by Marian Tee
Park,
I went to work early so I can leave work early, too! Have to start making myself pretty for the concert. See you. Muah!
Violet
“Yo, Park?” Crayon called his attention hours later at work. “Is it just me or does Violet seem to be---” Crayon searched for a word. “Well, maybe it was because she was named after a flower or something but she looks literally blooming.”
He and the other guys had gone on a break at work, standing outside the hotel so that the other guy could light a cigarette. With their backs to the street, they were able to watch what was going on inside and how Violet was charming the socks off everybody. The manager was already rubbing his hands in glee as he stood next to the cash registrar, where a longer line than usual had formed.
Park only grunted in response, unable to trust himself not to say something he would regret. He still couldn’t get over the fact that Violet had actually made use of her goddamn alarm clock for once – and for a fucking Korean celebrity who was all dimples and nothing.
Akito rolled his eyes. “Pretending to be humble, huh? Fine, I’ll say it clearly. What did you do to make stars in her---”
Violet poked her head out. “Hey boys, if you’re all done, the manager wants you guys back in!” She threw them a kiss then went back in, without even giving Park a longer or second glance.
His friends’ jaws dropped.
Jun-Yee slowly shook his head. “It really isn’t you.”
Park didn’t say anything.
Jun-Yee started to laugh. “Who the hell beat you in Violet’s heart?”
“No one,” Park growled, this time unable to help himself.
“You wish.” Jun-Yee patted him on the back. “You fucking wish. Be afraid, man. Be very afraid. You used to be the only one who could make Violet look like that but not anymore. You better do something or you might be forgotten completely.”
“Not a chance,” Park said even though his stomach went queasy at the thought.
* * * *
“I can’t believe it!” Gladys kept on gushing as she stared at Violet’s ticket in amazement.
“I knoooooow, right?” Violet sighed dreamily, something she had been doing the whole night. “It was just so unbelievable.”
Midori frowned. “How did Park take this?”
Violet blinked. “He knows how I am with Asian boy bands.”
“But – the way you described how things happened, I don’t think Kim looks at you as an ordinary fan.”
Her eyes widened. “You really think so?” She started fanning herself. The thought of one of her celebrity crushes crushing back on her made her head spin.
“What did Park say?” Gladys asked insistently.
“Well, the usual – he just grunted and grunted.”
Midori’s eyebrows shot up. “He wasn’t jealous?”
“If he was, like he’d ever admit to it.” Violet shrugged again. “Besides, this is so totally different. I mean, come on. Kim? Taking notice of me? I’m sure Park totally understands that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”
Just like Kim could be that once in a lifetime opportunity for her to finally fall out of love. Even if she had to be a groupie for that to happen, Violet felt like she was still going to take the chance anyway. Kim leaving her after a short affair would certainly be less painful than the knowledge that she was waiting for nothing with Park.
* * * *
Two-fifty in the morning and he still couldn’t sleep. Park sat up with a groan, conceding defeat. He just couldn’t stop thinking about Violet and what happened last night between her and that fucking Mr. Hotshot-with-Dimples. He gritted his teeth, furious just at the memory of how the two actually stared at each other like they were---
Park felt himself whitening. They couldn’t be in love, could they? Could Violet fall out of love for him that fast? Sure, she was the most fickle person in the world, but she couldn’t be that fickle…could she?
But why should he care?
He wasn’t in love with her. He liked her, cared for her, but in love with her? Of course not. He didn’t do love. It was an overrated emotion. They were better off as friends. Maybe he should just let her go. Maybe he should just let Violet have her affair or whatever it was she had with that girly-faced celebrity go on until it died a natural death. And then after she would go running back to Park’s arms and tell him that she should never have left him.
Slowly, Park made himself lie back down on the bed.
Yes, that had to be it. He had to let Violet see for herself that she was better off with Park than without Park.
A small voice inside his head asked him if he was sure of that, but Park ignored it. He had to be sure. He could not imagine life without Violet.
The next day, he immediately put his plan into motion, and his smiling façade immediately put Violet on guard.
Violet gazed at Park’s gorgeous smiling face with deep suspicion. “You’re in a good mood.”
Park grinned even more widely. “Yup.” He sat down across her at the school cafeteria. Then he reached over to helpfully mix her pesto spaghetti for her.
“You in a good mood?” Violet shook her head. “It’s scary!”
Park stopped grinning and tossed fork and knife away. “Do your own pasta.”
She lifted her chin. “I didn’t ask you to do it, you know.”
“Well, sooorry if I was actually trying to be nice,” Park snarled.
“That’s the point! You’re never nice unless you have an ulterior motive.” She glared at him. “What is it?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Wait, let me think---no, you couldn’t! Oh my God! Park!” She scowled.
Park raised a brow.
“Are you planning to sabotage my date with Kim?”
“Definitely. I’m completely overcome with jealousy that I am at a supreme loss simply thinking of you in his arms.”
Violet would have been over the moon to hear that - if only Park hadn’t spoken the words with hurtful blandness.
