A Better Place

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  “Nasty? Nah. I’m just showing you how real I am.”

  He sighs heavily and spits into his right hand then slowly sticks it out to me. His lip curls up, and nose scrunches as he cringes a little when I slap my palm against his.

  “Oh, don’t be such a girl,” I tease him.

  “Hey! I’m not girly! That’s just freakin’ gross, man!” he defends as he wipes his hand on his jeans-clad leg.

  “Ha! You obviously didn’t have brothers.”

  “This is true. And does my mom look like the type of person who would spit-shake on anything?”

  “No, no she does not,” I say as my mind drifts back to the way her soft hands felt underneath mine after I threw her onto the couch. I don’t even let it get caught up on the way her body felt. I’d surely end up embarrassing myself in front of her teenage son.

  “Dude!” Jack says loudly.

  “Sorry.”

  “Not even gonna ask.”

  “Probably best,” I say, smirking.

  “Gross,” he whispers.

  “So, I don’t think this is what you had planned on talking to me about, even though I’m glad we cleared the air. Wanna tell me why you wanted me to stop by tonight?”

  “Oh, um…” He hesitates.

  “Hey. Kiddo. It’s me. You can tell me anything. I won’t judge, and I won’t say anything. I mean, unless it’s illegal, then I’ll tattle to your mom like one of her students.”

  He laughs nervously. “Alright, so um, yeah, can you just pretend that Maggie isn’t your niece for a minute?”

  Well shit.

  “Depends.”

  “On?”

  “On what you’re about to say. But I’ll do my best.”

  “Well, it’s not like pervy or anything.” His eyes widen, and he rushes on, waving his hands in front of him frantically. “Not that I even have pervy thoughts or think of her that way…”

  God bless teenage awkwardness. “Jack.” I laugh. “Just spit it out. I know what you mean.”

  “I like her. Like — a lot. Way more than I think I should when I’m only sixteen. But she’s fifteen. And I’m turning seventeen in less than a month.”

  “And?”

  “And isn’t that like not allowed?”

  What the hell is he thinking of doing with my fifteen-year-old niece that he thinks isn’t allowed!?

  “Well, she turns sixteen in about a month-and-a-half, which doesn’t change that part. And, it depends on what you’re planning on doing with that fifteen-year-old, who, by the way, is almost sixteen. Which you just said wasn’t pervy, and since dating a fifteen-year-old when you’re sixteen isn’t a crime, you’re good. But that’s not what you want to ask me, now, is it?”

  “No. Shit. I mean, crap. Sorry. Don’t tell Mom I said that. Ugh! I feel stupid,” he mumbles as he rakes his fingers through his hair again and stands up to pace the room.

  “Why?”

  “I’ve never kissed a girl before!” he blurts out, and my eyebrows go so high they’re in danger of meshing in with my hairline.

  I lean back in my chair and hope that I come across as relaxed in the situation as I absolutely am not.

  “Okay. Yeah. Okay. So you want…”

  “To know how to do it.”

  “And how am I supposed to teach you that!?” I screech, letting my body come forward in the chair.

  “Well, it’s not like I want you to show me or anything!” he whisper-shouts.

  “I didn’t say you did.” I chuckle with my hands up.

  “Just forget I asked.” Jack looks toward the ground.

  “No. No. I just need to get my mind wrapped around this. Honestly, this isn’t what I expected. I thought you would have questions about the restaurant or something. But this? Kissing my niece? Shit. Crap. Don’t tell your mom I said that,” I tell him, hoping to lighten the mood. Not that there’s a mood! But yeah.

  Holy shit. I’m messing this up so badly.

  He snorts out a laugh and rolls his eyes when he looks back up at me.

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Really?”

  The hope in his eyes hits me right in the gut. I remember what it’s like to be a teenage kid. I remember what it feels like to want to kiss a girl so badly that it was all I could think about. Hell, I’m frickin’ living that right now!

  “Yeah. I mean, I get it.”

  “Well, first of all, how do I know if she even wants me to kiss her?”

