by Taylor Lee
“What the goddamn fuck do you think you are doing, Lei?”
Her face was pale, her lips pressed in a firm line. “What does it look like I am doing? I’m packing.”
“Lei, how dare you embarrass me like this on such an important day?
She looked up with a snort. “Me? Embarrass you, Wyatt? That is rich.”
He took several steps toward her. “Lei stop this. Stop it now before we both regret what we might say.”
“Stop what, Wyatt? What would you like me to stop?” Her voice was strained; bright splotches marked her pale cheeks. “What should I stop, Wyatt? Caring about you? All right, I’ll stop. Believing in you? Okay. I will stop that, too. Looking up to you and honoring you? I definitely will stop that.
“Lei, I mean it. Stop now. Do you hear me?”
She faced him, her eye flashing with anger. “How can I not hear you? I remember well you telling me in this hotel to let your actions tell me how you feel about me. Yes, Wyatt, I hear you, loud and clear.”
“Lei, please, honey. You have this all wrong. Listen to me.”
“Ah, but I am. Just like you told me to. Listening to your actions. What do I have wrong, Wyatt? Do you think I don’t know that when you are gone for more than two or three days that you stop in a whore house? That you can’t seem to keep it in your pants, can you Wyatt? It’s just too good not to share, isn’t that right? I thought I could change that. I thought I might be enough for you. I thought all those nights and mornings and afternoons lying in your arms meant something.” Tears streamed down her cheeks.
He reached out for her. “Lei, baby, please don’t. Stop now.”
“Stop, Wyatt? You must be joking. The whores are one thing. I despise you for that. But Wyatt, even though you knew how much it would hurt me, in the middle of everything we are doing together, you fuck Jesse?”
“You don’t understand.”
“What don’t I understand? That in this room three hours ago we made love to one another. We were nearly late for the meeting because we didn’t want to let go. We had to tear ourselves apart. And we were going to Washington with your children to celebrate another of your brilliant accomplishments. An hour and a half later, you are holding Jesse and making plans for the next time you’re going to fuck her? Is that what I don’t understand?”
She turned away shaking so hard she had to hang on to the table to keep from falling. Gathering her composure she turned back to him. “You’re right, I don’t understand. How narrow minded of me, Wyatt.”
Wyatt moved closer. “You don’t understand what it was about. Please, honey, it doesn’t mean anything.”
“Maybe not to you, Wyatt.”
Tears were running down her face and she whirled to face him.
“I am so stupid, Wyatt. All through the meeting I thought about coming back up here. To do what you said we would do. How you were going to make love to me.”
“Lei, honey,” he started to move toward her.
She stepped back her eyes bright with anger. “Oh, well, lucky you. At least you have a back up.”
“Jesus Christ, Lei, how can you say such a thing?”
He was angry now. His face flushed and he lashed out, “Goddamn it, Lei. You knew I wasn’t a one woman man.”
Her expression hardened. “Oh, Wyatt, you are so blind. You are the most one woman man I have ever known. The problem for us all is that the woman is dead.”
Wyatt stepped back, shocked. “How dare you?”
“Wyatt, do you think I can’t compete with the whores, with Jesse? Someone like Jesse?” She sneered, her voice filled with distain. “Who do you think you are talking to? But I will tell you one thing that we agree on. I can’t compete with a ghost.”
“Lei, goddamn you, stop. How dare you talk like that about my wife?”
“How dare I? How dare I say the truth? You can’t say that you love me. Even when we made love the way we did this afternoon, in the most loving intimate way. But you never told me you loved me. Isn’t that strange? Did Vivian make you promise that you would never love again?”
“Lei, I’m warning you.”
Ignoring him, she said, “I don’t believe that. No one who loved you the way she loved you would ask that of you. She would not want you to go through life not loving someone. No, Wyatt, I think I understand your wife and am honoring her more than you are.”