She had to look away, just so he wouldn’t see how much the words stung. “You’re just annoyed that I have a really hot guy who doesn’t mind admitting he wants to spend time with me.”
Park tried not to bristle at how Violet described the other man. Really hot? Yeah right. He forced himself to smile. “I’m not annoyed. In fact, I’m totally supportive of you and Kim.”
“Ha!”
He leaned forward. “Completely supportive that I even have this to give you as a good luck charm.”
Violetâ’s mouth fell open as Park placed a very pretty shoe box on the table. “No way,” she whispered.
“Go ahead,” he said, inching it closer to her.
“No way,” she whispered again. Her eyes went to his slowly. “You’re giving me Manolo Blahnik shoes for my date tonight?”
My date! The words slammed into his brain. Again, Park managed to keep his possessive rage from taking over. It was a date. He had to accept that. But --- it was a necessary evil. Violet had to learn for herself that dating others would never compare to dating Park.
And he had the perfect plan to prove it, starting right now.
“I want you to be happy,” he said simply and he meant it, too. Only, he was certain Violet would not be happy with anyone else but him. He just had to wait for her to figure that out for herself.
Violet burst into tears.
“What the----” Park looked around in desperation. “Stop crying!”
“But…this was so…I don’t know,” she wailed and cried harder. It was so sweet, really, but it was also confusing and painful in a way. Was it totally okay with Park to have her dating another guy then? Didn’t he really love her at all?
“Stop crying. Come on, Vi. How can I take you out shopping if you’re crying?”
She stopped crying. Of course she did. Park, the most frugal man in the world, was going to take her out shopping? “You are?” she whispered.
He laughed. “Your tears actua
lly stopped.”
She ignored that. “You’re taking me shopping, too?”
“Yes. I’ve also asked for a day off from work today for the both of us. You need some shopping and pampering to make yourself beautiful tonight, don’t you think?”
* * * *
It was the most wonderful afternoon ever.
Park was the perfect date – even if it wasn’t a date. He acted sweet and attentive, playing the role of the loveliest gentleman as he held her hand at all times, opened and closed doors for her, pulled out chairs, shielded her from the sun, carried her shopping bags, and he never even snapped at her, not once, not even when she was being at her silliest.
He was wicked, too. When the saleslady left to get another size of the dress she was fitting, he stole inside her fitting room and made love to her with his mouth.
The saleslady had returned just as she was about to come, forcing Violet to ask shakily for her dress in another color just so she could let go without worrying about an audience.
After shopping, they had gone to the salon together so she could get a nice haircut. She had closed her eyes to enjoy the usual massage. When it was done and she had opened her eyes, it was only then that Violet realized it had been Park massaging her shoulders all along. Just about every female in the salon had been either staring or glaring at her in envy, too.
On their way home, Park had bought ice cream to share and they had kissed every time their lips met through the cold sweet cream, Violet giggling and Park laughing as their chattering lips met.
When they reached the dorm, Park had suddenly bent down and whispered to her ear that he was so proud to have her at his side.
It was so, so, so wonderful Violet couldn’t believe he didn’t love her, couldn’t believe he was actually willing to do all these things so that she’d be happy with another guy.
“All done,” Park said in satisfaction as he dumped the last of the shopping bags on the floor.
“Want some tea?” Violet asked.
He shook his head. “I don’t think you have time for that. Your date’s just less than two hours away and you need at least a ten minute nap before taking a shower and doing all those beauty stuff that girls usually do.”
Violet blinked. “I…”
Park kissed her forehead. “I’m going to pass on tonight’s concert, by the way.”
She stiffened against him.
“It’s not going to be a proper date if I’m there.” He forced himself to pull away even though every instinct he possessed clamored to keep Violet chained to him. Park’s lips twisted in a semblance of a smile. “I had fun today.”
Violet closed her eyes to prevent herself from crying all of a sudden. “Me, too,” she whispered.
There was something in her voice that broke Park’s heart, something that made him want to say something.
“You know…”
Violet’s voice startled him. He hadn’t expected her to speak.
Violet swallowed and without looking up, she continued, “This is the part where you can say you love me and stop me from going.”
Park slowly took a step back.
Violet’s whole being hurt but she managed a smile when she met Park’s hooded eyes. “But you don’t. And you won’t.”
“I can’t.”
“You could before so what’s so different now?” she cried out.
“I just---” Park sighed wearily. “Just enjoy your date tonight.”
She couldn’t believe he could say that.
He cursed at the look in her eyes, as if his words had killed the most vital part of her. “Violet---”
She turned her back on him. “I don’t think I want to see you for some time, Park.”
“Violet, dammit.” There was something so dignified about her right now Park felt he didn’t have the right to reach out to her, not even when it was killing him to see the way her shoulders started to shake.
She indicated the door. “Please leave. And Park?”
He had the door open already but he paused, turning, hoping for something he didn’t know. “Yeah?”
“I’ll do what you said. I’ll do what you want. I’ll enjoy---and I’ll try to see if there’s another guy I can love. Because I’m not afraid to love and it’s just sad that you can’t do the same. We’re losing so much just because you’re scared.”
