by C. Lymari
Closing my eyes tightly and then opening them, I ran out to the hallway.
My father was having a conversation with Prescott, and both stopped when they saw me.
“You can’t just play along with Chad? I barely got elected as it is. This job is my stepping stone, and I can’t have another fucking scandal,” my brother spat at me.
“You’re unbelievable. Both of you are dead to me.”
The words weren’t shouted. I didn’t make a scene. Two people who were supposed to protect me wanted me back in that miserable house. That house that it took me an endless amount of strength to leave. It was a constant battle of talking myself into leaving and then rethinking it out of fear of what people would say or think. Maybe if I knew I had my family’s support, I would have made the right choice a long time ago.
I wouldn’t have stayed for as long as I did.
“Sweetie.” My mom came out, concern laced in her tone. “Your father is just trying to help. You don’t want this scandal to follow you.”
“You know what, Mom? It’d be nice if you had my back. If you loved me, you’d be there for me.”
“Juliet, that’s enough. I am there for you, just like I’m there for your brother. I’m trying to keep my family together.”
“The only reason you are talking to Max is because the whole town fucking loves him, and Freya didn’t turn out to be some drugged-out whore. I was here the day Abigail was talking about Ashton Hill. If Freya is good enough for a Hill, she’s good enough for your perfect son, isn’t that right?”
My mother stayed quiet, but I could see the hurt in her eyes, or maybe I was mirroring my own.
Before I left the house, I turned to look at her again and whispered, “I used to think you were everything, Mom. A strong, powerful woman. I wanted to be just like you… But you’re weak, Mom. And because I’m not, I left.”
With shaky hands, I made my way to Pete and Son’s without even realizing at first that was where I was driving to. I knew I didn’t want to be alone. I knew I didn’t want to go home and be in an empty apartment and have to listen through the wall to a reminder of how my life used to be. I wasn’t weak. Maybe if I said the words long enough, I would believe them. When I pulled up, I knew I just wanted to be with Jake right now.
I should have been more embarrassed that people were looking at me come into the hardware store, but I honestly couldn’t have cared less. I’d gotten to the point where what my family thought didn’t matter. Neither did anyone else’s opinion.
“Hey, Blakey,” I greeted the youngest Carson.
Blake looked up from his cell phone and groaned. “We’ve told Ma not to call us that in public, and she refuses to listen. You looking for Jake? He just left.”
Damn it. I hoped I didn’t look like I wanted to cry. Because I did, but no one had to see me doing it.
“You can hang here with me if you want. It gets pretty fucking boring and looking at you is a hell of a lot better than looking at anyone who comes through that door.”
“Pardon?”
Blake got up and grinned. “I wouldn’t mind the company; it’s boring as hell.”
That was how much of a loser I was: I was hanging out with a high schooler. As I sat in a chair while Blake talked about school, my mind went elsewhere. Chad was going to try and keep everything in the divorce; the only thing he couldn’t touch was my trust fund, and Dad had taken that away. That was the thing about trust funds—the creator of them had complete power over them if he specified loopholes since the beginning. And my father, he’d thought of everything. I didn’t care about any of the stuff Chad and I shared, but he was enough of an asshole that he would try to lead me into a corner until he got what he wanted.
I was almost at that corner as it was. It wouldn’t take Chad much pushing, and that terrified me.
When I looked up, I saw Jess was walking into the store. I took the time to look at her. Her clothes were baggier than she wore them at home, the eyeshadow darker, as well as her lips.
A long time ago, I would have called her a freak, but now I knew better and recognized it was a costume to hide from the world. If you showed people a façade that made them uncomfortable, they wouldn’t look hard enough to see what lay beneath. You retreated so far into yourself that when you looked in the mirror, you couldn’t even see the truth anymore.
I knew most days I didn’t.
“Hey, Jess,” Blake greeted her.
She gave him a nod, no smile. Tough girl.
