I don’t know how to respond to that, so I don’t. Instead, I open the door and make my way into the room where I’ll be bending and stretching for the next hour. Class doesn’t start for fifteen minutes, and for that I’m grateful. I always need the time to prepare myself, but lately I have had so much on my mind that I need the minutes to get centered. I lie down my mat and place my water bottle next to it. When I turn around, Christine is looking at me with worry in her eyes.
“Hey, I didn’t mean…”
“No. Christine, it’s fine. I just don’t know what it all means, and I’m having a really hard time dissecting it myself. I just never thought I’d even want a relationship again, much less have someone consume my thoughts like he is. It’s like I have all these corners of my heart that are filled with dust and muck and mire, but he somehow understands them and is willing to clean them off and wade through them.”
Her eyes going soft as she murmurs my name.
I look around the room for a few moments and suck in a breath. I’m so tired. Tired of fighting my feelings. Tired of not being honest about who I am, who I want. I look back at her, look away, and bring my eyes to her once again. “Want the truth?” I ask, and she nods, giving me silent encouragement. “He gives me an entire garden full of butterflies in my stomach when he’s around. He’s the most genuinely nice, kind, amazing and beautiful man I’ve ever met. He’s so good with Jack, giving him what he needs. And he’s patient with me, never pushes too much, and I’m so damn scared that if I don’t stop being so closed off, he’s going to get sick of waiting and will find someone else who isn’t a neurotic head case and knows a good thing when she sees it. All the little texts and phone calls and little conversations he and I have? They mean too much to me. I’ve started living for them, like looking forward to them all day long. A few days ago he called me his girl. His girl, Christine. I melted. It was two words and I thought, ‘Well, that’s that.’
“He makes my heart feel like it could jump out of my chest, and my body come alive in ways that I thought were dead and buried. He single-handedly made me realize that not all men are the same. You should have heard him talking to Jack about first kisses and respecting women. I’ve never heard a man speak like that. He was so gentle and kind with him. Just like he is me. And Lily? She’s just this perfectly bright reflection of him, making me want him that much more because I can see where she gets it from. And he promises that he’s okay with us always just being friends, but I don’t think I want that anymore. What we have is so effortless and easy. I know I’m not the most open person in the world, but he’s shown me that it’s okay to let some of it go. Around him I feel like it would be okay to maybe try again, move forward and break all my rules. I’m falling for him, hard. Along the way, I wondered how the hell it happened. But I realized… he happened.”
“Wow,” she says when I finally quit talking and pacing in front of her.
I throw my hands up in the air. “Wow? That’s all you have to say?”
“Well, yeah. I knew there was something more between you two but… wow. Yup. That’s all I’ve got.”
“You’re no help.”
“Sorry, but I don’t think you need help at all. I think you know what you want, what you need. You just need to have the courage to go after it.”
“And how do I get that?”
“I think you’ve had it all along. You just needed the right person to bring it out in you.”
Just as she finished speaking, the first of the students start trickling in. “We’re not done here, alright? I got you, girl. Leave it to me. I’ll get you sorted out.”
I give her a small smile and squeeze her hand as she walks over and lays her mat out.
“Look out, ladies! Tess and Lauren are in da house!” I hear Lauren shout with her arms in the air. She’s so energetic and funny, always bringing a lively dynamic to the class.
Tess bursts out laughing, and they both lay their mats down next to each other. There is a guarantee one of them will fall laughing at some point because of the strength they are using to stay in focus and position. One of them will act like she’s pulled a muscle; one of them will push the other over at the beginning. It’s just a given. They’ve learned that they have to get all of their goofiness out at the start of class, then they get serious. Or, at least as serious as those two get when it comes to yoga — and exercise in general.
I ready the students, and when Tess is in her first downward dog position, just as I expected, Lauren reaches over and nudges her causing her to topple over. Tess was ready, though, because she whipped her arm out with a shocking amount of speed and pulled Lauren with her. One would think they would fall into a fit of giggles at this point, but they are so used to each other that they both just return to their positions, and the rest of the class flows flawlessly.