Wyatt voice was low, harsh. “Lei, I am warning you -- for the last time.”
She whirled on him. “What will you do, Wyatt? Will you hurt me? Will you do everything you can to destroy my spirit? Will you make it clear that the way you’ve held me the last three months meant nothing?” She choked down a sob. The tears swimming in her eyes overflowed and spilled down her cheeks.
There was a knock on the door. Lei walked past him and opened it. She nodded to the three men they had seen on the porch when they arrived. She pointed to her bags. “Take these down. Bring my horse. I’ll be down in a minute.”
Wyatt glared at her. “Lei, if you leave now you will never see me again.”
Not responding to his threat, she said, “Before I go, I have a question for you. What if you did let yourself love me? What if you didn’t fuck the whores or Jesse or the next Jesse, anything to keep from loving me? What if you did love me? Would I die, too? Maybe I would. So why not just kill me now, right Wyatt? It’s easier and much less painful for you.”
“Lei, I will tell you one more time, if you leave now you will never see me again.”
She tossed her head. “It is just as well. See, I am a one man woman and I do want a one woman man. Only I need to be that woman.”
“Lei, if you leave now you are walking out on me forever.”
“I’m walking out on you?” She laughed a strangled laugh. When she got to the door she turned to him. “Good bye, Wyatt.”
She closed the door behind her.
~~~
Chief, Alono, Elena, and Alex arrived several hours later. They knocked on the door. When Wyatt opened it, Chief was surprised and concerned when he saw Wyatt’s face. Something was wrong.
Elena and Alex ran into the room shrieking with excitement. Wyatt tried to smile and said, “Okay, you two, I have a little more work I need to do. Alono, please take them downstairs and see if that ice cream place is still open.”
When they left, Chief turned to Wyatt with concern.
“What is it, Wyatt? You look devastated. What has happened?”
“Lei’s gone.”
Chief stared at him for a minute. He asked, “Jesse?”
Wyatt nodded and turned his back to Chief, but not before Chief saw a look on Wyatt’s face he hadn’t seen for over five years. It was a mix of anger and grief. As before, Chief wasn’t sure which one would win out.
~~~
Chapter 23
Joey was outside the dojo smoking a cigarette when he saw Lei go by. He called out to her, but she didn’t seem to hear. She continued walking toward her room. Three white men were following her carrying some of her bags. He knew from their hard, expressionless eyes that they were Tong.
He hurried to catch up and called her name again. When she looked at him over her shoulder, he was shocked at the pain twisting her face.
“Lei, what’s wrong? Has something happened to Wyatt? The children? My God, what is it. You look like there has been a death. Is it something with your father?”
He followed her in the room and grabbed hold of her arm. To his shock, she burst into tears and collapsed in his arms. Joey was not a man to show his emotions, but the pain and grief on her face was so profound that tears ran down his own face.
“Lei, please tell me what has happened. Is someone hurt?”
She shook her head and said in a whisper, “No, and no one is dead.”
Joey turned to the men in the doorway. He spoke in Chinese, confirming their identity, and told them to wait outside.
Lei cried, uncontrollably. For many long moments, Joey was unable to comfort her. Finall
y, after what seemed like a lifetime, she stopped crying-- so suddenly it frightened Joey. The tears seemed like they might lessen her grief, but the tortured look of grief and pain returned making his heart ache.
Joey handed her a glass of water, sat down at the table, and held her hands. Without being told, he knew only one thing and one person who could cause Lei to look the way she did.
He said, “Wyatt?”
She nodded.
She sat quietly for several minutes then spoke. “Joey, I am leaving tonight. I won’t be back. These men will go with me so you don’t need to worry about me being safe. I will have my father send some of his people to pack up my things. When you and I are finished talking, please send Ri here. He will want to leave when I do.”
“Lei…wait. Please talk to me. Don’t do anything rash. Lei, sometimes… things happen when two people are in love. It may seem like the end of the world, but usually...”
