by Amber Nation
Damn him for telling me to open my heart and that he would take care of it, I guess that was another one of his ‘lines.’
The initial date exceeded any of my wildest fantasies and expectations, but those three little words, blew that date into smithereens. ‘I’m a virgin.’ Maybe I just need to find some random encounter for a one night stand, so I wouldn’t have any reason to blurt out those embarrassing words anymore.
I mean, I was twenty-four years old, no one expected me to still be one.
The drive back to my apartment was most uncomfortable. We were both quiet, not even making an effort with small talk. I was extremely embarrassed by my admission, even more then I should have been under any other given circumstances. His silence told me everything that I needed to know. It felt as if I had been physically punched in the gut. No physical infliction from my dad or brother ever felt like this. He pulled up in front of my building and I shot out of the car, slamming the door in my retreat. Not even giving him a chance to get out or say anything, not that he would have anyways, before rushing into my apartment.
Should I have made an effort to call him? Not on your life. He humiliated me with his silence, which just proved to me that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t made to be loved.
I drug my mind away from all thoughts of Charlie and went about making my rounds to my patients. Mr. Winiger’s last day in the hospital was today. He would be making his way to the rehabilitation center in the morning, so I wanted to make sure that I was able to get a little extra time in with him to tell him goodbye properly, and to wish him well. Currently he was in therapy, so I thought I’d make my rounds with my other patients.
I took my time with the other three patients I had been assigned, reading their vitals and recording all of the information, making small talk, and just overall making sure they were comfortable. I finally had a moment of free time to spare, so I made my way to Mr. Winiger’s room to see if he had returned from therapy yet.
I walked up to Mr. Winiger’s door, where it was only partially open. Standing at the entryway, I began to push the door open, but I heard a voice that stopped me in my tracks.
“I believe I messed up with her, sir, so I’m here to ask her to lunch so I can apologize.” I overheard Charlie say.
Charlie is talking to Henry?
“Well, I don’t know what happened, but I do know she has been extra mopey around here,” Henry replied, sounding a bit agitated.
“It wasn’t so much what I did as what I didn’t do. And I’m here to make it right. Maggie…she is special and I aim to do everything I can to make her happy, that is if she will give me another chance.”
I was so going to get caught eavesdropping, but it would be completely worth it assuming I did just hear Charlie correctly.
“You better damn well believe that she is something special. Half of the nurses walk around here with their heads shoved so far up their asses, they don’t know which way is up. But not Maggie, she is genuine and sweet to boot. I have never in all my years, and there are a bunch of them, have ever had a more caring nurse. Not even when my Marcella was in the hospital either giving birth or having her last breath did she ever have someone so good-natured and insightful. Maggie makes it a point to humor this old man every time she is working by coming to chat with me.” His voice suddenly got hard, “You do anything to destroy her tenacity then you will have to deal with me. Do you understand me, boy?”
It was time that I made myself known, before this went any further, and I end up a blubbering mess. Knocking lightly on the door, I walked in with a fake smile plastered on my face. I looked directly at Henry, ignoring Charlie altogether.
“Hi Henry, how was your last day of therapy?” I asked, making my way over to reach for the blood pressure cuff that was located on a hook behind Henry’s hospital bed.
I made quick work of securing the cuff tightly around his left bicep. I inserted the ear tips into my ears and made sure that the head of the stethoscope was placed directly over the artery. I grabbed the bulb to the blood pressure cuff, squeezing it causing it to inflate. I slowly released the pressure by turning the valve until I got the reading I was looking for. I released the rest of the pressure, the Velcro of the cuff, placed it back in its rightful place, and replaced my stethoscope back around my neck. All while Mr. Winiger was watching me with a mixture of amusement and bewilderment.
“I think there is a nice, young man waiting here to see you Maggie.” Henry finally spoke.