After an hour, everyone is breathless and sweating but smiling. My work here is done.
“What up, hussies?” Lauren slaps both Christine and me on the shoulder.
We all burst out laughing because we’re so far from hussies.
Tess shakes her head, completely immune to Lauren’s way with words. “So, the guys are at some steak house that James dragged them to, and all my kids are miraculously gone for the night. Wanna head over to that Mexican place and stuff our faces full of chips and salsa, fajitas and margaritas?” Tess asks.
“Where’s Harper and Maggie?”
“Maggie is hanging out with friends, and Harper somehow talked her way into joining Grady and Bri for pizza. Told them they owed her since the first time they didn’t include her,” she says, snickering.
“Oh, I can just hear her say that, too. She cracks me up.” I shake my head.
“Bri was excited to have her join them tonight. Said she makes for good entertainment,” Christine says.
“She’s full of it, that’s for sure.”
“What do you guys say? Mexican? Margarita madness?” Lauren asks.
“I’m in,” Christine says.
“Me too.” I nod. “Just let me text Jack so he knows I’m not going to be home.”
I step away and shoot off a quick message to Jack, letting him know he’s on his own for supper, which he’ll be more than fine with. He tells me his buddies are coming over, and he is going to make tacos. Seems like it’s a Mexican kind of night for all.
“You know that little meme thing that was going around Facebook? Do they just run out of chips and salsa, or do I die or what? Yeah, that’s so-o-o thrue,” Christine slurs as she lifts her margarita glass to her lips, liquid sloshing over the side. “Oops.” She hiccups as we all giggle uncontrollably. Christine leans down and licks the liquid from her hand and arm.
“You’re such a lightweight.” Lauren laughs.
“Hey…! You’re drunkity-drunk too. Don’t denab it.”
“Denab? What the hell is denab?” I ask.
“I don’t know. What is it? I’ve never heard it before!” Christine shouts for some reason then takes another drink.
“You just said it!” I shout back and point.
“Girl, you cra-a-zy talkin’ now.”
I’m not drunk, never have been, but I will admit I have a slight buzz going. I may feel light and a little dizzy but still coherent. But even I know what I heard.
“So-o-o-o-o, Sweet Caroline,” Tess says and starts singing the words to “Sweet Caroline” for some reason.
“So, the wrong name.”
“Nuh-uh, it’s your full name, right? Isn’t Carly just a nickname?”
“Um, no. Carly is my full name.”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Is too.”
“Is not!”
“Is. Too!”
She points at me.
I wave her off, figuring she’ll never give up, and quite honestly, I don’t really care enough. It’s not worth arguing about.
“Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted… what’s up with you and my big bro?”
“We’re
friends.” I deflect, not wanting to even go there with this group of drunks.
“Nuh-uh. I know better,” she says, leaning her elbow on the table and pointing at me with narrowed eyes.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat under her accusations.
“My brother. He’s in l-o-v-e love. You two are like that one love song. You know that one? That takes forever to start singing because there’s that long guitar intro?”
Lauren breaks out into surprisingly in-tune singing, “Love is al-l-ll around you!”
“That’s the one!”
She presses one hand to her heart and reaches out her other toward Tess as she continues singing the words to a song I haven’t heard in ages.
Christine holds up her phone like a lighter in a concert, and everyone’s eyes in the entire restaurant are on the two — or three — goobers.
When they finally finish singing, Lauren shifts into serious-mode as she pours herself another — not needed in any way — margarita and continues to top the rest of ours off.
“Tell us the deets, girlfriend,” Lauren says, taking another sip.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“The. Details. All of them. Tell us everything,” she says, smiling.
I look around the table, and the other girls are nodding their heads encouragingly.
“I told him I needed it to stay in the friend-zone, and he’s been honoring that.” I speak quickly and look away before taking a large swig of my tangy drink.
