“Well, like, meteors! And black holes! And … more meteors!”
As SpongeBob stared out the window, two planets orbited into view. “Wow, there sure is a LOT to watch. Maybe we should split up the workload.” He pointed to the two planets. “You watch the one with the big red eye and I’ll watch the one with the ringy thingies. Like a team!”
As SpongeBob and Plankton watched, the two planets slowly moved toward each other.
“Okay, mine’s moving,” Plankton observed.
“Mine too!” SpongeBob added.
“This doesn’t seem right,” Plankton said. “Should we call Bubbles?”
“Let’s give him a minute. He’s been holding it for ten thousand years.”
BOOM! The two planets crashed into each other and exploded! Little pieces of the planets fell all around Plankton and SpongeBob. “I’m pretty sure THAT wasn’t supposed to happen!” SpongeBob gasped. “C’mon, Plankton! We’ve gotta clean this up before Bubbles gets back!” He tried to sweep the debris under the carpet with a broom.
Bubbles came back. “Ah, much better, yes,” he said, smiling. “You two are free to go….” But then he noticed the dirt and pebbles on the floor. He also noticed SpongeBob’s broom. “What have you done?” He looked up in the sky. “What happened to Saturn and Jupiter? You were supposed to keep them from smashing into each other!”
“Sorry!” SpongeBob said.
“Now I’m going to lose my job!” Bubbles cried. He stared at SpongeBob and Plankton. “And YOU will lose your LIVES!”
Bubbles fired lasers at SpongeBob and Plankton! ZAP! ZAP! They turned and ran away, screaming. They headed for the time machine.
“Quarter me!” SpongeBob yelled. Plankton tossed him a quarter, but SpongeBob missed it! It landed near the time machine.
SpongeBob and Plankton dove into the machine. SpongeBob reached out, snatched the quarter, and dropped it into the slot. VRROOM! WHIRR!
Inside the time machine, Plankton said, “Okay, so the RED button wasn’t right, either….”
“Let’s be scientific about this!” SpongeBob said. He stared at the complicated control panel. “Eeny, meeny, miney, mo!”
He pushed a button. VRRRRROOOOMMM!
Back in the not-very-distant past, Past SpongeBob walked into Mr. Krabs’s office. He gasped when he saw the open safe. “Plankton?” he said.
Past Plankton heard SpongeBob and turned around, knocking over the fake formula bottle with the real formula bottle. “SpongeBob!” he cried.
FLASH! The time machine appeared in a burst of light, distracting Past Plankton and Past SpongeBob.
Plankton stepped out of the time machine.
“Plankton?” asked Past SpongeBob, confused.
SpongeBob stepped out of the time machine.
“SpongeBob?” asked Past Plankton, equally confused. “Who are you two supposed to be?”
“I’m you, from the future,” Plankton explained.
SpongeBob pointed toward his past self with his thumb. “And I’m HIM, from the future.”
“So you traveled back through time to help me?” Past Plankton asked. “Great thinking!”
SpongeBob shook his head. “Nope,” he said. “He’s helping ME!”
“But he’s the enemy!” Past SpongeBob gasped.
“WAS the enemy!” SpongeBob corrected. “Now we’re a TEAM!”
“A what?” Past Plankton asked. “A tee-am?”
“A TEAM!” Plankton corrected him. He turned to SpongeBob. “All right. Go get the formula!”
“All right, Plankton!” his teammate answered. SpongeBob ran toward the safe.
Past SpongeBob couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “What have I become?” he asked.
As SpongeBob groped in the safe, trying to take the bottle with the secret formula from Past Plankton, his past self talked to Plankton.
“Do you have flying boatmobiles in the future?” he asked.
“We only came back from the day after tomorrow, nitwit,” Plankton said scornfully.
“Did they outlaw clothes in the future?” Past SpongeBob asked.
“No!” Plankton snapped.
“Then why are you naked?”
“Because they don’t make clothes in my size,” Plankton explained.
SpongeBob kept trying to grab Past Plankton, but Past Plankton dodged him.
“Hold still, you!” SpongeBob said in frustration. “Stop moving!”
“Are there rocket packs?” Past SpongeBob asked.
Plankton turned to SpongeBob. “Hey! Hurry up over there!”
SpongeBob quickly made a big grab for Past Plankton but accidentally knocked over the secret formula bottle.
