by Amity Hope
She turned, after having shoved the last of the meals into his freezer. “There. Done. Was that so bad?” She hoisted the empty box filled with the emptied bags and took a step toward the door.
“Bad? No. A waste of your time? Yes,” he said as he went to the freezer and grabbed an armful of the meals. He walked to the garbage and stepped on the foot pedal. When the lid flipped up, he dumped them all inside. “I thought I made it clear to you, I am not your concern. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. That means I don’t want you here and I don’t want your crappy food here either.”
A crimson stain crept up Ava’s neck, splashing across her cheeks. She managed to keep the same anger out of her voice. “Fine. But you don’t need to be so rude about it. I’m not naive enough to expect a thank you or anything, but you don’t need to be so nasty.”
“Nasty?” he asked with a mirthless laugh. “Oh, honey, you have no idea just how nasty I can be.”
“You know what?” she asked, slamming the box back down on the kitchen counter. She took a step toward Gabe, grinding her fists into her hips. “I’ve spent the last few months getting to know you. I know you bought Joshua a new bike today and told him not to tell. But you obviously don’t know a thing about kids because they are horrible at keeping secrets. I also know that you dropped off a whole box of toys for him and his sister. I know you….and…and I know it wasn’t for show because you had no idea that I would find out. I think you did it because you wanted to and I think you liked being that person. And I think it scared you.”
“Do I look scared?” he asked with a smirk. He wouldn’t tell Ava that he had liked it. But not for the reason she thought. The kid’s smile and even his hug, which took Gabe completely by surprise, had not made him all warm and fuzzy as Ava had implied it might. It had, however, made him feel something he had rarely felt before. He felt pleased with himself. What had made him feel even better was the knowledge he had done something his father would not approve of. He had made his own choice.
And that felt good.
“No. You don’t look scared. You look grumpy. You need to drop the attitude. I get that you have daddy issues, mommy issues, big brother issues and Lord only knows what other kinds of issues. I think you’re so used to feeling rotten about yourself, neglected and like no one cares about you that the minute someone does, it has you freaked out. So you’re pushing me away because what’s happening between us? I think it’s so far out of your comfort zone that you can’t handle it. So you’re running away so you can go back to being lonely, miserable and just plain pissed off at the whole world.”
“Damn Ava, don’t hold yourself back,” he sneered but it seemed forced, even to himself. “Why don’t you tell me what you really think of me?”
She closed the distance between them and shoved him back, hard. He landed on a bar stool and she stood nose to nose with him. “You want to know what I really think of you? I think you have the potential to be kind and caring because I’ve seen that side of you so I know it exists. Maybe you faked it at first but I think a lot of it was genuine. And I know that I probably shouldn’t tell you this but I think you need to hear it whether you want to or not.” Her voice changed from angry to simply matter of fact. “I’m pretty sure I love you. And if you don’t like it,” she said with a shrug, “you don’t like it. I don’t expect you to say you love me back. That’s not what this is about. I just want you to know that someone cares about you. You deserve to know that. You deserve to be told that.”
Gabe recoiled as if her words were verbal acid. An expression of shock, nearing horror settled across his features. He knew that he loved her but he had not wante hew Romaed to accept the possibility that she loved him back. It would be so much easier if she didn’t. The feelings he felt from her, he had downplayed them in his mind. Told himself that it was just pity she felt. Or even empathy. That what she felt was lust because surely someone like Ava could not love someone like him. It just wasn’t right.
“You do not love me,” he told her. It sounded more like a command than a denial.
She shook her head. “You are so damaged. But don’t worry, I’m leaving now,” she told him. “And if you decide anytime soon to grow up and get over yourself, you know where to reach me. Until then,” she said as she stepped closer, brushing her lips across his forehead, “I suggest you go pluck those meals out of the garbage and make yourself something decent to eat.”
Chapter 18
Ava’s turkey tetrazzini wasn’t bad. It was actually one of the best things he’d ever eaten. He’d waited until she left, her taillights disappearing with no chance of coming back before he’d rescued all of the dinners from the trash can. He’d eaten four of them and had contemplated eating one more but as soon as his hunger was satiated the enormity of his problems took precedence once again.
He was feeling better now, physically, anyhow. His head was still a mess. Maybe even more so now than before. After seeing her, he realized there was no getting over her soon. Possibly not ever.
He wondered if she’d really meant all of the things that she’d said. That she really wouldn’t abandon him. That he could count on her. The fact that she’d said these things to him after he’d shown her a sliver of the truth about himself was hard for him to grasp. He’d given her a glimpse, granted only a small glimpse, of what he really was like and she had not flinchede hewore. She had managed to see the good in him anyway. He had been so sure that if he ever let on to the truth, she would be gone. His problem would solve itself. But it hadn’t worked out that way. That was why his head was even more messed up than before.
She knew that he wasn’t the perfect person he had been trying so hard to portray. And she wanted to be with him despite that.
