughout the day. It wasn't just Nick and her new best friend that she found a little strange. There were several people in the clan that supposedly knew her, but as soon as they started talking, Amber felt absolutely no connection with them. It made her feel incredibly alone, and she didn’t trust anyone truly.
“I am always up for a drink.”
“I'm not talking about a real drink, Amber. Besides, do you really think that's the best thing to do, in your condition?”
“My condition? What are you talking about?”
Bella looked at her a little strangely. It was like she was unsure if Amber was joking or not.
“You know that you’re pregnant, right?”
It hit Amber like a ton of bricks. Pregnant? She couldn't possibly be pregnant. They hadn't even had sex since she’d been awake and could remember. How could she be pregnant?
“There's no way. I mean, like, literally no way.”
“What do you mean?”
“Me and Nick have not been together.”
“You're further along than a few months, so I would imagine that it was before you lost your memories.”
Before. Amber let it roll in your mind for a while. Could it really be true? Could she really have been with her husband intimately and she was now carrying his child? As much as everything pointed to the fact that he was her husband, there was still a part of her that had never really believed it. How could he be her husband if he left not one memory in her mind?
The truth was staring at her, though, reflected in her friend’s face. She was pregnant, from before the accident. Why couldn't she remember anything?
“I didn't know.”
“That's okay. I have the intuition for those kinds of things. I know that Nick already knows about it. He's talked about it several times that I've heard.”
It just felt like something else that she was kept from her. How many more secrets and lies would she uncover before Amber realized that the life that she was leading was not her own?
The knowledge of having a baby with a man that she didn't even remember was a hard pill to swallow. It was going to take her some time, and that evening, when Nick came to her and kissed her goodnight, she had to ask him if what she heard was true. And if it was true, why had he not said anything to her? Wasn't it something that she would have needed to know?
“Did you know that I was pregnant?”
Nick looked up a little startled and then agreed. “Did you finally figure it out? I knew you would eventually.”
“I guess now I'm trying to figure out why you didn’t tell me. I shouldn’t have had to figure it out. Why didn't you just tell me?”
“Look, Amber, you won't even let me in the bed with you. I think it would have been a bit too much to tell you that you were carrying my child. Our child. He will be the next Alpha and my heir. It’s a big deal, very important, and I didn't want you to know about it until you were ready to deal with it. I am ecstatic, though, Amber. I’m glad that you know now because I don’t like keeping things from you.”
Amber could see the earnest in his face. There were a lot of times that she didn't feel like Nick was who he said he was. He didn't act the way he was supposed to, or at least the way she thought he would. But right then, she knew that he was truly excited about the baby. Their baby.
“I just found out about it today with Bella. I guess I never even thought about it. Were we happy about it?”
He nodded his head and said that they were. “You said that you always wanted to be a mother. I was hoping that you would remember on your own. I didn't want you to have to believe that you had forgotten your own child too.”
The way he said it made her look at him a little closer, but she decided to wave it off. The tone, the inflection, it was off. The wording was off. Why was she trying so hard to find holes in her new life?
“Well, I guess if I can forget my husband of five years, I can forget a baby growing inside of me. I'm not really sure how I feel about it.”
He shrugged it off like it was no big deal. “It seems like you're going to have a bit of time to get used to it. Another six months or so.”
“Yeah, you're right. I'm sure it will seem normal soon enough.”
He suddenly pulled her in close and hugged her to him. His body felt good against hers, and Amber remembered the pleasure that she had while she was sleeping. Amber wanted to get back to it, even though she knew that Nick wasn't the dark-haired man in her dreams.
She kissed him back and felt a rise in her own desire. Nick moved to her neck and sucked on it for a moment. It brought back a strong memory that came to her quickly. It was of the dark-haired mystery man in her dreams. The one that made her feel so good every night.
Nick started to push her down into the bed, where she went right along with it. She was wet, and her body was craving release.