“Uh-oh,” Plankton said. “That ain’t good.”
An alarm went off. BWHOOP! BWHOOP! BWHOOP! “Initiating lockdown sequence,” announced a computerized voice.
“C’mon, SpongeBob!” Plankton shouted. “We gotta get out of here!”
“Got it!” SpongeBob exclaimed as he grabbed a bottle from the safe.
“Come on!” Plankton yelled.
They ran into the time machine. VRROOM! WHIRRR! In a flash, the time machine disappeared.
Inside the photo booth, SpongeBob said, “That was crazy!”
“So THAT’S what teamwork is!” Plankton said, finally getting it. They high-fived.
“Priceless!” SpongeBob said, laughing.
Plankton looked at the bottle, taking in its beauty. “All those years I tried to make you mine. And I finally did it. I mean, WE did it.”
In Burger Beard’s book, a picture showed SpongeBob and Plankton high-fiving. “‘And so,’” Burger Beard read to the seagulls, “‘it would seem that our heroes had accomplished what they had set out to do.’”
While he read to the seagulls, Burger Beard steered his ship.
“Yay!” one of the seagulls cried. “Now, THAT’S an ending! SpongeBob wins!”
“Aren’t you glad we tore out that cruddy one you had before?” another seagull asked.
But Burger Beard dropped the book onto the deck and said, “Oh, no. THAT’S not the end. LAND HO!” The pirate steered his ship up onto the shore and kept going! His ship had wheels on the bottom! Burger Beard drove his ship through a crowded beach, forcing all the sunbathers to scatter.
“I’m coming!” Burger Beard shouted. “Okay, all you lazy people, OUT OF MY WAY!”
The beachgoers were confused. Why was this pirate driving his ship across the sand?
“Out!” Burger Beard shouted. “Out of my way!”
“Slow down!” the seagulls shrieked. “You’re going too fast!”
He steered his ship straight into a parking place between two food trucks. “YES!” he yelled, satisfied to have found a spot that suited his plan perfectly.
Burger Beard turned to the seagulls. “All right, you feathered rats,” he snarled. “Time to shove off!”
The seagulls looked at each other. Why had the pirate changed from a nice man who read them a story to a mean guy who told them to shove off?
“Why?” asked one of the seagulls.
“Well, I can’t have you pooping all over my restaurant, can I?” Burger Beard answered.
“Restaurant? I thought this was a pirate ship!” the seagull said.
“Oh, it is,” Burger Beard said. “But it’s also my very own food truck! You know, like a restaurant on wheels!” As he said this, the pirate opened hatches, turned on a stove, and tied on an apron. His ship had indeed turned into a food truck: THE BURGER-MOBILE!
“Well, we’re not leaving until we see how the story ends!”
Burger Beard thought for a moment, then said, “No problem. You guys like a little snack while you wait?”
“Sure! I’ll take a curdled milk!” one hungry seagull said.
“How about a fish head?” another asked.
“And French fries covered in sand!”
The pirate reached into his food truck, pulled out a tray, and said, “Who wants some HOT WI
NGS?”
The seagulls drew back, horrified.
“Hey, wait a minute,” one of them said. “Where’s Kyle?”
“Which one of you is NEXT?” Burger Beard growled.
“Let’s get out of here!” cried one of the seagulls. They all flew off, terrified.
Burger Beard chuckled. He heard a toilet flush, and turned to see the door of a tiny portable potty open. Little Kyle came out.
“Where did evewybody go, Mistew Piwate?” Kyle asked innocently.
“BOO!” yelled Burger Beard.
Kyle shrieked and flew away.
Laughing a loud pirate laugh, Burger Beard turned back to his food truck and got to work on his evil plan …
Inside the Krusty Krab, hungry customers sat around waiting for Krabby Patties that never came. Patrick sat at a table, famished. “Squidward!” he called for the millionth time.
“Still out of Krabby Patties,” Squidward said automatically.
SHLURP! Patrick licked a photo of a Krabby Patty. “Does anyone have a picture of ketchup?” he asked.
Sandy ran into the restaurant with a wild look in her eyes and announced, “I done FIGGERED it out!” All the starving customers turned and stared at her.
She jumped onto a table. “We have angered the sandwich gods! Only a SACRIFICE will appease them!”