“What do you need a new lock for?” I asked.
Jess’s head snapped my way, and her cheeks flushed. “Why does anyone need a lock for? To lock.”
“Is everything okay, Jess?”
“It’s fine,” she bit out and left without looking at either Blake or myself.
“She’s something, right?” he said when she was gone.
“I think some people have it harder than others, and we shouldn’t judge,” I snapped at Blake.
He put his hands up and gave me a small grin that took me back to art class with Jake.
“I just think she’s dealing with a lot. It sucks that all the kids at school talk shit. Ma taught us better than that,” he said.
It was my turn to feel ashamed. Yeah, their mother had taught them better than mine.
“Blake… What Jake said the other—”
“Don’t worry about it. I know you’re cool. I know you helped Clark in school and after. You don’t have to tell me. That’s not you. I know.”
I gave Blake a small smile, feeling relieved.
“I also know my brother, and he’s not the type to hold grudges, so for this to sting after so many years…” Blake didn’t finish that sentence, and I didn’t let myself think about what he was implying.
Could it be?
No, it was probably because of his fiancée. He’d said it himself. He loved her, and she broke his heart. I let myself wonder for a quick second what would it feel like to be loved by someone like Jake. Be loved by Jake himself. But as quickly as the thought came to my head, I let it go. I couldn’t be with anyone until Chad was out of my life, and even then, when he was a memory, who knew what I’d find?
It was better this way.
All my life, I’d been coddled by my parents, Chad, and my brothers, and look at where it got me.
Nowhere.
18
Jake
Who knew that babies could cry so much? I sure as fuck didn’t. Freya was trying to pry baby Faye from Jana’s arms, but Jana was convinced she could stop her baby from crying. It was a nightmare. Freya wasn’t kidding the other day when she’d said Jana had issues in letting her daughter out of her sight. Just like everyone else in our group text, I showed my ass to Rusty’s house for breakfast. Freya said we weren’t spending as much time together since they started expanding the café, and she wasn’t wrong.
Before Freya came, I saw Rusty here and there. Mostly, we grabbed a beer whenever I went to get my car fixed. I saw less of Max, especially after he’d started dating Abigail. I never told Max, and it was useless now, but that woman tried to shape him into something he wasn’t. Abigail always thought people were supposed to act a certain way.
That Friday after school when Juliet turned me down, Abigail had come out, patted my chest, and smiled. “She’s right, Jake. Looks only take you so far in life. Money and power do the rest. Too bad you lack the other two.”
I remembered getting in my truck and throwing the bouquet of flowers I’d bought out the window. I had never gotten a girl flowers, but Juliet looked delicate, like she would love them, so I’d spent my hard-earned money on a dozen roses for her. Money wasted.
Here I was with my friends, and even though I’d backed off from Juliet and hadn’t seen her since she went over to my parents’, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I needed a step back, and I think she knew because she stopped texting me too.
“Aww, you missed your godmother, didn’t you, princess?” Freya cooed at the baby.
“Damn, I missed when she pried her out of Jana’s arms,” I joked.
“Real funny, Bear. Oh, since you’re here, I’m happy to report I made friends just for you.”
“What friends?” Emma lifted her head from Dex’s shoulder.
“For Jake. I got to get him a girlfriend.”
I threw my head back and shook it. There was no getting rid of this girl when she was on a mission.
“You know what? You can set Jake up with half the town later, but now that we are all here, why don’t you guys help me set up my lights?” Rusty stood up, going for his coat. “I want to set everything up before snow comes, and now that you’re all here I can pull a Cynthia.”
“I told you, you should have done it sooner,” Jana yelled at her husband. “They said we were going to have more snow this year, and they weren’t wrong.”
“Yeah, and they’ve said that every year and it was never true. Can’t believe the press, babe.”
“Oh, my God, leave,” Freya yelled at Russell, but she didn’t take her eyes from the baby.
