“Tassa, she had to name you Saskia because she said you’d grow up to be a fierce protector. She knew things. When she was dying, she told me to let you do what you needed to do. I didn’t want you staying out all night or being gone for whole weekends. I didn’t want you trained as a Black Shaman.” He sighed. “I sometimes wished I could tame your wildness like she could. Tassa said she gave you extra love, not just because you were her first baby, but because it would carry you through the darkness.”
Saskia smiled, tears running over the corners of her mouth. She’d been hurt when her mom had left the necklace for Kinley, but her mom had given her a gift already: the memories. The light, the laughter, the love. It was what saved them.
“Now go back and fight for your own life.”
Saskia didn’t even get a chance to reply to her father. He put a hand on her forehead, and suddenly searing pain ripped through her body. She screamed, writhing on the cave floor.
“Be still.” Bear’s deep voice reverberated through Saskia’s ears.
Curling into herself, she gazed at the face of the man she loved. He was not behind those eyes, though. The old god, or the knowledge of that god, drove him now.
A pain more sharp than her belly wound gripped her heart. She had hoped, just for a few seconds, Sedge would be back.
“It’s okay, Saskia.” Kinley crouched down beside her and brushed Saskia’s hair from her face. The wounds on her hands had almost closed. “Just let the cave work its magic. You’ll be fine soon.”
None of them knew how bad her injury was. And she wasn’t going to tell them.
“Now that we have all the totems, I can begin the ritual.” Bear circled the room and urged everyone to get into the middle with Saskia.
All the totems? He wasn’t wearing the owl necklace anymore, and Azarius was in the astral. “What do you mean?”
Talking hurt. Breathing hurt. Every heartbeat launched another rip of pain through her.
“Azarius had nested not a hundred feet from this cave. I brought his body here, and it sits just outside the entrance. The raven will come when I call it.” Bear gestured to the exit.
“What would have happened if he got the totems? Could he really have done what he wanted?” Ransom knelt beside Kinley.
Bear’s brows furrowed. “If he had the magic and the knowledge, he could have reformed the totem pole to do as he said. The power to shift would have left humans and returned to animals, and the balance of the universe would have toppled. The consequences would have been catastrophic.”
So Az could have done it. Saskia’s stomach churned. No, Az would have done it. The bastard spent too long getting to this point to not know what he needed to do. Good thing he would be dead very soon.
“So can we do this?” Kinley’s soft voice seemed too loud in the cave.
Bear then tugged down the top of his white shirt and revealed a tattoo. Not his Black Shaman mark, but a token necklace. The owl. “We can. The owl is helping me commune with the first Bear.”
It seemed Bear had gotten a token after all. She wanted to laugh, but that would definitely hurt.
And Sedge, he would have been so proud. He had earned a token with everything he’d done.
“So will we feel anything?” Ametta sat with Lucky on the ground and rubbed his back. His face glistened with perspiration as if it were hot in the cave rather than chilly.
Bear’s lips thinned, and he scratched his beard. “I cannot answer that question. The totems were originally gathered as spirits, not physical bodies. I would like to say they will simply leave your bodies when I begin the ritual, but as they are tied to each bearer, I do not know how they will behave.”
An honest answer from Bear? Saskia must be hallucinating.
“So maybe they’ll take our spirits with them?” Ransom had one arm wrapped around Kinley, and while he asked it in a nice way, the question was one they all must be thinking. Would they die?
“I do not know.” Bear straightened his shoulders. “But would any of you say no to the ritual if that might be the case?”
Saskia’s sisters shared looks with their lovers. Ones she couldn’t help but envy at the moment. They shook their heads and gave their answers as no.
Bear turned his head to Saskia. “And you?”
She’d do it even if she wasn’t going to die anyway. “Do the damn ritual.”
Saskia closed her eyes then. The pain had gone from a constant stabbing to a steady burning ache as if she were being hollowed out by lava. Her wound still bled, but with her wearing black, the others wouldn’t be able to see how much. All she had to do was live long enough to make certain the totem pole was fixed. It couldn’t be much longer.