I straightened my posture, looking around and directly past Charlie, bringing my focus back to Henry, “There is? I certainly don’t see anyone nice.” I made sure to emphasize the nice, because if there was any word to describe Charlie, the first one to mind would’ve been prick.
Henry started chuckling which caused him to start coughing. I quickly sat him up straight and lightly patted his back, until he cleared his throat. “You’ve surely got a long road ahead of you boy. He he, I love it.” Henry was looking at Charlie then focused on me, “Missy, you give him hell.” He winked at me before turning back to Charlie one last time, raised a finger and pointed directly at him, “You remember what I said, boy.” He laid back on his pillow and closed his eyes, “I think I need to rest a bit, therapy took a lot out of me.” And just like that, I was being dismissed. I knew what he was up to, cheeky old man.
I walked out into the hallway, knowing that Charlie would follow me, and I didn’t stop until I made it all the way back to the nurse’s station. I turned around bracing one hand on the edge of the counter and the other on my hip. “What are you doing here Charlie? Was your silence the other night not enough of an indication that I was some pathetic girl?” My voice had a bit more of a bite than I would’ve liked, but in the end, he deserved it.
“Maggie, I wanted to talk to you and apologize. Can I take you to lunch? Please…” His last word came out as a desperate plea. I wanted to give in, I wanted to so badly. But why would he be any different from my parents or my brother? In the end he wouldn’t love me either. I just needed to stick to that mentality.
“I won’t be able to go on lunch for a little while yet.”
“Uh uh, you go on and get outta here, girl,” Marjorie came up behind me, startling me. Shit! I did not want to go and be alone with Charlie, not now when I wasn’t prepared. “Take extra time if you need it,” she added. Damn it Marjorie!
I huffed then stomped off like a petulant toddler, and went to retrieve my coat and purse. I would humor him in going to lunch, but I WOULD NOT be taking extra time.
I tugged on my coat, and haphazardly wrapped my scarf around my neck and marched past Charlie, throwing, “Come on,” over my shoulder as I breezed by.
He quickly fell in step beside me before he rushed ahead to open the exit doors to the hospital.
“Thanks,” I quickly said, still not meeting his eyes.
We finished the walk to his car in silence, and he unlocked and opened the passenger door for me, waiting until I was seated comfortably inside before shutting it and jogging around to the driver’s side. Being in his car again, brought back every vivid memory of Saturday night. Which made me question why in the hell I was doing this to myself. Was I a glutton for punishment? Apparently so, because here I sat.
“Can we just get something quick to eat, so I can get back to work?”
“Maggie, can you just look at me for a second?”
I quickly expelled the breath I was holding, folded my arms over my chest, and turned my face towards him. I consequently lifted my eyes until they were locked on his and the look reflected in his eyes caused my breath to hitch. For what I saw was a mixture of remorse and fear. I took a good look at him for the first time since Saturday. You could tell that he hadn’t shaved in a few days, and the stubble made him look hotter, if that was in any way possible. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to take him in my embrace and hold him. Where in the world my hate mentality went, I wasn’t so sure. I lifted my hand before I knew what I was d
oing and caught myself right before I was touching his cheek. I yanked back my arm acting as if I had been burned. Which metaphorically speaking, I had.
“Maggie,” he breathed. I loved it when he said my name. This time is was deep and sultry, sending shivers all the way down to my toes. “I want to apologize to you for the other night. I didn’t handle that right.”
“You didn’t handle it at all,” I quickly interjected. “I can now say that I have stunned a man into silence, so thank you for that.”
“It just took me by surprise, that’s all. And I know that’s absolutely no excuse, and it’s certainly nothing to be ashamed about. After sitting on that information for a while, I actually kind of love that about you. It means no man has ever had you, it’ll be all the more sweet when I do.”
Did I just flipping hear him correctly?! How could he be so arrogant? Did men actually say shit like that?! My mouth was literally hanging open and I had to force it closed.