  “So… this is the part where I have to forget that Maggie is my niece, right? And that her dad is a big dude, her brothers are the same, and they would kick my ass if they knew I was giving you advice on how to kiss her?”

  He nods quickly. “Yes. Now would be good to forget all that.”

  Well, I guess I’m really doing this. Never did I dream I would be giving advice to a teenage boy on how to kiss my niece. And truly, if Barrett or his boys find out, they will have several choice words to sling at me.

  “Alright. You don’t know if Mag… I mean, she wants you to kiss her?”

  “Well, she gives me these looks, like her eyes get really soft. And they’re hazel, you know? So, they almost change colors all the time. But when she looks at me like that, they get bright green and super pretty. And sometimes she’ll brush her pinky against my hand when we’re walking close to each other, and she always chooses the seat by me. Even at lunch at school. I started walking with her between classes, too. And one day I was running a little behind, but she waited for me.” He’s pacing back and forth in his room, glancing at me every so often and smiling to himself. “Oh! And one time when we were crossing a street, I held her hand because, well, I wanted to keep her safe, and thought she’d drop it as soon as we got across the street, but she just held on tighter, and when I threaded my fingers in hers? She looked down at my hand and up in my eyes, and the look she gave me… and her smile… and I could smell her hair — it smelled like apples — and all of it combined… I don’t know. It just felt like…”

  “You could conquer the world?”

  “Yeah. Stupid, right?”

  “No, bud. Not stupid at all. When you find a girl who makes you feel like you could conquer the world, and who you would lie down in front of a moving car in order to save, that doesn’t sound stupid at all. That sounds like someone you shouldn’t let go of. Like someone you want to keep around a while.”

  “Is… is that how you feel about Mom?”

  “Yeah, Jack, it is. But the thing is? I’m willing to lie in front of that car and conquer the world for her even if I don’t get the kiss.”

  “Really?”

  “Yup. But we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you and your girl. And I’ll deny this if you ever tell her father I’m the one who told you to go for it, but kiss the girl. Imagine I’m Sebastian, and I’m telling you… Kiss. The. Girl.”

  “You just Disney’d me.”

  “Hey, I raised a girl on my own. Disney princesses were running amuck in my house.”

  “You really think she won’t like, knee me in the balls or something if I try to kiss her? Or ask her on an official date?”

  “If she’s looking at you the way you say she is, giving you those small touches that you can feel all the way to your toes, then no way is she gonna knee you in the balls or say no to a date. Ask her out. Pick her up at her door. Talk to her dad, no matter how many guns he greets you at the door holding.” I grin as his eyes go enormous. “Be respectful. Hold the door for her. Never forget that she’s worth it all. Kiss her goodnight but show her that you’re willing to wait for her if she doesn’t feel comfortable kissing you right away. And if you’re out on a date and you have questions or freak out? Call me. Or text me. Whatever.”

  “Really?”

  “Absolutely. Just remember what I said, and whether you’re dating my niece or some girl you meet at culinary school — because you will be going to culinary school — you’ll be totally fine. Women are meant to be treated with res
pect. Their hearts? They’re fragile, man, and you hold that key. Respect, patience, and caring. At all times. Got me?”

  “I got you. Trust me. That I get.”

  I don’t really know what to make of that statement, but it’s branded into my mind, and I know I’ll struggle not finding out what it means.

  “Thank you, James. So… kissing?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Well, what do I do?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Is he really asking…

  “Hands, where do I put them? Tongue? No tongue?”

  Yup, he’s really asking literally how to kiss my niece. I’m so dead.

  “Not my niece. Not my niece. Not my niece,” I chant to myself.

  He winces, and I feel a little bad. “I’m sorry. This is weird, right?”

  “No, bud, it’s not. I just need to remind myself you’re not talking about my niece.” I blow out a breath and look him square in the eye. I’ve never had to tell a person how to kiss someone before, and honestly, I have no clue what to say.