She didn’t know if her totem could hear her thoughts, linked as they were, but she spoke to it in her head. I know I haven’t been the wisest of bearers. And maybe what I’m going to ask you now isn’t the smartest thing, but it is what my heart wants. Please talk to the other totems. Let Sedge, my sisters, and their boyfriends live. And Bear too, if that’s who Sedge is from now on. The world needs him. If you need energy, take mine. I freely give it.
Bear chanted slowly in a language similar to Inupiat. Probably something much older. The frozen ground crunched under his boots as he walked a continuous circle around Saskia and the others.
How different would this all have gone if Sedge was still Sedge? Damn, she missed him. That short time after she got the salmon totem until her dad died was amazing. Hell, even when her father had been murdered, Sedge held her and shared her tears. When her mother had died, no one was there to comfort her. It truly did make all the difference to have someone to go through it with her.
Many others might not see any difference between Bear and Sedge, but she saw it most clearly. And she wanted Sedge back. Wanted it more than anything.
Her dad said him and her mom would be waiting for her if she passed on. And that made it easier to think about letting go. No more worries, no anger or sadness. Just that peace, the happiness she had known as a child.
But Sedge wouldn’t be there. That thought burned more than her wound. She felt light, as if she were no longer on the ground. Her head drooped down.
Live for herself. Her father also said that. She wanted a life. With Sedge. With all the quiet moments, the intimate ones, and the worries, anger, and sadness that would likely go with it all.
Bear’s chanting grew louder, the rhythm of his words rising and falling like a heartbeat.
Would the domovoi’s gift of remembrance be permanent? Would it kill Sedge’s mortal body? Did Bear care if it meant his duty had been done?
Saskia had no answers to any of the questions, and there was only one way to find out. She had to live.
The lightness in her body became more pronounced. Tingling traveled up her limbs to her chest. The heat burning in her extinguished. A cool sensation washed over her as if she were dunked in water. Refreshing, the freedom, pure exuberance at… life?
Yes. She and the salmon, or she as the salmon was swimming in the great sea. The purity of the joy of the moment was wonderful and odd.
Often when she was young, she wondered what it would be like to be a real bear. To not have to deal with homework or chores or the death of her mother. This surely would be what it would feel like. Completely untethered from all concern.
But the sea wasn’t the sea. It was something more. An elk trotted by her, circling, with its head held high. Not just any elk, but Ametta. She sensed it even without seeing Ametta in her human form.
A fox danced around the elk’s legs, and a lynx crept along just on the outer edge of her range of sight. A massive polar bear walked toward her. Its size made her think at first it must be Bear, but she realized immediately she was wrong. Kinley. Her totem bear so much bigger than the bear she normally shifted into.
Still waving her tail as if swimming, Saskia glanced up to see a great owl swoop down and land nearby. Bear with wings. It was something her rational mind couldn’t g
rasp, but her heart accepted.
A caw echoed from behind her, and she swished around to see a raven land opposite of the owl. It squawked again and hopped forward, eying them all. Azarius was always wary, and by right he should be among them.
Saskia circled the raven with something coiled in her gut. That tug she’d always felt to the other totems. It grew too irresistible. She wanted to… embrace him? No, not that. Something similar…
And not her. She wasn’t the salmon. Azarius wasn’t the raven. Suddenly so much more aware of that and yet still traveling with her totem.
The others had woven around too. Swimming, running, flying faster by the second. The raven sprang up into the air and joined the circle.
Saskia swam on the other side of Bear and between her sister in the ring. Would she see any of them again? Was Sedge still in there and thinking about her? Or was he completely Bear and all about his duty?
So quick, everything began to blur. The circle grew tighter. She swam beside, above, below, within the other animals.
Bear’s chanting trickled to her under the thunder of energy. The anchor. All of them funneled to the words. To be long and tall, separate and meshed together.