She broke in. “Please, Joey. Stop. This isn’t a lover’s quarrel. What I am going to say to you is in complete confidence. I am talking to you as my sensei. I need to know that what I say you will never tell Wyatt. Will you make that sacred promise to me?”
“Lei, I don’t know if I can make a promise like that. I’m sorry, but I am also Wyatt’s sensei and beloved friend. He is like a son to me.”
“Then, please, Joey, leave. You can’t help me. Send Ri here as quickly as possible.”
She tried to pull her hands out of his, but he held firm.
“No, Lei, I’m not going to leave. I’m not going to let go of you. Yes, against my better judgment, I will promise you that what you tell me I will never tell Wyatt. You have my sacred oath. Now what has happened? I need to know. Before you go on, let me tell you what I do know. Wyatt loves you. He may not have told you that, but he loves you, Lei.”
He held up his hand when he saw the fierce disagreement written on her face.
“No, Lei. I understand he has not been faithful to you. I know that. It pains me deeply. But I know Wyatt as well as I know anyone. I know that he loves you, Lei.”
Lei shrugged. “You may be right, Joey. With what little bit of his heart he hasn’t committed, he may love me. I know that he doesn’t love the whores he fucks or Jesse or the next Jesse or the next one. You and I both know who he loves, Joey. I can’t compete with a dead woman. It is a losing fight. And you know as well as anyone that I will not participate in a losing fight.”
Joey sighed “You are right about Vivian, Lei. But since you and Wyatt have been together, for the first time in nearly six years, I have seen the Wyatt I used to know. He started out resisting loving you—minimizing how he felt. But that has changed. You know that, Lei. I can’t believe you don’t know that.”
“Joey, more than anything in the world I would like to put what I know about Wyatt behind me. I want to accept the way he is, to stay and fight for him. I hope leaving him is the hardest thing I will ever do because I am not sure that I will survive this. If it was just me, Joey, I would stay. I would make the selfish decision to stay because that is what I want to do more than anything in the world. But it isn’t only about me. I have someone else to protect. That person deserves to be in a family where his father loves his mother.”
“Good God, Lei! What are you saying? Are you pregnant?”
“Yeah, Joey, I am. So much for the master rank by the end of the year, huh? Sorry about that, Joey. One more of the disadvantages of training a woman. I guess all you men were right.”
“Lei, stop. Stop now. Please don’t say that to me again.”
“God, Joey. You sound like Wyatt.”
“Lei, you cannot mean that this is what I can’t tell Wyatt. That you are having his child? You want me to promise that I will not tell Wyatt something that profound?”
“No, Joey, I don’t want you to promise. You already did and I hold you to that promise.”
“Lei, I beg you to release me. Wyatt deserves to know he has a child.”
“No, Joey, he doesn’t. He does not deserve to know that.”
Joey held her hands, his face taut, agonized. Shaking his head as though still in shock, he hesitated, “Lei are you sure? Maybe it is…”
“No, Joey. I’m sure. I didn’t believe it at first. You know how I grew up, Joey. How sheltered I was. I was surrounded by men. The only women my father allowed near me were my maids. Like every one else on the compound, they were terrified of my father. I remember some of the women fighters I met in China. They talked about how their courses stopped when they were training. At first I assumed that was what it was. But as the months passed, it became clear. There is no question. I am pregnant.”
She swallowed a tortured sob and her face twisted with scorn. “No, Joey, only someone as self-centered as Wyatt wouldn’t notice the changes in my body.” She sniffed and brushed at an errant tear. “I hope he is more attentive to those pregnant mares of his that he dotes on!”
Joey frowned, muttering almost to himself, “I…I don’t understand. Wyatt is never careless. In all the years, all the …” Then as if realizing the implications of what he was about to say, he choked back the words, his face heating.