And now, because of that, he wanted to be with her more than ever. The pain that resulted from being in the church was nothing compared to the pain he was now overwhelmed with. His throat constricted painfully, cutting off his air when he thought of her death. His heart clenched excruciatingly in his chest. His very being was vibrating with horror at the thought of losing her.
The terror he had always felt when he knew he would have to answer to his father was nothing compared to the terror he felt now. He realized that he would willingly offer himself up to whatever torture his father wanted to bestow upon him if only Ava would be safe. It was a wasted revelation because his father would never make that trade. Not when he was in control and he could demand both and give nothing.
Crazy thoughts had started entering his mind. Each one crazier than the last. Maybe he could talk Ava into running away with him. But what good would that do? The problem, undeniably, was that there was nowhere that would be far enough. His father would find them. There was no hiding from him. Not where Gabe was concerned anyway. His father as good as owned him. Sure, he may be able to make a few decisions here and there but when it really mattered, his father could control him.
Yet, now that he had made a few of his own choices, he hungered to make more. This was not a life he had asked for. It was a life he had been born into. A life of being controlled. Of being manipulated and tortured. There was no escaping it. No escaping who, what he was.
For the first time in his life, someone had made him question how he felt about this. The truth? He hated it. He loathed his father and what he was. His brother, too. He had not thought much about the life they had led. It was what he knew. It was all he had ever known. But having known Ava changed all that.
What it didn’t change was that he was still stuck.
His father had a control over him that he could not break. In the past, he hadn’t fought it because it had been pointless. But now? Was it possible he had something to fight for?
And to hear her say she felt the same?
I’m pretty sure I love you.
No one had ever said those words to him before. No one had ever made him feel he was worth anything before. His family reciprocated his feelings of loathing, abhorrence and contempt.
Now he was expected to destroy the one person who had evsonce ander shown him respect, loyalty and given him a semblance of...self-worth. The feeling of self-worth was fragile but it was there.
I’m pretty sure I love you.
Those words echoed around in his head like a lone voice bouncing off the walls of a deep, secluded cave. Run away with Ava? Who was he kidding? Ava would never leave her family. Not that it mattered. She was as good as dead.
A rage boiled up in him. Rage over being trapped, without hope. Rage over the hopelessness of thinking maybe, just maybe she truly did love him, too. Rage at himself for simply…being. The fury surged up, clouding his senses. It mingled with the scorching dread that consumed him. His body felt as though it had been set ablaze. He grabbed the steak knife beside him and plunged it into his hand, pinning it to the table like a butterfly pinned to a board.
You are so damaged.
Oh, she had no idea.
That was like simply saying the sun was yellow.
He started to laugh as the blood pooled out, like a spilled can of paint.
He withdrew the knife, the serrated edges tearing the wound into a jagged mess.
He was damaged.
By his father.
By his brother.
By the woman that had no right to call herself his mother.
It was only when he was with Ava that he felt hope that he could repair and regenerate whatever it was that was broken and missing inside of him.
He looked at his hand, splayed out on the table. The blood had already clotted. The edges were already knitting themselves back together. He was healing. On the outside. Not where it mattered. Was Ava the only chance he had at fixing whatever it was inside of him that was so damaged?
He knew in his heart that she was.
He got up and began to pace.
He needed to come up with a plan. Thinking things through had never been his strong suit. He was rash and impulsive. So he would start simple.
He packed a bag. He had an impressive amount of cash stored in his room but it wasn’t enough. He needed more money. He would go to an ATM. He would get Ava; beg her to come with him. If she refused…He didn’t want to think of that. One way or another, he would not let her refuse.
He was Roant no fool. He knew he was no match for his father. He needed help. There was someone who would be a worthy opponent. If only they would help. Could he convince them? For her sake, he desperately hoped so.
Gabe grabbed his hastily stuffed bag and his car keys. He glanced up at the main house. The lights were on, glaring through the darkness. As far as he knew, Rafe was home because he had not heard him leave. It wasn’t completely unusual for Gabe to leave at odd hours to go for a drive. He hoped his brother gave no thought to his leaving now.
Once he was on the main road he realized just how late it was. It was after ten. He needed to stop to withdraw some money before meeting Ava.
If she would even agree to meet him. It was getting late. It was a school night.
He would beg her if he had to. His father hadn’t given him a timeframe but he knew that time was running out. He tried to clarify his plans as he drove. With a crashing heart he realized this whole idea was likely fruitless. Whatever happened, he could not stay with her. She would only be in danger if he did. Was it possible to talk to her family? Beg them to take her away? Could he make them believe if he told them the truth?
He thought maybe he could. His stunt with the knife had given him an idea. If he had to, he could try to prove to them what he was. Or at least he could prove he was telling the truth when he told them he was not human. And that his father was something even worse.
When he pulled into the ATM he sent her a text as soon as he parked.
I need to see you. I know it’s late. This can’t wait. PLEASE.
Earlier, she had told him she would be there if he ever needed her. He would soon find out if she stood by her word. Or maybe she had come to her senses after the way he treated her. Maybe she had realized after she left that he was nothing but one big mistake, after all. He wouldn’t blame her if she felt that way. It was for her own sake that he desperately hoped he hadn’t pushed her that far.