I turned to look at Max, and he wouldn’t take his eyes away from Freya. I swear, I sometimes felt like those two lived in their own little world. I thought it was scary as fuck to get lost in someone so deep you forgot who you were.
“Be careful, babe.” Freya blew Max a kiss. “And if you fall, we can sue him.”
“Gee, what a considerate sister. You can keep her, Dex. I don’t want her anymore,” Rusty joked.
“You love me.” Freya stuck her tongue out.
“Emma, you and Dex need one of these.” Freya carefully lifted the baby. “Preferably a boy. Dibs on godparents.”
“Let’s go see them lights.” Dex jumped up and ushered us outside, avoiding any baby talk.
“Mad props to you, Max. I don’t know how you do it,” Dex teased him.
“That’s nothing, man. You should have seen him in high school. There were times she nearly gave him a heart attack.”
“Remember that time they told each other they loved each other right before Tim put Freya in the back of his squad car?” I added.
Max was already untangling the lights Rusty had brought out, but he was smiling.
“You guys going to be next one with a baby?” I took the shovel and started clearing a path for us to work in.
“I don’t want to sound selfish, but I’m in no rush,” he replied. “Just enjoying having Freya to myself. Maybe after the house is built.”
No one said much after that; we just worked. I guessed I saw Max’s point of view. He’d spent seven years without Freya, and they were still getting to know each other again. They’d both grown up; all the shit Max did when Freya was gone, that was out of character for him. We weren’t the same people we were in high school.
I dropped the candy canes I was holding, realizing I was judging Juliet by who she’d been in the past. I might have acted like I was over it, but I wasn’t. The sting of her rejection hurt every time I thought about it.
“You’re okay, Bear? You’ve been out of it lately,” Rusty said as he picked up the candy canes.
“I’m fine.”
“Nothing to do with a certain redhead?” Dex added.
My head swung, looking for Max, feeling guilty for—fuck—not telling him I was… I didn’t even know what I was doing with his sister, and feeling guilty about it wasn’t a good sign.
“Relax. Dunnett went in to get my toolbox and suck face with Freya,” Rusty joked.
“Naw, it’s not that. Just work stuff.” I said the words, and I believed them, but they tasted like a lie.
When Max came back out again, we finished setting up the decorations quickly while the women made food. It was good. I hadn’t realized how much I missed my friends. If I was honest, I was the one who stopped talking to most of them when Brooke dumped me. It made me feel like a failure.
“Thanks for talking to Freya, man. She eased up on Jana.” Rusty nodded at Max.
“Talk about what?” Dex asked.
I had a feeling I knew what it was about, but I never bothered to listen to rumors.
“When I met Jana, we were both dealing with something similar. It’s how we became friends. My ex—she had an abortion without telling me.” Rusty’s shoulders sagged.
“Bethany?” I asked.
Shit, I had no idea that happened to him. I heard about Jana’s shit, but that was because I found Prescott piss-drunk, but thought it was just some bullshit since, from what I remembered, she was dating Gary Newton.
“Yeah.”
“Bethany Vails?” Dex added.
All of our heads swung his way. That bitch was gone long before the detective set foot in this town.
“Freya asked me took look for an old friend… now I’m thinking she lied to me.”
All three of us started laughing. Leave it to Freya to break through the somber mood without being here.
“God, I love her.” Max grinned mostly to himself.
“Yeah, not a friend. Anyways, the reason Jana has had such a hard time…” Rusty paused, looking at the house and then at Max.
“My brother got Jana pregnant the summer before she and Rusty got together. They were both so young—and pregnancy didn’t fit into my…”
Max didn’t finish his sentence, and no one asked. Suddenly Jana’s overprotectiveness made more sense. The Prescott I saw that night at the bar was not the one I was used to; he was a mess. I was sure there was more to the story, but I didn’t comment. An uneasy feeling crept up. I felt there was more to the Dunnetts than they all let on.
It wasn’t my place to ask.