“Well, that sounds reasonable,” commented one of the angry customers.
“Soon our post-apocawhatchamacallit will be over, and Krabby Patties will RAIN DOWN from above!”
Mr. Krabs frowned. “Rain down? Well, THAT’s no good. How will I get me money?”
A tough guy pointed at Mr. Krabs. “You don’t like that idea? Then we’ll sacrifice YOU!”
“No!” Mr. Krabs cried, drawing back. “You don’t want a crusty old crab like me! How about Squidward?”
“We’ll sacrifice HIM, too!” the tough guy said.
“Well, anything’s better than working in this dump,” Squidward said.
The angry mob surged forward, grabbed Mr. Krabs and Squidward, and carried them out of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs and Squidward screamed!
FLASH!
Suddenly, the time-traveling photo booth appeared out of thin air!
Astonished by the sight of the time machine, the mob dropped Mr. Krabs and Squidward. Then the crowd parted as SpongeBob and Plankton emerged from the photo booth.
“It’s not a good idea to have a sacrifice on an empty stomach!” SpongeBob said. He held up the bottle he’d grabbed from the safe. “Who wants … a KRABBY PATTY?”
The starving crowd cheered! “HOORAY!” they shouted.
“SpongeBob!” Mr. Krabs cried. “Is that … ME FORMULER?” Overjoyed, he rushed to his loyal fry cook. “Oh, happy day!”
Mr. Krabs grabbed the bottle and kissed it. “I missed you so much!” Then he asked SpongeBob, “Where was it? Where’d you find it?”
SpongeBob smiled modestly. “Well, Plankton and I built a time machine out of an old photo booth. And then we added …”
“CHEESE!” Patrick said, sitting in the booth, smiling for the camera.
“PATRICK, NO!” SpongeBob cried.
Too late. VRROOM! WHIRR! The time machine vanished in a flash!
Mr. Krabs addressed the crowd of hungry customers. “It’s okay, everyone. The post-apocalypse is almost over! Ain’t that right, SpongeBob?”
Mr. Krabs triumphantly reached into the bottle, pulled out the piece of paper inside, unrolled it, and started to read. “‘Eugene: Eat my subaquatic air bubbles. Love, Plankton.’” Mr. Krabs groaned.
Plankton wheeled on SpongeBob. “You grabbed the wrong bottle!”
“How was I supposed to know there were two bottles?” SpongeBob asked, shocked.
“Because there are ALWAYS two!” Plankton screamed. “The real one and the decoy!”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Krabs!” SpongeBob cried.
Mr. Krabs tossed the rude note from Plankton aside. “That’s okay, SpongeBob. We’ll just have to sacrifice the two of YOU!” He turned to the hostile mob. “Prepare them for the sacrifice!”
FLASH! The time machine reappeared!
Patrick stepped out. “I bring a message from the dawn of time!”
“What is it, Patrick?” SpongeBob asked.
“RUN!” Patrick shouted.
He took his own good advice as a SQUIDWARDOSAURUS REX burst out of the time machine, destroying it!
“A Squidwardosaurus rex!” Squidward cried. “For a prehistoric monster, he’s terribly handsome!”
The dinosaur stomped through what was left of the Krusty Krab. The angry mob fled. The beast tore the remains of the restaurant apart.
“Gee, that’s exactly what I’VE always wanted to do,” Squidward said admiringly.
Still mad about bringing back the wrong bottle, Plankton glared at SpongeBob and growled, “NOW what do we do?”
“Well, Plankton, I guess we failed to accomplish our goals.”
“WE?”
“But even failure hurts a little less when you do it as a team. Right?”
“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” Plankton yelled.
“Ooooooooh,” the crowd said. Even the Squidwardosaurus rex stopped its rampage to watch the fight between Plankton and SpongeBob.
“My fault?” SpongeBob asked.
“YOU’RE the one who stole the wrong secret formula!” Plankton said accusingly.
“I didn’t know there were two bottles!”
“OF COURSE YOU DIDN’T! BECAUSE YOU HAVE COTTON CANDY FOR BRAINS!”
“Ooooooooh,” the crowd said again.
Plankton turned to them. “No, seriously. He really does.”
“Well, we wouldn’t even be in this mess in the first place if you weren’t so selfish and evil!” said SpongeBob.
“Wrong! I WAS selfish and evil until you ruined everything with your teamwork.”