Lei glared at him. “What Joey? Why stop? Say what you were going to say. In all the years of fucking every woman in four territories he never got one pregnant? Is that supposed to make me happy? That somehow I’m so irresistible that he just couldn’t help pouring his seed in me? Hah! More like it was just one more way to mark me. Claim me.”
She glared at him. Joey saw a look of such intense anger he was shocked. The only other person he had seen with that level of anger was Wyatt.
“Lei, you are angry. You have a right to be angry. But you need to think about what you are doing. For the sake of the baby...”
Lei’s voice was as fierce as her expression. “Oh, yes, Joey. I am angry. I didn’t know I could feel the kind of anger I am feeling now. But I am angry at Wyatt. I’m not angry that I am carrying his child. I…I…will love this baby as much as a baby can be loved. And goddamn it, Joey, Wyatt will never know what he is missing. “
She leapt to her feet, thrusting her chin in the air, her face contorting with distain. “No! Let Wyatt turn to his dead wife for comfort. Wyatt can warm his body at night with memories of a woman long dead. It’s been enough for him for nearly six years. I’m certain it will be again.”
Joey was appalled. Seeing her relentless fury, he tried again to reach her. “Lei, I understand how angry you are. But I beg you to reconsider your decision. Please, Lei…”
She shook her head, cutting him off. “I am leaving tonight, Joey. It is unlikely I will see you again. That saddens me deeply. But I cannot have contact with any of you. You know better than anyone that I have another person to deal with. My father.”
Joey shook his head and put his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Lei nodded, confirming she knew he understood what she was saying.
“You see, Joey, you know I am right. The only way that I am going to be able to convince my father not to have Wyatt killed is if I pledge that I will never let Wyatt see this child. My father will never tolerate the man who got me pregnant, then left me for other women. He will never allow that man to have anything to do with his grandchild. It is going to take everything I have to keep my father from killing Wyatt. You know that, don’t you?”
She stood up and put her hand on his shoulder.
“Please know how much I honor you. You believed in me when no one else did. I am sorry that I have given you this burden to carry. You are my sacred second father. You have a right to know. Wyatt does not.”
Joey shook his head. His pain and sorrow were so intense, he was unable to reply.
“Joey, please go get Ri. He will want to leave with me. I am going to get my horse. I will be leaving within the hour. Let’s make this our good by.”
Joey stood up, tears streaming down his face. He walked over, took both of her hands in his, kissed them, then turned and left the room.
~~~
When they arrived at the train station in Cheyenne, Wyatt took the children aside and told them that Lei would not be joining them.
“Why, Daddy, where is she?’ asked Elena in surprise.
Alex looked as startled as Elena. “But, Dad, Lei said this morning when she kissed us good bye that she would see us at the train station. Where is she?”
Wyatt responded, his voice was hard, “You both need to understand sometimes plans change. We can’t do anything about that. Lei’s plans changed.”
To Wyatt surprise and discomfort Elena burst into tears. “But she was going to buy me a special doll in Washington. We were going to go shopping together. Why isn’t she here?”
Alex added, “She was going to teach me how to play GO on the train. She said I was smart enough to learn the game. She said she and Ri played it when he was five. I know I could learn it.”
“Of course, you can and you will,” Wyatt said. “Uncle Joey can teach you when we get back. Elena, I will take you shopping. I will buy a doll for you like I always do.”
“I don’t want Uncle Joey to teach me. I want Lei to,” Alex said with tears in his eyes.
“I don’t want you to buy me a doll. You always do. I want Lei to be with us. I want her to buy me a doll like she said she would,” said Elena between sobs.
“That’s enough, both of you. Lei is not coming and that is that. Please pick up your things or we will be late boarding the train.”
Wyatt’s tone and hard eyes startled both children. They stepped back in surprise.
Chief moved forward and took each of the children’s hands and pulled them close to him. “I know this is a surprise to you both. It is to me as well. I am sad that Lei isn’t coming. She must have had a good reason, so we will have to have a good time even though she won’t be with us.”