Then, it was more than just a memory. It was a name, too, and she was letting it escape from between her lips before she could really stop it. The man on top of her, her husband Nick, stopped immediately. His blue eyes were intense and angry when they finally met hers.
“Who the hell is Trevor?”
“I'm sorry, I don't know. It just came out.”
He sat back on his heels and shook his head in annoyance.
“I went through a lot the last couple of months, trying to get you to remember me, but this is the final straw. I can deal with a lot of things, but I can't deal with you calling out other men’s names while we're together. You can understand that, can't you?”
She could understand it, but there was nothing that she could do. What was done was done. He was walking away, and she should have stopped him. He was her husband after all, and there was obviously some tension between them.
The truth was, she didn't want to stop him from leaving. All she wanted was for him to go away and stop bugging her about it. She didn't want to have sex with him, even though her body was craving it. Amber knew that he wasn't the one.
Chapter Twenty
Dylan and Trevor looking over the destruction they had caused. They had found where one of the Syndicate sites was, and they had attacked it. They burned it down, just like the Syndicate had done to Jessica and Molly's family homes. It felt like retribution, but Trevor knew that it wasn't going to be enough. Revenge didn't matter if he didn't get his woman back.
“How long do you think it'll be until they’re back?”
Dylan shrugged. “Does it really matter? I think we should just keep coming back until they're all dead.”
“They already know about us. They are taking more cautious steps than ever before. I don't think we're going to be able to get to Dominic this way. There has to be something else we can do.”
Dylan told his friend that he was happy that he was there to help, but the truth of it was that his old friend was becoming hard to deal with. He wasn't making good decisions, and it seemed like his mind was always somewhere else. It was understandable, of course, considering what was going on, but at the same time, it was dangerous for the people that were working with him.
“I think maybe we need to take a break. You know, get our heads out of it for a while so we can see straight.”
“A break? Why in the world would we do that? I still haven't found her.”
“What if she doesn't want to be found?”
Trevor gave him a dirty look. “We've already talked about this, and I don't want to talk about it again. I know that the letter makes it sound like she left of her own volition, but I know better.”
“And how do you know better?”
“I just know, Dylan. Don't you ever just know? Isn’t that how it was with you and Jamie?”
Dylan narrowed his eyes at Trevor. It would seem that his friend was using his very words against him. It wasn't like it was something he wouldn't do himself, but it wasn't helping the situation.
“Yeah, that is how Jamie and I started out, and I wouldn't change anything, but then again, look where we are right now. She has definitely brought some interesting aspects to my life that weren't there before. I can't pretend like that's not the case.”
“But like you said, you wouldn't change anything.”
“No, but I'm kind of an idiot, if you haven't noticed.”
“You're an idiot for her, but you never were before for any other women. I'm telling you; this is how it is supposed to be.”
He sighed at Trevor and his friend told him that he was just making things more complicated. He couldn't help but agree.
“Look, man, I know that I am a bit high strung lately, and it's probably not too easy to work with, but I'm not going to be able to rest until I know she's okay. If she doesn’t want me then, fine. I just want to see her and know. Then, and only then, am I going to be able to move on.”
“Have you seriously thought about what you're going to do if we find her and she doesn't want to be found?”
He had actually thought about it more than he cared to admit. It was definitely something that could happen, but he didn't want to think it was possible. Trevor truly needed to believe that the Syndicate had taken her, because if not, she just didn't want to be with him, and that would be harder to come to terms with.
“I just want to find it. If she doesn't want to be with me, then I'm not going to be able to stop her. I don't want to force her; I just want her to give us a chance. And I really think that the Syndicate took her. I think the note was just to get us off of their trail. I just have to know, once and for all.”
“They had to know that we would come after them. It could be a trap to get us all in one spot.”
That had also occurred to Trevor, but he didn't care. If he had to walk into a trap to find Jessica, then so be it. Trevor had never been afraid of anything, and now the only thing that really scared him was losing her.
“I don't know, Trevor. I just think that you are not thinking clearly. You need to look past what you think is going to happen and we need to be serious for a moment. Do you really think that we can take this guy?”