  I take a deep breath and let it out. “So, here’s the deal. This is your first kiss. You don’t need to be an overeager and use too much… t-tongue.” I almost choke on the word that tastes like bile in my throat. “Hand placement? Keep it clean, dude,” I say with a low voice, and he nods quickly with his eyes wide. “You’ll know, trust me on that. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Touch her face, cup her cheeks — on her face, not her… you know — with both hands or lightly wrap one around the back of her neck to hold her close. Keep it soft and remember, just don’t let your head get in the way. You’ll know what to do. Trust me.”

  He bites his lip just like I’ve seen his mom do so many times, then he blinks a couple of times. “I can do that. Thanks, man. I know that was super awkward, but I didn’t really know who else to ask about this. It’s kind of embarrassing anyway that I’ve never kissed a girl, and I’m sixteen, so I didn’t want to ask any of my friends — or risk them telling Grady — and Mom just wasn’t an option, you know?”

  “Hey, sixteen isn’t old. Don’t sweat it. And, just to say, I’m sure your mom would have been super cool about explaining it to you, but I’m really glad you called. You’re welcome to come to me any time, about anything.” I hope he understands the underlying meaning when I said the word anything. I don’t want him going behind his mom’s back and telling me something she doesn’t want me knowing. But it’s also clear that he has a lot of demons that still haunt him, and I want him to know that I’m here to help defeat them, if he wants me to be.

  “I like that. Thanks. Again,” he says sheepishly.

  I grin at his awkwardness. Teens really own that.

  “Wanna stop by early next week? You’re off for Christmas break, right?”

  He nods.

  “Then stop in. You can see what Barrett and I have been doing. It’s not much. We kind of got started on the apartment above the restaurant, so I had a place to stay.”

  “Yeah? That’s cool. I’d love to stop by.”

  “Awesome. Text me. I’m always around.”

  “Sweet.”

  “See ya, kid. And if you need help finding something to wear to that wedding you and your mom will be attending, let me know.”

  He groans. “You were serious? I actually have to go?”

  “Maggie. Dress. Dancing afterward.”

  “Got it. Dress pants and a tie okay?”

  I smirk. “That’ll do, boy. That’ll do. Talk soon, kiddo.”

  “Yeah,” he says, seeming distracted, probably either hoping to call Maggie before bed or, more likely, imagining her in a dress.

  I step out of his bedroom and see a flash of blond hair and hot-pink slippers flit around the corner. I step into the living room just as Carly hurdles the back of the couch and sits down. She crosses her legs as she fumbles for her Kindle, patting down her hair to tame the wild that just happened. It’s obvious she was listening to the conversation I was having with Jack, I just want to know how much she heard. But the fact that she’s panting for breaths and trying to look like she wasn’t listening tells me she heard quite a bit.

  Maybe this should bother me, but it doesn’t. I want her to know how I’m feeling. I want her to know what is going through my head when it comes to the two of us.

  I clear my throat and approach the back of the couch. She pretends to startle like she didn’t know I was standing there.

  “Hi there.”

  “Oh! Hi! I didn’t see you. You finish talking with Jack?” Her voice is high-pitched, and the words are coming out fast.

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “Oh good. Yeah. Thanks for talking to him. I mean, he must have felt like he could talk to you about whatever it was he needed to talk to someone about, and yeah, his mom isn’t that cool to talk to and divulge all his boyhood secrets to, so thanks for coming over and…” Her hands are waving around, and she keeps licking her lips, drawing my attention to them, but I can tell she’s nervous.

  “Carly,” I say, putting a hand on her shoulder, leaning over the back of the couch and effectively stopping her rant, “you’re rambling.”

  “Yeah.” She sighs. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what is wrong with me.”

  “What did you hear?”

  “Hear? Hmmm?”

  “Yeah, you little cutie. What did you hear before you sprinted around the corner and dive-bombed onto the couch?”

  “Hmm? Oh that? That was nothing. Just something fun I like to do. Keeps my heart rate up, my blood pumping, you know.”

  “I’ll let it slide this time.” I grin.

  She sighs again. “Thanks.”