Tess snorts. Actually snorts.
Christine falls out of her chair from laughing so hard.
Lauren lifts up the glass pitcher and shouts, “Amigo! We’re gonna need another por favor! She’s too tight-lipped!”
“Oh, for the love,” I grumble. “You guys in no way need more to drink tonight.”
Tess starts shaking her head. “You’re probably right. I really don’t want to cross that fine line. Ya know? Because right now I’m feeling frisky. F-R-I-Zzzzzz-K-Y. I’m gonna get me some lovin’ when I get home. Y’all have no-o-o-o idea. If you feel hard up, just go to this cabin in the woods and poof!” She slaps her hands together and then does something that looks like jazz hands. “It fixes everything. It’s magic,” she says with her hands splayed wide in front of her. “I’m talking kitchen sex, couch sex, bathroom sex, hot tub sex, outdoors sex… everywhere sex. And tonight I’m gonna make Barrett my sex sla-a-v-ve,” she says, still much too loudly, but adds a whipping sound and motion.
“What’s the fine line?” Christine asks, like that’s the most shocking or confusing thing that just spewed out of Tess’s mouth.
“Oh, please. Like you don’t remember. The fine line?” She looks to Lauren, apparently for her to explain.
“Oh! My turn?” Lauren straightens up in her seat and addresses us like she’s speaking to a class, and actually points to an invisible chalkboard and pushes up invisible glasses on her nose. “The fine line. Better known as the line between ‘Ima gonna rip your pants off and blow you in the car on the way home and hong-choo-hong-choo.’ You know. The fine line.”
Tess is nodding her head while Christine and I are staring blankly at Lauren like she’s lost her marbles. I think they’re somewhere in the blender along with the rest of the margarita mix.
I’m not sure what the most disturbing thing to happen in the last five minutes is: Tess’s declaration of horniness, Lauren’s explanation, or Lauren’s charades that went along with her explanation. The charades. Definitely the charades. There are just some things a person can never un-see.
The waiter comes over with another pitcher of margaritas, and I fully expect him to tell us to quiet down or cut us off, but he just sniggers and shakes his head before heading to the back. Probably to put more plates under the burning hot coals. I mean, seriously. They set the plate down and let you know it’s hot. But inevitably someone, aka Lauren, has to test the theory out and touch the plate. And every time she will shout, ‘Damn, that’s a hot plate!’
“What were we talking about?” Tess asks.
“Nothing,” I blurt, desperately hoping that she has forgotten the talk of me and her brother.
“Carly and your brother gettin’ it on,” Christine puts in helpfully as she picks up another chip and dips it into the salsa before shoving it into her mouth.
“Thank you, Christine. You’re super helpful.”
“You’re welcome. I’m always here for you. You’re my BFF,” she says, leaning her head on my shoulder.
Tess turns to Lauren and says, “You’re my BFF, too, you know!”
“Same here!”
So, I see we’ve entered into the sappy drunk portion of the evening.
“Carly, stop distracting us. Tell us what’s going on? You gonna be my new sister or not?” Tess gasps as if she just thought of something as her eyes go wide. “You guys! Did you know I’m gonna be all your mothers? My kids are all dating your kids! I’m gonna be your mothers-in-law!”
“I don’t think that’s how it works, Tess,” Christine says in a moment of clarity.
“Whatever. You know what I mean. It’s like the Ryan’s kids are just irresistible, which I think would really bother me under non-tequila situations, but luckily…” She lifts her glass and takes a big drink before slamming the empty glass on the table again and motions Lauren for a refill. “…I’m just buzzed enough that that fact doesn’t faze me.”
“You’re so weird.” Lauren giggles and hiccups.
“But you still love me,” Tess replies then looks back to me like she just didn’t just go off on a really weird tangent. “So, sis… tell me what I wanna hear!”
“Umm,” I look around hoping for someone to rescue me, but all I’m met with are three pair of eager eyes. I chug the rest of my margarita and hold my glass out to Lauren to refill.