“There, now we are even. I’ve stunned you into silence as well.” He smirked as he pushed his key into the ignition and started his car. So he didn’t mean what he said, or did he? I was so confused.
“No but, I really am sorry. I had such a wonderful time, then, I had to go and be an ass after what was the best and hottest kiss of my life.”
“What?” I asked with a raised brow. Surely he was mistaken. I had no freaking idea what I was doing.
“You heard me. That was hands down…it was the best. Well, we will just leave it at that. So do you think that we could possibly start over? Give me another chance?”
Did I think that we could just start completely over? I didn’t want that. But did I want to continue exploring whatever this was anymore, to ultimately find myself in the same situation again? One thing in my life I have never been known for was taking risks. And I couldn’t believe I was going to take the biggest risk of all, possibly getting my already delicate heart even more damaged in the process.
But I had made my decision.
“No, I don’t think we can start over.”
His partially smiling face immediately fell into a frown.
“Let me explain. I had an amazing time too on Saturday night. And that kiss. Should I dare to even say that it was my first, so I have nothing to compare it to, but it was…there really are no words. It was magical, it was full of pure raw passion, and I loved every single solitary second of it. It stupefied me, which in turn caused me to blurt out something that should’ve been said at any other time then after that electrifying kiss. So no, I don’t want to start over, I just want to pick up where we left off, if that’s alright with you.” I blushed profusely after admitting to all of that, then, I realized that the car had now stopped and we were in front of DeNiro’s Pizza.
A wicked smirk appeared on his face, as he replied, “You are so fucking beautiful.” He pulled my face towards his and pressed his lips on mine. I didn’t even hesitate, I just dove right in. This kiss was different from the other night, it was warm and tender, exactly what we each needed at the moment. His stubble scratched my face in the process, and it felt fantastic. He pulled away, adjusting his pants as he opened his door.
I lightly chuckled to myself. I was the cause of that reaction? That was another first for me. I kind of liked accomplishing all of these firsts. I got out of the car and Charlie diligently took my hand in his, and we made our way inside for lunch.
DeNiro’s wasn’t a very big pizza parlor, and we evidently had just missed the normal lunchtime rush being it was a little later in the afternoon. Our waitress seated us at a booth, and we each slid into sides opposite one another. We each ordered a sweet tea, before looking at our menus. I took a moment to look around, taking in all of the Valentine’s décor. It didn’t seem to bother me as much as it had earlier. In fact, everything seemed brighter than it did just an hour ago.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t even ask if DeNiro’s was ok for lunch.” He said with a guilty look on his face. I loved the fact that he never masked his emotions, it helped determine what kind of mood he was in.
“Charlie, this is just fine. I come and get a pizza to take home at least once a week, if not more if I can help it. That’s why I run; I love my sweets, hell I love any food period that I don’t have to cook. My ass surely loves it too.” I don’t think I’ve talked to one person this much in a long time. I felt comfortable around him. Safe. Protected.
The waitress sat down our tea’s and asked if we were ready to order, in which Charlie replied that we would need another minute or two.
I started to take a drink of my tea, bringing the glass up to my lips, when Charlie blurted out, “I for one love your ass.” I was definitely not expecting him to make that remark, and I sure as hell didn’t expect to choke on said drink and spit it out.
Directly in Charlie’s face.
“Oh my God!” I shrieked. I couldn’t believe that I did that. This man invoked all sorts of odd behavior from me.
“I guess I did kind of deserve that for that last statement,” he said as he reached over to grab some napkins out of the dispenser, and began drying off his face.
I hurried up to help him get more napkins out, and to help clean up the table from my discarded tea. “I am so sorry, Charlie.” I proceeded to start laughing at the statement ‘Sorry Charlie’ because I used to say that all the time, and now it’ll have a different meaning.
“It wasn’t that funny, Mags.” He said acting as if he were hurt, when he also started laughing.
Things just seemed so easy between us, effortless.