To become the totem pole.
“Be still.”
Was that Bear’s voice? Didn’t he say that just before…?
Pain greeted Saskia as she jolted herself into consciousness. Pain in her human gut with her human arms wrapped around her. The scent of other people surrounded her. Familiar ones.
“How is she still hurt?” Ametta’s demand bordered on a sob.
“The blades Azarius used were enchanted. Maybe the cave can’t heal it quickly.” Kinley’s hushed voice trembled.
“We need to staunch the blood flow and get her out of here then. Get her to a doctor.” The ever-practical Lucky. But he didn’t know how deep her wound was. None of them did.
“This cave will heal her.” Bear’s words were followed by his big hands moving her arms from her abdomen and pressing something thick against it. She hissed, but didn’t fight him. “I will stay with her. I need you all to take Azarius’ remains and burn them. Burn them thoroughly and scatter the ashes.”
“Good idea to not take any chances with that guy.” Ransom blew out a long exhale and muttered, “Come on, Kin. She’ll be okay. She’s way too stubborn to die.”
Saskia made a noise, which she hoped sounded like a chuckle. “Go on. I’m good.”
“If you were good, you’d be standing up and lighting the fire that would burn Azarius.” Ametta huffed and then softened her tone. “We’ll make sure it’s done right this time.”
Saskia didn’t respond or open her eyes until the sounds of her sisters’ and their boyfriends’ footfalls vanished. She expected to see Bear glaring down at her, but she faced the grand pedestal of the totem.
Her eyes opened wider as her gaze traveled up. The bear stood on its hind legs with its front paws raised holding the other animals above it. With its wings wrapped around itself, the raven sat on the bear’s head with one big eye peering at the cave wall. The fox with its tail curled to it was next followed by a noble elk. Its antlers contained the salmon, appearing to be in mid-jump, and the lynx slinking on top of it. With its wings spread, the owl sat on top, looking the farthest and guiding the way.
Glorious. The pole seemed to breathe.
Or perhaps it was just her head pounding.
“We did it.” Talking didn’t hurt quite so much.
“Yes.” Still sitting on the floor, Bear tugged her toward him and propped her up so that her head rested on one of his thighs.
Saskia closed her eyes as she nestled closer to the heat he radiated and breathed in his scent. Blood dominated, but there was his masculine musk. Raw and intimate. “And we all lived.”
He breathed out a low hissing breath. “Your wound is deep.”
“I know.” With her eyes closed, she could pretend it was Sedge. A little lie wouldn’t hurt.
A half minute went by before he spoke again. “To his last breath, Azarius still tried to keep us apart.”
Us? Saskia opened one eye just a crack. She didn’t want to stop pretending unless… But did Sedge ever know it was Az whispering in her ear, telling her to stay far away from Sedge, that he was no good for her, that he’d only use her? She never told Sedge those things.
A little smile quirked up one side of his mouth. “I know who counseled you to keep your distance from me, who fed your doubts. Otherwise, I would have had you back in my den years ago.”
Sedge.
She grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him down as she rose up to kiss him hard. The kiss made her forget the throb of pain in her gut for a brief moment until a spasm went through her body, and she involuntarily jerked against him. Sedge wrapped his free arm around her and kept her cradled against him.
“The domovoi’s gift… It was temporary.” Saskia smiled with that. He wouldn’t die because a god’s well of knowledge was pushing the mortal limits of his mind. That likely meant the power to change into any creature was gone too, but she was okay with that. She was content just to be able to shift into a bear.
She coughed, smacking her body with pain, and gripped his hand holding the compress on her stomach. Belly wounds sucked.
“It was. And as much as I wanted all that knowledge…” Sedge caressed her cheek with his thumb. “I’d rather be alive with you in my arms.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “I told you that you cannot die.”
“I don’t plan on it.” And she would fight for life. She’d battle for every breath, especially now that she was back in Sedge’s arms.