She does and says, “Good girl,” with a smile.
I’m going to label her the enabler of the group.
“Ugh. Fine. You wanna know what’s going on with us?” And then the margaritas hit me like a Mack truck because I can’t stop the words from spilling out of my mouth. Maybe it was being around Christine? Did she have a special potion or truth serum she kept putting in my drinks? “I have no clue. He’s just… well, he’s wonderful. And sexy. And I have to go with him to your niece’s wedding because I licked him! I mean — how could I not lick him?”
“You licked my brother?”
“Of course I did! He was lying on top of me, and I had to do something! How am I going to sit next to him looking all yummy and stuff in a suit and tie? And I know he’ll ask me to dance with him, which means I’ll be able to smell him the entire time, which will also mean I’ll probably trip and fall into his crotch at some point of the night.”
“Again. You mean trip and fall into his crotch again,” Tess says, laughing.
“Don’t think you’re getting by without telling us why he was lying on you when you licked him. Also… you fell into his crotch?” Lauren asks, her hand slapping the table as she looks around at all of us. “How did I not hear this!? When did this happen? Where did this happen? This is a bunch of crap! Why didn’t I hear this story?”
“I’ll tell you later. It’s a very Rachel-in-Mr.-Zelner’s-office story,” Tess says, patting her arm.
Lauren’s eyes widen, and she grins then crosses her arms over her chest. She motions for me to continue, a pout covering her face once again.
“I told him I wanted to be his friend. But I can’t do it. I can’t be Captain America’s friend,” I wail and tip back my glass once again, the alcohol tasting more like juice at this point. “It’s literally impossible to do! Have you seen the man? I mean, he’s like a freakin’ Greek god or something!”
“We aren’t Greek,” Tess adds.
“Well, you should be! It would make way more sense. I mean. He’s just…” I trail off, delicately sniffing and wiping my nose with the back of my hand.
“He’s what?” she asks.
“Ever
ything.” I sigh and drop my head down on the table, forehead first. I’m so tired, so I close my eyes, just for a bit. When I open them, I roll my head to the side and am immediately hit with the most beautiful blue eyes, enigmatic smile, broad shoulders, sexy tattoos, and lickable face I’ve ever seen in my life.
“Lickable face, huh?” the person with the pretty blue eyes says.
Apparently. I said some of that out loud? Maybe I shouldn’t have had that last sip. That’s what did me in.
“Uh-huh. I just wanna lick his scruff. And his tattoos. Hey, you know what? He looks a lot like you. I licked him once because I couldn’t help myself. You could be his twin.” I reach out and tap the guy’s nose with my fore finger.
He grabs my hand and holds it in his much larger one.
It feels nice. Safe.
“He does, does he? Seems like a pretty lucky guy.”
“He isn’t. He thinks I’m worth it. He tells me I’m beautiful. But I’m not. I’m not what he needs.”
“You’re everything he needs,” the mystery guy tells me.
“You’re sweet,” I say, reaching up a hand and running my fingers through his scruff. “And scruffy. I used to not like scruff, but now it’s what I dream about.”
“Scruff?”
“And the man under the scruff,” I say. My eyelids go heavy again, so I lay my head down and press my cheek against the tabletop, the temperature cooling my heated skin.
“How much did she have to drink?” mystery guy asks, his voice deep and rough but sexy as all hell.
“Not nearly as much as the rest of us,” Tess says.
“She doesn’t drink. Like ever.”
“Whoops,” Lauren says.
And the last thing I remember is being lifted like I weigh nothing, my head resting on the chest of James’s twin. The minute I feel the cool breeze of the outdoors hit us, my stomach lets me know it does not appreciate endless chips and salsa or extra margaritas.
I untangle myself from the mystery guy’s arms and land on my hands and knees on the bitterly cold asphalt next to a black SUV, effectively ending the evening with a bang.
A Better Place Page 13