  “Don’t even mention it. I’m gonna head out. I promised Miss Harper I would let her read to me tonight. Something about a frog and a toad.”

  Her eyes go soft, and she bites the corner of her mouth again. This time I don’t hesitate to reach out with my thumb and release her lip from her teeth. Her lip is soft, and what I really want to do is lean down and kiss her until both our lips are swollen. Her sudden intake of breath causes my eyes to shoot to hers.

  “Don’t,” I murmur.

  She looks at me questioningly but doesn’t say anything.

  “Don’t be nervous around me. Don’t be afraid to be yourself.”

  “I’m not…” She begins to protest, but I stop her by pressing my thumb against her lip.

  “Yeah, you are. But we’ll get there. I promise, one day…” I lean closer to her. “…one day we’ll get there. Together.”

  “Okay,” she says breathlessly.

  “Okay,” I say, my voice quiet. “I’ll see you soon? And next time I’m here, I plan to cook in that kitchen of yours.” I point back toward it. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed how kick-ass it is,” I tell her.

  “Oh yeah. Jack and I remodeled it last year, with Barrett’s help.”

  “I can tell. I’ll see you soon,” I repeat, this time not as a question, then bend down and press my lips to her forehead. We’ve touched more tonight than we have the entire time we’ve known each other. When I pull back, her dark-chocolate eyes are closed then flutter open, her gaze slowly moving over my face.

  Tonight I came over to her house, expecting to talk to Jack for a few minutes, and what I got was so much more. In Jack’s words, I feel like I could conquer the world. And after tonight I know there’s no way I’ll be content staying in the friend-zone with Carly.

  But I also know she wants so much more than that too.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Carly

  Captain James: Merry Christmas, Beautiful!

  Me: Merry Christmas, Captain. ;)

  Captain James: What are you and my boy up to today?

  My heart literally jumps when he calls Jack his boy. I know he doesn’t mean his son, but I also know he means it in the fondest way.

  Me: Waiting to eat breakfast while we watch Christmas Vacation, then we’ll open a few presents. Pretty quiet day.

  Captain
James: Oooh, a classic. One of our favorites. Would you mind any company? Lily would like to meet you two, and I may or may not have a couple gifts Santa dropped off here with your names on them. ;)

  My heart that was simply jumping moments ago now skips then lodges in my throat, causing a lump to form. And I feel incredibly grateful that Jack asked me if we could pick up a gift for James, as both a Christmas present and a thank you for everything he’s done for him since we met. We found a place that creates wooden signs and brands anything into them. We got the logo for Balance and included his name at the bottom. It turned out really cool. I also picked up two pair of leggings that I thought were cute when a friend was having a Pop-Up sale. And, from what James has told me about Lily, I think she’ll love them. I wasn’t sure if we’d see them on Christmas, or even if I would ever have a reason to give them to her, but I’m really glad I have them at the ready. I always have gift items in my closet for last-minute times. The one and only good thing my mother taught me.

  Me: We would love to meet her! Come over around 6?

  The second I hit Send my stomach begins to ache. Lily is the single most important person in James’s life. The idea of meeting her makes me happy, but at the same time makes me feel like I could vomit. James and I might not be dating, but there’s that lingering hope that one day — hopefully soon — we could be more than what we are now.

  Captain James: That’s perfect! And tell Jack to plan on helping me in the kitchen. I’ll bring over what we need. He told me he’s been hungry for seafood chowder, and I plan to deliver. ;)

  Me: James, you know you don’t have to cook for us.

  Captain James: I’m hurt! You don’t want my cooking? Sad :(

  Me: What? No! I didn’t mean that! I’m sorry! You’re welcome to cook for us any time!

  Captain James: Ha! You’re so easy to tease.

  Me: Turd. You’re asexual.

  Captain James: Uhhhhhh ????

  Me: Oh. My. Gosh. Stupid autocorrect! WTH was that!?

  Captain James: Been spending time around Tess’s phone? It seems to contain a texting virus.

  Me: LOL — hers are the best.