He sighed and brushed his lips over hers. “I don’t know what kind of magic Azarius used on the blade. Something foreign and dark. I’m unsure how well you’ll heal. You’ll likely be scarred.”
Saskia raised her brows. “Seriously think I’m worried about that? Scars are sexy.”
“Scarred on in the inside too.” Sedge pointedly glanced down at where he was holding his coat as the compress.
It was to the left as her dad had said, but low. If some of her inner bits didn’t work quite as well, she might bitch about it, but she wasn’t going to freak because of it. “I’ll deal with it.”
“I’ll take care of you.” His dark eyes deepened in intensity.
“I don’t need anyone—”
“I’ll take care of you.” Sedge repeated his vow, and she didn’t protest it.
She’d always taken care of herself, but maybe a little wisdom from the salmon did rub off on her. It was okay for someone to help her, and she would take care of him in return. Together they’d be stronger.
Saskia didn’t ease up her hold on the heavy stone as the mason fixed it into place with lime mortar. No lifting tackle was needed on the bottom walls with shifters on the team to heft the rocks. And while she was doing the grunt work, the mason taught her his trade and complimented her on her patience.
Patience was all she could have with Berton Ellsworth’s freaking castle. The thing was a monster project. And he kept adding more to their workload.
“Okay, she’s in there good and solid now.” Jarak stepped back and swiped his hairy forearm over his sweaty brow.
Saskia relaxed and leaned away. The stone didn’t budge a millimeter. It was the right fit at every angle. “Looks good. Ready for another one?”
Jarak shook his head. “No, the sun’s gone down behind the mountains. Work is done for the day. And my wife will have my hide if I come home and supper’s gone cold.”
“Best run before it’s fully dark then.” Saskia laughed and wiped her hands on her jeans. “I’ll bring over some of the rocks you chose and leave them here for tomorrow.” She held out one hand. “Thanks for the lesson, man. Working with rock is just as amazing as working with wood.”
“We’ve got one helluva house to build too. Hope you still feel that way when we’re done. I’d be glad to take you on as an apprentice.” Jarak wiped his hand and shook
hers before picking up his tools. “See you tomorrow, Saskia.”
“Good night.” She waved and took in a deep breath of the warm late June air. Rock, mortar, and construction machinery smells dominated, but there were the mountains and forest too. Plus something else she didn’t need to hear coming. His alluring scent drew a smile from her. “Where did you go off to?”
She turned to face Sedge as he carried a large stone toward her. His arm muscles bulged with the effort, but his steps didn’t drag. “Ian stopped to talk to me.” He set down the rock with care and stood to dust off his bare arms and chest. “You can’t apprentice for Jarak, by the way. You’ve already obligated yourself to another.”
“What?” Saskia snapped out of her trance watching his magnificent body and frowned. Her carpentry apprenticeship ended years ago, so she wasn’t… Ah. Tricky man. “I don’t want to be a Black Shaman.”
Not that she could if she wanted to. The injury she received from Azarius had healed, but the scarring restricted her torso maneuverability and gave her digestion problems. She hated having to watch what she ate, and even more so loathed when Ametta tried to introduce her to other foods and spices she might be able to tolerate. Foods with names Saskia couldn’t even pronounce but rolled so easily off Ametta’s tongue.
Sedge stepped closer, leaning over her. “I haven’t released you from your vow.”
She poked him in the chest, her finger lingering there. The pledge she made in Kuci to save two tribesmen from their punishment last year did still stand. “Why do I have this feeling that you never will?”
He smiled, slow and deliberate. She didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what was going on behind those intense dark eyes. Heat raced through her body as he pulled her to him by her hips.
“Saskia!”
Saskia groaned at the sound of her youngest sister’s voice. Seriously that woman had no volume control or sense of timing.
“Later.” She poked Sedge again. That was a promise she would definitely keep. She turned to face the open entrance of the castle. Annoyed by Ametta’s intrusion but amused to see the torches lit on either side of the opening, she asked, “What do you want?”
True Shifter Page 10