SpongeBob gasped.
“You are the WORST TEAMMATE EVER!” Plankton ranted. “I wish I’d never sung that stupid song with you!”
“You take that back!”
“Come on! Let’s sing it again!” Plankton said sarcastically. He started singing, “TEAM JERKS! TEAM JERKS! TEAM JERKS!”
“Stop it!” SpongeBob cried.
But Plankton just kept singing. “TEAM JERKS! TEAM JERKS! TEAM JERKS!”
“STOP!” SpongeBob screamed, kicking over a trash can.
“OOOOOH!” the crowd said for the third time.
SpongeBob grabbed a recycling bin, dumped it, and mixed up everything on the floor.
“Oh, my Neptune!” said one shocked citizen. “He’s mixing garbage and recycling!”
Panting and gasping, SpongeBob noticed everyone staring at him. He looked at himself. “Look at me! Why, I’ve become like all of you—savage, fear-ridden, and selfish!”
The angry customers looked at each other, feeling ashamed.
“An entire town full of formerly good citizens, turned into heartless freaks!” SpongeBob went on. “Bent on their own self-prever … uh, prehver …”
“Preservation?” suggested one member of the mob.
“YES!” SpongeBob said. “We’ve become alienated from each other, each one an island unto himself, concerned only with ourselves. And in the name of all fishhood, I am NOT about to let that continue!”
SpongeBob tore a piece of cloth off a handy fish’s clothing and tied it around his head like a bandana. “And so if a sacrifice is needed to restore Bikini Bottom to its former glory, then I am willing to take one for the TEAM!”
Tears filled the eyes of all the citizens.
“You heard him,” Squidward said.
The angry mob grabbed SpongeBob, lifted him over their heads, and carried him off!
The crowd of angry customers chained SpongeBob to an altar shaped like a burger. “Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Sacrifice!” chanted the mob. Squidward put on a black executioner’s hood and pulled on a rope, lifting a huge stone bun over SpongeBob. He tied the rope to hold the gigantic bun
in place.
“Let the sacrifice begin!” announced Mr. Krabs.
The mob cheered! “And I thought MY friends were primitive,” observed the Squidwardosaurus rex.
SpongeBob began to sniff. “Don’t cry, me boy,” Mr. Krabs said. “Everything’s gonna be fine! For us, that is.”
“I’m not crying, Mr. Krabs,” SpongeBob said, sniffing some more. “I smell Krabby Patties!”
“That’s right,” Mr. Krabs said gently. “Keep thinking happy thoughts.” He turned to Squidward and shouted, “NOW!”
Squidward swung an ax and cut the rope. The heavy stone bun fell! SpongeBob braced himself, waiting to be squished …
… but nothing happened!
Mr. Krabs had jumped onto the altar and caught the stone bun! “The boy’s right!” he announced. “I smell ’em, too! Someone somewhere is cookin’ up one o’ me original-formuler, world-famous Krabby Patties!”
With a loud grunt, Mr. Krabs tossed the big stone bun aside. Then he ripped off the leather clothes he’d been wearing ever since chaos had engulfed Bikini Bottom. “Okay, SpongeBob—go get it!”
“Wait,” Squidward said. “You mean we can just take these uncomfortable clothes OFF?” He ripped off his leather clothes, too.
“Go find the Krabby Patty!” Mr. Krabs said to SpongeBob. “Come on, boy!”
SpongeBob followed the scent. “Let’s go, everybody!” he said. “I’ve got some Krabby Patty orders to fill!”
Sniffing the air, he took off across the ocean floor. Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Patrick, Squidward, and the mob followed him.
“It’s coming from over there!” SpongeBob cried as he led everyone up a hill.
But when they had almost reached the top of the hill, they all realized that SpongeBob was leading them up to the surface. The mob groaned. Sure, they wanted delicious Krabby Patties, but as sea creatures, they couldn’t leave the water.
“All right,” the leader of the angry mob said. “All secondary characters, come with me.”
“Yeah,” Squidward agreed. “I’m with you guys.” He started to leave with the crowd, but Mr. Krabs stopped him.
“No way, Squidward. You’re going up there with us.”
“My feet hurt,” Patrick complained.
“Patrick, you don’t HAVE feet,” SpongeBob pointed out.
SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water Junior Novel Page 5