Violet turned to face him then, a heartbreaking smile on her lips. “Goodbye, Park.”
“It’s not goodbye,” he said harshly.
“It is for me.”
Chapter Twenty
Forgetting a guy was always easier when you had a new one at your side. She had forgotten Andrew because of Park, and now she was almost succeeding in forgetting Park with the help of an extremely good looking Korean superstar.
“Stop that,” Violet told Kim laughingly when she caught him staring at her once more with the kind of look that made her swallow.
The very innocent look Kim gave her made Violet laugh, so much so she had to wipe tears from her eyes. She couldn’t believe how good she was feeling right now, and she knew she owed it all to Kim.
“I’m not doing anything!” But Kim’s eyes were twinkling.
“Yes, you are and---” She let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re doing it again!”
“You’re doing it again, too.” He smiled. “Blushing. And it makes you look a hundred times prettier.”
She couldn’t help it. She blushed harder. He was so different from Park. And that, she told herself firmly, was a good thing. It had to be. There was no future for Park and her. Park had said as much.
Kim drove her back home at about one in the morning. “I had a great time,” he said softly.
“Me, too.” And she meant it. She hadn’t imagined she could actually feel this good, but Kim’s genuine attraction - which he made no move to hide - was balm to her hurt feelings. It made Park’s loss recede to the background. Maybe someday soon, when Kim was gone, she might cry about it. But not now, not yet, not with Kim here to make her forget.
He hesitated then cupped her face gently, his head bending down.
For one moment, she thought of refusing.
For one moment, she dreamt of Park kissing her.
But those moments passed. She made them go away. Park was gone. Permanently. It was time to move on.
Kim’s lips finally reached hers and she made no move to pull away.
It was all the sign Kim was waiting for and his arms went around hers. The kiss was soft, sweet, hot, and seductive – all the right things that made Violet’s toes curl. She didn’t want to lie to herself and deny that she wasn’t affected by Kim’s kiss. She was. There was even the tiniest spark, which was more than what she expected considering how much she still hurt over giving up on Park.
When Kim pulled away, he was smiling. “I like you a lot, Violet.”
She could feel herself blushing. “Kim!” She was rarely at a loss for words with guys but somehow Kim made her stammer like a fresh-faced kid with her first crush.
“Tomorrow, we’ll meet again, right?”
“Don’t you have work---”
“We’ll meet again and that’s that.” He kissed her on the forehead before turning away.
For a long moment, she stood there, a bit bemused at how fast things seemed to be progressing between them. She touched her lips unconsciously. Maybe the tiny spark could grow faster than she imagined.
* * * *
Park stood hidden in the shadows. He hadn’t realized it would be this painful to see Violet in another guy’s arms. Tonight was different from the other times he had been jealous. It was different because this time, he knew that Violet wasn’t trying to make him jealous. No, right now, Violet was simply trying to move on. Forget him. Leave him.
The next morning, Violet opened the door to loud banging. As she opened the door, her yawn stopped midway when she realized it was Park holding a steaming cup of tea.
“Good morning.” He bent close to kiss he
r.
She stepped away before he could even reach her. “What are you doing?”
Park didn’t let it show how much her action hurt him. “Trying to be nice?”
She was still confused. “Why?”
“We had our little fight and now it’s time to make up.” He held up the cup of tea. “Peace?”
For a few seconds, she just stared at him, biting her trembling lip. Then she slowly shook her head.
Park cursed under his breath. “Violet---”
“We can’t do it like this all the time. I don’t want this. You made a decision not to love me. Fine. But you have to let me move on. It’s only fair, don’t you think?” Violet was trying hard not to cry. “I’m sorry, Park,” she whispered before closing the door.
And it was at that exact moment Park understood. Violet really did mean goodbye.
Park’s first instinct was to lash back.
He knew dating other women, merely being seen in the company of other women, would hurt her. After all, she still loved him, didn’t she?
But such insane thoughts only lasted for a few minutes. Been there, done that. Lashing back never solved anything. It only made things more complicated. More painful. And he had hurt her enough already.
His next urge was to sink in depression. But that was pathetic and he didn’t want to be pathetic. If Violet knew it and pitied him, he would not be able to stand it. If Kim learned about it, too, Park would have to kill the guy, and that would hurt Violet as well, which he didn’t want to happen.
Ultimately, he decided to do nothing, mainly because guys were different from girls. While girls had a constant urge to do something, to fix things, to make up or break up - guys were different. Emotions confused and threatened his kind. It made Park feel the urge to do something really stupid – like have his bodyguards toss Kim back to South Korea and send him behind bars – but Park managed to restrain himself.
Ultimately, he chose to do nothing, mostly because he didn’t know what he really wanted to do.
Everything he saw, everyone he talked to simply reminded him of Violet. This was obsession of the worst kind but it was not love. It could not be love because for him, love was a destructive illusion and he was only doing himself and Violet a favor by being smart for the both of them.