We ended up ordering a medium supreme pizza, and we scarfed it down. I had to pick off the green peppers, since I didn’t like them. Charlie wanted anchovies on the pizza and I drew the line there, I told him that he could forget kissing me goodbye if he even thought about ordering those disgusting things. I was being a bit pretentious but it worked, he didn’t order the anchovies.
The last fifteen minutes of my, now extended, lunch was spent sitting in his car, a mixture of laughing and kissing. Just as I was reluctantly getting ready to get out of the car, he reached in the backseat and brought out a beautiful bunch of mixed flowers.
“I wanted to get you something for Valentine’s Day if everything went well during our talk. I didn’t want to seem too extremely forward in getting you red roses, so I just picked up a mixture of beautiful flowers.”
A lone tear streamed down my face, this was indeed another first. I took them from his hands and lifted them to my face to smell the pungent fragrance. They were absolutely divine. “Thank you Charlie. I love them,” I exclaimed as I leaned forward and kissed his cheek then left him to go back to work.
What a difference an hour could make. I left for my lunch in a pissy mood, acting like an errant child, and now I was returning with the biggest smile on my face, and a heart starting to fill with something that I was hoping was love.
It was closing in on April, and Charlie and I had officially been seeing each other for just under six weeks. Things couldn’t be better between the two of us. Conversation always easily flowed and there was never a dull moment to be had. He often picked me up from work whenever I was on my sixteen hour rotation, which lately seemed to be always and we would either go out for dinner or over to my place to watch a movie.
Ok, truth, things were great-ish.
The only negative things that I could really complain about, were that I had yet to be invited over to his place, and we had yet to do anything other than kiss. We could be in an extremely heated embrace and I would actually muster up the courage to move to take things further and he would stop me. I knew that he had strong feelings for me, and the feeling was entirely reciprocated, but I was ready to take our relationship to the next step and he would just seemingly freeze.
I didn’t know if it was the fact that I was a virgin, that it intimidated him, or if he really just didn’t feel the way about me that I thought he did.
Now I found myself all alone on a Friday night beca
use Charlie had to work. I’ve already gotten my run in for the day; it was so nice to be able to run during the spring, inhaling the smell of freshly mowed grass, watching the flowers begin to bloom, and the leaves appear on the trees again. Although, I love the fall and winter, there was nothing like the spring.
I got caught up on all of my laundry and cleaned my entire apartment after my run. Not that it was very messy to begin with. Now, I was just kind of milling about, bored out of my skull, and missing Charlie to pieces.
It was amazing how quickly you could start to rely on someone. Just six weeks ago I would’ve been perfectly content being all alone and curling up with a book, or sleeping my day away. But now, I craved the attention from Charlie. We didn’t typically see each other every day especially with my crazy ass work schedule, but we always made it a point to talk to each other at some time throughout the day, whether it was texting back and forth or actually speaking on the phone.
What do I do now?
I looked down at my chipped toenails, and I supposed I could give myself a pedicure, that would take about an hour. If I went super slow. My mind made up, I went to retrieve my nail polish when a knock sounded at my door.
I looked down at my outfit and decided that a tank and short boxer shorts weren’t suitable to answer the door in, so I rushed into my bedroom to grab my robe.
I jerked my arms into each sleeve, and unlocked the deadbolt to my door. I opened it as far as it would go, which wasn’t but an inch or two since the chain was still currently latched.
“Hey doll!” Toby exclaimed, “Let us in.”
Perfect timing, I thought. I hurried up and shut the door so I could unlatch the chain, then, reopened the door to let Toby and Tessa through.
Toby’s arms were loaded down with a big brown paper sack, in which he went directly to my kitchen to place it on the counter.
“To what do I owe this visit?” I asked, walking towards my bar and sitting on the nearest stool. As bored as I was, they could’ve been here to give me an entire makeover, and I would’ve gladly given them free reign.