And even though I told myself that, a part of me knew I was lying to myself.
19
Juliet
There was a knock on my door, startling me from my current work. Business budgeting was no joke. I wasn’t even halfway done and I was already fried. This was why I hated taking on new clients, but I needed the money, so everything helped. It was constant emailing back and forth with the owners asking for numbers, receipts to payroll. It was a nightmare, but I was excellent at it, and the few customers I had were happy. Although my newest client was not telling me exactly what I was working on. The names seemed a little funky, but who was I to judge? As long as it wasn’t illegal and I got paid, that was all that mattered.
Getting up, I went to look at the peephole, and Jess was glaring at me through it. I swear, would it have killed that girl to smile?
“Hey, guys, come in. I’m finishing up some work, but you can go right ahead and use the TV.”
“Couldyouwatchrosie—”
“Pardon?”
“Could you please watch Rosie while I go to work?” Jess managed to say.
She wasn’t used to asking for help. I could tell this cost her.
“Yeah, no problem. Like I said, I work from home. Whenever you need a hand, Rosie and I can have a play date. Come on, Rosie. You want to watch Spirit?” I got eye level with the cute little toddler, and she smiled at me.
“Spirit,” she mimicked.
Rosie ran inside and went straight to my computer; the little girl was curious about my work. Good thing I had already saved my progress.
“Thanks. I’ll pay you when I get paid.”
“Jess.” I reached out and touched her shoulders. “It’s free. I don’t mind the company, and I can promise you I’ll make sure she’s safe.”
“Thanks,” she croaked.
An hour into my new babysitting gig, Rosie got hungry. I might have made an alarmed face, but she was a toddler; it wasn’t like she was expecting a five-course meal. Rosie was content with the grilled cheese I made her. I was proud to say I had perfected the art. Buttered bread and two slices of American cheese, and it was delish. It wasn’t until we were in season two of Spirit that Rosie said she was hungry again. I asked her what she wanted to eat, and the little girl said she wanted a burger from Emma’s.
Biting my lip, I didn’t know what to do. We couldn’
t just show up at Emma’s, and not because she hated me, but I didn’t have a car seat or a baby jacket or anything like that at all.
No, I couldn’t do that.
Rosie asked again.
Nope, I wasn’t going to.
“Pretty please.” She gave me with a grin, sans a tooth, and I was done for.
“You have a jacket, Rosie?”
“Yes. It’s purple.”
From my window, I turned my car on while I got ready. I threw on a sweater, a pair of jeans, and my Uggs.
“Let’s go ask your dad for your coat,” I said unenthusiastically.
The little girl took my hand happily and trustingly. I felt uneasy knocking on the door. I’d heard Rosie and Jess’s father, and I didn’t need him angry with me.
There wasn’t an answer.
“Open the door.” Rosie wanted to reach the knob like it was that easy.
I guessed locks were a foreign subject to tiny humans. I turned the knob so she could see it was locked, but the door opened.
“Hello?” I spoke, trying to peek if anyone was there.
Rosie let go of my hand and ran inside with glee.
“Hi, Daddy,” she chirped as she passed the living room.
My chest ached when she came back with a ratty old jacket smiling happily, and said goodbye to her father as she passed by again.
Her dad, however, was probably passed out and didn’t even hear her.
When we got to my car, I strapped the little girl so tight that I was scared of cutting off her circulation, but safety first. I knew it was illegal, but I hoped that, with it being a small town and all, I would only get a warning or something. I took a quick look at my savings; spending a hundred bucks on her wasn’t going to hurt me. I had some money saved. It was in case things came to worst, and after my meeting with Chad, I was sure that was where it was headed.
When I came to Pete and Son’s, I was relieved that Jake’s truck wasn’t there. I wanted to see him, but at the same time, I felt like he was blowing me off. His texts had become one-word answers, and he took forever to reply. I stopped responding, and he never texted me again.