“I don't know if we can or not, Dylan. What are you going to do? It's not like you can live with them attacking you all the time. This is the first time this week that your clan hasn’t been attacked. It won't be long until they start attacking mine. We can’t afford to wait any longer. What we need to do is take care of as much as we can ourselves.”
Dylan frowned. “Like I said, I don't regret meeting Jamie, and I don't regret us getting together; a lot of good has come out of it, but a lot of bad has as well. I have never had so much trouble in all of my life.”
“But you wouldn't change it?”
Dylan sighed and looked like he wanted to say that he would. He wanted to warn Trevor of the choices that he made. They were hard choices, and it was something that he was still paying for. At the moment, it was the Syndicate who should be paying.
The place was still smoldering but both men were done talking. Dylan was quiet on the way back, and Trevor had his mind full of all kinds of other things. He was starting to worry that his friend was going to give up helping. Dylan had his own reasons for attacking the Syndicate. He was hopeful that between the two of them, they could figure it out, but he wasn't expecting his friend to want to give up so soon. Was there something that he was missing?
Trevor got home a little late that evening, and he knew without looking that his daughter would be waiting for him in the dining room. It had become something she did every night, and although he wanted to believe that she was worried about him and wanted to keep up, at the same time he knew his daughter was looking for word about Jessica. He wished that he could be as assured about where Jessica was as his daughter was. She was convinced, without a shadow of a doubt, that Jessica was being held somewhere. She did not figure that she would leave her and not say goodbye without that being the case. Trevor liked that at least one person felt the way he did.
“Good evening, Emily. You know you're supposed to be in bed.”
“You know that I can't go to bed until you tell me about your day.”
“Do you want to hear about my day, or do you want to hear if I have found Jessica or not?”
Emily was quick to be truthful and say that she was waiting for news on Jessica. They had an almost immediate bond when they had first met, and it bothered him that anyone had been able to upset her in such a way. Now, though, he saw that it was his daughter finally trying to connect with someone else. Jessica meant a lot to both of them.
“She has still not been found. We are looking everywhere, and you will be the first one to know when we find out anything. I am sorry that I don’t have better news for you.”
“Are you afraid she's never going to come back?”
Trevor could hear in her voice that she was the one that was afraid. It was understandable; there was only so m
uch a child her age could go through. He wanted to be truthful to her, never preferring to lie to her, even when it was tough. But this time was different. He felt like the only way he could keep her safe was to lie.
“Maybe I am a little afraid of that; are you?”
She nodded her head solemnly. “I keep hoping that she'll come back, but she hasn't yet. And then it makes me wonder what happens if she doesn't.”
He shrugged and told her that everything would be fine, no matter what. Trevor really wanted to believe that his words were right.
“Yeah, I know, I just wish that sometimes we didn't have to wait so long for things to get better.”
“You really miss her, don't you?”
Emily nodded her head solemnly.
“Do you think she will come back, Dad?”
“I sure hope so.”
“If she comes back, I want her to be my mom.”
The request was a big one, even though it was given in the softest voice imaginable. It actually took him a moment for his brain to even put together what she had said. Had she really been serious?
“That is a big decision. It is also something that she has to agree to.”
“She already loves you, so I know that she will.”
Again, he wanted to delve deeper just so he would know more about her.
“You think so?”
The little girl nodded her head solemnly. “You just have to find her, Dad, that's all. Find her and bring her back. She’s been gone a long time.”
He told her again that he was trying his best, but it didn't feel like enough. None of it was going to feel like enough until she was back in his arms and he was able to see straight again. Then he would be able to think about what came next.
Chapter Twenty-One
Another couple of months went by and Amber was really starting to show. She felt like she was going to pass out most of the time, and she was only six months pregnant. It was hard to imagine how much worse it would be as the baby kept growing. It already seemed too big, and she was at her limit.
Alpha Shifter Bride Service: (A Paranormal Romance Series) Page 40