He slid his phone into his pocket as he proceeded to withdraw the maximum amount of cash from all of his accounts. It was a sizable amount. He wasn’t sure it would be enough. If he had to, he would turn the money over to Ava’s family. He would try to reason with them, he would beg them to take her away. To find somewhere safe. But he needed to speak with Ava first. He needed to try to explain to her before he could deal with her family.
His pocket vibrated as he returned to his car.
At the church. 10 min.
Perfect, Gabe thought. It would be the perfect place to speak. She should be safe there. He hoped that an empty church—one without organ music and hymns and silent prayers flent>Gabe thouoating through the air—would be tolerable enough that he could endure it for a while.
Bring a key, he texted back.
If Gabe had an aversion to the church, he could only assume it would be infinitely worse for his father. Did he dare hope, impossible for his father?
He doubted it.
He drove the few blocks needed and parked his car in the church’s empty parking lot. He was fairly certain she was sneaking out, not asking for permission. He realized if she was sneaking out, likely that meant she would be walking, not risking the noise of starting up her car. What had he been thinking? He should have picked her up in front of her house, or even a few houses down.
Fear washed over him at the thought of her on the street alone. Walking by herself, completely unprotected, so totally vulnerable this late at night. He bolted from his vehicle, heading toward her house. There were no cars in sight. The street was quite deserted and the sidewalk was well lit with the sickly yellow hue that is cast by streetlights. Yet the shadows along the edges of the houses concerned him. Most of the houses were dark, a few scattered lights shown here and there.
Gabe cast out his senses, hoping to detect danger, if it was present. It was a futile attempt. He ran across nothing but that only meant no menacing humans were present. Others could and would block themselves from him. The thought made him increase his pace to a jog.
Anyone, anything, could be lurking in the darkness between the neatly spaced homes that lined the street. When he saw her, the relief that spread through him was immeasurable. He slowed, but only barely, until he was at her side.
“Hi,” she said softly into his ear as he wrapped her in a hug. She returned it, hugging him back fiercely. “Are you okay?” she asked as she pulled away, searching his face.
“Not really,” he admitted. “Can we talk? Inside of the church?”
She dangled the key in her hand. “Yes.”
With a protective arm around her shoulders he led her down the sidewalk. The church was within sight but he would not relax until they were inside.
“Can you tell me what this is about? Why do we need to go into the church? Why can’t we just talk in your car?” she asked, quickening her stride to keep up with him.
He glanced at her. The look she was giving him was confused, worried but trusting.
“I’m going to tell you everything. I only hoingsed, pe that I can find a way to make you understand. I’m going to hope you can find a way not to hate me.”
“I could never hate you,” Ava assured him as they rushed along.
Gabe couldn’t look at her. “Don’t be so sure of that. You have no idea what I’ve done. What I am.”
Ava tried to stop but Gabe continued to tug her along. “What are you talking about?”
“Just keep walking,” Gabe insisted. “I don’t want to have any more secrets. I want you to know everything about me. But not here. As soon as we’re inside, where it’s safe.”
“Safe from what?” Ava demanded but this time she didn’t try to pull him to a stop.
“From me, I imagine,” Rafe announced. He had be
en standing behind a tree in someone’s yard nearly half a block ahead of them. As he spoke, he moved onto the sidewalk, obstructing their path.
Ava gasped in surprise as Gabe firmly pulled her to a stop. He put an arm in front of her before pushing her behind his body completely. He could feel Ava peering around his shoulder.
Rafe smiled delightedly at them.
“Ava! Good to see you again,” the figure said as he took a step toward them, his voice low but carrying to them in the clear night air. “How is your neck doing? All healed up by now, I would imagine.”
“It’s him!” Ava hissed from behind Gabe.
He was surprised that her anger far outweighed her fear.
“It’s me,” Rafe cordially agreed. “And I bet you are just dying to know who I am. And more importantly, who he really is.” He flung a disinterested hand in Gabe’s direction.
“What’s he talking about?” Ava asked.
Gabe could tell she was trying to keep her voice steady. It wobbled anyway, her emotions instantly changing with the implication that Rafe knew something about Gabe that she didn’t.
“That’s a good question. One you’re going to quickly learn the answers to. Isn’t she Gabriel?”
Gabe nodded, fighting for control of the situation. Of his emotions. “Yes,” he finally”e="T said. “That’s exactly why I was retrieving her.”
“Gabe?” Ava’s voice was clearly shaking now.
He looked down at her feet, relieved to see that she’d traded in the flip flops she’d had on earlier for the shoes she wore when she was walking that monstrous dog.
The streetlight above flickered and buzzed. Gabe could see the spires of the church so close, yet so far with Rafe blocking the way.
“Ava,” Gabe said with a commanding squeeze of her hand, he leaned in, close to her ear. Her hair brushed his lips. “When I tell you to, you run. You run as fast as you can to the church. Go inside and wait for me there. Do not look back and do not leave until I come for you. Do you understand?” His voice was low, he only hoped quiet enough that his brother could not hear.
